Bono's Plan Part 1 Corrs in California

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It was a bright Sunday mornin’ in good old California. The Corrs were on tour there (certain members with their husbands) and a drunken Andrea decided to go to a nude beach to tan her unevenly tanned body.
Andrea: (smiling drunkenly, stripping off her lingerie) Ahh... I could never do this in Ireland.
Just then, Caroline decided to go to the same stretch of beach with Frank, her husband for two weeks.
Frank: Whoa, I never have to watch porn movies again! Everything’s here!
Caro: WHAAT?! You watch porn?! (this is just a story )
Immediately, the whole beach’s occupiers turned to look at them.
Frank: Oops!
Caro: Y’know what, let’s just settle this when we’re back at the hotel...
After a few minutes of walking...
Frank: Hey Cazz, isn’t that Andrea? (pointing to an unmoving, yet smiling, nude woman)
Caro: OMIGAWD!!! Frank, look away!
Meanwhile, somewhere in Florida...
Bono: What the HELL do you mean? Andrea, unreachable?! But she always carries her hand phone, even when she’s bathing
Manager: I tried. Why don’t you call her yourself? (starts backing away from the fear of getting Bono’s ferocious punch)
Bono: I’ve never thought of that. That’s a mighty great idea you’ve got. (hears a sigh of relief) Okay, you’re dismissed.
Manager: But...but, the con...
Bono: DISMISSED!
Manager leaves. In California’s infamous beach...
*Ring...ring!* (In the sound of Only When I Sleep)
Caro: Hello! Caroline speaking here.
Bono: WAAZZAP!!!
Caro: Good Lord! Bono, is that you?
Bono: The same ol’ me! Is Andrea there?
Caro: Well... (looking at a drunken, now covered up, Andrea) she’s kinda busy right now. Anything I could do for you?
Bono: Yeah. Can you guys give me a satellite call to the old number? Me band and I got something to discuss with you.
Caro: Okay, got it. See you. *click*
Later that day…
Jim: WHAAAT?! Andrea did WHAT?
Caro: You heard me, alright! She went to that place and stripped.
Andrea: (while drooling) But everybody’s doin’ it. Why shouldn’t I?
Sharon: Because dear Andrea… THERE’S THE PAPARAZZIS! IF THEY EVER GET THIS STORY, WE’RE GONE FOR GOOD! AGGH!
Sharon stomps out Andrea’s room.
Jim: Well, there you have it. A taste of Sharon-on-one-of-those-days special.
Caro: And damn, we have a concert tonight.
Andrea: (distantly) I want me mammy!
Jim: Great! Just great! First, Andrea did what she did, and now, Sharon’s angry!
Caro: Isn’t she ALWAYS angry?
Jim: You have a point there.
Caro: Oh yeah, Bono called. He asked us to give him a satellite call or somethin’ to the old number anytime today.
Jim: Yeah right! With half the band on the wrong side. Let me try calling her. SHARON!
Sharon walks in. Andrea blabs on.
Sharon: What?!
Jim: Where’s Gavin and Frank?
Sharon: How the hell should I know?
Sharon stomps away again.
Caro: You should’ve just asked me. They’re out in the pool.
Suddenly, Sharon walks back in, hugging Caro and Jim.
Sharon: I’m sorry guys (hug) but I had so much (hug) on my mind. You know, it’s one of those days and…oh, I’ve gotta find Gavin. (opens the door and closes it)
Caro: (calling out at Sharon) He’s out at the pool. Wow, that was abrupt.
Jim: Never knew someone who could change moods as fast as the fastest Internet line.
Caro: Is that all you can think about, gadgets?
Jim: Well, you know me. *bop* Ow!
Anto and Keith: Hey guys!
Caro and Jim: (wearily) Hey.
Anto: What’s up with Sharon? She didn’t look too pleased
Keith: Are you kidding? I thought she looked worried.
Jim: Actually, it’s Sharon-on-one-of-those-days.
Anto: Oh okay, that settles it then.
Keith: I thought she had the more permanent one.
Caro: Hey, that’s my sis you’re talking about!
Andrea: (in a not so melodious voice) Go on, go on, come on, leave me *burp* less…
Anto and Keith: Whoa!
Caro: Trust me, we know.
Anto: She’s drunk, again! But I think it’s a tad more than what she always drinks.
Keith: But we ‘ave a concert tonight!
Jim: Do you mind telling me what we can do?
They look at Andrea, who’s still blabbing. Suddenly, the door opens, to reveal a happy Sharon and two shivering males named Frank and Gavin.
Sharon: I’ve got the greatest idea!
Jim: Idea for what? Frank, Gavin, do you guys have any idea?
Gavin: Well, Frank and I were swimming. Suddenly, Sharon came and dragged us up here.
Anto: Whoa!
Keith: The thought makes the mind boggle. *Bop* Ow!
Frank: So in short, we have no idea.
Sharon: Oh, you idiots. Cazz, get Andrea and yourself into swimsuits.
Caro: WHAAAT!!!
Gavin: (to himself) Idiots. Hmm… I don’t like the sound of that.
Sharon: You heard me. Jim, Anto and Keith, I need you to help me carry Andrea to the pool. Frank and Gavin, get towels. We’re goin’ on a field trip. Sorry, a POOL trip!
Jim: Ahhh…I see where this is going.
Once Caro and Andrea were ready, they made their way to the hotel’s swimming pool. They reached it in 15 minutes, mainly because Jim stopped and complained the whole way.
Jim: Hey Cazz, you have a belly! You gaining weight or something?
Caro: Shut up!
Jim: Okay, okay! Sheesh!
Caro entered the pool while Sharon talked to Andrea…
Sharon: Andrea, what is your surname?
Andrea: Spears, I suppose.
Realizing the situation was critical, Sharon called the rest. People were starring quizzically at them.
Andrea: I’m a slaaave, for you…
Jim: Since when did she become a Britney fan?
Sharon: Never mind. (Wears an evil grin) Well, siblings, husband, brother-in-law and others (much to the displeasure of Keith and Anto), now is the moment of truth. Boys, carry her up.
Jim: (groans) Not again!
Sharon: Cazz, you ready?
Caro: Yeah.
Sharon: Throw her in!
There was a loud splash. A man in a black suit standing not very far away was monitoring their every move. Caro swam toward Andrea. Behind her, a small boy paddled towards them.
Kid: Hey, you’re the mean lady. *kick*
Caro: Ow! Do you mind? I’m trying to save my kid sister here!
Kid: Hey, that’s the meanest lady *kick kick kick* First, you barfed on me, then you made me barf. *kick*
Andrea: *Grrrr…* Owie! Where am I?
Caro: *kick* Ow! Hey, I’m pregnant here! You’re gonna hurt me baby!
Jim: You’re PREGNANT?!
Caro: Someone help me here! *kick* Ow!
Frank: Coming! *kick* Ow!
Kid: You’re the mean guy! *kick*
Frank: OW! This kid’s got issues.
Mean mom: Rory!
Kid: I’ll be back. Yes mammy? (swims away)
Andrea: What am I doing here?
Frank: We’ll explain it to you.
Sharon: Is everything alright?
Caro: Yeah, partly because of that mean boy.
Sharon: Success! Remind me to thank that kid.
Andrea: Guys, WHERE AM I?
Caro: We’ll explain LATER!
After getting Andrea dry and safely in her room, Caroline told her everything…
Andrea: I did WHAAAT?!
Caro: And the worst thing was, Frank saw you first.
Andrea: My brother-in-law saw me NECKID?!
Caro: (sadly) And he watches porn. (this is only a story )
Andrea: Forgive me if I faint.
Caro: But we have…*thump* a concert.
Just then, Sharon walks in…
Sharon: Hi sisters! Hope everything’s fine. Oooh…what happened here?
Caro: (guiltily) I told her everything.
Sharon: Great! We’re 5 hours away from the concert and we don’t have a lead singer. Why does it always have to happen to me?
A few minutes later…
Caro: Andrea! ANDREA!
Andrea: Tell me it was all a dream.
Sharon: What was?
Andrea: That I went to a nude beach, and…
Caro: Sorry, but yes, you did. And you were absolutely…let’s just say, clothe-less.
Andrea: *sob, sob* There goes my innocent image!
Sharon: Now, now, no need to get worked up. We have a concert like, four and a half hours away. (mouthing to Caro) As if she was any innocent before this.
Caro chuckles.
Andrea: What?
Caro: (chuckle) Oh nothing. Did you hear anything?
Andrea: Never mind. Gah, I SO need an aspirin. I’m goin’ down to get one.
Sharon: Want me to come along?
Andrea: Nah, it’s okay. I’ll do fine by me self.
Andrea leaves. Even though Andrea declined her offer, Sharon follows because of some ‘sister instincts’. Andrea (and Sharon) reaches the dispensing machine. A man in a black suit approached Andrea carefully…
Andrea: Darn dispensing machine. *bang, bang*
Sharon: (thinking) What is she doing? And who’s that?
Stalker man: (taps Andrea’s shoulders) Hello.
Andrea: (kicking the dispensing machine, oblivious to the man behind her) Oh, go and shoite.
SM: A little girl shouldn’t be saying those words.
Andrea: (turns around) Hey, you’re the…*MMFH*
SM: (clamps Andrea’s mouth) Be quiet! I’m taking you home. And by the way, that beach you went to this morning is only for adults, not a kid like you.
Sharon: Nobody messes with my sister! *Haiyak*
SM: *Ooof* *Ow*
Andrea watches in awe as Sharon does flying kicks, Matrix style. Andrea was not alone, the whole hotel was watching too. Then suddenly…
Caro: Now for the finishing!
Sharon: Hey Cazz.
Caro: Let’s do it!
Sharon throws the stalker man up. Caroline jumps up and kicks him. He flew 15 metres before landing in a rubbish bin, legs up. Sharon and Caro high five, then put on their sunglasses. Andrea just stood there open-mouthed.
Sharon: Let’s go.
Andrea: Where did you guys learn to do all this?
Caro: It was something we picked up when we were out spying, remember?
Andrea does a flashback… {for those who don’t know, I’ve done the spy one. It’s the story before this one}
Sharon: Yeah, but Jim’s the ultimate master of this.
Caro: Yeah, because he got his basics from learning some stupid martial arts when he was younger. So he kinda learned more. {Did Jim ever learn any martial arts? I am, btw, a teakwon-do black belter. }
Sharon: He could take both of us down in no time.
Caro: That’s also how the three of us manage to stay fit and slim without doing anything much.
Sharon: Hehehe, can you imagine a slim Jim?
Caro: Hey, it rhymes! And, hehehe, no I can’t imagine a slim Jim.
Andrea: Hehehe. Why don’t you guys teach me? Then, the three of us could take him down together, whenever we need to, of course.
Sharon and Caro: Hmmm…(seriously thinking)
Sharon: That IS a good idea…
Caro: The best you’ve ever come up with.
Andrea: Hey, how ‘bout my lyrics.
Caro: Okay, second best, then.
Andrea: Shall we call the police?
Caro: For what?
Andrea: (pointing in the direction of a rubbish bin with two legs sticking out from it) REMEMBER!
Sharon: Nah. It’ll take him DAYS to regain consciousness, unless someone sends him to the hospital first.
Andrea: Why are you guys wearing sunglasses, in a fairly dark hotel?
Sharon and Caroline embarrassedly took off their sunglasses. Then, they headed to the hotel’s conference room, that they had obviously rented. Jim was already there when they reached it. Outside, a storm is brewing…
Sharon: Just when I thought this was our first stay without rain.
Caro: What can I say? Irish weather follows us everywhere.
Andrea: You can say that again.
Caro: What can I say? Irish weather…
Andrea: I was just kidding. Hehehe…
Jim: Finally, the royal Corr princesses are here. May we begin, your majesties?
Sharon: Yes we may, butler James.
Jim: That’s BROTHER to you. And if you’re all princesses, I’m a crown prince. (holds a haughty face)
Caro: Let’s face it, you’re never gonna be king of anything. Even if we were really royalty, they’ll dismiss you on the basis of emotional instability.
Andrea: Hehehe…
Jim: Anyway, what’s this about you being pregnant, Cazz?
Sharon: You’re PREGNANT?!
Andrea: You didn’t know?!
Caro: I’ll explain later. Can we just get on with it?
Jim: Whatever you say. Synchronizing in 4…3…2…1…
Meanwhile, somewhere in Florida…
Bono: Are we ready?
The rest: Yeah.
Bono: Okay then.
Bono picks up the call and transfers it into some gadgets. Finally, the faces of The Corrs appear on the big screen.
Back in California… Bono and the rest of U2 appear on their big screen.
Jim: Hey Bono, what’s with the call?
Bono: Hey guys. Before I say anything, I’ll need details. You guys have a concert tonight, right?
Corrs: Right.
Bono: And you’re leaving for Florida about a week from now, right?
Corrs: Right.
Bono: Well, I really don’t want to cut your vacation short, but do you think you could come to Florida right after the concert?
Caro: Umm…
Jim: WHOA!
Sharon: Fine with me.
Andrea: Yay! Florida!
Bono: So, what’s it gonna be?
Caro: Wait; what’s it for?
Bono: Oh, that’s a surprise.
Jim: Hold on Bono. Girls, group discussion!
The siblings huddled together.
Jim: Please! Not right after the concert.
Caro: Yeah, and besides, California’s cool!
Andrea: But I wanna go to Florida. I wanna see President Bush
Caro: You’ll have to go to Washington D.C for that, Andy!
Andrea: I still wanna go!
Sharon: Yah! I know we can persuade Gavin and Frank to take turns driving…
Jim: (immediately) Fine with me!
Caro: How ‘bout our equipment?
Jim: They could come on schedule. And we could take our instruments with us; the very small ones.
Caro: Oh, alright then.
Jim: Great.
They get up and sit like business-people.
Bono: I see you have come up with a conclusion.
Jim: Yah! See ya tomorrow in Florida!
Bono: Alright! You guys come to my mansion and stay here. Don’t worry Jim, you don’t have to pay for anything.
The girls giggled.
Jim: (to himself) Gah! I hate it when he does that! (speaking to Bono with forced calmness) Yes, I know, Bono.
Bono: Right! So see ya tomorrow then. Bye all.
Corrs: Goodbye, see ya tomorrow
Bono disappeared from the screen.
Sharon: Okay. Cazz, what’s this about you being pregnant?
Caro: Why, aren’t you happy?
Sharon: Of course I am! But it’s a little…unexpected.
Jim: How old is it?
Andrea: He’ll be 4 months old next week.
Jim: Oooh, Cazz, you evil gal!
Caro: Hehehe!
Jim: Are you sure it’s Frank’s?
Caro: Of course I am!
Sharon: So…how did it happen?
Caro: You remember the time when our concert in Ireland was a hit…
Andrea: They always are…
Caro: Anyway, Frank told me he’d give me a treat. He asked me what I wanted, and I told him to take me home. He did that, and he did more. I’m sure you understand…
Jim: Way to go, Cazz!
Caro: Anyway, that’s how it happened.
Sharon: The church would go berserk if they found out…
Andrea: Oh please! Enough of ‘the church’! At least she married the father.
Jim: Have you gone for a CAT scan yet?
Caro: Yes, and he was beautiful. Frank was so shocked when I told him I was pregnant!
Sharon: Oh well, you beat me to it.
Caro: What can I say? I’m always the best at this.
Jim: She’s actually boasting about it! Well, I guess it would be good to be an uncle.
Andrea: Yay! I get to play aunty!
Sharon: Andrea, you’ll BE an aunty.
Andrea: Oh yeah, I forgot.
Sharon: And how come you only told Andrea and not us?
Andrea: (getting defensive) She only told me when she said she didn’t want the wedding gown to show off her tummy. I threatened to tell the world that she’s fat, so…
Caro: Yes, that was a clear cut blackmail. I had to tell. But now you know anyway…
Sharon: But I’m still your eldest sister!
Jim: Enough already! I’m her eldest sibling!
Caro: So, can we please go now?
Sharon: Great. Perfect timing. We have 2 hours left to get to the arena. If we leave now, we’ll have time to rehearse.
Jim: Can we please skip the rehearsing? Please!
Caro: No Jim! We haven’t rehearsed in a long time. My hands feel like they need to do some heavy drumming. (flexing her arms)
Jim: You’re pregnant! And besides, you’ll do that later. Please, let’s skip the rehearsing!
Sharon: No! We don’t want our concert to be a failure. We need the American market, remember?
Andrea: We rehearsed in like what, 3 days ago? Oh, come on Sharon!
Sharon: That’s it! Cazz, you drag Jim while I drag Andrea.
Shazz and Cazz dragged the unwilling Jim and Andrea into their rented limo. They reached the arena about half an hour later. In their adjoining dressing rooms, after the rehearsal…
Jim: Okay, what do we wear?
Andrea: Whatever we want to wear.
Five minutes later, they all came out, looking like they just came home from a masquerade.
Sharon: Oookay…
Caro: Y’know what? Let’s all wear those leather suits we got from Gucci.
Rest: Great idea.
10 minutes later, the Corr siblings came out from their dressing rooms. Andrea was wearing her black leather sleeveless jacket, white T-shirt, and black leather short skirt, Sharon with her knee length black leather skirt and a black T-shirt, Caroline with her black leather three-quarters, and Jim with his usual black leather slacks, white T-shirt and his favourite black leather jacket.
Caro: I say we look a little Gothic.
Andrea: (looking in the mirror) We’re really gonna pull the American market with these curves.
Sharon: Elegance, my personality… (in an air of supremacy)
Jim: Girls! Can we announce Caro’s pregnancy on stage?
Caro: I’d rather not.
Jim: Why?
Andrea: The first 3 months of pregnancy, also known as the trimester, is the most dangerous stage of pregnancy. In this stage, there’ll be a chance that the baby would turn out handicapped, retarded, or defected in any other way. The baby could also die in this stage.
Sharon: Andrea?
Andrea: Yes?
Sharon: Hush.
Andrea: Darn!
Sharon: But Cazz, you’re already through the trimester. Why not?
Caro: I just don’t wanna!
Anto: We must get on stage now!
Announcer: Okay…the Corrs live in California in 3…2…1…
The concert began. It was a fantastic event, considering the 10 000-strong audiences that turned up. (P.S.: and also considering the band that was performing. ) Halfway through the concert…
Andrea: (speaking with a mic) How’s everybody?
Crowd: Great!!!
Andrea: (speaking with a mic) It’s been a long time since we performed here. And at that time, the crowd wasn’t even half this number.
Crowd: Wooohooo!!!
Jim: And Caroline’s 4 months pregnant!
Instantly, the crowd gasped and whispers ran through the stadium.
Caro: Jim, you donkey!
Jim: What?
Sharon: (speaking with a mic) Jim was just joking!
Andrea: (speaking with a mic) Yeah, I was about to say that.
Caro: (speaking with a mic) Yes, I just got married two weeks ago…
The crowd cheered.
Caro: (speaking with a mic, blushing) …to a wonderful man named Frank Woods. Jim has this thing for making jokes that…you know…doesn’t make sense
The crowd laughed.
Jim: (speaking with a mic) Hey, that’s not polite!
The crowd laughed even more.
Andrea: (speaking with a mic) Umm…here’s our next song, Radio. (speaking to Jim) Phew, that was a close call!
Caro: Yes, remind me to bop your head later.
Jim: (laughing) We’ll see…
Andrea: (singing) It’s late at night…
-The End-