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Sharon: Hey everyone, guess what?
Andrea, Caroline and Jim look up from Jim's "Hang The Donkey" game board.
Jim: What?
Andrea: Ooh! Ooh! Let me guess! Mammy and Daddy are going on a trip for three days and you're inviting a boy over even though you're not allowed to!
Sharon: Wow... she's good.
Jim: Sharonnnnnn..... you know you're going to get in trouble.
Sharon: No I'm not! As long as they don't find out.
Jim: I'll call them and tell them what you're doing. I can even get them right now...
Sharon: No, you wouldn't dare.
Caro: Hahah! I hanged your donkey, Andrea!
Andrea: Ah! No fair!!
Jim: Of course I would. But then, I could look the other way...
Jim leans back against his bed and puts his arms back.
Sharon: You sound like a business man.
Jim: I have a knack for it. What've you got?
Sharon: Em.... I'll be your personal slave for two days.
Jim: Nope. Has to be a week.
Sharon: A week??? Oh, fine.
Jim: Well, actually, I was thinking more along the lines of money.
Sharon: But I just spent my allowance! I can't pay you any money.
Jim: Sure you can, that secret box under your bed that you told Andrea about.
Sharon looks at Andrea.
Sharon: Andrea!
Andrea: I'm sorry! I didn't know it was a secret!
Jim: Give me the equivalent of 10 US dollars.
Sharon: Oh, darn you and your math.
Sharon pays Jim, and he gladly accepts the money.
Jim: Now, some rules.
Sharon: Oh come on, haven't I paid you enough?
Jim: You paid me enough money to keep me from telling mom and dad. There are still rules. Number one: No fighting over the remote.
Sharon: Please, you really think we'd do something that stupid?
Caro: Yeah, they'd be too busy kissing.
Andrea: Eww!
Jim: Number two, if I find you two kissing, I tell mom and dad.
Sharon: Ten more dollars.
Jim: No more number two.
Caro and Andrea: Hehehe.
Jim: Number two, no sound. I won't mind kissing but if you two start making funny sounds, enough for our neighbors to hear, especially me, I'll separate you two. I'll have your boyfriend read the paper in my room.
Sharon: He's not my boyfriend!
Caro: He's her friend boy.
Jim: Rule number three, no movies with naked people. If I see naked people, I'll want to watch, and I don't want to sit between you two. Our couch is really small.
Sharon: Come on! This is so unfair.
Jim: Why, were you planning on watching naked people?
Sharon: No...
Jim: Number four, I will give you the things to eat. If mom and dad come home and find all the sweets gone they'll go right up to my room and blame me. Number five, no sex.
Andrea and Caro: EWWWWWWWW!!!!!
Sharon: That's gross!
Jim: You're 12 and he's what, 13? I mean it. If I find you two doing that, I'll call Mom and Dad home right on the spot. And you'll never see him again. Got it?
Sharon: Okay.
Andrea: Ewww... Caroline, what is sex?
Caro: You know that thing Mammy and Daddy were doing on Halloween?
Andrea: Oh, that!
Gerry: Children? Where are you?
Jim: In here, dad.
Gerry comes into Jim's room and looks at all of them. He notices a hanging wooden donkey tied to a hangman's pole on the game board.
Gerry: What are you children playing?
Jim: Hang The Donkey. I made up the game. It's really fun.
Gerry: Ah. Now, 'yer mum and I will b'going on a small vacation for oh, 7 days. Now I know usually we 'ave a baby sitter, but you all have grown so much, and Jim is a somewhat responsible young lad, so we've decided to let all of you stay here while we're gone, and Jim will watch over ya. How's that sound?
Caro: Where are you going?
Gerry: A friend of ours is giving us a ride to France. From there, we go to a place they call the Carribean.
Sharon: Wait, I thought it was 3 days.
Gerry: Well ya can't 'spect to go to and from America in 3 days, can ya?
Andrea: But I'm going to miss you!!! (gets tears in her eyes)
Gerry: Oh, don't fret, Andrea. We'll only be gone a week, and you all are on holiday from school, so it'll be fun for you. However, you all must go to mass on the Sundays. Otherwise, well we'll see.
Jim: Sounds great, dad.
Gerry: Good. We'll be leavin' tomorrow mornin', so you'll have to do the shoppin', Jim. Your mom is leaving a list of groceries, and a lot of money, so be sure to pick everything up.
Jim: Okay.
Gerry leaves the room.
Jim: Wow, a week. Now I get to blast my music.
Sharon: Wait, didn't you talk about not disturbing the neighbors?
Jim: Correction, just leave it to not disturbing ME. My room is right over the living room, so...
Sharon: Okay, I've got it.

Later that night, Caroline and Andrea are trying to sleep.
Andrea: Hehehehe.
Caro: Whatcha laughin about?
Andrea: I was thinking about Mom and Dad having sex. How can people get that close? I HATE boys.
Caro: I know! That's disgusting!
Andrea: And I don't even know how it's done.
Caro: Mammy and Daddy never gave you the talk?
Andrea: No, what talk?
Caro whispers in Andrea's ear for about a minute.
Andrea: EWWWWWWWW!!!!
Gerry: Get to sleep up there!
Caro: Hehehe.
Andrea: But doesn't that hurt?
Caro: I don't know. One time I saw Jim watching a naked people movie and they were doing that all the time.
Andrea: Ewwww.... I'm never doing that.
Caro: Me neither.
Andrea: Why do you think Sharon likes boys all of a sudden? They're gross!
Caro: I know! Yuck!
Andrea: Jim is totally disgusting, I don't know why a girl would wanna be with him.
Caro: They're all the same, always so loud and bothersome.
Gerry opens the door.
Gerry: Girls, get to sleep right now!
*slam*
Caro: See???
The next morning, Gerry and Jean wave goodbye as they drive out of sight. The Corr siblings are now alone on the sidewalk.
Jim: Well, the vacation starts.
Sharon: I'm going to call Danny.
Jim: Not so fast, Danny boy doesn't come here until tonight.
Sharon: So? I just wanna talk to him. (walks away)
Jim: This is going to be long...
Caroline: So what did the list say?
Jim: List?
Andrea: The food.
Jim: Oh, that list. I have it right here. Let's go down to the shop.
Caro: We have to walk all that way?
Jim: Actually, we could use the wheelbarrow. You two will have to walk back, though.
Caro and Andrea: Yay!!
They get into a crummy old wheelbarrow and Jim wheels them into town. They stop in front of the store, and upon getting out Andrea falls and lands in the mud.
Andrea: Aggh! Now I'm all dirty.
Caro: Hehe you look like a pig in the mud.
Andrea throws a handful of mud at Caroline, missing.
Jim: Enough. Let's do the shopping.
They go into the shop with their wheelbarrow, and the desk clerk waves.
Clerk: Aye, hello there. What can I do for ya?
Jim: Here girls, take this list and look for the things. I have business to take care of.
Jim hands them the crumpled list, and off they go into the store.
Caro: What's the thing say?
Andrea: Eggs. Ex leg whit 2 diz.
Caro: Huh? Let me see that.
Caro reads the list. It says:
Eggs, Ex-lg wht, 2 dz.
Andrea: What's it mean? Eggs with leg whits?
Caro: You probly never read mammy's lists. It means 2 dozen white eggs, extra large!
Andrea: Well I don't know!
They look around and find the eggs.
Caro: Put it in the wheelbarrow.
Andrea picks up two boxes of large eggs at once, and begins weaving around.
Andrea: These are heavy eggs!
Caro: You're gonna break 'em! Look out!
Andrea almost throws the eggs in the wheelbarrow, and luckily none of them break.
Andrea: Whew! That was close.
Caro: Now it says we need a quart of milk.
Andrea goes and gets the milk, and puts it in the wheelbarrow.
Andrea: Let me read it now!
Caro: Okay, don't mess up.
Andrea reads the list.
Andrea: Bread. 1 leaf. Oh, one loaf! Okay.
Caroline gets a loaf of bread and throws it in the cart.
Andrea: Fruit. I don't want fruit!
Caro: Forget the fruit. What next?
Andrea: Rice.
Caro: Blech. What next?
Andrea: Spaghetti-O's!
Caro: Yay! Okay, I'll get it.
Caroline goes and gets a large can of Spaghetti-O's and drops it on top of the loaf of bread.
Jim: Alright, let's see. Wow, you two did a good job.
Caro: Yep, we sure did.
Jim: Let me see the list.
Jim reads the list and looks in the cart.
Jim: You didn't get any fruit, or rice. And you totally killed the bread.
Caro: We're sorry. We just don't like those.
Jim: No, it's not bad. I was going to say we should forget about the fruit and crap, and just get some frozen pizza.
Andrea: Yay! But I want rice.
Jim: Heheh okay, rice and pizza then. Now, go up to the counter, Robbie up there is making sausages. When he gets done he'll give them to you two, and you give them to me, okay?
Caro and Andrea: Okay.
They go up the counter where Robbie the clerk is busy at work. He's working with a machine, cranking out sausages. He wraps them up, and looks over the counter.
Robbie: Okay, here ya go. Two pounds of sausages.
Robbie hands Caroline the sausages, and she almost drops it.
Robbie: Also, four pounds ground beef.
He hands Andrea the ground beef and she almost drops that, too. They go back to Jim and drop the meat into the cart.
Jim: Okay now, we have the pizza, the band-aids, the soap, the toilet paper... now all we need is ice cream and we'll be done.
Andrea: Wow, what a great list!
Caro: I want Vanilla!
Andrea: Wait, I want mint!
Caro: Vanilla!
Andrea: Mint mint mint!
Caro: Vanilla vanilla VANILLA!!
Andrea: Mint times ten!
Caro: Vanilla times twenty!
Andrea: Mint times a million!
Jim: We're getting chocolate.
Caro and Andrea: Awwww.
They get the ice cream, then pay for everything at the counter. They head home, and about halfway there it starts raining, so they have to run.
Sharon: So what time are you coming over?
*slam*
Caro: We're hooooome!
Jim: Sharon, are you still on the bloody phone? We were gone for at least an hour!
Sharon: I'll be off in a second!
Andrea: One... that was a second!
They go into the kitchen and take everything out of the wheelbarrow. Andrea takes off her shoes and kicks them under her dinner chair.
Caroline: Did Mammy and Daddy leave anything else for us?
Jim: No, just the equivalent of... (thinking) 50 US dollars. Damn that math class.
Andrea: *gasp* Ooooooooooh you said a bad word!!!
Jim: What, damn?
Andrea and Caro: Ooooooooh!!!
Jim: Oh, stop it. It's not that bad of a word. Sharon, get off the phone!
Sharon: Oh, go and shoite!
Caro: Ooooooh, Sharon said a badder word!
Jim: What was that?
Sharon: Nothing!
Jim: Right... She doesn't get any ice cream then.
Andrea: Hey ya! Sharinnnnnnnnn you don't get any ice creeaaam, you said a bad word!
Sharon: What? Hey!
Jim: You heard right, Sharon.
Caroline picks up a box of eggs and takes it to the refrigerator. She opens the door and loses her grip on the carton. It falls to the floor with a crunch.
Andrea: Aha! See, you dropped 'em, not me!
Caro: Rgh! (starts getting tears in her eyes)
Jim: Oh no, the eggs!
Caro: Whaaaa... (crying)
Jim: Oh, there there, Caroline. I'm sure you didn't break all of 'em.
Jim picks up the leaking carton, puts it on the counter and opens it.
Jim: Hmm, only a few broke. It's okay, Caroline.
Caro: *sniff* Are you mad, Jim?
Jim: No, of course not. If you broke all of them then you'd be in trouble. Let's just clean this up.
Jim takes the unbroken eggs out one by one and places them on the counter. He throws away the empty carton and turns back to see all the eggs rolling off the counter, one by one.
*crunch* *crunch* *crunch* *crunch* *crunch*
Jim: Damn!
Andrea: Ooooo... (quietly)
Caro: Hehehe.
Sharon walks into the kitchen.
Sharon: Well, he'll be here around seven.
Jim: Em, you do know you're standing in eggs, right?
Sharon looks down.
Sharon: Damn!
Jim: Hey, don't say that.
Sharon: But YOU say it!
Jim: So, that's because I'm the sexy shag-monster.
Caro: Huh?
Andrea: Monster??
Jim: Nothing. I don't really know why I said that.

The day goes by, and ten minutes before 7 the house is in an uproar.
Sharon: Where are my shoes? Where are my shoes? And that shirt I was planning to wear, I know it's here somewhere.
Andrea looks under Sharon's bed and crawls in. She coughs in the dust and reaches around.
Jim: Where did you put the toilet paper like I asked you, Sharon?
Sharon: In the bathroom, duh!
Caroline hands Sharon her shoes. Sharon puts them on, then looks at herself in the mirror.
Sharon: What do you think, should I really be dressed up or just look comfortable?
Caroline notices Andrea's bum sticking out from under Sharon's bed. She brings her foot back, ready for an ever-painful hit.
Sharon: Ah, it's okay, I don't need that shirt. I can find something else.
Andrea comes out from under the bed and sees Caroline standing there smiling REALLY big.
Andrea: What were you doing?
Caro: Nothing... hehehe.
Sharon continues to run around her room, throwing on a blouse and kicking off her shoes.
Jim: I present to you, Mr. Danny.
Sharon: Aggh! Jim, I'm not ready! (slams the door)
Jim: Whoa, okay then. Come on, let's head back downstairs so you can wait, Danny.
Sharon: Okay, okay, everything is fine. Wait, where are my slippers? In your closet, of course, Sharon.
Caro: Why are you talking to yourself?
Sharon puts on her slippers and stands in front of the mirror.
Sharon: Okay, it's all good now. Alright.
Sharon leaves her room, Andrea and Caroline following like bridesmaids. (haha, haha)
Jim: Ah, here the princess comes, with the two serving wenches behind her.
Andrea: Hey!
Sharon comes down the stairs and puts on a good act of being nervous. Danny runs a comb through his thoroughly-greased hair.
Danny: Hi Sharon.
Sharon: Hi. (shyly)
Jim: Awwww...
Sharon: JIM!!
Jim: Heheh okay. Come on, girls, let's make popcorn.
Sharon: You're not watching the movie with us, are you?
Jim: No, this is for us. I fixed the VCR in my room, so you get to use the one dad fixed, good old "Mr. Snaggletooth".
They go into the kitchen and Jim gets out the big cooking pot.
Jim: Okay, Caroline, you go get the popping corn, Andrea you get the butter.
They do their jobs, and soon Jim has the pot ready to go. Caroline and Andrea look bored.
Andrea: Isn't it supposed to pop?
Caro: Maybe he didn't turn the stove on. That happens sometimes.
Jim: No, it just takes a few minutes.
Sharon walks over to the kitchen door and closes it.
Jim: Huh. They must think I don't know what's going on.
Caro: Why, do you know, Jimmy?
Jim: Of course. They're closing the door so we can't tell that they're making out. I used it countless times on Mom and Dad.
Andrea: Making out? What's that?
Jim: Watch.
They go over to the door.
Jim: Caroline, go get the butter.
Caro: But I already did.
Jim: Shh!
Jim opens the door quickly. Danny and Sharon almost jump off the couch.
Jim: Watch it, you two. I know exactly what you're doing.
They go back into the kitchen.
Caro: Is that what making out is? Jumping? I do that all the time!
Andrea: Yeah, I make out all the time.
Jim: No, that's not it. You'll see later on.
After her sisters and brother go upstairs, Sharon gets up from the couch.
Sharon: Do you have the movie?
Danny: Yep.
Sharon: What's it called?
Danny: It. It has these clowns that kill people or something.
Sharon: Eeek. I don't like scary movies.
Danny: Oh come on.
Sharon puts the tape into "Mr. Snaggletooth", bangs on the thing a few times, and it starts running. She sits back down on the couch and Danny slides closer.
Sharon: Not so close.
Danny scoots just an inch or two back.
Up in Jim's room...
Jim: Okay, we have... Grease.
Caro: Boooo.
Jim: Em... Boogie Nights.
Andrea: Eww.
Jim: Some documentary on the Jackson 5?
Caro and Andrea: Booooo.
Jim: ET?
Andrea: Phone home. Hehehe.
Jim: Jaws? Now there's a scary movie.
Caro: Yeah, scary movie, scary movie!
Andrea: I wanna see the sharky!
Jim pops in the tape, and 5 minutes into the movie Caro and Andrea are screaming their heads off.
Andrea: Swim away! Swim away!
Caro: Look out! AGGGGH he's gonna eat you!!!
Jim: Hehehe that shark is so fake.
Caro: Oh no! It ate him!!
Andrea: Stupid sharky. (throws popcorn at the TV)
Jim: It's just a rubber shark.
Caro: Turn it off! Turn it off! There's so much blood!
Andrea: Eww!
Jim: Hehe, okay. *turns off the TV* I have a better idea. Come on.
They leave the room and quietly sneak down the hall.
Caro: (quietly) What're we doin?
Jim: Shh!
Jim looks over the staircase railing and sees Sharon and Danny on the couch, getting awfully close.
Jim: Be very very quiet.
Caro: I'm hunting wabbits, hehe.
They crawl down the stairs very slowly, and head behind the couch where Danny and Sharon are sitting.
Clowns: Ehehehehe!
Sharon: Ugghh. (gets closer to Danny. He puts his arm around her.)
Jim waits and listens.
*smooch smooch*
Jim looks up and sees his darling little sister Sharon kissing Danny.
Jim: Grrrr....
Jim hears the music building up...
Jim: One, two, three...
Jim and his sisters pop up.
Jim: Ehehehehehehe!!!!!
Caro: Booga booga booga!!
Andrea: Aieeeeeeeeeee!!!
Sharon: Whaaaaaaaaagh!!!!
Sharon and Danny fly off the couch. Jim and his sisters are rolling on the floor.
Jim: Hahaha you should've seen the looks in your eyes! Oh, that's classic! Hahahahaha!
Sharon: Ooooh! You stupid morons!
Caro: Hehehehe.
Andrea: Smoochy smoochy! Hahahaha
Sharon: I can't believe you all just snuck up on us like that.
Jim: Well excuse me, but don't you remember the rules I set for you?
Sharon: Yes, and remember the extra ten dollars I gave you?
Jim: Oh. Well then... come, girls. Let's return to upstairs and leave the two lovebirds alone.
Sharon: Rgggh!
Jim, Caroline and Andrea go back upstairs, but Andrea gets a better idea. She turns to Caroline.
Andrea: Let's keep watching 'em.
Caro: Yeah.
Jim: Okay, you two keep tabs on them for me, and I'll pay you both.
Caro: Okay! Money! Let's go.
Caroline and Andrea crawl back to the staircase and lie down.
Caro: Can you see anything?
Andrea: Shh!
Andrea looks through the bars in the staircase railing, and gets a view of Sharon and Danny on the couch.
Andrea: I see them.
Caro: What are they doing?
Andrea: Nothing. They're just watching the TV. I can't see them too good.
Caro: I'll go get Jim's binoculars
Caroline goes to Jim's room and a minute later comes back with the binoculars. She hands it to Andrea, who looks through them.
Andrea: Okay, I see them gooder now.
Caro: What are they doing now?
Andrea: Hugging each other. Oh wait, now they're kissing! Ewwwww...
Caro: Lemme see!
They each look through one lens of the binoculars.
Caro: Ew, gross. They look like the people in the movie they're watching.
Andrea: They're watching naked people! Eww!!!
Caro: Should we go tell Jim?
Andrea: Wait.
Caro: You like watching the naked people!
Andrea: Huh? No... hehehe.
Caro: Eww look what they're doing now!
Andrea: The naked people?
Caro: Which naked people?
Andrea: HUH?
Andrea looks through the binoculars again.
Andrea: AGGGGH!
Caro: Shh!
Sharon and Danny hear Andrea's frightened outburst and straighten themselves up.
Caro and Andrea: JIM! JIM!!!! DANNY AND SHARON ARE NAKED!!!!
Jim bursts out of his room and turns on the living room lights. The TV is off and Danny and Sharon are sitting totally still.
Jim: What the hell is going on here?
Sharon: What do ya mean?
Jim walks down the stairs, his sisters following.
Jim: Tell me what Andrea and Caroline were screaming about.
Sharon: I have no clue.
Danny: Yeah, we're just sitting watching a movie.
Jim: Really now? Let's see what 'yer watchin'.
Jim walks over to the TV and turns it on. Sharon and Danny hadn't stopped the VCR.
Jim: Whoa there... that looks painful.
Jim turns around slowly and towers like a parent.
Jim: Now what was the rule about naked people movies?
Sharon: We can't watch them because then you'd want to watch.
Jim: Em... oh right, I did say that, didn't I?
Andrea: Uh huh.
Jim ejects the tape and pulls it out. Tape clings to the insides of the VCR.
Jim: Well, now we know why it's called "Mr. Snaggletooth".
Jim untangles the tape and puts it on top of the VCR.
Jim: Now, I'm putting back in your scary movie. And I don't want to hear of ANYTHING ELSE, got it?
Danny: Okay, but take your spies with you.
Jim: Andrea, Caroline...
Andrea and Caroline: Awww... but you told us!
Jim: Shoo now.
Andrea and Caroline go up to their room and shut the door.
Andrea: That's so unfair! We saw them naked and they barely got in trouble. We did!
Caro: I know! That was gross.
Andrea: Oh well, let's listen to the radio.
They turn on the radio, and Caroline starts jumping on the bed. Andrea dances to the music.
Andrea: Do you hear something?
Caro: Eh? What?
Andrea: I hear something.
Andrea turns off the radio. They listen closely.
Caro: I hear it too! It's coming from the living room!
Andrea: Oh great...
Caroline and Andrea sneak back out into the hall.
Caro: Ew, I know what's happening.
Andrea: What?
Caro: Either they're watching another naked people movie or they're kissing.
They peek around the corner, looking down into the living room. They see Sharon and Danny making out, and they're quite loud.
Andrea: We should go tell Jim.
Caro: But then Sharon is going to get mad because we were spying again.
Andrea: So?
Caro: Okay.
They go to Jim's room and open the door. Jim is blasting music through his headphones and can't hear a thing.
Caro: Jim.
Andrea: Jim.
Caro: Jim!
Andrea: Jimmy!!
Caroline goes to Jim, pulls his headphones on the sides and snaps it back on his head. He spins around.
Jim: What? What?
Andrea: Sharon is making out again.
Jim: So?
Andrea: They're loud! We can hear them all the way up in our room with the radio on!
Caro: Ewww....
Jim: Well, I guess they're breaking rules now. Let's go.
Jim goes into the hall and turns on the lights again.
Jim: Sharon, what is the meaning of this... Sharon, what are you doing with your shirt off??? And Danny, your pants are off!!!
Jim gets into a mad fricken' rage.
Andrea: Hehe Jim you have a vein on your head like Daddy.
An hour later, they're back in their room.
Andrea: Why did Jim get mad at us too?
Caro: Because you talked about the vein!
Jim opens the door.
Jim: Andrea, Caroline, since we can't reach Danny's parents and Sharon somehow made arrangements for him to spend the night, he's staying in your room.
Andrea and Caroline: Ewwwwwwww!
Andrea: Why can't he stay in your room?
Jim: Because I don't want him stealing my stuff.
Caro: So you'll let him steal OUR stuff?
Jim: Yah. Now play nicely.
Caro: Hey, we're not kids!
Jim: You're eight.
Caro: Yeah well, so?
Danny walks into the room. Caroline and Andrea frown at him and his greased-up curly blonde hair and billions of freckles.
Danny: Hiya girls.
Andrea: ....ick.
Jim: Okay, play nice now.
Caro: Grrrr!
Jim leaves the room.
Andrea: Okay, some rules for ya. First rule, don't touch our toys. Two, don't touch our clothes. Three, don't touch our super secret diary over on the dresser. And four, no funny stuff.
Danny: Funny stuff? What funny stuff?
Caro: Like what you were doing with our sister, BUB.
Danny: Your sister's a babe.
Danny kicks aside some stuffed animals and puts down a pillow and blanket. Andrea picks up her stuffed bunny and hides it.
Caro: Well, at least with Jim around we don't have a bedtime.
Jim opens the door.
Jim: Bedtime.
Caro: What??
Jim: You heard me.
Andrea: Aww come on, Jim. You're a cool guy! Can't you let us stay up past our bedtime?
Jim: Hmm, that's true, I AM a cool guy... I'll be a cool guy tomorrow. Now get to sleep.
Jim shuts the door and Andrea stomps her foot.
Andrea: Ooooh sometimes I hate Jim.
Caro: I know. Let's get ready.
They begin to go out of the room when Andrea notices Danny following.
Andrea: Em, you don't follow us, Danny boy. We're going into the bathroom.
Danny: So? I thought you might want company.
Caroline swings around and slugs Danny in the stomach.
Andrea: Where'd you learn to hit like that?
Caro: You. You keep stealing the covers at night, so sometimes I have to battle you for them.
Caroline and Andrea come out of the bathroom in their pajamas sometime later, and Danny is standing right outside the door.
Caro: Ack, what are you doing?Danny: Waiting for you to finish with the bathroom.
Andrea: Duh!
Caro: Andrea!
They go into their room. Danny goes into the bathroom and locks the door.
Caro: Ewwww he makes me sick!
Andrea: I dunno. Does my hair look okay?
Caro: Andrea!
Andrea: Sorry. I don't know what's gotten into me.
They get into bed, and Andrea swats at a fly.
Caro: Where'd the fly come from?
Andrea: I dunno. Maybe it followed Danny in.
Caro: Hehehe.
Sharon comes into the room and looks around sharply.
Sharon: Is Danny here? Where's Danny?
Andrea: He's crapping in the bathroom.
Sharon: Okay, I didn't need to know that. What are you two doing?
Caro: Trying to get to bed. What are YOU doing?
Sharon: Nothing, just looking for Danny.
Caro: I know. Why?
Sharon: None of your business!
Jim taps her on the shoulder.
Jim: Keep in mind, no sneaking to each other's rooms.
Sharon: Oh go and shoite, will you?
Jim: Don't make me get the paddle.
Sharon: You know you can't use the paddle on guests, right?
Jim: True. I'll just use the one behind my door.
Andrea: Hehehe Louisville Slugger!
Jim: Right. Paddle for you still, so watch your back.
Caro: You mean your bum.
Danny comes out of the bathroom and walks down the hall to their room. A stench follows him. Jim smells it first.
Jim: Whoa, even I don't do that bad!
Sharon: What? Oh.... (covers her nose)
Andrea: What? What?
Jim: Cover your nose, it's the big one!
Andrea and Caroline, being adolescent children, start sniffing the air.
Caro: What is it? What is it?
Andrea: I dunno.
They keep sniffing.
Caro: Ewwwwwww!
Andrea: Ew it's like a rotten egg!
Danny: Enough already, okay?
Jim: Damn, I'm escaping to my room. Get to bed. Phew.
Jim and Sharon walk back to their rooms. Danny comes in and shuts the door.
Danny: Very funny.
Caro: Hehehe it was bad!
Danny: Don't make fun of my condition.
Andrea: Condition? For the world's sake he'd better find a cure!
Caro: They should find a cure for your pot belly, too!
Andrea: Heeyyy!
They start play-fighting, which involves lighting-fast slapping (almost). Suddenly, the lights click off.
Andrea: Hey, who turned out the...
Caro: *slap slap slap*
Andrea: Stoppit!
Danny: It's time for bed.
Caro: But we're on holiday! Jim said we could stay up as long as we want!
Danny: Too bad what Jim says, we're getting to sleep.
Caro: Well at least turn on the night light, it's dark in here!
Andrea: Yeah the monsters are gonna come out.
Danny: You're too old to think about monsters. Go to sleep.
Caroline and Andrea try to sleep. They wait till Danny falls asleep, which is apparent from his loud snoring.
Caro: I hate this!
Andrea: I know.
Caro: And now I keep thinking a clown's gonna get me.
Andrea: Ooogh... I hate clowns!
Caro: Those clowns in the movie were scary.
Danny: Shut up and go to sleep.
Andrea: You're not our daddy! You can't tell us what to do!
Danny: I can tell Jim.
Caro: We just told you he's not going to care.
Danny gets up and opens the door.
Caro: Where's he going?
Andrea: Go ahead and try it! He's not going to care!!
Ten minutes later...
Caro and Andrea lie back in bed, their rear-ends stinging.
Caro: Oooooh I hate Jim, I hate him I hate him!
Andrea: I can't believe Danny is such a baby!
Danny: *SNORRRRRRRRE*
Caro: Jim said we could stay up. This is stupid!
Andrea: I know, I hate this! I think we should stay up and watch It.
Caro: Ew no, I can't sleep without thinking of the clowns, not to mention my bum hurts!
Andrea: Well mine too!
Suddenly, the door creaks open. A figure walks in and shuts the door.
Caro: Oh no, it's a clown!
Andrea: What're we gonna do?
Caro: We need to get Jim's bat. Go get it.
Andrea: Why should I?
Caro: Just do it! The clown is gonna eat us if you don't.
Andrea looks around outside the sheets for the clown, and doesn't see anything. She tip-toes all the way to the door and heads out quietly, heading for Jim's room
Andrea sneaks into Jim's room and tiptoes around. Jim doesn't notice, being that he's asleep and snoring. Andrea reaches around behind the door and grabs hold of the wooden bat. She picks it up and tries to leave with it.
Andrea: Heavy...
Andrea loses her grip and drops the bat.
*thonkkkk*
Andrea: *gasp*
Jim: *SNORRRRE*
Andrea picks up the bat again and leaves the room quietly, shutting the door behind her. She creeps back down the hall to her room.
When she comes back in, she sees Caroline waving to her from the bed in panic. Andrea sees shadows moving to her left, and she freezes. She sees a figure rise up for a second, then lie down. She hears what almost sounds like crunching and something wet.
Andrea: It's just eating Danny.
Caro: It'll eat us next if we don't do something.
Andrea wields the bat, which is almost bigger than she is, and lifts it over her head. She turns toward where she saw the shadows, and swings the bat down.
*bonk*
Danny: Ow!
*bonk*
Danny: Quit it! Ow!
Caro: It's still eating him!
*bonk*
Sharon: OW!
Caro: Huh?
*bonk*
Sharon: Cut it out!
*bonk*
Caroline turns on the light and screams. Andrea screams too.
Sharon is sitting on top of Danny and her hair is in a mad frizz. She looks incredibly horrid, and her mad evil expression doesn't help.
Caro: Aggh! Clown!!!!
*whack*
Sharon: Stop doing that!
Andrea starts swinging at anything that moves. Sharon tries to fend her off but gets whacked. Luckily, Andrea isn't strong enough to do much damage.
Jim bursts into the room.
Jim: Who? What? What's going on??!
Caro and Andrea: Clown!!!
Jim looks.
Jim: It's only Sharon. Hey wait a second. SHARON!!! What are you DOING in here? And look at your hair!
Sharon: I get it already, my hair looks bad!!!!!
Jim: Give me that bat, young lady.
Jim takes the bat from Andrea. Sharon and Danny both breathe a small sigh of relief.
*WHACK*
Danny: Ow!
Jim brings the bat up again. Sharon dives on top of Danny.
Sharon: No! Don't hurt him!
Jim: Move it, Sharon!
Sharon: No! I won't let you hurt Danny!
Caro and Andrea: We will! We'll let you!
Jim: That's it, Sharon, get out of here right now.
Sharon rushes out of the room, tears in her eyes. Jim puts down the bat.
Jim: Okay mister, get 'yer crap. You're sleeping in my room tonight, and I don't want anymore trouble.
Danny: But she came in here! I didn't know!
Jim: Enough. Move it.
Danny gets his things together and leaves the room.
Caro and Andrea: Yaaaaay.
*door shuts*
Andrea: Well, enough of that. Time for sleep.
Andrea jumps up into the bed and pulls the whole blanket off of Caroline.
Caro: Hey! Give that back.
Andrea: I took down the clown, so there! *thppptt*
Caro: Oh fine. (turns out light)
They try going to sleep again, but it's difficult after all the excitement. Andrea lies with her eyes open, when suddenly she sees the door open, and a figure walks back in. The door closes.
Andrea: Caroline...
Caro: What?
Andrea: It's a clown.
Caro: It's probably Sharon again. We know you're here, Sharon!
There's no answer from the darkness.
Eeeehehehehehe!
Andrea turns on the light. A clown jumps up on the bed.
Caro and Andrea: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Clown! Clown!! Aggghhh!!!!
The clown pulls out a knife.
Andrea: Agggghhh!!
Caro: No! Please!!!! We're too young to die!!
They can't move, being that the clown is pinning them down. It raises the knife, and Andrea closes her eyes, screaming.
*poke poke poke*
Andrea: Ow! Ow! Ow!
The plastic knife hits again and again, bending. Caroline opens her eyes to witness the horror of her sister being killed and instead sees a clown stabbing Andrea with a fake plastic knife.
Caro: Andrea, it's not a real clown!
Andrea: Agggh! I'm being killed!
Jim bursts in again.
Jim: What is going on NOW???
The clown turns to him.
Jim: AGGGGGGHHH!!!! (runs out of the room screaming) It's coming to get me! Aggggh! Run for your life!!!
Jim falls down the stairs.
*thumpphphpphphphmpmppppppp*
Jim: Ow...
The clown turns back to Andrea and Caroline. They fear the worse and start screaming. Just then, the clown takes out a polaroid camera and takes a picture. It takes off its wig. Sharon laughs evilly.
Sharon: I GOT you!!! Ahahahahahaha! Oh, this is classic. I'm going to treasure this. Hehehehehe!!!
Jim stomps into the room, his glasses hanging off his face. He's holding the really big paddle.
Jim: It's bedtime, Bozo.
Sharon: Oh come on, can't bygones be bygones? Oh brother, dear brother of mine? Don't you love your little sister? Don't you have it in your heart to...
Jim appears to tower over everything. The room becomes dark, and he looms.
Jim: Come... with... me...
Sharon: *gulp* Yes sir. Andrea, Caroline, if I die, you can have all my things.
Sharon gets off the bed and walks out of the room. Jim turns slowly and shuts the door.
*WHAP* *click...buzz*
Jim: Now THAT's classic.
Whump*
Andrea wakes up.
Caro: Get up.
Andrea: I'm trying, I'm trying.
Caro: It's Saturday morning.
Andrea: Oh really??
Caro: Ya and we're about to miss our show.
Andrea falls out of bed and heads out of the room. Caroline follows her, and they head down to the living room, where the television is on. Jim is on the floor, "Mr. Snaggletooth" lying in pieces. Jim is scratching his head.
Andrea: Jimmmmmm (slides down the staircase rail)
Jim: Whaaaaaat. Morning.
Caro: It's almost time for our program to start.
Jim throws his screwdriver at Caroline and misses by about an inch. It buries itself in the wall.
*Whump*
Andrea: Wake up, it's almost time for our show to start.
Caro: Huh?
Caroline sits up in bed. Andrea puts down her pillow and hops off. Caroline follows her again.
As before, Jim is on the living room floor trying to fix the VCR. Andrea slides down the staircase railing.
Andrea: Jimmmmmm.
Jim: Whatttttt. Good morning.
Caro: Em, it's almost time for our program to start.
Jim: Oh okay, I'll try not to be in the way.
Caroline breathes a sigh of relief and walks down the staircase.
Andrea sits down on the couch.
Andrea: Where's Sharon?
Jim: Still sleeping, I 'spose.
Andrea: What about Danny?
Jim: Don't know, he wasn't there this morning. Good riddance, I say. Hopefully he went home, the little runt.
Jim continues to tinker around inside the VCR. Caroline goes to the TV and starts clicking through the channels.
Jim: Ow. Ow. Oww. Ow! What the heck?
*click click click*
Caroline kept flipping the channels, unaware that she was shocking Jim every time she clicked the knob.
Jim: Stop for a second, Caroline.
Caroline stops flipping. Jim doesn't feel anything.
Jim: Okay, flip a channel.
*click*
Jim: Ow. Okay, I'll just wait.
Caroline flips the channels some more until she finally reaches the cartoons. She sits back on the couch, and Jim tinkers away with the VCR.
Jim: Some funny things about that Danny boy...
Andrea: (singing) Oh Danny Boy, the bath- the bathroom's reeking...
Caro: Hehehe.
Jim: Don't remind me. That boy has bad gas. My room smells even worse than when we found that dead rat under the floorboard.
Caro: Ewww that was stinky! I thought I was going to die!
Jim: Be glad, you didn't sleep in there with the smell for two whole months.
*sizzle*
A little smoke rises from the VCR. Jim blows it away and pokes with his screwdriver.
Caro: Maybe Danny's in Sharon's room.
Jim's screwdriver slips.
*sizzle*
Jim slaps his forehead.
Jim: Blimey, I never thought of that.
Jim jumps up from the floor and races up the stairs. Caroline and Andrea turn their heads to listen. They hear a door open...

Jim comes back down, catching his breath.
Jim: Okay, good. He's not there. I'm about to have a heart attack.
Andrea: I thought only love could break your heart, Jim.
Jim: Hush.
Jim goes back to working on the VCR. Caroline looks around the room and sighs.
Caro: I miss Mammy and Daddy. Mammy mostly. Well, Daddy too.
Andrea: Ya, 'bout now they'd open their door and tell us to turn down the TV.
Caro: Ya, 'coz it bothers them while they have sex.
Andrea: EW!!
Jim: Heheheh... looks like I've taught you two well. Caroline, mostly.
Caro: Gerry, harder. Ow, what are you doing?
Jim: Oh god. Now you've gone too far, Caroline.
Andrea: Ewwwww.....
*Crackle*
More smoke comes from the VCR. Jim coughs as it goes into his face.
*buzz*
Jim: Aggh! Fire! *phoof phoof*
Jim jumps up suddenly, the smoke clearing. His pajama sleeve is on fire.
Jim: Fire! Fire! Everyone run!
Caro and Andrea: Agggggh!!!!! Jim's flaming!
Jim tries smacking the flames out, but to no avail. The flames are spreading up his arm.
*PHOOF PHOOF*
Jim: Agggh! Look out!
The VCR is now on fire, and the carpet is getting burns.
Caro: Oh no! What'll we do??
Andrea, in panic, jumps off the couch and runs into the kitchen. She knocks the fire extinguisher off the wall with a broom handle, then carries it into the living room.
Jim is even more on fire now, and he's having no luck at putting it out.
Jim: Agggh! Aggggh! Fire!!!!!
Caroline runs outside.
Caro: Fire! My brother's flaming! Someone help!
Andrea pulls the pin off the fire extinguisher and points it at Jim. She squeezes the handle.
*WHOOOOSSSSHSHHHHSHHHH*
Andrea pulls the handle until the extinguisher stops spraying. Jim stands there, totally still, looking like a snowman. The fire is all gone.
Caro: Help! Help!! My brother is flaming!!!
Jim: *cough* Caroline, it's fine now. Please, just walk right back in here and shut up...
Caro comes back in.
Caro: Yay! Andrea put the fire out.
Jim: I think she put ME out, too.
Jim brushes himself off.
Jim: Damn, how am I gonna explain THIS one?
Sharon comes down the stairs.
Sharon: What is with all the racket?
Andrea: Jim got himself on fire.
Caro: We saved the day though. I went outside and yelled real loud.
Sharon: Yeah, I heard. Jim, Mam and Dad are going to kill you when they see the rug.
Jim: Shut up. I can get another. It's not that bad, I could probably just trim it with some scissors.
Sharon: No you're not. Now you can't blackmail ME, I could tell them you started the rug on fire.
Caro: The rug? Look at his shirt.
Jim: I could still tell them you had a boy over. And I can get Danny's parents to testify, if I ever reach them by phone. Your arse is still mine.
Sharon: Damn...
Andrea and Caro: Ooooooh....
Jim throws out the broken VCR, then gets on his hands and knees for at least half an hour with a pair of scissors, snipping away. Sharon stands over him like a nun at a Catholic school, and Jim is doing chores.
Sharon: I could still get you for this.
Jim: Care to explain? I'm dying to know how.
Sharon: I could... bribe Caroline and Andrea.
Caro: A bribe? Hmmm... (smiles)
Jim: Oh please, it won't work. They listen to me.
Sharon: Nuh UH! They listen to ME! Come on guys, I'll split my allowances with you two for the next two weeks.
Andrea: Hmmmm....
Jim: Aw come on! I let you guys stay up! Starting tonight! And plus we did the shopping, remember? The frozen pizzas?
Sharon: I could get you for THAT...
Jim: No you can't. They aren't going to care. As long as Caroline and Andrea and you are fed, that's fine with them. They know I can fend for myself.
Caro: Hehe that's why you have "Slim Jim" wrappers all over your room.
Sharon: Well.... I'll clean your room for a whole month!
Jim: You can't do that if you're going to be my personal slave for a week.
Sharon: Oh, right. I forgot about that... wait a second, what are you doing? If they believe me, I can't be your personal slave! Ha! Thought you could get me, did ya?
Jim: I'm bringing home cookies tonight also. And good fruit!
Andrea: Strawberries?
Caro: Cherries?
Jim: Sure, we'll make shakes out of all those things.
Caro: I'm for Jim.
Andrea: Me too.
Sharon: Grrrr....
Jim: Sit down, Sharon. You're starting to get a vein too
Jim snips the rug some more, then rubs his hand back and forth on the burn marks.
Jim: Well, I guess they won't notice it as long as they don't stare.
Caro: I'm hungry, Jim.
Andrea: Me too.
Jim: Okay, I'll make breakfast. Meantime, well, just get dressed or something.
The girls go upstairs, Caroline and Andrea go to their room. Andrea goes to brush her hair, and gasps.
Andrea: Oh no!
Caro: What?
Andrea: Our super secret diary is gone!
Caro: *gasp* Oh no!
Andrea: Danny must've took it!
Caro: Why didn't you hide it?
Andrea: Me? Why didn't YOU?
Caro: Now he's going to know all our secrets! We have to get it back!
Andrea: But where is he?
Jim: Girls, breakfast!
Caroline, Andrea and Sharon come down the stairs and go into the kitchen. They sit down to plates of burnt toast, almost-cooked porridge and cereal.
Sharon: What is this?
Jim: Sorry, but I can't cook. Obviously you can tell.
Sharon: You're a boy, don't be so hard on yourself.
 
Caroline and Andrea look under the table, then sit down.
Caro: Is Danny still missing?
Sharon: I haven't seen him.
Andrea: How about smelled? Have you smelled him anywhere nearby?
Sharon: Shut UP!
Jim: Sit DOWN!
Sharon sits down in a hissy fit.
Caro: I think Sharon is on her periodical.
Sharon: Shut up! Rggh!
Andrea: What's a periodical?
Jim: That's enough, this is the breakfast table. (sits down with his paper)
Andrea: Jim, we can't find our super secret diary. I think Danny stole it.
Sharon: Oh nobody would want to steal your stupid diary. Who wants to read about chocolate pudding and monkey bars anyway?
Caro: So you DID take it!
Sharon: No, Danny took it. I haven't read it, that's just what I think you write about.
Jim: Can you three take care of yourselves today? I need to see a mate about a guitar.
Sharon: Am I in charge?
Jim: Yes, you're in charge.
Andrea: Noooo!
Sharon: Hehehehehe... well I'm going to finish my breakfast in my room.
Sharon picks up her plate and goes upstairs.
Jim: Did she even START her breakfast?
Andrea: No. Jim, we need your help. Danny stole our diary.
Jim: Well we don't know where Danny is. So what good will it do us?
Andrea: I dunno... but we need it back.
Jim: It all depends, what kind of stuff do you write in it?
Caro: We can't tell you, it's secret!
Andrea: Then it wouldn't be a secret diary.Jim: Well if it's a secret, why does everyone know about it?
Caro: Hmm yeah we shouldn've have said anything.
Andrea: But we still need to find him.
Jim: Check your room. For all we know it's probably just lost in your side of the room, Andrea.
Andrea: Hey!
Caro: Hehehe.
Later, Caroline and Andrea are back in their room. Andrea is checking under piles of clothes for the diary, Caroline is sitting on the bed reading.
Caro: So what did you write in the book that's really important?
Andrea: I wrote about a boy.
Caro: Oooooooh! Hehehe
Andrea: Stoppit!
Caro: It's okay, tell me.
Andrea: His name is Dale and he's seven.
Caro: An older boy. Ahh. (gets a dreamy look)
Andrea: He's got such big blue eyes. And he's a bad boy. He wears boots all the time and says "Crap!"
Caro: Hehehe.
Andrea: And I kissed him the other day.
Caro: Hehehe. Did he like it?
Andrea: He ran away. I think he's playing hard-to-get.
Caro: So you wrote about that in the diary?
Andrea: Uh huh. Mammy and Daddy would get really mad if they found out.
Caro: I still think Sharon took it. We should sneak into her room and look around.
Andrea: Hehe you're a troublemaker. Let's go.
They go down the hall and march right into Sharon's room. They're surprised to see Danny on the bed with Sharon. She's feeding him some burnt toast.
Caro: Aggh! Jim! JIM!! Danny is in Sharon's room!
Sharon: Yell all you want, he's not here. And I'm in charge right now.
Andrea: Oh no!
Sharon: And I say... go to your room. And CLEAN IT UP.
Caro and Andrea: Agggggggggh!!!!
Sharon: Pick up the pace.
Caro: You can't get away with this. (throw's Andrea's stuffed bear at Andrea)
Sharon: Of course I can. Since you little buggers gave me so much trouble last night, here's your payback.
Andrea: I don't WANNA work!
Sharon: If you don't I'll have Jim paddle you.
Andrea: Rgggh!
Andrea goes back to work. Sharon and Danny survey the operation from the door.
Sharon: I swear, it's so hard to put up with little sisters.
Caro: More like it's hard for little sisters to put up with YOU.
Sharon: Silence. You know what I mean, Danny.
Danny: Ya.
Sharon and Danny start kissing.
Andrea: Ewwww! Stop it!
Sharon: Go back to work. No talking. You lost the right to speak until the job is done.
Sharon and Danny resume their lip wrestling. Andrea and Caroline take turns scrunching their faces up in disgust.
 
Jim: I'm 'ome!
Sharon: Jim! Em, you're earlier than we thought. (pushes Danny away then realizes he can't be there)
Jim: Well he already sold it, stupid man never answers his phone.
Sharon shoves Danny into the bathroom and closes the door. She clamps her hand over Caroline's mouth just as Caroline starts to blurt out what is going on. Jim comes upstairs.
Jim: What's going on here?
Sharon: Nothing. Me and Caroline are just having a good sister-to-sister chat. (uncovers Caro's mouth)
Caro: Ya, and Danny *mmpfhh*
Sharon: Stole their diary, I know.
Sharon clamps her foot on Caroline's.
Sharon: *whispering* Talk again and I smash it.
Sharon uncovers Caroline's mouth again.
Jim: I see. And... what is going on here...
Jim walks into the girls' room.
Jim: Oh my god!!! It's so... clean!!!
Andrea throws a shirt on the bed and smiles sweetly at Jim.
Jim: What got into you?
Andrea: I had to. I...
Sharon makes a gesture to Andrea, pointing at Caroline's head with her hand like it was a gun.
Andrea: I just got a cleaning bug. I couldn't stand to look at my awful mess.
Jim: Well, good. Mam and Dad would pay you if they saw this, so keep it up.
Andrea: And Danny is in the bathroom.
Jim: Really now?
Sharon steps in front of the bathroom door. Jim walks up and smiles sweetly.
Jim: Hi Sharon. How 'bout letting me open the door?
Sharon: Hehe no, I'm comfortable here. (leans against the door)
Jim: Come on now... I'll give you a nickel.
Sharon: For moving? Please. This door is... really comfortable. I like the... wood texture. Yah.
Jim: Ah, I see.
Jim looks away for a second, then shoves Sharon out of the way and charges into the bathroom. He looks around.
Jim: Hmm.... if I were Danny, where would I hide?
Sharon gets an idea, and slams the door.
Sharon: I GOT you!
Jim: Oh hahaha very funny. So mature, little sister. Now you're gonna get it.
Jim pulls the door open, which is a difficult task since Sharon is pretty darn strong.
Jim: Okay then. I would really like to exit this bathroom sometime, Sharon.
Sharon: Too bad! Hahaha! (POP)
The doorknob comes apart and the door flies open. Jim holds the other part of it in his hand.
Jim: Uh-huh. Now look at this. (drops the knob)
Sharon: Your fault. I'm outta here. (runs to her room in panic)
Jim: I'll just take her door handle off later. Anyway, I'm going to take a nap. You girls be good. And answer the phone if it rings.
Since Jim's back is to the door, nobody notices Danny sneaking back to Sharon's room. He gets back in without being spotted.
Caro: You got it, Jim. We really need to find our diary.
Jim: Righty. Later on I'll help you. I'll keep my eyes peeled.
Jim goes off to his room. Caroline looks back at Andrea.
Caro: YOU got the cleaning bug?
Andrea: I just shoved a lot of it under the bed.
Mission Impossible music)
Caro: Is the coast clear?
Andrea: Yup.
Andrea and Caroline sneak down the hallway on their tiptoes. They stop short of Sharon's door.
Andrea: Listen.
Caroline puts her ear to the door.
Caro: Nothing.
They hear noise in the kitchen downstairs and almost jump.
Andrea: Let's go.
They quickly sneak into Sharon's room and pose like secret agents.
Caro: Time to start the plan.
Andrea: Ok, synchronize watches.
Caro: Huh? We don't HAVE watches.
Andrea: Well okay then, look around the room.
They each take a different side of the room. Andrea looks in Sharon's wardrobe while Caroline looks under the bed.
Andrea: It smells really bad in this room.
Caro: Well yeah, Danny smells like a pig.
Caroline continues her search and makes a discovery.
Caro: Ooh! Ooh!
Andrea: What?
Caro: I found Danny's bag of stuff. And look what's in it!
Caroline holds up a pack of cigarettes.
Andrea: Uh oh. Danny isn't supposed to have those.
Caro: And he has condominiums.
Andrea: Hehehe what are those?
Caroline pulls it out. She unwraps it and unrolls it.
Andrea: It looks like a balloon. Let's keep it.
Caro: He's got gum, too!
Andrea: Ooooh Sharon has a nice night gown.
Caro: Jackpot!
Caroline pulls out their Super Secret Diary.
Andrea: You found it! They DID steal it!
Caro: Now we can tell Jim that Danny is here.
Andrea: But he's asleep. And you know Jim'll throw me if I try to wake him.
Caro: Let's take the bag as proof.
Andrea: We won't get away with it. They'll know we were here. Just take the diary and a couple condiment thingies. And a few ciggies.
Caroline pockets the incriminating evidence, and they sneak back out into the hall. Just as they do, they hear Sharon and Danny coming back up the stairs. They quickly run into the bathroom and jump into the tub, pulling the curtains closed. They hear Sharon and Danny walk into the bathroom.
Sharon: So how much longer do you think we can get away with it?
Danny: Your brother is an idiot. I'm sure I can stay the whole week as long as your sisters don't tattle.
Sharon: Knowing them, they will. We'll just have to keep you out of sight.
*smooch* *smooch*
Andrea and Caro: (quietly) Ewwwwwww.....
Sharon: Did you hear something?
Danny: No.
Sharon: Hmm.
*smooch*
Andrea: *gulp*
Sharon: Wait, I'm sure I heard something.
Danny: It was probably just the wind. What say we crank things up just a little bit?
Sharon: How so?
Danny: We don't we take a bath together?
Andrea and Caroline realize their problem.
Sharon: Danny, I don't think we're quite ready for that one yet. I mean, we've only just been kissing, we aren't really in the neighborhood of bathing together. We're actually nowhere NEAR that neighborhood.
Danny: Well what say we get near that neighborhood?
Sharon: Hold your horses, Danny. We'll talk about this later. Come on.
They leave the bathroom. Andrea and Caro breathe a sigh of relief and get out of the tub.
Andrea: That was close.
Caro: Yah. Do you really think Sharon and Danny are doing anything bad? I mean, really bad?
Andrea: I dunno, I hope not. I mean, just think what the church would say. Especially at school.
Caro: Yah. Let's get out of here.
Hours later, Jim wakes up. He stomps down the hall like a zombie, sworn to capture and eat any mortals who should block his path.
Andrea: Maybe we could glue it back together.
Jim: Grrrrrrrrr.....
Andrea and Caroline hear this and shove the pieces back under the couch.
Caro: Yaaaaaay Jim's up.
Jim: Grrrrrrrrr......
Andrea: And he's so cool! Isn't Jim a cool guy?
Caro: Yeah, he is!!!!
Jim looks down on Andrea and Caroline.
Jim: Foolish mortals, you shall feel my wrath.
Caro: Ah... what?
Andrea: Ya think he knows?
Jim: Knows what? What do I know?
Andrea: You know what you don't know. (Does a Jedi pass)
Jim: Huh. Okay then... up for dinner? (stomps off toward kitchen)
Caro: Um, yah.
Jim: Lovely, lovely. (says it almost too low to be heard)
Andrea: Quick, before he comes back!
Caroline shovels the pieces of the broken vase onto Andrea's skirt, and they run to the stairs.
Jim: Stop... right... there...
Caro: Uh oh.
Jim: Andrea, turn around.
Andrea turns around, holding her skirt up like a basket.
Jim: What do you have, Andrea?
Caro: She has nothing. (Does a Jedi pass)
Jim: Stop with that. Now Andrea... what is it?
Andrea: It's Dad's cousin's uncle's wife's vase.
They fear the absolute worst. Jim looks like he could crush a soda can.
Jim: Oh, is that all? Well then.
Andrea: Huh? You're not mad?
Jim: I've broken that countless times. Why do you think there was a band-aid on it?
Caro: Oh yah, that. We were um, well...
Jim: Looks like you broke it good, too. Mum and Dad probably won't notice it's even gone. I say throw it out.
Caro: But it's Dad's something's something... ugggh.
Jim: Trust me. Remember the ceramic fish figure mum used to have?
Caro: What fish figure?
Jim: Good! Now then, just toss that away.
Andrea: Oh yah, and Danny is here.
Jim stomps up the staircase. He looks like he could crush TWO soda cans. He slowly opens Sharon's door to see her preening herself in her mirror.
Sharon: Oh hellllooooo brother Jim. Hiya. What can I do for you?
Jim stomps in and smells the air.
Jim: Fee fi fo fum!!!! I smell the stink of a Danny Boy!!!!!!
Sharon: I don't know what 'yer talkin' about.
Jim walks around the room, looking around like a madman. He bears a resemblance to Jack Nicholson.
Jim: Wait'll he gets a loada me. (opens the wardrobe)
There's nothing but clothes inside the wardrobe.
Jim: Okay, enough with the funny business. Where's Danny?
Sharon: He's gone, Jim. He's been gone since this morn'.
Jim: My sources tell me otherwise.
Sharon: Oh yah, and they broke a vase.
Jim: I'm aware.
Sharon: I thought you were Jim.
Jim: I'm... shut up. I'm going downstairs.
Sharon: I thought you were Jim.
Jim makes the room go dark like Gandalf.
Jim: Enough.
Sharon: Okay. *squeak*
Jim: And just to give you a taste... (waves his hands. The clocks spin at amazing speeds.) Now mom and dad will be back in TWO days.
Sharon: But why, Jim? Why shorten our vacation and a really long story.
Jim: Because if I don't I'm going to die. And the writer is going to run out of ideas. So be it.
Sharon: I see. Now, who is this writer person?
Jim: I don't know. I have no idea why I just said that. Oh okay, I'll put it back a day. (ziiiip)
Sharon: How did you get the power to control time?
Jim: I found it in a box of Lucky Charms.
Sharon: Ah...
Jim slides back downstairs via the staircase railing.
Andrea: Jimmmmm the clock is broken.
Jim: No it's not. I can control time.
Andrea: Huh?
Jim: Yeah, now Mum and Dad'll be back in two days. Actually three. Or wait...
Andrea: Just change it back. For all we know I could be getting born right now! It could be disco time all over again.
Jim: All rigggght, disco! Play that funky music white boy... Okay, so that's dead. Are you sure you want all that time back? Please, you're killing me and the perfectly good imagination of our writer.
Andrea: Don't do that "writer" stuff. Change it back.
Jim: Okay then. How many days were we into...
Andrea: One day. Out of... huh. Oh yeah, 7 days. So six more days.
Jim: Okay.
Jim waves his arms around to put time back. Instead he puts time forward and Andrea suddenly gets very tall.
Jim: Whoops. Hmm, how old are you now?
Andrea looks in the mirror and sees that her hair has turned white.
Andrea: Oh no, I'm OLD!
Sharon: Jim!!
Sharon comes down the hall, tapping a cane.
Jim: Whoopsie. Em...
Jim waves his arms around again. He turns Sharon and Andrea back to normal, and watches the calendar.
Jim: There. That should be good.
Caro: Jim!!!! I'm old!!!
Jim: Agggh!
Caro: Hehehe just kiddin.
Caroline slides down the staircase railing and lands.
Caro: Lemme see the time changer thingy.
Jim takes the little metal thing out of his pocket, but it slips from his hand and smashes on the floor.
Jim: Darn, and just when I was having fun.
Andrea: So did ya bust Danny? Did ya break his nose?
Sharon: Hey, shut up. He's not here.
Jim: She's right, I couldn't find him.
Caro: Maybe if you stopped being future boy you'd actually find him.
Andrea: And doing the Gandalf thing. Eeek I hate that.
Jim makes dinner for him and his sisters, and makes sure Sharon doesn't leave the table. She seems rather impatient.
Caro: She's probably trying to feed Danny.
Andrea: She probably has him in a big cage like some kind of bird.
Sharon: No, I'd have him handcuffed to my bed, spread-eagled and naked.
Andrea and Caro: EWWWWWW!
Jim coughs up his half-chewed pizza.
Jim: Okay, ATTEMPTING to eat here. You're going to have to spend some time in confession, young lady.
Sharon: Fine.
Sharon kneels down on her knees next to Jim.
Sharon: Bless me father, for I have sinned...
Jim: No!
Andrea: Hehehehe.
Sharon: Oh come on, just bless me. I ate all my veggies.
Jim: No! Damn you to hell and your little dog, too! Ahahahahaha!
Sharon sits back down. Caroline suddenly has an outburst.
Caro: JESUS CHRIST!
Jim: *gasp*
SharoN: *gasp*
Andrea: Hehehe.
Caro: I forgot to say grace before eating my pizza. Oh JESUS, forgive me for eating this pizza before asking you first...
Jim: Oh, if Mom and Dad could hear you now.
Andrea: Hehehe, extra big paddle!
Jim: Which reminds me, we have mass tomorrow. Except for me, because I'm cool.
Sharon: Uh UH, you're coming too.
Caro: Yah, be uncool like us, Jim.
Jim: I don't know, somehow I've just been very spiritual lately.
Sharon: Jimmm this is that one thing mam and dad said they'd kick you out of the house for.
Jim: Oh, fine. I'll go to mass. Then you can kiss my
Andrea: Ring! Hehehe.
To make a long story shorter, they all go to mass the next day and arrive home.
Andrea: Hurry up and unlock the door, Jim.
Caro: Yah I have to go to the bathroom.
Sharon: Uh uh, me first. I haven't gone all day, you spend all morning in there.
Jim: I can't help this, there's a billion keys on this ring of mine and only ONE works.
Jim finally manages to open the door, and there is a stampede up the stairs. Caroline trips Sharon, who grabs Andrea's ankle and runs ahead. She trips Caroline but loses her balance and falls down a few steps.
Jim: Annnnnd they're off! Cazz is in the lead, but what's this? Here comes Shazz on her right. OH!!! Andrea has some troubles and now Shazz is in the lead. Whoops, looks like she's having trouble too. Caroline zooms down the stretch, it's looking good, it's...
Caro: Danny!
Jim: Danny! Huh? HEY!
Jim runs upstairs to find Danny standing there looking like a deer in the headlights. He jumps into Sharon's room.
Andrea: Danny is making his escape, but Jim is in pursuit. Danny is making a very good move out the window...
Jim: Hey! Get back here!
Jim runs after Danny on the garage roof, the same place he'd normally go to sneak back in at night. Danny jumps onto another rooftop. Jim follows and gains on him. Just as Danny makes a leap for another rooftop, Jim grabs his feet and they both fall screaming to the ground. Luckily, the drop is only ten feet down to a garbage pile.
*CRUNCHH*
Jim: Ohhh my head. Danny, you punk!
Danny crawls out from under some trash bags. Jim climbs out of the garbage can, his Sunday suit a mess, and grabs Danny.
Jim: That's it, you're coming with me. We're getting in touch with your parents, Danny boy.
Danny: Why? Just because I snuck back into your house?
Jim: Well, yes! Exactly!
Danny: But I didn't do anything wrong.
Jim: You've been trying to violate my sister ever since you showed up on the doorstep. You're nothing but trouble.
A nun walks by just as Jim mentions the violation of his sister. The nun gasps.
Jim: Em, we're rehearsing a play. We're a travelling pair of comedians.
The nun does a Hail Mary and hurries away.
Jim: Look, I've had enough of you. Just head home. I don't want to see you around our house again.
Danny: What are you going to do about it?
Jim: Don't get that way with me, Danny. I'll hand you your head.
Moments later...
Jim: Uncle! Uncle!
Danny lets go of Jim's arm.
Danny: So now, I can visit again, is that understood?
Jim: Yes...
Danny: Yes WHAT?
Jim: I'm not calling you Sir.
Danny: Sure you are. Or I may have to see how far your fingers can bend.
Jim: Okay okay! Yes sir. There, happy?
*Pop*
Jim holds his nose.
Jim: Whaff ya do dat for?
Danny: Don't give me an attitude.
Danny walks away. Jim gives him the finger.
Danny: I'll break that off, Jim.
Jim shoves his hands in his pockets and trudges along in anger, blood dripping from his nose slowly.
Jim gets home and goes upstairs, totally ignoring the fact that Danny is on the couch with Sharon. Andrea and Caroline watch him go by.
Caroline: Jim is bleedin.
Andrea: I know. What happened? Did he lose or something?
Caro: Probably did. Danny wouldn't be here right now if Jim won.
Andrea: What do you think we should do?
Caro: What CAN we do? Danny might be a slimy monster but we can't do anything about him being here.
Andrea: Sure we can! Watch this.
Andrea goes upstairs to their room and brings back the Louisville Slugger they took from Jim's room.
Caro: Andrea, maybe you shouldn't do that.
Andrea: Of course I can! I'm a hyperactive child, it's my nature to do things like this!
Andrea wheels back and gives Danny a home run to his family jewels.
Danny: (really high-pitched) Oh gawwwwwwwwddddd.....
Sharon: Hey! What'd you do THAT for?
Andrea sticks her tongue out at Sharon and hits Danny in the leg. Sharon grabs the baseball bat and Andrea by the ear.
Andrea: Ow! Ow! What are you doing? Ow!!
Sharon puts Andrea into the bathroom, which still has a broken knob on the door, and closes it. Andrea is now locked in. Sharon didn't quite know this.
Sharon: You can't come out till I say so.
Andrea: Come on!!! Hey Jim! Jim!! Sharon trapped me in the bathroom!
Caroline comes upstairs.
Caro: The doorknob is broken. How do you expect her to get out?
Sharon: Whoops. I... didn't really think of that.
Andrea: I'm going to starve to death! I'm going to die in a bathroom and I didn't even get the chance to get to my twenties! Agggh!
Caroline gets on her knees and looks in the crack under the door. Sharon shrugs.
Sharon: I'll think of something. Until then she's on punishment.
Sharon walks away and leaves Caro at the door.
Andrea: You have to get me out of here, Caroline! We have to help Jim get rid of Danny.
Caro: Should we get Jim?
Andrea: Yah, go get him.
Caroline goes to Jim's room. He's sitting on his bed, holding a rag to his face.
Caro: Jim, Andrea got trapped in the bathroom.
Jim: Please, just let me be... no more super hero stuff. Enough.
Caro: But she'll starve to death!
Jim: Not now. Please just go away. (Hangs his head in shame)
Caroline goes back to the bathroom door.
Andrea: Did you get him?
Caro: No. He doesn't want to come out.
Andrea: Well what am I to do then? Eat the toilet paper?
Caro: Couldn't hurt.
Hours go by. Andrea remains locked in the bathroom, with Caroline shoving cookies under the door and reading books.
Andrea: (tired) What time is it?
Caro: Four.
Andrea: I wanna sleep.
Caro: Then sleep.
Andrea: Can you get Jim again?
Caro: I'll try.
Caroline goes to Jim's room again, but the door is locked.
*knock knock knock*
Caro: Jim? Jim? You in there?
Jim: Go away.
Caro: Jim, Andrea is still trapped in the bathroom!
Jim: Please, just GO! Can't you see that I don't care right now? Just let me be.
Caroline goes back to the bathroom door.
Andrea: Anything?
Caro: No. He still doesn't want to come out. Want me to read you something?
Andrea: *snorrre*
Caro: Don't worry, Andrea. I'll find a way to get you out. *sniffle*
Caroline wakes up, still leaning against the door, and looks around. It's dark in the house and she doesn't hear anything. She looks at the clock in the hallway. It's seven o'clock at night.
Caro: Andrea? Andrea, are you awake?
Andrea: Wha...
Caro: Andrea, wake up. It's seven at night!
Andrea: Seven? Where's Sharon and Danny?
Caro: I don't know, I don't think they're even here.
Andrea: I'm REALLY hungry right now. And thirsty.
Caro: Well drink from the sink. At least we don't have to worry about you needing to use the restroom.
Andrea: Jim up?
Caro: Dunno, I doubt he'll help us right now.
Caroline stands up and turns on the hall light. She slips another cookie under the door and looks through the hole where the doorknob used to be. She can see Andrea on the floor, munching away.
Caro: Maybe I should charge the door like in the cartoons.
Andrea: I guess. I'd do anything to get out of here.
Caroline backs up, and Jim opens his door just in time to see his little sister bouncing off the bathroom door with a loud thump.
Jim: *cough* Ugggh... what time is it?
Caroline gets back and bounces off the door again.
Jim: Stop that, will you? Where's Andrea?
Caro: In the bathroom. Why do you think I was running into the door?
Jim comes over and looks through the doorknob hole.
Jim: Hi Andrea.
Andrea: Jim! Is that you? Can you get me out?
Caro: She's been trapped in there since this morning!
Jim: Right, right. I forgot what happened.
Caro: I don't know where Sharon or Danny are.
Jim: Well, not as if it'll make a difference.
Jim presses against the door, gets back. He slams against the door and it still doesn't open.
Andrea: Aggh! That was loud!
Jim: I'll be back. I'll go get Dad's tools from the garage.
Just then the front door opens. Danny and Sharon walk in.
Danny: Jim? What are you doing out here. Get back in your room.
Jim: Excuse me?
Danny and Sharon come upstairs. Jim is feeling a little intimidated but is holding his ground.
Danny: I said beat it.
Jim: I'm not going to let you take over this house.
Danny: Is that so? Where's your baseball bat, Jim? How are you going to stop me? You have no place to go. So get back in your room.
Caro: Don't talk to Jim like that! You slime!
Danny breathes at Caroline. That alone shuts her up.
Danny: What's it going to be, Jim? You going to your room like a good little boy, or am I gonna have to paddle you with your baseball bat?
Jim stomps off into his room and slams the door. Caroline stomps her feet in anger. Andrea pounds on the door, grunting.
Caro: This is evil, Sharon. You locked Andrea in the bathroom for hours and now your boyfriend is taking over the house. Are you going mad?
Sharon: I don't care. I'm tired of taking crap from all three of you. I actually get to relax now.
Caro: But this is wrong! We don't treat you THAT bad. You treat me and Andrea like dirt anyway!
Sharon: Look, I don't want to discuss this.
Caro: Is it that poverty thing? Or property or whatever that stupid word is?
Sharon: Enough! Just leave us alone.
Danny: Come on, Sharon.
Danny takes Sharon back downstairs, and Caroline pounds her fist on the door.
Andrea: Ow!
Caro: Sorry. Rgggh I hate Sharon! I can't believe this is happening.
Sharon: Bedtime!
Caro: WHAT????
Sharon: You heard me. Get to bed.
Caro: But Andrea is still trapped in the bathroom! You can't send me to bed, especially with a madman in the house with you!
Danny: Go to bed, Caroline. Sharon said I can paddle you.
Caroline goes into the bedroom with tears in her eyes from anger, puts on her pajamas and climbs into bed. She can't sleep at all knowing that Andrea is stuck in the bathroom.
Caro: I feel so guilty...
Caroline stretches her arms out.
Caro: Ahhhh... free space!
The next morning...
Caroline wakes up, yawns, and stretches her arms. The sun is shining brightly through the bedroom curtains and everything is quiet.
Caro gets out of bed and goes down the hall. The bathroom door is still closed, and there is no new doorknob.
Caro: Andrea?
Caroline looks through the doorknob hole again and sees Andrea on the floor, asleep. She sighs and looks away.
Caroline goes downstairs to the kitchen, not finding anybody along the way. She picks up a box of cereal and brings it back upstairs to the bathroom door.
Caro: Andrea, wake up. Andrea!
Andrea slowly wakes up and looks around.
Andrea: Huh? Where am I??
Caro: You're still in the bathroom.
Andrea: What? That was all real? I'm really trapped in here?
Caro: Yup. I brought you some cereal.
Caroline dumps some cereal under the door for Andrea to eat.
Andrea: Is Jim awake?
Caro: I don't know. I don't think he can help us, either. With Danny threatening his life I don't think this is going to be fun.
Andrea: Go check anyway.
Caroline goes into Jim's room, but he isn't there. She looks in the closet and under the bed, but Jim is nowhere to be found. She finds a letter on top of the bed and brings it back to the bathroom door.
Caro: I found a letter from Jim.
Andrea: What's it say? What's it say?
Caro: Dear Caroline. I know you're the one most likely to enter my room which is why I addressed this letter to you. I have gone out but I shall return. I'm rounding up some mates of mine and we'll be planning something to take back the house from Danny, so don't tell anyone, not even Andrea. Oops. Love you, take care of yourself and your little sister. Jim.
Andrea: Awwwww.... so what are we going to do now?
Caro: I dunno. I still don't know how to get this door open.
Just then, the front door bursts open. Danny and Sharon walk in again.
Caro: Where do you two keep going off to?
Danny: None of your business. Is your lousy brother around?
Caro: No. I mean yes, he's still in his room, asleep.
Danny: Good then.
Sharon: Danny, I really don't think we should have the party tonight. They'll wreck the house.
Danny: No they won't. And besides, we can just blame it on your sisters.
Caro: Hey!!
Sharon: Still, I don't think it's a good idea.
Danny: We'll talk about it later. Let's have breakfast.
Sharon: Okay, but you have to cook this time.
They walk off into the kitchen, and Caroline looks at the bathroom door.
Caro: I just had an idea.
Andrea: Well what is it?
Caro: Jim's cherry bombs. We can blow the door up.
Andrea: Yeah! Go get them!
Caroline goes back into Jim's room and raids his cherry bomb stash, taking four of them. She finds a box of matches and returns to the door with her death and destruction kit.
Caro: Okay, get back from the door.
Andrea stands up on the toilet seat cover. Caroline sticks a cherry bomb in the doorknob hole and lights it.
Caro: (running away) Take cover!!!
*BAAAMM*
The bathroom door flies open, wood splinters flying everywhere. Andrea runs out.
Andrea: I'm free!
Caro: Quick, in here!
They go into their room and shut the door, locking it. They prop a chair up against the door.
Caro: We gotta get out of here and find Jim.
Andrea: Out the window?
Caro: Yeah. It's high but we have to.
Andrea makes a ladder out of bedsheets and ties it to the bed. Caroline opens the window and they climb out, one after another.
Sharon: *bang bang bang* CAROLINE!!! ANDREA!!! OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!!
They continue climbing down, then edge around to the garage roof. Then they climb down onto the garbage cans and head down the street.
Half an hour later, Andrea has had enough walking.
Andrea: I don't wanna look for Jim anymore. He could be anywhere by now!
Caro: We have to find him though.
Andrea: Is he really going to help us? We might get in the way of his super secret plan.
Caro: Yeah, we couldn't want to do that. You sure we should go back?
Andrea: Yeah. They can't do anything to us that they haven't already.
Andrea and Caroline return home. They find Sharon sitting at the dining room table.
Sharon: Where did you two go? You're in big trouble.
Caro: Big deal. I got Andrea out of the bathroom.
Sharon: You weren't supposed to blow the door up.
Caro: So? She was trapped in there for at least a day.
Sharon shakes her head.
Sharon: This has been just a long day...
Caro: Well of course it has, it has for all of us. Where's Danny?
Sharon: I don't know. And frankly I don't care IF he comes back. I don't really like him anymore.
Andrea: Thank the lord!
They sit down at the table with Sharon.
Sharon: Since yesterday when he beat up Jim, Danny has been trying so hard to get naked in bed with me.
Caro and Andrea: Ewwww.
Sharon: Grow up. This is serious.
Andrea: Sorry Sharon.
Caro: Yah, sorry.
Sharon: Anyway, it's gotten out of hand. I don't like this anymore, I don't like the way Jim is acting either. As weird as it sounds, I liked having him around to watch over me.
Caro: Well then let's kick Danny out! Show him who's boss!
Sharon: I can't. I mean, he's got the key, so locking him out of the house is out of the question. And he's got at least ten of his hoodlum buddies planning to come over tonight. Who knows what could happen? Not just to me, but to you two! This house could be ashes by the time Mam and Dad get back.
Caroline and Andrea look at each other.
Sharon: I just want this all to end. I am incredibly sorry for everything, I should've known everything.
Caro: Is it that poverty thing, or what is the word...
Sharon: Puberty. And yes, I guess it is. I've just been so tempermental lately and doing stupid things. I've ruined my reputation in this house, I know none of you think anything good of me right now.
Andrea: Darn right.
Caro: Andrea! Sharon, that's not it at all. Yeah, you're different right now but things can get better! First, we gotta get rid of Danny. Second, we have to get Jim to beat his butt.
Sharon: Where IS Jim?
Caroline hands Sharon the letter, she reads it to herself.
Sharon: I guess it'll work. But do we have to wait so long?
Andrea: Let's call the cops.
Sharon: Danny took the phone.
Caro: He what?
Sharon: We can't call anybody, he took the phone with him. Strange moron...
Andrea fidgets in her chair.
Andrea: Well I guess we have to wait.
Sharon: I just hope Jim has a good plan.

Many hours later, it's nighttime out, and Jim still hasn't returned. Caroline and Andrea are hiding in their room, and Sharon is sitting on the couch waiting. She hears the front door open and hopes that it's Jim, but it's Danny, and he's not alone.
Ten minutes later...
Danny: Who's up for another Guiness? Hey Sharon, bring them in here.
Sharon: This needs to stop, Danny. You can't do this.
Danny: You need to loosen up, Sharon. Nobody's going to catch us. As long as your sisters don't blab. Which reminds me, my brother is about Andrea's age. I could send him up there with her.
Sharon shudders at the thought.
Just then, Jim trudges up the walk. He had hoped to get Anto & Keith to help him out, but at the last second they ditched him. So Jim was on his own.
Jim opens the front door and sees Danny on the couch with Sharon, offering her a beer.
Jim: What the bloody hell is going ON here?
Sharon: Jim, it wasn't my idea...
Danny: Dammit, Sharon. Jim, get the heck out of here.
Jim: Know what, enough of this. I want YOU and your hoodlums out of my family's home RIGHT NOW.
Danny stands up, and a few of his friends surround Jim.
Danny: And how do ya plan to stop us?
Jim: I don't plan to stop all of you. Just you, Danny.
Jim pulls out a rather large stick, just heavy enough to do damage. Danny's friends pull out pocket knives.
Danny: I don't think you can bargain right now, Jim. Just get out of here. Go to your room, little boy.
Jim refuses to argue. He doesn't want to surrender, but has no choice. He puts down the stick and goes upstairs.
Sharon: (whispering) Damn you, Jim. I swear, to the savior above you'd better put a stop to this.
Danny shoves a beer into Sharon's hand.
Danny: You'll like it, trust me.
Jim goes into his room and shuts the door. He turns on his black light and throws his coat on the floor.
Jim: I can't believe this...
Jim sits down on his bed and lies down on his back. He can hear the loud music downstairs, he can hear crashes. Some words began to drift through his mind.
Gerry: You're the man of the house. Make me proud, my boy. You're a Corr man, and it shows 'yer strength.
Jim sits up, and looks across the room at his photo of his grandfather. His grandfather is with Gerry as a teenager, about Jim's age at the time. Jim feels incredibly guilty.
Jim: I can't let you down, old man. I won't let you down this time.
Andrea and Caroline sneak out into the hall, having heard the confrontation downstairs and figuring out that Jim was home.

Andrea: We have to get to his room. Hurry!
Suddenly, the door opens, and Jim walks out. He looks a lot taller, a lot stronger.
Andrea: Jim! You're back!
Jim: You'd better believe it.
Jim slides down the staircase railing and lands gracefully. He sees the record player that somebody had brought, playing the infernal noise that was shaking the house. Jim pulls the needle off the record and everyone stops.
Jim: Sorry, but this is just a tad too loud for me. Mind if I take it outside?
Jim opens the front door and heaves the record player outside with a crash.
Jim: Much better.
Danny gets off the couch again, and Jim is surrounded.
Jim: Come now, gentlemen. Your flies are down.
Almost all of them look down to check. Jim jumps in the air and spins, kicking them all in the face.
Sharon: Yeah!!
Caro and Andrea: Go Jim! Yaay!
One jumps up and tries stabbing Jim. Jim pulls his arm back and smacks the guy in the face, then flips him over his back. Another smashes a beer bottle and comes at Jim with it. Jim catches him and throws him across the room.
Sharon: Get 'em, Jim!
Danny grabs Jim's baseball bat from the corner and comes at him.
Andrea: Jim! Behind you!!
Jim wheels around and Danny misses. Danny swings again but Jim ducks and Danny ends up taking out one of his own guys.
Jim: Bad aim, eh chap?
Sharon runs into the kitchen and gets a frying pan. She then comes back to the living room and clocks another one of Danny's cohorts on the head.
Caro: Come on! Let's help them!
Caroline and Andrea slide down the staircase railing, taking out a few of Danny's men at the bottom.
Andrea: Yeah!
Jim picks up the stick from earlier and he and Danny go at it. Jim runs up the wall and lands behind Danny, slapping him behind the knees with the stick.
Jim: I think you've had enough.
Jim towers over Danny. (Theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey plays)
Danny: No! Please!!
Danny later finds himself tied up and in a dumpster.
Danny: Rggh! Get me out of here!
*BEEP... BEEP... BEEP*
A loud clunk is heard, and Danny can feel the dumpster being lifted.
Danny: Oh god!!! Aggggghhhhh!!!!!!!

At the Corr house, everything is being put back to normal. Jim is able to find a door out in the garage exactly like the bathroom door, and they get everything fixed up.
Jim: So, what did you three do all day while was gone?
Andrea: Well me and Caroline played Hang The Donkey. But Sharon kept beating us.
Sharon: Yep. I had them beat. Look Jim, I'm really sorry for everything, I wasn't thinking, and I'm not going to have you pay me anything, I owe you all that we agreed to no matter what.
Jim: Of course.
Andrea: By the way, Jim, can I invite a boy over tomorrow?
Jim: No, please... god...
Jim grabs a Guinness somebody had left and drinks heavily.
Jim: No more boys. Please, no more.
Andrea: Hehe I was just kidding, Jim.
Sharon: You better be. Jim looks like he's about to die.
Just then, Gerry and Jean come in the front door.
Gerry: We're home!
Jim: What? You're home? (throws away the beer)
Jean: Can you believe it, we got stuck in France and couldn't call. Can't believe we got tricked into believin' we could actually get to the Caribbean. Oh, that's one for the books.
Jim: Ah, yeah.
Gerry looks around the living room, inspecting it. Jim and his sisters stand there nervously.
Gerry: Looks like everything is in order. You didn't burn the house down.
Andrea: Hehe that's what you think. Whoops, just kidding.
Jean: I'm so glad everything is fine here. Except... what's wrong with this rug?
Jim: Ah...
Gerry: And my vase, my something something's something something's vase with the band-aid on it, where...
They all point at each other.
Jim: She did it.
Sharon: He did it.
Andrea: THEY did it.
Caro: She did it.
The End