Jim's Dirty Old Socks and Other Junk

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Jim: Hello... this is James Steven Ignatius Corr, I'm currently eating a really big sandwich right now, so please leave a message and I'll get back to you when I'm done stuffing my face. Beeeep.
It almost works, but Jim ends up laughing at his own joke.
Sharon: Hey Jim! Whazaaaaaaaaap?
Jim: Whazaaaaaaaaaap!!!?! Wait, hold on. (dials Andrea's number)
Andrea: Hello?
Jim: Whazaaaaaaaaaaap!!!?!
Sharon: Whazaaaaaaaaap!!!?!
Andrea: Whazaaaaaaaaaaaap!! Wait, hold on. (dials Caroline's number)
Caro: This is Caroline, talk.
Andrea: Whazaaaaaaapppppp!!!
Caro: Whazaaaaaaaaapppp!?!?! Wait, hold on. (dials Jim's number)
Jim: Hold on, I have another call. Hello?
Caro: Whazaaaaaaaappppp?
Jim: Hey, I already have you!
Sharon: Whazaaaaaaappp?!!!!
Andrea: Whazaaaaaaap?!!! (sticking out her tongue)
Gavin: Shudupppppppppp!!!!!!!!
Sharon: Anyway, I have something to tell all of you, I found some old boxes from the old house in Dundalk.
Caro: Great, more old junk.
Sharon: Oh, it's all the old junk. The person who lived there, that old lady, she like, died.
Andrea: Awww.
Sharon: And Papa said to keep all the stuff in the attic with me.
Jim: Why didn't he tell me? I'm his son, for God's sake!
Sharon: Maybe that's why he didn't tell you.
Jim: Hey!
Caro: So, what about these boxes?
Sharon: I was wondering if you all wanted to go through them, find some of your old things you couldn't possibly let go of again.
Andrea: But I already have too much worthless junk in my closet. I don't need more!
Caro: Well hey, whatever junk you don't want is mine. I'm heading over.
Jim: Okay, I'm in.
Andrea: Fine, I'll head over there too.
Sharon: Great, I'll see you all in a bit.
Jim: Okay, bye.
Caro: Bye.
Sharon: Why aren't you hanging up?
Jim: I'm waiting for all of you to hang up?
Andrea: *beeeeeeeeeep*
Caro: I'm waiting too!
Sharon: Fine, we'll all just hang up now. BYE.
Jim: Bye.
Sharon: You're still not hanging up!
Jim: Well so?
Sharon: Okay, one, two, three... *click*
Gavin: Oh... lord help me.
Caroline's Land Rover pulls up into Sharon's driveway first. She gets out and rings the doorbell.
Sharon: Who is it?
Caro: Avon calling!
The door opens.
Sharon: Oh, it's just you.
Caro: Why, were you actually expecting Avon?
Sharon: Well, now that you mention it, yes.
Caroline walks into the house.
Sharon: Um yes, please, come in.
Caro: So what's this old junk you're talking about?
Sharon: It's in the attic. Let's go check it out.
The two of them head up to Sharon's attic, which is amazingly clean for an attic.
Caro: What do you do to keep this attic so clean?
Sharon: Nothing really.
Caro: Darn, because mine gives me nightmares.
Sharon leads her to a very large pile of boxes and hat cases.
Caro: Wow... looks like everything from that house is in here.
Sharon: As far as I know. Mam and Dad kept just about all the things we left behind when we moved out.
Caroline pulls an old dusty pair of drumsticks out of an open box.
Caro: My tenth pair! I got these for a nickel.
Sharon: Your first pair is in there too.
Caro: Really? In how many pieces?
Sharon: How do you know those are your tenth pair, anyway?
Caro: I used to number them with markers.
Sharon pokes around in the boxes.
Sharon: I would've went through it all myself, but there's too much and it's all dusty.
*ding dong*
Sharon: Be right back.
Sharon runs downstairs to the front door.
Sharon: Who is it?
Andrea: Avon calling!
Sharon opens the door.
Sharon: Oh, it's just you.
Andrea: Of course. Why would I be selling Avon anyway?
Sharon: Come on in. Caroline is already in the attic.
Andrea: She is??! Ooooh if she steals my old toys I'm gonna be mad! (runs upstairs)
Sharon walks back up to find Andrea and Caroline pulling out more boxes.
Andrea: Ooh, a box marked Sharon's stuff. Let's see...
Sharon runs over and yanks the box from Andrea's hands.
Sharon: No! It's mine! Get your own!
Andrea: Touchy.
Caro: Not to fear, this looks like your stuff, Andrea.
Andrea: Ooh! Gimmie! Gimmie!
Caroline slides the box over to Andrea, who rips at the tape on top.
Andrea: This feels like Christmas.
Caro: I know. Hey, my old gloves!
Andrea finally gets the tape off and opens the box.
Andrea: Me bunnies! All me old bunnies!
*ding dong*
Sharon: Jim's official nickname. I'll get it.
Sharon goes down to the door.
Sharon: Who is it?
Jim: Avon calling.
Sharon: Don't you people ever come up with something new?
Sharon opens the door and there's Jim, and he's actually holding a case of Avon makeup.
Jim: Here, take this. It's heavy.
Sharon: What... what's this for?
Jim: You can have it, I was going to give it to my girlfriend, but she dumped me.
Sharon: Oh, I'm sorry Jim. Was she that twenty-year old?
Jim: WHICH twenty year old?
Jim walks in.
Sharon: Well, they're all in the attic, going through your things.
Jim: What??
Jim runs to the stairs but collides with Gavin.
Jim: Whoa, hey there. Sorry bout that, Gavin.
Gavin: No problem. Nice to see ya. Sharon, your sisters are fighting.
Sharon: Oh, great.
Jim and Sharon head up to the attic to the sound of Andrea and Caroline bickering.
Andrea: It was MINE!
Caro: No, it was MINE! (sticks out her tongue)
Andrea: Was too!
Caro: Was not!
Jim: Hey! What's going on up here?
Andrea: Nothing. Caroline's being a butthead.
Caro: I'm not!
Sharon: You two are being so childish. By the way, Jim, nice chopper you rode in on.
Jim: Thanks.
Caro: You ride a chopper?
Jim: Well no, it's just a regular motorcycle.
Caro: Look out, idiot on motorcyle, beep beep.
Andrea: Hehehe.
Jim: Oh cut it out, Miss Family Van.
Caro: Shut up! It's not a family van! It's a Land Rover!
Jim: Right, whatever.
Sharon sighs loudly.
Sharon: Calm down, let's all just find more boxes of our old junk. This is like Christmas, remember?
Andrea: Right.
Sharon and Jim come over to the pile of boxes and pull some more out.
Jim: All right, something of mine. I wonder if this is the one with my... (rips off the tape) Yes, it is.
Caro: Your what?
Jim: Nothing, I found exactly what I was looking for.
Sharon: What?
Jim: It's nothing! I found my... shirt. Really nice shirt. The one I used to wear all the time.
Jim's sisters are looking confused at one another.
Jim: Yeah. Just my shirt.
Andrea: In a really big box?
Jim: Yah.
Andrea goes back to what she was doing, secretly vowing to find out what Jim was hiding.
Sharon: Oh look, here's that bunch of violin strings I never found!
Caro: Oh, the ones you threw a tantrum over because you thought I stole them?
Sharon: I didn't throw a tantrum!
Andrea: No, just a few books.
Andrea puts the box full of stuffed bunnies aside and digs more. She accidentally topples some more boxes and they fall down on her.
Andrea: Um, ow.
Sharon: Are you alright, Andrea?
Andrea: Yah. Just... *sneeze* sneezy.
Andrea climbs out from under the pile of boxes and brushes herself off.
Caro: Here's one of our old demo tapes.
Jim: Oh, the one with that famous song, right?
All 4 of them: Save meeeeeeeee!!!! (incredibly annoying)
They all burst out laughing.
Jim: Oh, those were the days.
Sharon: Here's a tape player. This has some of Mam and Dad's stuff too.
Caro: Lemme see! I want to play this.
Sharon gives the tape player to Caroline, who plugs it in and plays the tape. Some rather hissy drumming can be heard.
Caro: Ooh, listen to that master of drums. Hehehe.
Jim: Shh! (turns it up)
Younger Andrea: You CAAN'T tell meeee....
Sharon and Jim: Agggghhh!!! Hahaha.
Andrea: That youuu don't love me... I like this song!
Younger Andrea: And it's SAAAAAADD... aggh, meh throat got all funny.
Younger Jim: Cut, cut. Do you want to try again?
Younger Sharon: Maybe she needs tea or something.
Younger Caro: Me bum hurts. I need a new seat here.
Caro: Oh my god! It's like watching The Right Time documentary!
They go back to what they were doing, listening to their younger selves trying to hone their magnificent sound.
Sharon: Here's my old alarm clock. I threw this at my second boyfriend. Never worked since.
Andrea: Actually that's because me and Caroline stepped on it when we were trying to learn to dance in your room.
Sharon: Oh, well then.
Jim: Hey, my Led Zepellin poster!
Caroline opens a big box, and it's filled to the top with cassette tapes. They all look to be marked.
Caro: My god, more demo tapes!
Jim: I made countless practice tapes of us. Check to see if my old PortaStudio recorder is still around.
Andrea: Hey, my old slippers!
Andrea puts on a really old pair of red bedroom slippers.
Andrea: Still fit, too.
A spider crawls out onto her foot.
Andrea: AIEEEEEEEE! SPIDER! HELP!
Caro: Spider? Oh my god!
Sharon: Aggh! Get it away!
Jim: You are all sissies.
Andrea: Do something! It's on my toe, it's on my toe!!!!
Andrea shakes her foot and the spider falls off. She stomps on it hard.
Andrea: Die! Die you stupid spider!
Caro: *gasp* Oh god, you scared me so bad there.
Jim: You three are so funny... (digs into another box) AGGGGH! Spider!
Jim's sisters freak out. Jim pulls his hand out and a huge black spider is on his hand. He waves it around hysterically.
Jim: Agggh! Get it off! Get it off!!!!!
Jim stops.
Jim: Gotcha. It's just a rubber spider.
Sharon: Aggh! Jim!!!! You, you, you....
Jim: Don't call me a you-you. I loved this thing. I scared all three of you with this when you were younger.
Andrea: Rrgh, we should all kick your arse, Jim! Just give us heart attacks at our young ripe ages!
Jim puts the rubber spider back in the box and pulls out some old Popular Mechanics magazines. Andrea eyes the box he was keeping secret. She edges closer and closer.
Sharon: 10 ways to make yourself beautiful. Can you believe I used to read this stuff?
Caro: I can. I kept stealing your magazines.
Sharon: I KNEW it.
Andrea steps closer and closer to the box. It's near Jim's foot, and he's reading on of the Popular Mechanics mags.
Andrea: Whatcha readin'?
Jim: Old article on how to make a UFO.
Andrea: Huh... how INTERESTING!
Andrea grabs the box and jumps away from Jim.
Jim: No! Don't open it!
Andrea opens the box and pulls out a magazine.
Andrea: AHA! Jim's girly magazines! I found them! Haha!
Caro: Ooh, let me see!
Andrea tosses one to Caroline, who opens and reads.
Caro: Wow, look at the melons on that one, eh?
Jim: Stop it! Give those back! (Chases Andrea around the room)
Andrea: And look at this babe! Wow, I didn't know they could be THAT size! (tosses it to Sharon, who also reads)
Jim: Come on! Stop reading those!
Sharon: Jim, calm down. We're all adults here.
Jim: But they're mine! Oh... fine. I guess you're right.
They continue searching through boxes, but the Corr sisters can't stop reading Jim's magazines, stopping every now and then to compare themselves with the pictures and frown.
Jim continues to go through the massive stack of boxes.
Jim: Hmm, I wonder what this is?
Jim pulls out a big box with the letters SOX on the side.
Sharon: What do those letters mean?
Andrea: Maybe it's a secret nuclear bomb.
Jim: I didn't have one of those. I wonder what SOX stands for.
Caro: Secret... oral... xylophone!
Andrea: Super Oblong X-ray.
Sharon: It sounds like socks. SOX.
Jim: Yeah. Why would I keep socks in a box?
Andrea: Hehehehe... socks in a box... hehehe.
Jim peels the tape off the box and opens it. A terrible odor wafts out. The stench could actually be seen.
Jim: UGGH! Poison gas! Blach!
Sharon: Oh gross! My mouth was open, acck!
Caro: I think I'm gonna die.
Andrea: Jim, did you fart again? Oh wait a second, it's familiar!
Jim: Killer death socks! Oh god!
Jim picks up a pair of tongs and pulls a sock out. It's old and green and totally nasty. Andrea looks like she's going to barf.
Andrea: MMF! (covering her mouth)
Caro: Those are worse than the ones you usually wear!
Jim: I can't even take this, and they're my own!
Sharon runs out of the attic and back downstairs.
Sharon: Fresh air! Fresh air!
Gavin: What's wrong, dear?
Sharon: Jim's dirty old socks smell like a stink bomb.
Gavin: I'll bet they can't compare to mine.
Sharon: Well be my guest then, go ahead and take a big whiff.
Gavin bravely goes upstairs into the attic.
Gavin: Okay, where are these deadly socks?
Caroline is sticking her head out the window. Andrea is holding her nose closed, cringing. Jim is still holding the sock with the tongs.
Gavin: B... oh my god...
Gavin is so stunned that he falls back down the stairs.
*thmpthmpthmpthmpthmp*
Gavin: Ow.
Sharon: Dear, are you okay?
Gavin: Yes, just prone to have nightmares the rest of my life.
Jim puts the sock back into the box and seals it tight. The smell still isn't going away.
Jim: Oh! Evacuate, evacuate! Evacuate the attic.
Sharon comes up into the attic again and sprays air freshener all around.
Sharon: Here, now it should be better.
Andrea: Ugggh, now it smells like death socks with Lilacs!
Sharon: Well someone get rid of the box!
Jim: Get rid of it? Think of the fun we could have! We could mail one to all our enemies.
Sharon thinks about it for a few seconds.
Sharon: Jim, forget it. We're not keeping the socks. Just put it away, I'll throw it out later.
Caroline brings her head back in, wiping her mouth.
Caro: Bluggh... sorry about your rose bushes, Sharon.
Sharon: My rose bushes? What did you do?
Caro: Well from the looks of it, I just gave them compost.
Sharon looks out the window.
Sharon: Hmm... what did you eat for breakfast, a whole buffet?
Caro: What can I say, I was hungry!
Sharon: Well, at least they'll grow better.
Jim looks at his watch.
Jim: Oh, I forgot, I have a date tonight!
Sharon: Already? Wow, you work fast.
Jim: Yes, well, that's how I am, being a swinger and all, you have to go from girl to girl.
They all stare at Jim.
Jim: What?
Andrea: Don't make us all kill you, Jim.
Jim: Okay, I didn't mean what I said. I just... oh I don't know, the girls come to me as fast as they leave me. But I have to go now, so later.
Sharon: Bye Jim.
Jim leaves the attic.
Andrea: So where are our old clothes?
Caro: Our old rags? You still want those?
Andrea: Well, some of them were stylish.
Sharon: Sure, in 1989.
Andrea: Hey! They're not that bad. Besides, maybe we'll find that expensive dress Mam and Dad got you for that dance you couldn't go to because of the flood.
Sharon: Oh yeah! The one with the blue velvet and the lace thingy...
The three of them tear the pile apart, looking for boxes that looked to contain clothing.
Caro: If I find another box labeled SOX I'm going to run.
Andrea: Let's hope there isn't a box full of Jim's old underwear.
Caro and Sharon: Ewwww!!!
Caro: Okay, I have dibs on the dress.
Sharon: What? But it's MY dress!
Caro: So? You have dresses already. Much nicer ones. I don't get to wear dresses often.
Sharon: Well okay, but I'll probably find it before you.
Caro: Wanna bet?
Sharon: I'll bet you the dress.
Andrea: How about twenty Euros? I have 20 on Caroline.
Sharon: Hey!
They toss boxes left and right, peeling tape off, looking for clothing. When they finally do find a box of clothes, Caroline and Sharon wrestle each other for it.
Caro: Give up! You're going to lose the bet!
Sharon: Get off me! And no I'm not!
Sharon shoves Caroline off her.
Sharon: Find your own box!
Caroline goes and looks for another box. Sharon opens the one she has and digs through it.
Sharon: These are YOUR rags, Andrea. Here, you can have it. (Slides it over to Andrea)
Andrea: All right!
Sharon finds another box and opens it, this contains more clothing. She goes through it.
Sharon: These are yours, Caroline. Darn, where are all MY clothes?
Caroline opens a box and digs in.
Caro: AHA!!!!
Caroline pulls out a beautiful-looking dress of a very shiny blue, with lacing going around the bottom.
Andrea: Wow... that is so pretty.
Caro: I know...
Andrea: Oh yeah, pay up, Sharon.
Sharon is very reluctant.
Sharon: Oh fine, keep the dress. Here's your money, Andrea. Hope you're happy.
Caroline happily admires the dress, then notices a very alive black spider on it.
Caro: AGGGGGGGH! SPIDER!!!!
Caroline drops the dress and smashes the spider.
Sharon: Ahahahahaha!!!! Oh god... that was great.
Caro: Here, you can have your dress back... eww...
Sharon: No way, you won the dress, you keep it.
Andrea: Well, doesn't it at least mean a lot to you?
Sharon: It does, but the look on your face when you saw the spider... oh it was WORTH the 20 Euros!
Caroline grumbles to herself and goes back to searching the boxes.
Andrea: Let's put another tape in.
Andrea takes a tape from the box full of practice tapes, and puts it into the tape recorder.
Young Andrea: YoOOUUuuuuuuuu... can'T MAKE me CRYYYYYYY no MORE...
All 3: And IIIIIIIII can't SEEE myself with YOUUUUU no moreeeeeeeee...
Young Andrea: 'Cause you seeeeeeeeeee....
Andrea: It's hard for me to carry onn..... hehe we were still good back then.
Caro: Right, listen to the drums.
*crash*
Young Caro: Dammit! My cymbal fell over!
Young Jim: Damn! We were recording, Caroline!
Young Caro: Well it's not my fault!
Young Sharon: Can I use the phone? I need to call my boyfriend.
Caro: I don't care, I'm going to go through Jim's stuff.
Andrea: Won't he get mad?
Caro: We went through all his stuff when he was living with us anyway, remember?
Andrea: Oh yeah.
Caroline opens one of Jim's boxes and pulls out a crude skateboard.
Caro: Jim had a skateboard?
Sharon: Yah, didn't ya know?
Caro: No. He usually walked or rode a bike.
Sharon: Well yah, he didn't ride a board very much, he usually fell off.
Andrea: Hehe remember that shopping mall, with that Leon guy chasing me?
Caro: Leon guy? Oh wait, yeah. You mean the "I know who you are and I SAW what you did. Yea."
Andrea: Yeah, that's him.
Caro goes through the box some more.
Caro: This must be Jim's really old stuff. Here's a coloring book. And another... it has a lock on it.
Caro takes out a black book with a lock holding it shut. She throws it against the wall and it pops open.
Caro: There we go.
Andrea: Caroline, you criminal. Hehehe.
Caro: And loving it, thank you.
Caro picks up the book.
Caro: Hmm, I guess this isn't that old. June 6th. Mam and Dad are going on vacation today. I had the whole house under my watch, and hopefully I'll do good. I just hope Sharon's boyfriend doesn't destroy everything we own.
Andrea: Oh, I remember that. That's the famous door incident, isn't it?
Sharon: That was the "anything" incident. Remember that vase?
Caro: With dad's uncle's something's something's sister's something's... yeah.
Caroline flips through the book some more but doesn't find anything else.
Caro: Just one entry? What is this?
Sharon: Jim usually did that. I used to steal his diaries a lot.
Andrea picks through more of their parents' boxes and finds a photo album.
Andrea: Oh, classic.
Sharon: Oh no, please.
Andrea opens the album and looks through.
Andrea: Hey, it's a baby picture of Jim! Aww, how cute. Hmm... naked baby Jim. Not good. *flips page*
Sharon: Let me see!
Andrea: Here's... wait, I recognize that face. It's SHARON!
Sharon: NO! Stop it!
Caro: Ooh, let me see!
Andrea: And Sharon getting potty trained! Awwwww!
Sharon: Stop that! Don't look at those!
Andrea shows the album to Caro.
Caro: Awwww isn't she just a darling?
Andrea: Now here's... AGGH! It's me in the tub!
Sharon snatches the photo album from Andrea.
Sharon: Awwww isn't she precious? Look at that little behind, she STILL has a little behind!
Andrea: Heyyy!!! Stop it!
Andrea chases Sharon around the attic, tripping over boxes as she goes.
Sharon: Awww, and here's Andrea AND Caroline in the tub! Aww... it's so heartwarming.
Caro: Hey! That's enough! Don't look at that anymore!
Sharon: Hmm, and here's the first Halloween. Andrea is a ghost, Caroline is... what are you?
Caro: Frankenstein!
Sharon: And I was a witch.
Caro: Or something that rhymes with it.
Young Andrea: If there's SOMEBODY for someone... yeah look at me!
Sharon: Hey, that's the old version of that song!
Andrea: Yah, I think there's an old What Can I Do? in here.
Caro: I want to listen to all of these tapes.
Sharon: Well maybe we should sort out the clothes first, that's a really big pile of boxes.
Caro: Oh, do we have to?
Sharon: Yes. I'm not leaving my attic looking like a pig stye!
Caro: I'm sure Andrea wouldn't mind that.
Andrea: Hey!
Sharon: Well the clothes are the real reason we're up here, so we might as well go through them.
Caro: Fine, but afterward I want to go listen to the tapes.
Sharon: Deal.
They go through many boxes full of old clothes, sorting out the ones to keep and the ones to donate. They all have rather large piles of clothes to keep, very few in the donation pile.
Caro: Hey Andrea, is that a spider? (pointing)
Andrea: Ah! Ew! I hate spiders! (looks. Caro snatches a shirt from Andrea's pile) Hey, I don't see anything.
Caro: Hmm, must've run away.
Andrea: Uggghh... I HATE spiders even more than you two, you have no idea.
Caroline admires the shirt she had craftily snatched, and adds it to her pile.
Caro: Sharon, I think Gavin is calling you.
Sharon: Really? I didn't hear anything. (looks toward attic hatch.)
*snatch*
Caro: Hmm, must've been the wind. Or young Andrea singing on the tape player over there.
Young Andrea: This is the rigggggghht timmmmmmme.... Sharon, get off the phone!
Young Sharon: I'm not done yet! Bugger off!
Andrea: You and your many boyfriends.
Sharon: I didn't have many. About four, wasn't it? Four boyfriends is not a whole lot.
Andrea: I guess, considering I went out with about five or six.
Caro: Not to mention the many one-time dates. *snatch*
Andrea: Hahaha, very funny.
Caroline sits and plots how she can snatch more of Andrea and Sharon's clothing. She can't help but want a lot of the clothes. To Caroline they had always been a little better-dressed.
Sharon: There's probably more over here.
Sharon gets up and goes for a box. Caroline picks up a quarter of the pile Sharon has and puts it on top of her own.
Sharon: I just hope my closet can fit all these clothes.
Andrea gets up and sits next to another box. She looks inside.
Caro: Too easy. (picks up some of Andrea's clothes)
Andrea: Whhhh... waahhh...
Sharon: What are you doing?
Andrea: *sniff* Nnghhh...
Sharon goes over to Andrea.
Sharon: What are you looking at?
Andrea: *sniff* These were Mammy's clothes. *sob*
Sharon: Oh, Andrea. Dear...
Sharon hugs Andrea, and Caroline looks guilty. She puts back some of the clothes she had taken.
Andrea: I miss Mammy!
Sharon: I know, I miss her too. *sob*
Caroline gets watery-eyed and goes over to her sisters.
Caro: Well I don't want to be the only dry-eyed person here.
Caroline joins in on the embrace and they all have a good cry for a while. Gavin comes into the attic to investigate.
Gavin: Sharon, dear? What's going on?
Sharon: Shh... nothing. We're just... thinking.
Gavin goes over to them, not quite understanding.
Gavin: Is there anything I can do?
Sharon shakes her head.
Sharon: It's just a family thing. Our Mammy... we were reflecting.
Gavin: Ah. Well, I'll let you three alone if you want.
Sharon: Thank you, dear.
Gavin leaves and the Corr sisters keep hugging.
Andrea: I wish she could be with us again, just for a minute.
The Corr sisters break their embrace.
Sharon: I hope I'll get to be like her. Putting up with a big family, that'll be the thing.
Andrea: You? What about me? Won't I have any kids?
Sharon: Perhaps, depends on what you want. I know how we were, do you really think any of us would be able to put up with four children? I'm amazed Mammy didn't have strokes over us.
Caro: I think we're already being like Mammy as it is, we're moving ahead in life and succeeding. I think that's what she wanted.
Andrea: Yah.
Sharon: So, are we going to split this box?
Andrea: I don't think so. I think Dad might want it more than we would.
The three go back to what they were doing, Sharon going through boxes, Caroline putting another tape in the player, and Andrea stealing half of Caroline's clothes pile.
Hours later, the Corr sisters are still at Sharon's. They had decided to quit for a while on the attic project and are now lounging around in Sharon's living room.
*rinnnnnnnnng*
Sharon picks up her phone.
Sharon: Hello?
Jim: Whazaaaaaaaaap?
Sharon: That's getting a little old.
Jim: Oh come on, it's fun.
Sharon: Fine. WHAZAAAAAAAAAAAAP!
Jim: My date was great and now I'm going to bug you with all the details.
Sharon: Okay, whenever you're ready.
*ding dong*
Sharon: I wonder who that is.
Andrea: (lying on couch) Don't answer it, please. Just tell them to go away.
Sharon: I can't do that.
Caro: I do!
Sharon goes to the door.
Sharon: Who is it?
Jim: Whazaaaaap.
Sharon opens the door. Jim is standing there with the phone in his hand.
Sharon: Right... come in?
Jim turns off his phone and comes in.
Jim: You won't believe it, I just had one of the greatest dates of my life. She's beautiful, she's young...
Caro: How young?
Andrea: Please tell me she's out of college at least.
Jim: She's not THAT young. But she's just so terrific!
Sharon: So, what's the lucky girl's name?
Jim: Sharon!
Sharon: What? What did I say?
Jim: No, her name is Sharon!
Caro and Andrea: Ohhhhhh we get it.
Sharon: Well, nothing like having two Sharon Corrs in the world.
Jim: She works at a music shop.
Andrea: Does this at all sound familiar?
Jim: No, I mean she sells musical instruments.
Jim bounces onto the couch, disturbing Andrea's relaxation. She grumbles and curls herself up.
Caro: So was she stacked? With legs up to here and boobs out to there and just omigawd?
Jim: Well, thanks for spoiling the fun of me telling you, but yes.
Caro: No problem.
Sharon sits back down in her easy chair.
Sharon: So tell us about the date.
Jim: Well, she's really open and we had dinner at my place.
Caro: Ding, strike one. You can't run all three bases like that.
Jim: No, really, we did. We had dinner and then we talked and talked.
Sharon: What did you talk about?
Jim: Music. That and me. And her, I mean. She has two sisters and a brother.
Andrea: Wait, let me guess, their names are Andrea, Caroline, and Jim, right?
Jim: No no no, don't be silly. Their brother's name is James.
Caroline gets up from the floor and smacks Jim upside the head.
Caro: What is SHORT for James?
Jim: Oh yeah...
Andrea: I'd like to meet this family.
Sharon: So would I. I want to meet this "Sharon".
Jim: Trust me, she looks NOTHING like you.
Sharon: Well then, ask her out again sometime, and invite her siblings over, we'll all have dinner here.
Jim: Okay, but let's save that for the next story. We still have to finish this one.
Sharon: Story? What the heck are you talking about?
Jim: I don't know... and I don't quite know why I said that.
Jim: So anyway, how goes the search attempt in the attic?
Sharon: Halted for the day. If you want to look, go ahead.
Jim: Ah, might as well head home. There's nothing I really want up there just yet. I'll come back tomorrow and take a look around.
Caro: I'll leave too, I'm tired of looking for now.
Sharon: Okay then, see you two later. Andrea?
Andrea: *snore* What?
Sharon: You staying to keep looking or going home?
Andrea: I'll stay here but I'll sleep.
Sharon: Okay then, good night.
Andrea puts a pillow over her eyes and goes back to sleep.
Sharon: That's really disturbing, I hope she doesn't look like me.
Andrea: *snore* Huh? Oh... Remember that girlfriend Jim had named Andrea that everyone said looked like me? I was like, wanting to crawl far far away...
Sharon: Exactly! What if they're just like us, or evil twins? And maybe they're the Dorrs or the Borrs or something.
Andrea: Eee! Scary.
Later, at Caroline's...
*click*
Young Andrea: Yea yea yeah yeah.... wait, the mic isn't on!
Young Jim: Yes it is, I can see the needles moving.
Young: Whoops. Good to know then.
Caroline takes out the tape and puts in another.
Young Jim: This is the audio diary of Jim Corr, rock star extraordinaire!
Caro: Oh god, this has got to be good.
Young Jim: So far, we're making another album in our recording studio, myself and my backup group are having a fine time at it.
Caro: Backup crew?
Someone: One two three four!
*drumming starts*
Young Jim: It feels gooooood.... it feels WONDERFUL....
Caro: Hahahahaha!
Young Jim: My other group is going along well. Our lead singer is actually graduating from school soon. And she almost acts like an adult!
Young Andrea: *bang bang bang* Jim! Get out here and help me with this microphone!
Young Jim: I'll be out in a minute! So, as you see, we're still having technical difficulties. But that shouldn't be a problem for our group, the Rowdy Four.
Caro: Rowdy Four? Huh?
*clicka*
Young Caro: What are you doing in here?
Young Jim: Hey! *click*
The Corrs meet The Orrs.
Jim arrives at Sharon's house the next day at ten o'clock. This is bright and early to Jim.
*ding dong*
Sharon: Hmm, a visitor. Gavin, get the door, will you?
Gavin: (sounding like Renfield) Yes master, yes master. (dragging feet)
Gavin opens the door to see Jim standing there.
Gavin: OH MY GOD!
Jim: What? What?
Gavin: I don't know. Sharon's in the kitchen.
Jim walks into the kitchen to see Sharon looking in the refrigerator and Andrea at the table.
Jim: You sure got here fast, Andrea.
Andrea: I spent the night here.
Sharon: Right, make 'yerself at home.
Jim: By the way, I called me girlfriend this morning, she said it'd be fine to have dinner here.
Sharon: Sure, how about next week?
Jim: How about tonight?
Sharon: No, how about next week?
Jim: Oh, you sure about not tonight?
Sharon: Jim, I don't want guests tonight. We have that meeting with our manager tomorrow, remember? I can't be up late entertaining guests (closes refrigerator)
Jim sits down noisily in a dining room chair.
Jim: (whining) But why not tonigggght???
Sharon: Jim, we can't do it!
Jim: Sure we can! We can talk to him over the phone!
Sharon: You DID tell them I still need to think about it, right?
Jim: Well, no, you said I could invite them over sometime. Today is sometime.
Sharon reaches out and bats Jim upside the head.
Sharon: Jim, we can't do that! The house is a mess, too! And... well, me and Gavin haven't been close for a while.
Jim: What do you mean? You two sleep in the same bed, don't you?
Sharon: Well yes, but we didn't get close. You know, really close. In a long time. And we were planning tonight...
Andrea: Okay, too much information. I'm only eating here.
Jim puts his feet up on the table.
Jim: So? You two can still get close, they only agreed to be here till about ten.
Sharon: Gavin sleeps early, Jim. I can't keep him up all night. Wait a minute, yeah I can. Okay, fine, but you all have to help me cook.
Andrea: What do you need me to make?
Sharon: Em, a fish thing. Anything like that. Just as long as it tastes good.
Jim: And I'll cook up steaks.
Sharon: Alright. Caroline should be here later, we can get her to cook something.
Jim: Don't bet on it.
Sharon: So when are they coming here?
Jim: She said they'll be here around six o'clock.
Andrea: Four hours of thrilling entertainment. What joy.
Jim: You two seem awfully grumpy this morning.
Andrea: Well, for one thing, that couch of Sharon's is really uncomfortable. Second, it's that time of month, so back off.
Jim: Okay, I get the picture. For Sharon, too?
Sharon: No, mine... hey, that's none of your business!
Jim: Right, I forgot you have that permanent kind. Hahaha.
Sharon hits Jim again.
Sharon: Watch it, brother. I could just have you entertain your guests on the front lawn.
Jim: Okay, okay.
*Bang bang bang*
Sharon: Who the blazes is knocking on the door like that?
Sharon goes and answers the door. It's Caroline.
Sharon: Em, hi, where's the fire?
Caro: Nowhere. Just felt like annoying you.
Sharon: It's working. Come on in.
Caroline goes into the kitchen to see Andrea and Jim at the table.
Caro: Morning, Andrea. And morning, Jim, rockstar extraordinaire.
Jim: Em, hi. Sleep well?
Caro: Of course. Frank was with me last night.
Andrea: Again, too much information.
Caro: Not THAT Frank, Frank the teddy bear.
Jim: Right. So, willing to cook for four guests tonight?
Caro: Four? What the hell is this?
Sharon: Don't worry, I yelled at him already.
Caro: Well now it's my turn! Jim, what is this?
Sharon explains it all to Caroline.
Caro: Well I can't cook anything! The most I can make is... well I don't know!
Jim: Don't worry, you could probably set plates or something.
Caro: Oh, I hope if her sister Caroline is anything like me, we both destroy you.
After breakfast, they all go back up to the attic.
Jim: I remember, I have some old diaries and journals in a box here somewhere.
Sharon: Oh, we found that, Captain Rocketship.
Jim: Hey!!!
Caro: Blast off time! Hehehe!
Jim: I was eight years old!
Andrea: Entering the black hole! Wooooohooooo! Hahaha!
Sharon shoes Jim the box of diaries, dumping them on the floor. A bra falls from the box.
Sharon: Hey, what the... (picks it up) What the hell is this?
Jim: Oh, em...
Andrea: Jim, I didn't know you were like that.
Jim: Oh, no! I mean, it's not what you think. I used to stretch that thing on both sides of my window and shoot water balloons from it.
Sharon: Right...
Jim scoops up his diaries and puts them in a box. He notices an old pair of golf clubs in the corner.
Jim: Hey, dad's old golf clubs! He told me I could have these if I ever wanted them.
Sharon: Good thing you don't golf.
Jim: Remember minature golf?
Caro: Yes, which reminds me, we have to terrorize America again sometime. With Andrea driving 100 miles per hour the whole way!
Andrea: Ha-freakin-ha.
Jim takes out a golf club and checks it out. He puts a ball on the floor and wheels back.
Jim: Fore!
*knock*
Jim hits the ball with amazing force. It bounces off the walls and ceiling. Jim's sisters hit the deck.
Gavin: There's a phone call... *CLONK* Whaaaagh!!!
Sharon: Gavin! Dear, are you alright?
Gavin: (high pitched) Never better! Whagggh!
Sharon: Jim, you blockhead! You just wiped out a branch of our family tree!
Sharon goes over to Gavin and leads him out of the attic.
Andrea: Way to go, Tiger Woods. Now I'M going to have to crank out four children.
Caro: You? ME! I want the children.
Andrea: Well, good then.
Time passes by, and luckily Gavin recovers within an hour. Sharon almost threatens to beat Jim with the golf clubs, but settles for thumb wrestling, which she loses at. It's soon 5:55 pm.
Sharon: Okay, is everything set?
Andrea: Fish is almost done!
Jim: The steaks are ready.
Sharon: Good, let's just settle down and wait then.
After everything is ready, the four Corrs sit in Sharon's living room. The doorbell rings after a few minutes and they all go to the door. Sharon opens it and comes face to face with...
All 4 Orrs: Whazaaaaaaaap!!!
Andrea falls over in shock.
In walks Jim, Caroline, Sharon and Andrea. Caroline (Corr) is in complete shock.
Jim: Hi, Sharon. Lovely to see you again. *smooch*
Sharon: Jim?!? Ew! Yuck! Why'd you do that for?
Jim: Wait, what?
Sharon Orr looks at Jim.
Sharon: Over here, Jim.
Jim: Oh, there you are!
Caro: Do you see what I see?
Andrea: It's me, it's me.
Andrea Corr gets off the floor and looks at Andrea Orr (everybody sing along!)
The family that had just walked in were almost totally identical to the Corrs. There was the shortest girl, with black hair, another with brown hair, a "Sharon Orr", and a guy who looked almost totally like Jim.
Jim: Everyone, this is Sharon, my new girl.
Andrea: Hi, nice to meet you. (turns to her counterpart) And you are?
Andrea Orr: I'm Andrea Orr. Who are you?
Andrea Corr: I'm... Andrea Corr. Em...
Caroline Corr: And let me guess, you're Caroline Orr, right?
Caroline Orr: Yep. That's my name, don't wear it out.
Caroline Corr: Jim, can I have a word with you?
Jim Orr: How did you know my name?
Caroline Corr: Jim Corr!! I need to speak with you! Corr family in kitchen, right now!!
The Corrs go to the kitchen, leaving the Orrs in the living room, very confused.
Caro: Oh my god! What the hell was THAT all about?
Sharon: I know, I was like, staring into a mirror!
Jim: I don't know what you're talking about.
Andrea: Jim, you, you... found our other selves! Our doubles! I mean... take a look at them, they all look like us. Their brother even looks like YOU!
Jim looks out the kitchen door at the Orrs. Andrea Orr brushes her hair back, Sharon Orr is fixing her dress, Jim Orr is standing there staring at the wall, and Caroline Orr is drumming on the couch with her hands.
Jim: My god... I get it now!
Andrea: Good, we're glad.
Jim: He's got the same glasses as I do! Isn't that a coincidence!
Sharon: Jim, please don't take this the wrong way. *BANG*
Sharon clocks Jim on the head with a frying pan, and he falls down.
Jim wakes up a few minutes later with his sisters standing over him.
Jim: What happened? (feels his head)
Sharon: I tried to knock some sense into you, Jim.
Jim slowly stands up.
Jim: Are they still here? The Orrs?
Andrea: Yes. You were only out for a few minutes. They're still in the living room.
Jim looks out the kitchen door again at the Orrs. They're sitting in the couches now, waiting patiently. He takes a good look at them and comes back in.
Jim: Now that you mention it, there's a whole lot about them that makes them look like us.
Caroline: Finally! You understand this mess.
Jim: How could it be? How could I not see it before? Sharon totally looks like... well, Sharon! The resemblances are almost uncanny! Why did I not notice?
Andrea: Love is blind. I know that one too well...
Jim: Well, we can't let this go on! I mean, the Orrs, they're too much like us, there could be chaos!
Just then, Gavin had decided to come home from work and notices the Orrs, but can't tell it's them. He goes up to Sharon and gives her a big kiss.
Gavin: Hello darling, how was your day?
Sharon: What? Why'd you do that?
Gavin: What, is something wrong? Why are you all sitting here in the living room, and not watching the telly? Is this some sort of intervention?
Sharon: I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't even know who you are!
Gavin: But Sharon, it's me, Gavin! Your husband of a few months! Has something gotten into you?
Gavin looks at Sharon's siblings.
Gavin: What is happening here?
Andrea: We don't know you. Who are you?
Jim: Yeah. And when are we getting dinner?
Gavin: What the hell are you going on about?
Caroline: Well, I don?t know! Who the hell are you?
Gavin: I'm Gavin! Don't you know me? What the hell is the matter with you people? My god, this is some sort of twisted trick, isn't it?
Angry, Gavin stalks into the kitchen and goes into shock. He sees the exact same family in there.
Gavin: AGGGH! No! It can't... possibly... it can't be! You, all of you, you were... (pointing toward living room)
Sharon: We know, dear.
Gavin: Aggh! How do I know it's you? REALLY you? Sharon, is it really you?
Jim: It's us, all right.
Gavin: Wait! What are you last names?
Jim: Corr.
Andrea: Corr.
Caro: Corr.
Sharon: Bonar.
Gavin: My god! What the hell is going on in here?
Jim: What you just saw was the Orrs. They're the family of the... girl I'm dating. I'm dating Sharon.
Gavin: Oh, I... what? You're dating who?
Jim: Sharon Orr.
Gavin: I need an aspirin. Or a whiskey, something.
Sharon goes to Gavin and hugs him.
Sharon: It's okay, dear. It's just a little dinner party, then they'll be gone in a few hours. Until then, why don't you go up to the bedroom and just relax, okay? We'll handle this.
Gavin: Well, okay. I don't want to get mixed up in this.
Gavin goes upstairs, and now the Corrs have to make a plan.
Jim: So, should we serve them? We should at least get to know them, maybe they're different than us.
Sharon: True, their personalities might be different. No harm trying.
The Corr family goes back out into the living room to meet with the Orrs.
Sharon Corr: Sorry we took so long, some of the food was burning. All under control now, don't worry.
Sharon Orr: It's no problem.
Caroline Corr: Which one of you was talking?
Sharon Corr: So, what say we go to the dining room, me and Andrea will get the food ready, and we'll all have dinner.
Andrea Orr: Okay, I guess I'll help.
Sharon: I meant... our Andrea.
Andrea Corr: Oh, you did? Okay...
They herd the Orrs into the dining room, while Sharon and Andrea Corr go into the kitchen.
Andrea: This is crazy. I can't tell anything apart. You all even SOUND alike. And Andrea Orr is giving me the willies. She reminds me too much of me.
Sharon: Well, we'll have to think of something to tell them apart with.
Andrea: I know, I could get drunk!
Sharon: Andrea... let's save that for some other time. Andrea Orr could get drunk.
Andrea: Darn! Well... okay. Any other ideas?
Sharon: We could play a silly parlor game and use magic markers on them! That could help.
Andrea: Yeah, and we could ask if they have nicknames. Good idea.
Sharon and Andrea get the food ready and bring it out the dining room. Everyone at the table marvels at the food except for Sharon and Andrea Orr, who look at it quizzically.
Sharon Orr: Wow... that's exactly how I prepare mine.
Andrea Orr: I was going to say the same thing.
Both Carolines are busy drumming on the table with the fingers, driving both Jims nuts.
Jim Corr: Caroline, stop that.
Caroline Orr: Hmmph! Some host you are!
Caroline Corr: Okay, okay.
Jim Orr: Oh no, she's turning red.
Jim Corr: Oh, I know! She always does that!
Jim Orr: So does she!
Caroline Corr is not amused. Caroline Orr isn't either.
Both Carolines: Well at least we don't ride crappy motorcycles. Hey, you just said what I said. Stop that! Jinx!
Sharon and Andrea Corr are going insane, and just keep passing out the food. They take a seat finally.
Andrea: Okay, since we're having so much trouble with names here, how about we call you all by nicknames?
Andrea Orr: Okay.
Andrea Corr: What's your nickname, Andrea?
Andrea Orr: Lots of people call me Andy.
Andrea Corr: Okay, I guess that'll work. What about you, Sharon?
Sharon Orr: Some people call me Shaz.
Andrea Corr: Okay, that's good.
Jim Corr: My head is about to explode. I can't take this!
Jim Orr: Maybe we should just be by ones and twos.
Andrea Corr: Yeah, good idea. We Corrs will be the ones, you Orrs will be the twos, and we'll just call each other by Andrea 1 or Andrea 2. There.
Andrea 2: Very good then. Is there any wine?
Andrea 1: Em, yeah. Sharon, is there any left?
Sharon 2: What?
Andrea 1: Whoops, I mean Sharon 1. Is there any wine left?
Sharon 1: Yes, there is... AGGGH! This is insane!
Sharon jumps up from her chair and goes on a wild frenzy.
Minutes later?
Andrea: Andrea, could you pass the peas please?
Andrea Orr: Sure. Em, could somebody get me the peas?
Sharon had put nametags on all the people in the room, and the job was easier. It was still hard to tell just who was talking.
Jim: So Jim, what are you into?
Jim Orr: Well, I'm into music myself, I have a music group going with my sisters. We're not very good right now.
Jim: Oh, I'm sure you're not that bad. What are you called? (a bit afraid)
Jim Orr: Cosmic Egg.
Jim: Whew! Good call
Caroline Orr: Yeah, we couldn't stand to be called The Orrs. It's tacky.
Caroline: Hey!
Sharon: So what do you do, Sharon?
Sharon Orr: Well, I work at a music shop, I play the violin myself. I think I've been playing since I was...
Sharon: Nine?
Sharon Orr: Around there, yes.
Jim 1: And she's quite good at it. (kisses Sharon Orr)
Sharon looks disgusted.
Sharon: I need to excuse myself. I don't want to see Jim making out with... me!!
Sharon Corr leaves the room. Both Andreas brush their hair back and look a bit nervous.
Andrea: So, Andrea, what do you do?
Andrea Orr: I help Sharon with the music shop. She always gets mad at me because I keep playing the tin whistles and the little Ukelele guitars. But it's fun to see her turn red.
Andrea: I know, it's almost the same with my sister. Do you have a boyfriend?
Andrea Orr: Yes, actually. His name is Niles.
Andrea: Ah. (rolls eyes a bit)
Andrea Orr: Do you have a boyfriend?
Andrea: Em... yes, I do.
Andrea Orr gets excited.
Andrea Orr: Really? What's his name? I'll bet it's like Niles.
Andrea: Em... nope. It's Bob. Yep, my good boyfriend Bob.
Andrea Orr: Aw. Darn... (looks disappointed)
Andrea: I'm sorry. Actually, his name is Giles.
Somewhere, in the distance, someone yells "Noooooo!!"
Andrea Orr: Ah! I knew it. I knew it! This is totally weird, it's like we're twins or something.
Andrea: Or in a parallel dimension. Look.
Andrea points to Jim, who is thumb wrestling with Jim Orr. It wasn't ending, since they thought almost the same. Their facial expressions were exact replicas.
Andrea: Jim!
Jim: What?
Jim Orr: Haha! I beat you!
Sharon Orr: Jim, please, stop it.
Both Jims: What? What's the problem?
Sharon Orr: I meant... uggh... I need a break. (leaves room)
Jim: Wonder what's wrong with both of them...
Caroline: You know what, I can't even stand this. I don't want to be here.
Caroline Orr: Same here. Want to go someplace else?
Caro: Yeah, let's go look at the stuff in the attic. Maybe we'll find some of Jim's old diaries.
The pair of Carolines leave the room.
Andrea: Well, there's a bottle of red wine in the basement, if you want we could both just get tipsy and fall over.
Andrea Orr: Fine by me.
The pair of Andreas leave the room, leaving the pair of Jims at the table, confused.
Jim: Well... best two out of three?
Jim Orr: You're on. One two three four, I declare a thumb war...
Sharon Corr paces back and forth outside.
Sharon: I have to be asleep. Any moment now I'm going to wake up and this will have all been a dream. It can't be real.
Sharon pinches herself.
Sharon: Ow! Dammit. What am I going to do about this? I'm losing my mind.
Sharon Orr: You okay?
Sharon: Aggh! You scared me. Don't sneak up on people like that!
Sharon Orr: Well excuse me! Sorry.
Sharon: Well, it's okay. I'm just stressed.
Sharon Orr goes to Sharon Corr and gives her counterpart a shoulder massage.
Sharon Orr: You shouldn't be stressed. This night is just... strange. But it's not that bad, is it?
Sharon: No, it's not. It's just very confusing. You have no idea.
Sharon Orr: Of course I do! Imagine dating someone who looks just like your brother! And on top of that all your sisters look his!
Sharon: Sharon, this is really confusing, it's mind-boggling. I could almost go for a cigarette but I know Andrea and Caroline will throw conniptions if I do.
Suddenly, a car pulls up in the driveway, a taxi cab. An old-looking woman gets out of the car.
Sharon: Mammy?
Sharon Orr: Mammy! What are you doing here?
Jean Orr: Your brother invited me here. He said it was going to be a nice dinner party, and I'd get to meet your new boyfriend.
Sharon Corr runs to Jean and hugs her.
Sharon: You're back! Oh god, you're back!
Jean Orr: Are you okay? I mean... there's two of you. Something must be wrong with my glasses.
Sharon realizes that this isn't her mother, and lets go. Jean Corr never wore glasses.
Sharon Orr: Over here, Mam. It's a long story.
Just then, Andrea decides to come out of the house.
Andrea: Sharon, I... Mammy? MAMMY! OH MY GOD!
Andrea leaps off of Sharon's porch and runs to Jean Orr with tears in her eyes.
Sharon: Andrea! Andrea! It's not her!
Andrea: What are you talking about? It's Mammy!
Sharon: Mammy is dead, you know that, don't you?
Andrea: But it can't be, this is her!
Sharon Orr: Actually, this is MY Mammy.
Andrea: But...
Sharon takes Andrea away.
Sharon: There there, Andrea. I was so convinced too.
To make matters worse, another car pulls up, and Gerry Corr climbs out.
Gerry: Sharon!
Sharon Orr: Dad? DAD! Oh, but... wait.
Gerry: *gasp* Jean... Jean, my love! I... I... you're here! But it can't...
Sharon goes back over to them.
Sharon: Dad! Dad!
Gerry: Sharon? What is... you... two...
Jean: But... this isn't...
Sharon: Dad, this is me, I'm... oh god, I SO need an aspirin. Dad, this is Jean Orr. She's the mother of Jim's new girlfriend, Sharon. She's the girl here who looks just like me.
Gerry looks at Sharon quizzically, studying the entire scene. He sees two Sharons, one Andrea, and his back-from-the-dead wife.
Gerry: That's it... too much whiskey. I'm going home.
Gerry gets back in his cab and drives away.
Jean Orr: That is probably a really good idea. See you all later. This is... aye... can't describe it.
Sharon: We're very sorry, Mrs. Orr, for all the trouble.
Jean Orr jumps back into her cab and it takes off.
Sharon Orr: Now I need a cigarette. Or wine, something.
Sharon: This night is just too stressful...
Andrea: I hope Jim marries Sharon.
Both Sharons turn to Andrea.
Sharon: What?
Andrea: Well if Jim marries Sharon Orr then we'll have someone who looks just like Mammy! Then we could be like a big family again but with lots of twins! And a really big band!
Sharon gets dizzy with the thought.
Sharon Orr: I have no clue what to do now. I mean, it'd be nice to have Dad back.
Sharon: Your dad... let me guess, he's dead and his name was Gerry Orr, right?
Sharon Orr: Right.
Sharon stomps her feet and tries to think.
Sharon: I can't take this! I need a whole fricken' bottle of aspirin!
Sharon Orr: I think we should leave, seriously. This is too much. Should I get my siblings?
Sharon: Yes, please Sharon, get them, take them, just... I know, it sounds bad. We just need to get you all out of here.
Sharon Orr: I understand, believe me.
Sharon Orr goes around the house, attempting to round up her siblings. Sharon does the same, intercepting Andrea in no time. Andrea Orr had stolen the wine bottle and was drunk. Andrea was very frustrated at that.
Sharon Orr: Everyone! Come out! We have to go!
Within a few minutes, all the siblings of both familes were in the living room.
Sharon: They... they took off the name tags. Damn! Which of you is an Orr?
Three raise their hands.
Sharon: Okay, if you're an Orr, go with her (points at Sharon Orr).
Andrea: But Sharon, I like my new friend. Can't we hang out some more?
Sharon: Later, Andrea. Right now we all just need to get things back in order. Orrs, out the door!
The Orrs shuffle out the door, somewhat angry. Sharon Orr gives Jim a hug.
Sharon Orr: I'm sorry, Jim, but I don't think we can go on. It's just... too much trouble. I hope you can understand.
Jim: But... but I really like you. You're terrific.
Sharon Orr: I'm practically a duplicate of your oldest sister. That's a little weird, don't you think?
Jim: Yes, but still...
Sharon Orr: Take care, Jim.
Sharon Orr walks out the door, and Jim sits down on the floor.
Jim: Damn. What a way to end a relationship.
Sharon goes over to Jim.
Sharon: Aww, well, don't worry, Jim. (squeezes his cheeks) You'll still have Sharon Corr around to bother you. And just think, if you two got married, she'd always do this to you.
Jim: Aggh! Now I know how Gavin feels!
Gavin comes walking downstairs.
Gavin: You have no idea.
Andrea: I can't believe it... I sooo thought it was Mammy. My heart practically leapt out of my chest in joy. And seeing the look on Dad's face was just... I thought he was going to have a heart attack.
Caro: Well, all's well that ends well. I guess it's true when they say that everyone has an exact twin somewhere else in the world. It would've been fun to have another drummer sister around.
Andrea: Well, we can still call them.
*crunch crunch CRUNCH*
They all look to see Jim stomping on his handheld organizer.
Jim: Stupid... piece... of... junk!
Caro: Wait, Jim! Wasn't Sharon Orr's number in there?
Jim: Yes, why? Stupid junk!
Caro: Em... you do have it written down somewhere, right?
Jim: Em... no. Why?
All three of his sisters go up to him and smack him upside the head.
Sharon: Now we'll never see our doubles again!
Jim: Well with the way you all hit me, I don't WANT them to be around! Imagine six of you, or seven if you count the other me!
Andrea: But NOW who am I gonna get drunk with and write songs with besides myself?
Sharon: Andrea, somehow I don't think the world is ready for our doubles just yet. The Corrs is a fine enough band with us four and Anto and Keith.
Jim: Which makes me wonder, did they have an Anto and Keith?
Caro: I don't want to know.
Andrea lays back on the living room couch.
Andrea: So, what do we do now?
Sharon: Night's still young. What say we eat the dinner we cooked for us and someone like us, and then...
Jim: Play rancid sock baseball?
Caro: No, please no.
Jim: Well, what then?
Caroline gets an evil look on her face.
Andrea: Uh oh, she's thinking again.
Sharon: This can't be good.
Caro: I've been saving this all night. A little "embarrass Jim in front of his date" thing.
Jim: Please, you three have done it all. What possibly could you use to embarrass me?
Caroline whips a tape out from nowhere.
Andrea: Where did you keep that, in your bum?
Caro: No, I'm not like you, Andrea.
Andrea: Hey!
Sharon: Hehehe... so that's why you walk so funny.
Andrea: Shut up!
Jim: What is it?
Caroline pops the tape into the VCR.
Caro: Let's just say... Jim here has a very vivid imagination. A very vivid imagination.
The screen snows, then Jim is on the screen, in front of a mirror.
Jim on tape: You sexy, sexy man. Look at you. You're a god.
Jim is watching in horror.
Jim: No!! How did you get this???
Jim on tape: Is someone going to get it tonight? Is someone going to GET IT TONIGHT? Oh yes, it's YOU. (points at mirror) Jim, the sexy shagmonster.
Next, Jim is posing like a model.
Jim: NO! Stop it! (Jim leaps at the VCR, but Sharon holds him back)
Andrea: Oh god!!! Look at him go!
Gavin: Woooohooo go baby, move those muscles!
Jim is flexing now, singing "I'm Too Sexy".
Caro: What huge, huge biceps you have.
Of course, they're not that impressive, and Jim is white as a ghost.
Jim: No, please, turn it off! Turn it off!
Sharon: More, more!
Caroline fast-forwards the tape to a part with Jim licking the mirror.
Jim on tape: Sexy maaaannnn!!
All in room: Ugggghh!!!
Jim: I'm sooooo sooo glad Sharon Orr isn't here to see this.
*ding dong*
Sharon Orr: Hello? Is anyone still there? I forgot my house keys.
Jim: NO! Don't let her in!
Andrea leaps to the door and opens it.
Andrea: Oh, there you are! Please, come in! Watch the telly!
Sharon Orr: No, I really couldn't, I'm in a hurry... ah... (sees TV) Jim...
Jim: I can explain, I can explain everything!
Sharon Orr watches the tape a bit, getting a funny look on her face.
Sharon: Somehow, I don't think that's a good thing.
Sharon Orr goes to Jim and gives him a kiss.
Sharon Orr: Call me, okay? *wink*
Andrea: Wait! We need your number!
Sharon Orr: What happened to the last one?
Andrea notices the crushed remains of the pocket organizer and kicks them under the sofa.
Andrea: Accident. Em, we need it again.
Sharon Orr: Well, okay. I'll just write it down over here by the phone.
Sharon Orr writes the number down, then gets her keys.
Sharon Orr: Bye Jim. *wink*
Caro: Oh god... it backfired. Jim's got himself a girlfriend again.
Jim: Woohoo! It worked! The sexy shagmonster dance worked!
Sharon Orr: Em... right. See you all later.
Sharon Orr leaves.
Sharon: Sexy shagmonster?
Jim: Of course.
Andrea: Okay, I don't want to know. (goes upstairs to the attic)
Andrea turns on the attic light, and goes back to the cluttered pile of boxes.
Andrea: I wonder where...
Andrea digs around and finds a familiar-looking box. She opens it and takes out a dress of some sort, a simple white one, and wraps herself in it. She then lies down on the floor, and as she drifts off, she reads the words on the box off to herself.
Andrea: Jean's clothes...
The End