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Andrea and Jim head down to the beach, looking for Sharon and Caroline, who had gone ahead of them an hour later.
Caroline: Just put it around your waist like this, Sharon.
Sharon: This doesn't look safe.
Caro: It IS safe! And it's fun.
Caro is buckling Sharon onto the end of the line for sky surfing (is
that what it's called?). It's basically being pulled on parachute by a
speedboat, over the water, with or without skis.
Caro: Do you want to wear the skis, Sharon?
Sharon: Dear lord, yes. Give me those.
Caro: Here's one. She's ready!!
Sharon: Give me the other one!
Caro: It's funner with one. Just go, Shazz.
Caroline shoves Sharon out of the boat. Sharon drifts behind on the
line, and soon is being tugged along.
Sharon: Okay, I'm ready! Caroline, I'm going to get you for this!!
Caro: Hehehehe...
The boat speeds up, going faster. Sharon begins to rise out of the
water on her one ski. The parachute picks up the air, and Sharon is scooped
suddenly up into the air.
Sharon: EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
Andrea: Where the heck are they? They said they'd meet us right around
here with this stupid fish stand.
Jim: Hey, look at that!
A speedboat goes zooming by. Behind it in the air, a person is being
pulled along on a parachute.
Jim: That looks like fun!
Andrea: I think that's Sharon. Where's my glasses?
Jim: I think you're right. That IS Sharon. Why's she wearing only one
ski? Look at her hair! Hahaha she looks like a banshee!
Andrea: She's screaming like one, too.
Sharon: Eeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
After ten minutes, Sharon finally touches down and wipes out in the
water.
Caroline: Way to go, Sharon!
Sharon: That was better than sex!!
Caro: Wow, really? Hmm, imagine that...
Andrea plunks down her beach chair and lies down under the sun, a pair
of sunglasses over her eyes. Jim pulls off his shirt and struts around
with his surfboard.
Jim: Try to restrain yourself, Andrea.
Andrea: Oh no, the excitement is killing me. Don't block the sun.
Jim: Aren't you going to watch?
Andrea: Sure, I'll watch you wipe out.
Jim: Thanks for the moral support.
Caro and Sharon stroll up.
Caro: There you are!
Andrea: You're missing out on the sun.
Caro: Ooh, I need to lay out. Sharon?
Sharon: Sure. Where you off to, Jim?
Jim: Surfing. Going to catch the big one.
Sharon: Sure, surf's up then.
Caro: Hang ten. Or nine, whichever works.
Jim heads determinedly off to the water. He accidentally trips over
a rock and lands on his face in the sand.
Caro: (clapping) Good one!
Jim: Thanks!
Jim gets up and jumps into the water. He paddles out quite a ways,
then heads back for the shore. The waves carry him back, and he cruises
in for a nice landing.
Caro: (small claps) Woohoo... I think he caught some air there...
Jim: That sucked! Hold on, I'm going out again.
Jim jumps back into the ocean and paddles out again.
Caro: Sharon, can I bury you in the sand?
Sharon: Sure thing.
Caro: Want to help, Andy?
Andrea: No thanks. I want to be buried in the sunlight.
Caro gets a little plastic pail and shovel together and begins to dig
a large hole. Sharon climbs in when it's deep enough, and Caroline begins
to cover it up.
Sharon: Did you hear what the weather will be like tomorrow?
Andrea: Warm and sunny. Surprise!
Caro: I want to go jet-skiing sometime. That looks like so much fun.
Sharon: More sand on my foot, Cazz.
Caro: Here comes a crab.
Sharon looks up and sees a small ocean crab skittering its way toward
her.
Sharon: Oh no! Get it away!
Caroline takes her little shovel, scoops up the crab, and flings it
away.
Caro: They're like little bugs.
Sharon: No, that's Andrea.
Andrea: Hey.... that's not right.
Meanwhile, Jim sits in the water, waiting for a bigger wave. He starts
getting bored.
Jim: I'll show 'em. I'll show em all.
Just then, a gray fin pops out of the water not ten feet from Jim.
It disappears down into the blue ocean.
Jim: Not good... just don't move, he'll leave. It's all good.
The fin appears again this time closer, and this time Jim sees the
head of the shark poke up. It had a very wide head, shaped like a hammer.
Jim: Oh no. Those are bad sharks!
Jim begins swimming away with his board, heading further out. The currents
pull him farther out at a high rate.
Jim: Oh no, a rip tide!
Rather than fight the current, Jim decides to let the rip tide take
him out, and just fight to stay above the water. However when it's over,
Jim can't even see the beach anymore.
Jim: Oh no!! Where am I??
In the water not far from him, a shark fin appears again.
Jim: Agggggh!!
Jim swims away as fast as his legs can carry him. The shark's fin appears
behind him, chasing.
Jim: Noooo!!!!!! Get away!!!! Aggggh!!!
The shark is hungry, and is gaining on Jim.
Back at the beach...
Sharon: This sand is really warm. What are you doing over there, Caroline?
Caro: Shh!
Caroline is carefully drawing a design of tanning lotion on Andrea's
stomach. Andrea doesn't notice with her eyes closed. She makes a couple
squiggly music notes, then writes "Caroline rules!" in big letters. Giggling,
Caroline puts the bottle away and continues to construct a mermaid body
over Sharon.
Jim: Agggggh!!!! Someone help me!!
The shark is inches away now, thrusting its head above the water to
bare its razor sharp teeth. It makes a low gurgling sound, almost like
a roar.
Jim: No!!!
Just then, Jim is pushed from the right by a slippery surface. He screams
out, thinking it's another shark, but discovers that the object is shiny
black, with a huge fin. Several other huge fins pop up nearby, and a whale
call can be heard.
Jim: Whales! I'm saved!
The shark, not wanting to mess with the whales, takes off. Jim is pushed
up onto the whale, and he hangs onto the fin. More whale calls can be heard.
Jim: Orca whales! Killer whales! Yeehaw!!!
The whole time, Jim had his surfboard tucked under his arm. He was
surprised to see that the end of it was large bite marks in it.
Finally Jim sees the beach, and the whales turn abruptly. Jim loses
his grip and floats off on his own.
Jim: Thank you!! Thank you whales!!
A killer whale jumps up from the water and creates a huge splash which
sends Jim careening toward the beach. Jim stands up on his board, something
lifting from below.
Sharon: Wow, look at that wave. I wonder how Jim is doing.
Jim: It's the big one!
Jim rides the wave like an expert. There is a huge tidal wall building
beneath him. Jim can see fish in the water.
Caro: Should we move?
Sharon: Naw.
All the other surfers are standing on the beach, not wanting to challenge
the huge tidal wave. They can all see Jim cruising on top.
Surfer: Dude! There's someone riding it!
Caroline shields her eyes and looks out at the wave.
Caro: It's Jim!! Look!
Sharon looks up to see her brother shooting the curl of the huge wave.
He cuts ahead as the wave crashes down behind him.
Everyone on the beach is cheering, including Caro and Sharon. Andrea
is asleep.
Jim zooms in at high speed, all the way to the sand. The water behind
him crashes into many beach wanderers, carries away umbrellas, and comes
right for the Corr sisters.
Caro: Uh oh...
*SPLOOOOOOSH*
The water covers all of them, even Caroline, who was standing up. She's
knocked off her feet and gets stuck in the sand. As the water draws back
out, Jim zips in and cruises to a stop in front of his now very wet sisters.
Caro: Dahhhhh.... oh my god...
Andrea: What happened!????? Agggh! Salt water!
Sharon: Hehehe hey, the mermaid pattern is still here.
Jim: Awesome!!!!!!
Another wave comes in, and out tumbles the same shark from earlier.
Jim: Oh no, can't you get enough?
Caroline: Ahhh! What the hell??
Jim: Look out!
The shark bares its teeth, but isn't able to do anything. It's beached
itself in the sand, a few feet away from them.
Sharon: Why the hell is that shark on the beach?
Andrea: Shark? Where?
Sharon: Right THERE.
Andrea looks at the shark.
Andrea: Well, what's the shark doing there?
Jim: I don't know, the waves washed it in.
Andrea: Well, put it back in the water.
Jim: Are you mad? It's a big ferocious shark! It bit my surf board
earlier!
Andrea: Well why did you feet him your surfboard?
Jim: What? I didn't FEED it to him, he swam up and bit it!
Andrea: Now why would he do such a thing?
Jim: Because he's a SHARK!!!!
The shark lies on the sand, twitching, rolling, gasping for air.
Sharon: Maybe we should put it back in the water.
Jim: Come on! He nearly killed me today!
Sharon: Well so? You survived, didn't you?
Jim: I can't believe none of you care! I'm GLAD this stupid shark is
suffering on this beach. Serves him right, trying to kill me.
Sharon: But look at him, he's sorry. Look at that face...
Jim: I'm not hearing this.
Caro: I think we should too. He shouldn't die on the beach like that.
We could all lift him and put him back in the ocean.
Jim: Oh come on now, you can't be serious.
Caro: Sure! Come on, everyone help.
Sharon uproots herself from the dirt and Andrea gets off her beach
chair. The three of them try to lift the suffering shark off the beach.
It's just a little too heavy.
Sharon: Come on, Jim! Help us lift the poor shark!
Jim: Nuh-uh! He'll bite me! He'll bite all of us!
Caro: He's too heavy for us, Jim! Come on, help us put him back.
Jim: What'll you give me?
Caro: Respect.
Jim: You don't give me respect anyway!
Andrea: Stop being a blockhead and pick up the shark with us. How would
you like it if you were him?
Jim: I'd like it well, seeing that 3 ladies are trying to pick me up.
The Corr sisters glare at Jim.
Sharon: Pick up the shark, Jim. The water's right there, he's not going
to bite you. We're not leaving this beach untily you do.
Caro: Yes, you'll see him suffocate in front of you and die, and you'll
feel GUILTY!
Jim looks at the shark, watches its twitching gills, its bared teeth,
the sad black eyes looking at him.
Jim: Oh... okay.
Jim helps hoist up the shark, and the four carry it over to the water.
Jim: This thing has to weigh at least 500 pounds!
Sharon: Okay, a little further! Okay I think we can set him down now.
That's good.
They set the shark down on the sand. The waves come back in, and the
shark happily flops into the water.
They start walking away.
Sharon: There now. See Jim, don't you feel better now, saving that
shark's life?
Jim: Yeah, actually I do!
The tide comes back in, and suddenly Jim feels a nice, big, painful
bite on his lower leg. The shark had decided to pay a nice visit.
Jim: OWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Andrea: Oh, what did you do to the poor shark now???
Sharon: So how are you feeling, Jim? Need a taquila?
Caroline: I don't think that's allowed here.
Jim looks up from his hospital bed.
Jim: Where am I?
Andrea: You got bitten by the shark. Then you fell down and, em, hit
your head on that rock you tripped over earlier.
Sharon: You got to ride in a helicopter!
Jim looks at his painful ankle and sees his whole foot in a cast.
Jim: Did it take my foot?? Can I walk?? Will I ever get to run cross-country
again?
Sharon: What?
Jim: Well okay, I don't run cross-country. But many female fans would
miss my sexy leg!
Caro: Relax, your "sexy" leg is still there, foot and all. The shark
only bit you and got some teeth stuck in it and you can't walk without
crutches for a few weeks. You're fine.
Jim: What?? Weeks? But we'll have left by then!
Sharon: I know, isn't it great?
Jim: No more surfing for me... why me??
Caro: Well get this, you get to lie on the beach all day and look at
surfer babes, and they can feel sorry for your bummed foot!
Jim: Hey, yeah!
The door opens and the doctor walks in, clad in his white coat and
clipboard in hand.
Doctor: Okay, looks like you're finally up. Your name is Jim, right?
Jim: Um, yes.
The doctor speaks perfect English, and looks like a Hawaiian native.
Sharon is motioning to Caroline and Caroline is checking him out. Andrea
looks away, red as a rose.
Doctor: Things are looking good. The shark didn't get anything vital.
But for safety we're going to leave you in the cast for a week or so, with
the use of crutches. Would you like the tooth we pulled from your ankle?
Jim: You have the tooth?
The doctor pulls a small glass bottle from his pocket. Inside is a
triangular, rough, hammerhead shark tooth. He hands it to Jim, who studies
it in the light.
Jim: I love it!
Doctor: And think, you'd have to pay for one of those in a gift shop!
The shark gave you that one for a discount!
The Corr sisters bust out laughing.
Doctor: Actually, your hospital stay cost you 500 dollars. So actually
the shark was a business man all along.
Jim: Whaaa???
Andrea: We paid him, don't worry.
Jim: Dohh..... well I guess it's good seeing I'll walk again soon.
Doctor: Walk? Are you kidding me?
Jim: Wha.... is something wrong with my foot?
The doctor laughs.
Doctor: No, I'm just messing with you. You're fine.
The Corr sisters, again, burst out in laughter.
Jim: Um... yeah.
Doctor: You can leave now. If you want to talk more about sharks or
anything else, please come back soon.
Caroline: We will!
Andrea: Eh? What?
Caro: We will. Won't we, Andrea?
Andrea: No... hehehe.
Later, Jim is laying out on the beach, his foot in a big cast. Women
are already flocking to him.
Jim: It was a huge shark, it was bloodthirsty! It was a good thing
I had me lucky charms with me, or I might've been eaten whole!
*gasps*
Andrea: Oh please, you haven't taken down ghosts in a haunted ship.
This is nothing.
Caroline: Andrea, want to try wind surfing? It's great.
Andrea: I'd love to, but I don't have any balloons to drop on the people
laying here on the beach.
Caro: You're mean!
Andrea: Not as mean as you! Now I have "Caroline rules" all over my
belly, thanks to you!
Caro: It's all true, you have to admit.
Sharon was off at a starfish farm, a place where starfish were caught
and bred. They were kept in neat vats with rocks built into the walls.
Shopkeeper: If you were to chop a starfish into pieces, the pieces
would all grow into an entirely new starfish.
Sharon: Really? Wow. Em... I can't get this thing off my arm.
Shopkeeper: Don't worry, they're perfectly harmless. In some restaurants
here, you can find cooked starfish on the menu. It's a bit of an acquired
taste.
Sharon: I'd guess so. Is this thing trying to give me a hickey? I can't
get the bugger off my arm. And this one is making his way to my back. How
do they move so fast??
Shopkeeper: A few shops down you'll find a Manta Ray farm. They're
usually called Stingrays. They eat starfish themselves.
Sharon: Really? Okay starfish, let's go visit the stingrays. (walks
off)
Caroline: I swear Jim, you're so full of yourself you're practically
exploding.
Jim's crowd had died down, some determined women still stayed and signed
Jim's cast with pens and kisses, wishing him better. Jim was completely
happy, sipping away at a drink.
Meanwhile, Andrea had put on her glasses and entered a Karaoke contest.
Nobody recognized her, which was a good thing.
Announcer: Okay, first up we have the wonderful Andy, let's give her
a round of applause. Come on up here, Andy!
Andrea comes onto the stage, waving.
Announcer: So is that your real name, Andy?
Andrea: Well yes, it's a nickname.
Announcer: Are you planning to be a one-word music artist one day?
Like Madonna, or Sting?
Andrea: Em... maybe.
Announcer: So what'll you be singing for us, Andy?
Andrea: Em, I'll be singing Give It All Up by The Corrs.
Announcer: Well then, we'll let you get on your way, just look at the
screen if you forget the words!
Andrea: How can I forget the words? I wrote the song! (says to herself)
The music starts up, and Andrea starts dancing. Under the Tiki lamps
strung above and the torches burning all around, it looks like a Reggae
paradise. Andrea immediately hypnotizes the audience, moving around in
her bikini, her beach towel wrapped around her hips.
Andrea: You say that I'm crazy, and it's probably true... (singing)
But I'm at my happiest just when I'm with you...
The crowd is bouncing around.
Andrea: And the distance between us... so far that I can't reach...
(reaches out) The stage lights they shine so brightly, but still I find
no peace, and I'm a long long way from you...
Elsewhere, Caroline has joined in a small group of Hawaiian musicians.
Some were playing tribal drums, some on Eukelele, Hawaiian girls dancing.
Caro joined in with her Bodhran, which pleased the native musicians.
And Sharon was lovingly feeding the stingrays.
Sharon: Wow! He stabbed the starfish with his tail!
Shop keeper: Yep, that's how they do it. They inject it with poison,
and then they eat it at their leisure. Be careful not to get too close
to the stingray. We also have friendly ones without the stingers, you can
reach in and touch them if you want.
Sharon: Cooool....
Sharon reaches into a vat and pets a Ray, which darts away and comes
back again. The creature feels slick and slimy under her fingers. Suddenly,
Sharon's wedding ring slips off, and a Ray goes right for it.
Sharon: No! Get away from that!
The Ray gulps the ring down.
Sharon grabs hold of the thing and shakes it.
Sharon: Give me back my ring!!!!
The Ray, unhappy with being in the air, flits about in Sharon's hands,
resisting her. The shopkeeper isn't happy, either.
Shopkeeper: Don't hurt that! These animals are hard to catch!
Sharon: The stupid thing swallowed my wedding ring!!!
Just then, Sharon notices something glimmering in the vat. One of the
Rays had spit up the ring.
Sharon: Whoops... em... sorry...
She pets the Ray and drops it back in the water.
Jim limps around the beach on his crutches, looking for more sweet
sympathy. He was taking advantage of his bummed foot. He sees a crowd of
people dancing and limps over.
As he gets closer, he sees Andrea onstage, singing her heart out. Nobody
seemed to know who she was. Jim knew right away.
Andrea: Waiting for tonight... ohh... when you would be here in my
arms...
Jim: Andrea!
Andrea: Huh? Oh, hey Jim! Come up here!
Jim: Hahaha no!!
Andrea: Yeah, come up here!
Jim hesitantly limps up onstage.
Andrea: This is my brother, everyone! We're gonna let him sing a song!
Jim: No, come on! I don't want to sing!
Andrea tosses him a microphone.
Andrea: Just look at the screen! You'll love it, trust me.
Some music starts up, and Jim stares at the screen.
Jim: I've heard people say that... too much of anything is not good
for you, baby... uh...
The crowd is booing.
Jim: But I don't know about that. There's many times that we've loved
and we've shared love and made love... oh wait a second, I know this song!!
It's just not enough... oh-whoa-whoooaaaa baby...
Jim starts strutting around on his crutches. His voice goes way deeper
than ever heard before.
Jim: My darlin' I... I can't get enough of your love babe... oh I don't
know why, I don't know why... I can't get enough of your love, babe.
The crowd is starting to dig it, and have gone back to dancing. Andrea
is laughing and drinking a Margarita.
Meanwhile, Caroline is being decorated by many women with exotic paints
and oils. She has several lei's hanging from her neck, and has a feathered
headdress on.
Caro: What should I be called? Shouldn't I have a cool tribal name?
One of the tribal musicians looks up.
Musician: How about "Caroline, the really white one?"
Caro: What kind of name is that?
Musician: A tribal one.
Sharon, being adventurous and willing to spend lots of money, is down
in the water. She had bought a package with a SCUBA diving company for
some nighttime diving. She swam gracefully among the coral reef, breathing
from an oxygen tank.
Sharon: Look at that fish! He looks like a fatso!
Scuba Instructor: That is a puffer fish. Stay away from it, he's feeling
threatened.
Sharon: Okay. Hey, Stingrays! I assaulted one of your brothers!
Back to the performing duo...
Jim: You are the sunshine of my life... that's why I'll always be around....
Andrea: You are the apple of my eye... hehehehe.... forever you'll
stay in my heart...
The crowd is loving it. Jim and Andrea are both drunk and having a
good time about it, singing songs for the drunken, dancing people below.
Caroline comes upon the crowd of dancers, painted like a tribal Hawaiian.
She sees Jim and Andrea on stage, doing a terrible job at singing.
Caro: Hey! You guys! Jim!
They can't hear Caro over the noise. She runs up on stage with them.
Jim: Cazz! Sing with us! It's great!
Caro: Em, no. I'm just fine.
Jim: Come on! Sing with us!
Andrea: Tell me all your thoughts on God...
Caroline takes a microphone and stares at the screen. She isn't too
familiar with the song currently playing.
The DJ sees Caro in the tribal dressings and decides to make some fun
of it. "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" starts playing.
Speakers: Ee Ee Eeee eeee e eeee eee ee e, a wee um bum boo way...
Caro: Oh no! Hahaha!
Speakers: A weem-oo-wep, a weem-oo-wep...
Andrea starts dancing again, doing remarkably well for being drunk.
She sways back and forth, almost hitting Jim, who's hopping around like
a fool.
Caro: My family... dear god...
Jim starts singing the song, incredibly high for his range.
Jim: In the jungle, the quiet jungle, the lion sleeps tonight...
They kick it in Hawaii for about a week or two, then head back to Ireland.
The end.