Sharon and Gavin's Big Fight

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It's nighttime at the Bonnar residence, and Gavin and Sharon are getting ready for bed. Sharon is already in bed, reading a book. Gavin is in the bathroom, brushing his teeth.

Gavin: I don't know why you read all night in bed.
Sharon: (quietly) Because it's the only fun I have in bed anymore. *rolls eyes*

Gavin comes out of the bathroom, kicks off his bedroom loafers and climbs into bed next to his wife. He turns out the lights.

Sharon puts down her book and pulls the covers up close, looking back and forth at the ceiling. It's very quiet and dark inside the bedroom, and Sharon is wide awake. She looks over at Gavin, who has his eyes closed and is quickly dozing off.

Sharon: Hmm... (runs her hand over Gavin's face) Dear...
Gavin: Ungh... what?
Sharon: You know what we should do?
Gavin: Hmm... no dear. What's that?

Sharon: Have any ideas yet, honey?
Gavin: Oh... not tonight, dear. Big day tomorrow.
Sharon: Tomorrow's Saturday. No work on weekends. Come on. (runs her hands up and down his chest)
Gavin: Well, I guess.

Sharon almost claps her hands in delight. But ten minutes later, they're... you know. And...

Sharon: Em... hello?
Gavin: *snrrrrr*
Sharon: I'm not feeling anything up here, Gavin. You've... yes, you have. I never thought that would happen.
Gavin: Huh.... what?
Sharon: You fell asleep, didn't you?
Gavin: *snort* I, uh, no I wasn't. Come on, what's with the stopping?
Sharon: You fell asleep! And you're, you're, you're... LIMP! Your bizkit is limp!

Sharon gets off of Gavin and pulls her nightgown back on. She's furious now, and Gavin is falling asleep again.

Sharon: You'd better get over here right now, Gavin. I mean it.
Gavin: Nnn... huh?
Sharon: Since I'm putting you to sleep, why don't YOU try something?
Gavin: Well it's about time you asked...
Sharon: ?

Gavin: I'm givin' all I got here! What's wrong with you?
Sharon: First, you're humping the sheets, not me. Second, your bizkit is still limp, and third, you're lying on my chest so I can't breathe.
Gavin: Well excuse me! If you would DO anything to get me riled up then maybe it wouldn't be that way!
Sharon: *gasp* Why, you... get off of me.
Gavin: Gladly.

Sharon: I must say, this is the first time in a REALLY long time that you've just gotten on my NERVES!
Gavin: Yah, well, the feeling's mutual.
Sharon: I can't believe you would say that about me! Here I am, WANTING to do it and you're falling asleep, and you accuse me of not getting you riled up? Do THESE do anything for you anymore? (puts his hand on her breasts) HUH???
Gavin: It's not that, it's just that, well, you're boring.
Sharon: I'M boring? Who's falling asleep over there and humping the sheets?

Gavin turns on the light, and somehow this provokes both husband and wife to jump out of bed and turn to each other.

Sharon: I'm sick and tired of this!
Gavin: Well I'm sick and tired of your whining! "I've got a headache, I've got a headache." So do I! I have one now!
Sharon: That's because I HAD a headache! And besides, somehow you seem magically drawn to me whenever I have my cycle!
Gavin: And then you just lie there! Even when I'm NOT humping the sheets!
Sharon: Well then get me excited or something! I'm not some kind of machine! Do you see a change slot on me somewhere?
Gavin: And for your information, I DO have a busy day tomorrow. I have a lot of work to take care of at the office.
Sharon: So much that you fall asleep during the act??? Oh my god...
Gavin: There you go again, always at the wrong times. I want to do it but you don't, you want to do it but I don't...
Sharon: Well then let's plan a date! What works on your schedule? You can spend your busy day LOOKING FOR A DAY FOR INTIMACY!
Gavin: You know what, I'm leaving. The couch seems good tonight.
Sharon: That's right! Get out of here! Get out of my house!

Andrea: Sharon, what do you want? It's midnight.
Sharon: Mind if I room with you for a while? Gavin's being an arse and I'm gonna teach him a lesson.
Andrea: He's what? You're what?
Sharon: I need a place to stay. I'd stay with Caroline, but I'd have to help her with the late-night diaper sorties, and I don't need to explain why I don't want to stay with Jim.
Andrea: Well wait, don't you have your own house in this neighborhood?
Sharon: I do, but... they're spraying for bugs. Come on, it's cold out here!

Sharon enters Andrea's living room, carrying one large suitcase. She turns the lights on, showering the room with light.

Sharon: What's wrong with you?
Andrea: It's just... my eyes were used to the dark.
Sharon: What were you doing in here? What the hell's with the billion candles lit up?
Andrea: I was meditating. And dreaming. Of things I want.
Sharon: Uh-huh. Okay... at midnight?
Andrea: I do this all the time! It's almost better than sleeping!
Sharon: Right. So, where can I sleep?
Andrea: Well, I have an extra room. I suppose you can sleep in there. But why did you leave Gavin?
Sharon: Because he was being an ass! He wouldn't give me what I want!
Andrea: What DO you want? It better not be what I want.
Sharon: What, sex?
Andrea: I said it better not be what I want! (angry)
Sharon: Okay, too much info...
Andrea: So he wouldn't boff ya, so you left? What's that? A bit stupid if you ask me. No, wait, actually...

Sharon dodges Andrea's questions and heads for the guest room. Andrea follows her.

Andrea: I'll bet that he kept you deprived and he was being an ass so you tried to kick him out, but being that he's a lawyer, and probably has a prenuptual agreement with you, he kicked you out instead, right?
Sharon: Andrea?
Andrea: Yes?
Sharon: HUSH! And stop being so damn... right! Rrgh!
Andrea: So he DID kick you out!
Sharon: (breaks down) Yes, he did, okay? Are you happy? He kicked me out! *bawl*
Andrea: Oh, Sharon, it's okay. (hugs Sharon) Everything's going to be fine. Why I'll bet you he can't sleep a wink right now. He's probably lying in bed completely awake right now and he can't stop thinking about you.
Sharon: Are you kidding? He fell asleep when I was... you know.
Andrea: Well now that's just rude...

Andrea: But is that really all? You can't be mad at him for just that, can you?
Sharon: It sure seems like I can!
Andrea: Isn't there anything else that's been bothering you about him?
Sharon: Let's see... he criticizes my reading in bed, he complains about my shoes, complained about dinner for the third time this week...
Andrea: Okay, that's...
Sharon: He keeps telling me that I have cellulite, complains about me leaving stuff all over the bathroom, complains about me always making the bed, gets on my back about my early-morning violin playing, tells me to wear more makeup, says I'm BORING...
Andrea: Whoa, okay, that's a lot...
Sharon: Never leaves the seat down, doesn't put the soap back in the dish, clips his toenails on the coffee table and doesn't clean them up, watches too much football, complains that I hold up his work, broke his fax machine AGAIN...
Andrea: Okay, okay! I get the picture! So you think he's an arse!
Sharon: Yes, see?
Andrea: Well, a day or so out of his sight, he'll miss ya. It's bound to happen.
Sharon: *shrug* Eh, you're right.
Andrea heads back out into the living room, Sharon following her. The living room has tea candles everywhere, all over the mantle, the coffee table, and around the room in exquisite holders. Andrea sits back down on her couch, pulling her cardigan sweater tighter over her shoulders. Sharon steps around a few candle holders and sits across from Andrea.

Sharon: I still had no idea you were some sort of candle freak, Andrea.
Andrea: Are you kidding me? My collection of candle holders could rival yours!
Sharon: I'll have to call you on that one. That is, when I get back into the damn house.
Andrea: And let me guess, your place isn't being sprayed for bugs, is it?
Sharon: No, I forgot to get the key when Gavin kicked me out. I can't open the gate to break into the house, either.
Andrea: Damn. Well, I guess you can do what you want for now, I'm going to continue meditating.
Sharon: What? Wait, aren't you going to stay awake and comfort me?
Andrea: I'm not going to sleep, I'm just not going to talk to you.
Sharon: Oh well now, that changes everything... how do you do your meditating?
Andrea: I just sit here real quietly and think. I center my mind, relax, and think of the things I want, and get my mind in the right place.
Sharon: Does it work?
Andrea: Could be. At least it's relaxing.
Sharon: I suppose so. And tea candles don't tip so that's an added *snorrrrrre*
Andrea: *sigh*
Sharon: Just kidding. Besides sex, what else do you wish for?
Andrea: Success, comfort, love, sensuality, romance, eternal fulfillment. The usual.
Sharon: Ah. Maybe I can meditate on having Gavin change from being a complete and total arse.
Andrea: Could work. Just don't let your bad vibes clash with my good ones.

The next morning, Andrea is awakened by a pillow hitting her on the head again and again and again. She tiredly opens her eyes and looks at the clock.
Andrea: Crap! I overslept! *WHOP* Sharon, stop that!
Sharon: Morning, sunshine. Sleep well?

Andrea looks over at her bedside mirror. Her eyes are darkened and tired-looking.

Sharon: Looks like you have steamer trunks under your eyes.
Andrea: Probably because of you keeping me up all night.
Sharon: Well sorry, I felt like talking!

Sharon: When's breakfast?
Andrea: Eh? Make your own breakfast! Can't you see I'm the walking dead right now?
Sharon: Okay okay! Sheesh, take a Midol. (leaves the room)

Andrea takes a shower to wake herself up, dresses and tiredly walks to the dining room, where Sharon is sitting at the dining table with breakfast for herself and a big cup of coffee.

Sharon: You look like one of those racoon things, Andrea.
Andrea: I feel like a racoon. I need to hibernate. I don't know why I feel like this either, I'm usually up early! *yawn*
Sharon: Well good news, you'll get to spend the day with good 'ol me.
Andrea: Hmm, wonderful. *yawn* So Gavin hasn't called yet to beg for your forgiveness?
Sharon: No, that lazy bum. He can just soak in his guilt for all I care. I wouldn't mind staying here for a whole week if I had to.
Andrea: (thinking) I'd mind it.
Sharon: So what's today's plan?
Andrea: Well, I had a whole lot of nothing planned. I like that.
Sharon: Nothing? Nothing at all?
Andrea: Em, no. I haven't gotten around to paying off my credit card, my car's making stupid noises, and I have a copy of Somewhere In Time that's just begging to be watched.
Sharon: Oooooh... Christopher Reeve... (gazes off) What I wouldn't give to see some of HIS super powers...

Andrea: Sharon, Christopher Reeve can't even walk!
Sharon: So? That wouldn't stop me. I'll make him walk again. In some ways...
Andrea: Ugh... that's disturbing.
Sharon: What? I'm single again!
Andrea: Em, dear, you're not single.
Sharon: I'm not single? Then what am I?
Andrea: Separated.
Sharon: *gasp* I'm separated! (looks worried)
Andrea: Wait, that's too strong of a word... you're... on a break.
Sharon: Well then doesn't that mean I'm temporarily single?
Andrea: Not really. You're supposed to use this time to see if the relationship can be mended, not fool around elsewhere.
Sharon: Darn. Because I always thought... hey, how do you know all this?
Andrea: You'd be amazed at how much I know. Now where did I put my cardigan? I could've sworn I had it.

Sharon slaps herself in the forehead, seeing that Andrea's cardigan is hanging off the back of Andrea's dining chair.

Andrea: Oh well, I guess I'll have to find another one, then.
Sharon: It's right behind you, on your chair!

Andrea: Oh good, that's a relief.
Sharon: Well, I can dream, can't I? I'm going to put that movie on and drool over Christopher Reeve for a while.
Andrea: You do that. I'm getting some breakfast first.