Jim's Angels

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Jim's Angels
Andrea: Well then... that felt weird.
Sharon suddenly bursts in.
Sharon: Lucy, I'm home!!!!
Andrea: Em... what the hell just happened?
Caro: You made the story change.
Andrea: I... what?
Caro: Forget it! You're just making it Corrny!
The phone rings, and Andrea turns on the speaker.
Jim: Good mornin', Angels.
All 3: Good morning, Jim.
Jim: Hope you all are ready for another mission.
Caro: Mission? Hmmm...
Andrea: Great, now I get to wear that catsuit I always wanted to wear...
Sharon: So what is the mission?
Jim: I'll need you three to procure an item for me... something very secret.
*giggle giggle*
Caro: Go on.
Jim: My ex-girlfriend won't give back my diary.
Caro: Oooh! Wait... how many diaries do you have?
Sharon: Yah, I think I already have one of yours.
Jim: No, no no no... this is a modern one. It entails all my sexual secrets and my methods of being a sexy stud.
Andrea: Uh... riggggght.
Jim: She also has my Kama Sutra book.
Sharon: Damn! What the hell is with you, Jim? Kama Sutra... I feel sorry for Sharon Orr.
Caro: Hey!!! You STOLE that from me, didn't you, Jim?
Andrea: Ah! I don't want to know how your baby was conceived!
Jim: ENOUGH! I mean... you must penetrate her base, and find a way to retrieve the items. It might be dangerous, Angels. Can you handle it?
All 3: You can count on us, Jim.
Jim: So do you have everything?
Andrea is making a list of all the things Jim needs back from his ex while Sharon and Caroline do a good job of lounging gracefully.
Andrea: Okay, let me get this right. You want your diary, your Kama Sutra book, a pair of handcuffs, a tie, an economy pack of condoms, a rope, and a silk bathrobe. Would you like fries with that?
Sharon and Caro: Hehehehe...
Jim: That's all. Make sure that you get everything and whatever you do, DON'T READ THE BOOKS. Everything else you may use at your leisure but maybe not.
Sharon: A tie and a rope... Jim, just what have you been getting yourself into?
Jim: I... uh... that'll be all, Angels.
Andrea: Wait! Okay... what is her name?
Jim: Oh! Sandy.
Caro: (singing) Oh Sandy....
Sharon: Please.
Andrea: Sandy. What's her address?
Jim: 1398 Woods Drive.
Caro: Hehehe... Woods.
Sharon: Caroline...
Andrea: 1398 Woods Drive...
Jim: South Dublin, blah blah blah. You know the rest. *click*
Andrea turns off the phone.
Andrea: Okay, so who wants to handle this one?
Sharon: This one? But Andrea... we're the Angels! We're supposed to work as a team!
Caro: Yeah!
Andrea: Ok. Tea first?
Caro: Right! Always time for tea, this mission can wait.
Later that night...
Andrea: So should we leave now?
Caro: Yeah. It's dark so we can sneak around. I just hope I don't get sick.
They drive down to Sandy's home in Caroline's Land Rover. It is a huge mansion, a huge plaster and stone edifice of superior beauty, a totally different look than normal Ireland homes.
Caro: Wowwwww.... I hope Frank buys us a home like this.
Sharon: Somehow, I don't think this girl is of the right character... she's bloody rich.
Andrea parks behind some large plants outside the home.
Andrea: Okay, let's suit up. Caroline, you're first since you're fat.
Caro: Aw! Hey!!! That's not right...
Andrea: I didn't mean that type of fat! I meant Phat.
Caro: Oh! Well still... ick.
Caroline gets into the far back of the Land Rover and squeezes herself into her catsuit, the bulge of her tummy still showing.
Sharon: Hehehe... extra baggage, eh sis?
Caro: Hoof! I can barely breathe in this.
Caroline drags herself over the seat and lets Sharon get dressed. Andrea watches Sharon in the mirror as she takes her shirt off.
Andrea: Dammit... I lost my new boobs when I lost all that weight.
Sharon: Aww... I don't know whether or not I should feel sorry.
Sharon zips up her catsuit, dressed to kill.
Caro: I swear, catsuits were MADE for Sharon.
Sharon: Okay Andy, I think there's a black potato sack back here you can fit into.
Andrea: Har har.
Andrea gets into her catsuit, then puts some night vision goggles on. They're sleek and have eyes with zooming lenses that pop out.
Caro: I think Andrea can see things in a whole new way now.
They strap rappelling gear to themselves, then leave the Land Rover.
Andrea: Amazing what Frank likes to buy and put into that car, sis.
Caro: Yah, well... I dunno. Hey, where are our guns?
Andrea: Guns?
Sharon: Yeah. We can't do the Angels pose without the guns. We'd be using our fingers and that would just look sooo Corrny.
Andrea: Relax, there were some back in the car.
Andrea goes back to the Land Rover and returns with three guns.
Sharon: A potato gun?
Andrea: It's all we have. Here, take one.
They get a potato and a gun each. Caroline takes a big, hefty bite out of one.
Caro: I'm eating for two, remember that.
So the Angels approach the main gate of the home. Andrea is using the night vision goggles, potato gun at the ready. Sharon and Caroline are following directly behind her.
Sharon: That's a really tall gate.
Andrea: I don't see dogs... that's a good sign. WOW!
Sharon: What?
Andrea: Nothing, I looked at a lit window. Ow... my eyes.
Caro: Heads up.
Caroline throws a grappling hook over the gate. It catches on the top, and she tugs at the rope.
Caro: Who goes first?
Sharon: Dibs. I get it first. I'm older.
Caro: *sigh*
Sharon climbs up the rope and drops herself down to the other side of the gate.
Caro: Okay, I'm next. Sharon, catch me if I fall.
Sharon: Are you kidding? You'll kill me!
Caro: Trust me, my baby will be forever grateful. Alley oop!
Caro pulls herself up the rope, then slides down the bars on her way down, coming to a graceful landing.
Sharon: Okay Andrea.
Andrea opens the gate and lets herself in.
They slowly make their way behind some bushes in front of the house and take a look around.
Sharon: What do you think is the best way in?
Caro: Maybe we should knock on the front door and she'll let us in.
Andrea anc Sharon both look at their sister.
Caro: What? Maybe she's nice.
Andrea: What do we say when she notices us in all these catsuits? And potato guns?
Caro: Just say we're on our way to a performance. She won't think anything of it.
Andrea takes off her goggles and goes up to the front door. When she rings the bell, Mozart tunes play over bells.
Andrea: Hehe. Dumdumdumdumdododo...
A snooty butler opens the door.
Butler: Yeeees? May I help youuu?
Andrea: Sandy! Ah... I need to talk to Sandy, hehe.
Butler: Do you have an appointment with Miss Wallace?
Andrea: Em... yesidoo! I have an appointment.
Butler: Miss Wallace, there is a gull here at the doooor.
Andrea: Right. Hey, what'd you call me?
Sandy comes to the door. She's a brunette of average height, a bit taller than Andrea, with big blue eyes.
Sandy: Yeah, what?
Andrea: Em, uh... well... I... wha...
Sandy: I don't know this girl, Jeeves. Get her off my property.
Andrea: I... I'm with the... Salvation Army! Yah! Donations, perhance?
Sandy: No. Goodbye.
The door is slammed in Andrea's face. Andrea pounds on the door.
Andrea: There are starving children all over!! People are poor and don't have clothes! Give me a donation, you cheap cow!!
Jeeves opens the door again.
Andrea: Aaaaa!! (runs away)
Andrea gets back into the bushes with her sisters.
Caro: So? What happened?
Andrea: They won't give me a donation for the Salvation Army!
Caro: Em... Andrea, you're not WITH the Salvation Army.
Andrea: Well still... they should.
Sharon: *sigh* I'll do it...
Sharon goes to the front door and rings the bell.
Sharon: Huh! Nice tune.
Jeeves opens the door.
Jeeves: May I help you?
Sharon: Yah, I need to talk to Sandy.
Jeeves: Do you have an appointment to speak with Miss Wallace?
Sharon: Of course I do. Sheesh, would I even be here if I didn't, hotshot?
Jeeves: Miss Wallace, there's a b*tch out here who wants to talk to you.
Sharon: *gasp*
Sandy comes to the door.
Sandy: What? Are you another Salvation Army person?
Sharon: No. Um, I'm Sharon Corr. You dated my brother.
Sandy: Yeah, so?
Sharon: He wanted me to come here and pick up some of the stuff he left with you.
Sandy: Oh jeez, I should've known he'd come back for his things. I'm not giving any of his things back. He's an ass!
Sharon: Well tell me something I DON'T know.
Sandy: Get outta here.
Sandy slams the door in Sharon's face.
Sharon: You do realize that this means war.
Sharon goes back over to Andrea and Caroline.
Andrea: No go?
Sharon: No. We should get on the roof. There might be a skylight we can get through.
Andrea: Oooh... breaking and entering. Love it.
The Angels make their way over to the side of the house. Caroline takes out her trusty grappling hook, spins it and throws it up into the air. It bounces off the wall and comes back down at them.
All 3: Agggh!!
Andrea dives out of the way, narrowly missed by the hook.
Andrea: You could've killed me!
Caro: Hehehe... my plan almost succeeded...
Caro throws the hook at the roof again and it catches hold.
Sharon: Right, fat person first.
Caro: That's not very funny anymore...
Caroline rappels up the wall, pulling herself slowly along. The wall is very high, and at one point she looks down to see Sharon and Andrea looking microscopic down on the ground.
Caro: Ahhh... I think I'm afraid of heights!
Andrea: (yelling) You can do it, Cazz!!!
Sharon: *puts hand over Andrea's mouth* Shut up! Do you want them to hear us?
Caro hauls herself carefully onto the roof of the house, panting.
Caro: I... can't... believe... it... baby... draining... all power!!!
She faints for a few moments.
Andrea: Okay, me first this time.
Sharon: Whatever. Just don't fall on me, I might kill you.
Andrea: Eh... hey, that doesn't make much sense.
Sharon: It shouldn't. Go.
Andrea climbs swiftly up the rope, swinging wildly. She bumps into a windowsill, knocking a potted plant off.
Andrea: Heads up!
Sharon steps calmly out of the way as the plant comes crashing down.
Sharon: Heh. Nice try.
Andrea finally gets up to the roof and steps on Caroline as she does so.
Caro: Hey hey hey!!! Watch the belly! Anything but that!!
Andrea: Hehe whoops... sorry. I keep forgetting that you no longer have abs of steel.
Sharon rubs her hands together, jumps up and grabs the rope.
Sharon: Oh crap.
Sharon falls to the ground with a thud, legs up in the air.
Andrea: (looking over) How was your fall? Have a nice trip?
Sharon: Shut up. Just because you don't weigh anything...
Sharon jumps at the rope again and begins climbing. Caroline looks over to assess the situation.
Caro: Just use your feet. Stand on the wall. Don't use the arms too much, just let them hold the rope.
Sharon: Easy for you to say. *hoof*
Caro: Please, I got up here like it was nothing. You should practically be able to jump up here from down there.
Sharon struggles with climbing, moving slowly along. She gets to the top and grabs onto the edge of the rooftop, dangling by her hands.
Sharon: Okay, someone help me out here. Give me a pull.
Andrea and Caroline help pull Sharon up onto the roof.
Andrea: *hoof* Forget what I said about YOU being fat, Caroline. Sharon outweighs you by a ton.
Sharon: Hey! I'm like, right here!
They finally make it onto the roof and after some searching, find a skylight that is conveniently placed over a bed.
Sharon: A soft landing, eh?
Andrea: Aye.
Sharon checks the skylight for a latch of some sort. There is nothing that can open up the skylight panel.
Sharon: I need a screwdriver. I'll have to break the window frame out.
Andrea: Screwdriver... em... we don't have one.
Sharon: We don't have one? We have rappelling gear, catsuits and potato guns, but we don't have a stupid screwdriver?
Andrea: Well, you can't have everything.
Caro: Yes you can. Watch.
Caroline takes off her diamond wedding ring, gets on her knees and begins to scrape the ring in a big square pattern as big as she can make it. The diamonds cut right through the glass.
Caro: And then... voila, we're in without any noise.
Caro pokes the glass with her finger. It falls, bounces on the bed, and hits the floor.
*CRASH*
Caro: Whoops. That's not quite what I expected to happen.
Sharon: Nice one, Nancy Drew.
The door in the room opens. The Corr sisters quickly lie down on the roof, keeping out of sight.
Caro: (whispering) Who's in there?
Andrea takes out her compact, applies a coating of base, then fiddles around with the mirror, looking into the room with it.
Andrea: (whispering) It's Jeeves the butler.
Caro: What's he doing?
Andrea: He's looking at the broken glass. Not looking up here. Looking around the room... picking up the glass with a handkerchief... eating the glass.
Caro: What?
Andrea: I'm serious, the butler is eating the broken glass!
Sharon: High in fiber, perchance?
Andrea watches as the butler continues to shovel piece after piece of broken glass into his mouth and crunch them noisily.
Caro: Nummy nummy.
After about five minutes, Jeeves finishes eating the glass, scoops up the rest of the small fragments and leaves the room.
Andrea: That was just disturbing.
Bouncing down onto the bed, the Angels make entry into the house. Sharon comes down first, followed by Andrea. Caroline bounces onto the bed, having loads of fun.
Caro: Hehehe... let's do it again!
Sharon: No time for that. Quick, we need to make a plan.
Andrea: Get in the house, get the stuff, leave. There's our plan. Let's go!
Sharon: I meant... how are we going to get the stuff? We don't even know where the stuff might be.
Caro: Well, by the sound of it, it's probably all in her bedroom.
Sharon: Well, this is a bedroom. Maybe it's hers.
Andrea: Nah. This is a guest room.
Sharon: How can you tell?
Andrea: Because of the card over here on the night stand that says "For the guest..."
Caroline gets off the bed slowly.
Caro: I should've waited in the car. I could've been the getaway car driver.
Sharon: We need you on this one, Cazz. You're a valuable asset.
Caro: Right. I'm an asset...
Sharon: And if Jim were here, he'd say that you were an asset without the "et".
Caro: Oh please... don't sound like Jim.
Andrea starts going through the drawers in the room, searching for anything that might be of helpful use.
Andrea: Aha!
Sharon: What?
Andrea holds up a large gold-plated .50 caliber Desert Eagle pistol.
Andrea: Chic, eh? (poses with it)
Sharon: A real gun??? What kind of guest room is this?
Caro: Ooooh I want! I want!
Andrea: Uh-uh. I got dibs, I saw it first.
Sharon: Andrea, the gun is almost bigger than YOU are. You'd fly into the wall.
Andrea: Haha yeah right, I'm the one who spends all the time at the firing range, so you wouldn't know.
Caro: You spend all your time at a firing range?
Andrea: No...
Andrea gives Caroline her potato gun, so now Caroline is a potato gun Lara Croft.
Caro: I love it. Double wammy.
Sharon: Yes, well anyway, if we can end this NRA meeting, we need to get started.
Andrea: (acting stupid) Duhhhh okay boss!!
Sharon: Okay, let's keep searching the room. Cazz, make sure nobody is coming.
Caro: What if there is?
Sharon: Shoot 'em! And then tell us they're coming.
Caroline goes by the door while Andrea and Sharon keep searching the room. They check under the bed, in the closets, in all the drawers, but find nothing of interest.
Sharon: Okay. Cazz, you ready to go?
Caro: *snorrrre*
Sharon: Cazz!
Caro: Huh? Oh, sorry, I was tired.
Sharon: *sigh* Okay, let's get outta here.
The Angels leave the guest room and creep down a lavishly-decorated hallway with large purple tapestries and beautiful plaster arches with ornate designs.
Andrea: I feel like I just walked into the Sistine Chapel.
Sharon: Or the London Parliament Building.
Caro: Or my house.
A TV can be heard downstairs. The three sisters look over a long staircase bannister to see what's going on.
Caro: I'll bet that chick is down there.
Andrea: Let's just hope she stays down there.
Caro: Yah, along with that glass-eating Jeeves the Butler.
Suddenly, a door opens down the hall, and Jeeves walks out.
Sharon: Crap!
Andrea: Ohhh...
Caroline leaps sideways, both potato guns popping. Both shots hit Jeeves right in the eyes. Caroline skids across the floor on her side and jumps onto her feet.
Jeeves: Arrrgh!!!
Sharon: Run.
The three sisters duck into another room and lock the door.
Andrea: Jeez, Caroline, you could've gotten us killed! Or you!
Caro: Ah, well, I'm tough, I'm sure my baby is.
Andrea: Right...
Sharon: Don't worry, Andrea. If there's anything wrong with the baby, it'll just act like you.
Caro: Ohhh!!!! Hehehe...
Andrea: Don't make me shoot you, Shazz.
Caro: Where the heck are we?
Sharon: I think it's a closet. There's nothing but clothes in here.
The Angels are inside a very large walk-in closet as big as a regular room. Lining the walls are hundreds of different outfits, all women's clothing. On one end of the room are bunch of manequins.
Andrea: Oh my god... she has more black than I do!
Sharon:
Caro: I do believe we should steal all of her wardrobe.
Sharon: Sorry, but that's not what we're here for.
Caro and Andrea: But, but but but....
Sharon: Uh-uh. Besides, look at this tacky thing with the feathers. Hmmm... actually... Later. We'll come back later.
They hear footsteps out in the hall.
Caro: Oh no!
Andrea: Shh! Quiet!
They turn off the lights and hide. Out in the hall, they hear talking.
Jeeves: I assure you, Miss Wallace, there were three women in here. They shot me with potato pellets!
Sandy: Jeeves, you WISH this house was filled with women. And potato pellets? I can't believe you used an excuse like that. That's almost like telling me you like to eat bugs!
Andrea: He eats glass... hehehe.
Sharon: Quiet!
Jeeves: Wait! I heard somebody in this room!
The door opens up and the lights are turned on. Sandy and Jeeves enter the room and look around. There is nothing but the clothing inside the room.
Sandy: Well?
Jeeves: I know I hu'd something, Miss Wallace!
Sandy: That's it. I'm going to bed. Good night, Jeeves. Lock up the house before you leave.
They both leave the room. As they do, three of the manequins start moving.
Sharon: Thank god they left.
Caro: Yeah, this pose is hurting my back.
The Angels take the funny clothes off and leave the room. The lights in the house are now off, and it's dark.
Andrea: Wait a second. (puts on night vision goggles) Okay, grab onto me. Hey! Not there!
Caro: Hehehe sorry!
With much luck, they find Sandy's bedroom. Andrea takes off her night vision goggles and brings the gun back out.
Sharon: (whispering) That is so unfair!
Caroline reloads her potato guns and holds them both at the ready.
Andrea: Ready?
Sharon: Yah.
Caro: Let's get freaky.
Andrea opens the bedroom door quietly. The room is mostly dark, with light coming in from the crack under a door on one side of the room. There is the sound of a bath running.
Sharon: Let's go.
The Angels make their way into the dark room, using the moonlight from the window and the light from under the door as their light sources.
Sharon: What do we do?
Andrea: Find Jim's crap, I guess.
The water in the bathroom stops.
Sandy: Jeeves? Is that you?
Sharon: (in the deepest voice possible) Yusss.
Sandy: I told you not to come near my bedroom while I'm in the bath. What do you need?
Sharon: Ahh... just looking for some things.
Sandy: Well, make sure to close the door on your way out.
Sharon: Yup. I mean, yussss Miss Wallace.
Sandy: Are you ill? You sound like someone shoved a towel down your throat.
Sharon: *cough* Just a cold. Bye.
Caroline and Andrea can't help but laugh a little. They cover their mouths so they can't be heard. Sharon gets out her flashlight and shines it around the room.
Sharon: I'm after the books. Cazz, find the robe. Andrea, find the stuff that Jim uses to tie Sandy up with.
Andrea opens up a large wooden wardrobe.
Andrea: I don't think Jim is the one who does any tying-up.
Caro: I was afraid of that...
The closet is full of a many different types of restraints from chains to handcuffs to leather straps. There are even whips and very-un-mentionables in there as well.
Andrea: Looks like the wedding gifts I gave you, Shazz.
Sharon: Don't joke like that. Really. Oh look! Kama Sutra of the Vatsyayana, The Joy Of Sex, Additional Positions, Art of Stimulation... a smut library! Jeez.
Caro: Really? I need Additional Positions.
Sharon: Please, you know plenty. Look at yourself.
Caro: Don't make me shoot you, Sharon.
Andrea: That's my line.
*pop*
Sharon: Ow!
Caroline blows at the tip of her potato gun.
Caro: *foof*
Sharon wipes away the spud pellet and keeps looking through the books. There are at least 20 different books on the art of getting it on.
Andrea: Found the rope and cuffs. This is going good. *puts both into her loot bag*
Sharon: Yep. It is. *puts the whole smut library into her loot bag*
Caro: Uh, ahem.
Sharon: *sigh* Fine. (gives half of them to Caroline).
They continue to search for Jim's remaining items. His diary, his tie, his robe, his slippers, his box of condoms, and his parrot-call whistle are still at large.
Andrea: I don't even want to know what he had in mind for that whistle.
Sharon goes through Sandy's desk. She sits down in the chair and opens up several drawers.
Caro: Hey Andrea! Come check this out!
Andrea goes over to Caroline, who is holding her flashlight up to a book.
Caro: Check that out. Do you think...
Andrea: Is that position even humanly possible?
Sharon: Stop looking at the smut! We've got a job to do.
Andrea: We're not looking at smut. See, if you move the rook there, then the queen would have to move here in order to not get attacked...
There is the sound of the tub draining, and the sound of wet feet on tile.
Sharon: Oh crap! Hide!
Andrea quickly dives under the bed. Sharon slides under the desk.
Caro: Oh gee, thanks!
Caroline goes over to the wardrobe filled with very-bad-thing instruments and shuts herself in. Just as she does, the door to the bathroom opens.
Sandy: *whistling*
Under the bed, Andrea is holding her breath. It's dusty under there and there's a pair of really funky sneakers right in front of her face.
Andrea: Damn you, Jim...
Sandy turns on her night table lamp and lies down on the bed. She opens the night table and pulls out a book.
Sandy: September 28th. Andrea is fat. I can't believe that she gained fifty pounds. She's like a little pig with a squiggly tail!
Caro: Hehehe...
Sandy: Hahaha!!! It's okay, though. I was always wondering what she's look like fat. Now I know. Now I can't get poked by her bony elbows.
Andrea: Grrrrrrrrrr.....
Sandy reads more to herself, then drops the book on the floor and turns out her lamp.
Sandy: *yawn*
The diary is in plain sight of Andrea, lying open on the floor. She reaches out to grab it, when...
Andrea: Achoo!!!
Across the room, Sharon almost has a heart attack.
Sandy: What the...
Andrea's hand is on the diary, but she withdraws it as Sandy turns on her lamp.
Sandy: Hello?
Another sneeze is coming, but Andrea holds her breath. Her face turns red as she tries to hold the explosion in.
Andrea: Nnggggh...
Sandy: Is someone in here?
Just then, there was a knock at the bedroom door.
Jeeves: Miss Wallace?
Sandy: What now, Jeeves?
Jeeves opens the door.
Sandy: AHH!! Jeeves, I'm naked!! Didn't I tell you not to come in??
Jeeves: Right, I'm sorry, Miss Wallace!
Sandy: *covering up* What do you want?
Jeeves: Well, you see, I was doing some thinking, and it's taken me quite a while. I just feel that... I really feel that working for you is a pleasure, and I would just like you to know that if there is perhaps a way that I could be of more service to you, besides my regular duties?
Andrea: (thinking) You old letcher, leave her alone, she's too young, I need to sneeze, get out of the room, lead her out, anything!
Sandy: Jeeves, I know what you're thinking. The answer is no, okay? Let's just leave it at that. Now let me sleep.
Jeeves: Yes, well, I just felt that...
Sandy: Goodnight, Jeeves.
Jeeves: Goodnight, Miss Wallace.
The door shuts. As it does, Andrea sneezes, covered by the sound.
Andrea: (thinking) Ohhhhhh thank god...
The lights go out again, and Andrea stares at the open diary.
Andrea: Mine...
Andrea snatches the diary, but accidentally rips part of a page as she grabs it.
*rip*
Sandy: Jeeves, go away.
After lying in wait for at least half an hour, Andrea crawls out from under the bed. Sandy is now asleep.
Andrea: (whispering) Hey! Hey you guys!
Sharon: Quiet! You'll wake Sandy.
Sandy: *SNORRRRE*
Sharon: Jeez, she's worse than Jim.
Caroline climbs out of the wardrobe full of nasty instruments.
Caro: About time! My legs fell asleep.
Sharon: What next?
Caro: Well, we can't search the room like this.
Sandy: *SNORRRRE*
Andrea: I say we tie her up and put a gag over her eyes and cover her mouth.
Sharon: You mean cover her eyes and put a gag in her mouth.
Andrea: Yeah. Whatever.
Caro: ATTACK!!!!!!
Caro sits down on Sandy.
Caro: Okay, get to it.
Sharon and Andrea tie Sandy up, covering her eyes so she can't see who they are.
Sandy: Mmmmph!! Mgh mph mgghhphh!!
Andrea: Yeah right. I did NOT.
Sharon: Huh?
They finish tying up the bonds, then let Caroline get off of Sandy.
Caro: Huh. I guess weight has its advantages.
Andrea: Yep. Okay, let's get the rest of the stuff and get out of here.
They begin searching the room with wild abandon, opening drawers and closets, going through every possible place. With their good Irish luck, they find everything: Jim's Looney Tunes tie, his bunny slippers, his black silk robe, his Magnum condoms...
Sharon: You've got to be kidding me.
And they find his parrot call whistle, a little gold tube that sounds distinctly like a parrot.
Andrea: *blow* SQUAAWWWK.
Jeeves: Miss Wallace?
Caro: Doesn't that guy ever leave?
Sandy: Rgggh!!! Mmmmphhh!!!!! Mghppp!!
Sharon: I'm fine, Jeeves.
Jeeves: You don't sound like yourself, Miss Wallace.
Sharon: I'm fine. I'm... mas****ating. Now go away!
Caro and Andrea: Hahahah!!!!
Jeeves: Who is that with you?
Sharon: Emmm... A really dumb porno! Now go away!
Much to their surprise, Jeeves enters the room with a hopeful look on his face.
Jeeves: Hey! What have you done to Miss Wallace??
They suddenly notice that Jeeves is carrying a shotgun. Caroline lets him have it with both barrels of her potato guns, but they don't have any affect.
Caro: Uh oh.
Andrea pulls out the huge gold pistol.
Sharon: Oh my god!!!
Andrea points it at Jeeves, looking professional.
Andrea: Put down the shotgun, or else.
Jeeves: Or else what, gull?
Andrea: Or else... what did you call me?
Sharon: It's his accent, Andrea.
Jeeves: Yuss, it is, b*tch.
Sharon: *gasp*
Andrea cocks the gun.
Andrea: Put it down!!
*Matrix fight music*
Jeeves raises the shotgun, and everything goes into slow motion. Andrea runs up the wall, upside down, firing the pistol at Jeeves. Jeeves fires a loud shotgun blast, missing Andrea only by a few inches. Plaster flies everywhere.
Sharon: (in slow motion) Ghhhhhhhhhettttttttttttt dowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!
Andrea runs out the bedroom door. Armed soldiers begin dropping through skylights, firing fully-automatic machine guns. Andrea dives left and right, taking down soldier after soldier.
Caro: Whhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaatttt thhhhhhhhhhhe hellllllllllll???
Sharon: Lllllllllllllletttttttttzzzz goooooooooooo!!!
Sharon and Caroline run out into the hall and grab some machine guns. Sharon flies through the air like a bird, screaming as she lets loose a barrage of bullets at heavily-armored soldiers. Caroline bends backward, dodging bullets as they fly towards her.
Andrea, whose gun has now run out of bullets, cartwheels and grabs a gun from a fallen soldier and starts taking more down. Plaster is flying everywhere, bullets and shotgun ammo tearing apart the walls.
(regular motion)
Bullets sail everywhere, more soldiers dropping in. The three Angels duck behind a wall.
Sharon: Where the hell did all these soldiers come from????
Andrea: I don't know! It's a silly action story that doesn't make sense!
Sharon: Oh well, it's still fun. We have to get out of here!
Andrea looks back out into the hall.
Andrea: We'll have to get down the stairs somehow.
Caro: You got it. I'm ready.
Caroline runs back out into the hall and starts doing that running-on-the-walls thing.
(slow motion)
Andrea and Sharon dash back out into the hall, wiping out more soldiers. They don't even stand a chance.
Sandy: Heeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(regular motion)
Sandy: Get back here!!
Sandy fires twin Uzi's, machine guns that fire about 2000 rounds a second. (exaggerated)
Sharon dives through the air, tackling Sandy. They begin a catfight. Slap attacks and hair-pulling occurs.
Sharon: Owww!! You're going to pay for that!! I just got that highlighted!! *SMASH*
Sharon headbutts Sandy, knocking her out.
Andrea presses a button on her watch that makes their car start up. It homes in on their signal and starts driving into the front yard.
Andrea: Take cover!!!!!
The Land Rover smashes through the front window, breaking the couches and knocking over the TV.
Caro: Sweet!!!
The three jump into the Land Rover, Andrea at the wheel. Andrea puts it into reverse and they tear out of the living room and across the lawn. They screech out into the street.
Sharon: That was close. Let's get out of here!!
Andrea: Okay!
The engine suddenly quits.
Andrea: Uh oh.
Caro: What?
Andrea: Your car died! I can't start it up!
Caro: You turned the wheel too far.
Sharon: What???
Caro: Put it into park! Hurry!! Pull the...
The garage at the house opens up, and a shiny red Ferrari zooms down the driveway and into the street.
Caro: Go!!! GO!!!
Andrea starts up the Land Rover and slams her foot down on the gas. They speed up... 10... 15... 20...
Caro: CRAAAAP!!!!
The Ferrari smashes into the back of the Land Rover, smashing its own bumper.
Caro: Aggh!!! Hey, you b*tch! I've got a baby on board here!!!
Andrea keeps driving, the Land Rover finally speeding up. They start driving at speeds of at least 60 miles per hour through residential areas.
Andrea: Get out of the way!!! *honk honkk*
Sandy starts shooting at them while Jeeves drives the car.
Andrea: Take care of them!
Caro: Yu goddit, boss!
Caroline pops up out of the sunroof and fires her machine gun at their pursuers. The shoots up the windshield, causing it to shatter and fly off. Several shotgun bursts go right over Caroline's head.
Caro: I'm out of bullets!!
Sharon leans out the passenger window. Just then, a big truck drives by.
*HONK HONNNNNK*
Sharon: Agggh!!!
Sharon pulls herself in just in time, the truck missing her by only inches. She leans back out and pulls out the trusty potato gun.
Sharon: Zippie-kye-yay, m*tha...
Andrea: Hey!!! That's not your line!!!
Sharon fires her potato pellet, and it catches Jeeves right in the eye. The Ferrari loses control and drives right into a big ditch.
Andrea: Woohooo!!! Go Sharon!!
Caro: Yeah!! All right!!!

Hours later...
Jim: Good work, Angels.
Sharon: Stop calling us that. You're right here.
Jim: Right, sorry about that.
They're back at Sharon's place. As they had promised, they had brought back all of Jim's missing items.
Jim: Let's see, you got the books, the condoms, my robe, my tie...
Andrea: Tweety bird?
Jim: Hush. My condoms...
Sharon: I've seen you... Jim. Those are NOT the right size.
Jim: Oh leave me alone... you're just jealous!
Sharon: Why would I be jealous! I'm glad I don't have a penis!
Gavin: Good to know.
Andrea: By the way, what did you have in mind for that parrot call whistle?
Jim: Oh, that was just a completely random thing. I didn't have anything in mind for it.
Andrea: Thank god.
Sharon: Well, it was a good adventure.
Jim: Yep! And tomorrow we'll have another thrilling adventure.
Caro: Uh-uh. I'm retiring from Jim's Angels. I'm hanging up the catsuit.
Sharon: Me too. At least, until you have the baby. Then you won't look bad in it.
Caro: True. Well, I'm off then. I have to explain to Frank why the Land Rover has bullet holes in it.
Sharon: Okay. Here, I guess half of these smut books are yours. You probably don't need them.
Caro: Yah. Here's half of this bag, too.
Sharon: Eh? What's this?
Caro: While I was in that closet, I couldn't help but take just a FEW things.
Sharon: Hmmm. Gee, thanks.
Sharon looks at Gavin, a pair of handcuffs in one hand, a whip in the other.
Gavin: *gulp*
(Angels pose and credits)
The End