Las Vegas and Disneyland

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Las Vegas
Hours and hours later, The Corrs arrive in Las Vegas and pull into the parking garage of the MGM Grand Hotel & Casino. Andrea and Caroline are going insane.
Andrea: I never saw so many lights! This place is gorgeous!
Sharon: It's a parking garage.
Caro: No, not THIS. The strip!
Sharon: Oh, right. I think it's pretty but we'd better be careful, gambling might be a bad thing if you go overboard. You could lose your entire life's savings.
Andrea: Sharon?
Sharon: Yes? Hush, Andrea.
Andrea: Damn!
Jim: Well, I'll try and find out if we can get rooms. Stay here.
Caro: Stay here? In the parking garage?
Jim: Well, if you want to walk all 50 miles with me, you're more than welcome.
After twenty minutes of walking, getting lost several times, they finally get into the casino, tired and grumpy.
Andrea: I swear, you can't find a single thing in this place.
Caro: What time is it?
Jim: It's... oh right, I didn't set my watch.
Sharon: I don't think they keep clocks in casinos.
All around them, people are at slot machines, stretching for what looks like miles. It's crowded, noisy, and smokey.
Sharon: Ahh... my kind of smell.
Caro: Blech, cigarettes. Help me.
Andrea: My lungs! Aggh!
Jim: Where the hell is the hotel registration?
They read signs above, trying to find out where to go. One sign finally pops up with an arrow pointing to Hotel Services.
Caro: Thank gawwwwwwd.
Andrea: Oh m'gawwwwwd.
Sharon: Bock b'gawwwwwk.
Caro: We all grew up in Dundawwwwwwwk.
Jim: Where the hell's a clawwwwwwk?
Andrea: Hehe cool game, and we're not even drunk!
Caro: What's your name? Hehe...
They arrive at a very crowded Hotel Services. There is an endless line of people.
Sharon: Damn, more waiting!
Jim: Watch this. OH MY GOD! ONE OF THE SLOT MACHINES BY THE BATHROOM JUST EXPLODED! THERE'S MONEY ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!
There's a stampede as money-hungry patrons rush back into the casino, screaming.
Sharon: Nice work, Jim. Hey... where'd Andrea go, Cazz?
Caro: Em... I think she left with the stampede.
Jim: Oh great... well, let's finish up here.
A few minutes later, Andrea returns.
Jim: Andrea, you know I was joking!
Andrea: Really? You were joking? (spills coins everywhere)
Jim: *jaw drops* Andrea... you are my personal lucky charm now.
Andrea: Oh, how sweet! But I don't think I can fit in your pocket.
Sharon ends up paying for the rooms, since the price per night almost makes Jim go into convulsions, and they head back out to the parking lot with a large luggage cart.
Jim: I hope it'll all fit on this one cart. This walk is going to kill me.
Andrea and Caroline arrive at the car before Sharon and Jim, taking turns riding on the luggage cart.
Andrea: Hehe that was fun.
Caro: Clyde liked it too! Hehe *kicks up the little clown's legs*
A black car cruises up and stops. The very tinted window rolls down.
Stalker man: Are you girls lost?
Andrea: It's you! It's the stalker! Get away! Jim! JIM!!!
The car speeds away, and Caroline throws her shoe at it, making it bounce off the back window. The car speeds out into the street and disappears.
Jim: What? Who was that?
Andrea: It was the stalker!
Caro: Yeah and he was trying to get BOTH of us!
Sharon runs up.
Sharon: What was that all about?
Jim: The stalker that was after Andrea tried to take Caroline and Andrea.Sharon: Hmm... do you think we should still stay here?
Jim: Sure, he doesn't know our rooms.
Andrea: *sigh* Okay.
Caro: Yeah, me and Clyde'll kick his arse. *kicks up the legs again*
An hour later, the Corr family is outside the MGM Grand, looking at the brilliant lights and night life. Across the street is New York, New York, and nearby is the huge fake gold lion, the centerpiece for the MGM Grand.
Jim: Now THAT is a big Leo.
Andrea: Ooh! Gold! Can we keep it? How much do you think it's worth?
Sharon: There's the Luxor. Now that's a neat building.
Andrea: Yeah. It's one of the only modern buildings shaped like a pyramid. The light in the top is so powerful that astronauts can actually see it from space.
Sharon: Andrea?
Andrea: Yes?
Sharon: Hush.
Caroline climbs up near the big gold lion and begins to scale it.
Jim: Cazz! What the hell are you doing?
Caro: Just take a picture!
Andrea: It'll last longer.
Caroline skillfully climbs up the gold lion, reaching the top and now frighteningly high off the ground.
Caro: I'm the queen of the world! Wooohoooo!!!
Andrea snaps several pictures, laughing.
Sharon: You're going to get arrested, Caroline! Get down from there!
Caro: This is the second biggest lion I've ever ridden on!
Andrea: I DON'T want to know what that means.
Jim jumps up and begins to climb the lion.
Sharon: Jim! Where are you going?
Jim: I can't miss out on the fun!
Sharon: But I thought you just yelled at Caroline to get down from there!
To their worst luck, a police car comes up the street.
Sharon: Jim! The police are coming!
Jim: Yeah right!
Sharon points down the street at the police car, which is flashing its lights.
Jim: Oh crap!! Cazz! The cops are coming!
Caro: Uh oh...
Jim slides back down and jumps into the bushes, hiding himself. Caroline turns around and looks for a way to get off the lion, now scared of the height.
Caro: Aggh! I can't do this!
The cop car pulls up, and two officers get out. Andrea turns away.
Andrea: I don't know them! Hmm hm hm hmmmm.....
Caroline slides back down the lion at high speed, and falls off the back, landing on the ground behind it, a ten foot drop.
Caro: *bam* OW! I think I broke me arse!!!
Caroline gets up painfully and runs back into the casino. Jim, who's hiding in the bushes, crawls away.
Cop: Where did those two on the statue go?
Sharon: Em... I don't know.
Cop: You didn't see where they went?
Sharon: I think one fell and broke his arse or something.
The cop goes to Andrea.
Cop: Did you see where the people on the statue went?
Andrea: Eh? I'm just standing here, I didn't see anything.
The cop goes over and looks in the bushes, barely missing Jim, who climbs out and brushes himself off, as if though nothing was wrong.
Meanwhile...
Caro: Damn... I think I really DID break my arse. *limping*
Suddenly, a hand reaches out to her and touches her arm.
Caro: Ah! Wha?
Stalker man: Do you know where I can find your little sister?
Caro: Get away from me!
Stalker man: No, she told me to find her!
Caro: I'm not going to believe you! You almost kidnapped her!
Caro jogs away as fast as she can, but her almost broken arse slows her down.
Caro: Ow! Ooch! Ouch! Aggh! Ow! Ow!
Caroline goes to an elevator and presses the button, looking behind her. In the crowds, she can see the man approaching her.
Caro: Come on, come on! *pushes button again and again*
The man is getting closer.
Caro: Come on! *pushes button again*
Caroline looks and sees the staircase door on the other side of the room. The stalker man is getting closer.
Caroline limps over to the staircase door and goes inside.
Caro: I can't believe this... I have to climb stairs with my broken arse...
Caroline crawls up the stairs as fast as she can go. The man opens the staircase door and looks in.
Caro: No! Go away!
Caroline can hear footsteps lower down, running. She crawls faster, going up the steps, making her leather pants dirty. She opens another door and crawls through.
The man comes through the same door, but Caroline is nowhere in sight. All there is is an empty hall and a maid's cart. He open the cart and looks inside, seeing nothing but bedsheets. Discouraged, he goes away and back down into the stairs.
Caro climbs out from under the sheets and crawls to the nearest elevator.
Meanwhile...
Jim walks up to Andrea.
Jim: Did they find Cazz?
Andrea: I don't know you!
A cop looks over at Andrea, then at Jim.
Jim: Just a little game we play. Come on, Andrea.
Andrea: I don't know this guy!
Jim: Andrea! Stop it!
Andrea: How do you know my name? I don't know this guy, he just walked up to me!
The cop approaches Jim, noticing the dirt on Jim's clothes.
Andrea: Yep! I don't know this guy!
Jim: Andrea, shut up!
Cop: How did you get your clothes so dirty, sir?
Jim: Em... I fell down.
Cop: Do you know this woman?
Jim: Yes. It's my sister!
Andrea: I don't know him! I was just standing here.
Sharon: Andrea, stop it already!
Andrea: I don't know you, either! I didn't see anything!
Cop: Could you three all come with me?
Sharon: Em...
Jim: Uh...
All three Corrs take off down the sidewalk as fast as their legs can carry them.
Jim: Yeah, nice one, Andrea!
Andrea: I was saving my arse!
Sharon: Well now we ALL have to save our arse!
They run into the casino and quickly blend into the crowds.
Jim: I wonder where Cazz crawled off to?
The Corrs ring for an elevator, and to their surprise they find broken-arsed Caroline, who's leaning against the wall.
Sharon: Hey, you're alive! I can't believe you survived that fall off the lion!
Caro: Yah, well, get in.
They get into the elevator.
Caro: I broke my arse.
Sharon: Come again?
Caro: I probably can't! ...Whoops, I mean...
Andrea: You broke your arse?
Caro: Yes. It REALLY hurts and it's kinda crunchy.
Jim: Ah. We should call a doctor. You might've broken your coxyx.
They all look at Jim funny.
Caro: Broken my whuh?
Jim: Your coxyx.
Sharon: That has to be the worst word I've ever heard!
Jim: Her coxyx! Her ass bone! Tail bone!
Andrea: Hehe for a second I was about to ask Caroline how come she got one and I didn't. Ok, I'll shut up now.
Jim: We'll probably have to check it. You wouldn't be able to walk if you did break it.
Caro: Right, well, let's get this elevator going, eh?
Caro presses the button for their floor and the elevator starts upward. Jim starts hopping up and down, shaking the elevator.
Andrea: (wide-eyed and angry) Jim! Stoppit!
Sharon: Aggh! Jim! Cut that out!
Jim: *boing* *boing* *boing*
Caro: You're gonna break the elevator!
Jim: No I'm not! *boing* *boing*
*GROAAAAAAN* *SCREEECH*
The elevator stops.
Jim: Ooooops....
After hours of frantic yelling, screaming, and Jim bawling his eyes out, the elevator gets fixed and the Corrs head on their way. Now it's about ten at night, and all four of them are tired.
With the help of her siblings, Caroline is taken back to the hotel room, where she lies down on the bed. Jim calls a doctor, which is somehow hard to find in Las Vegas.
Andrea: So the stalker man is here? Did he find out where we are?
Caro: I don't think so. He chased me but I escaped him, crawling on my hands and knees.
Andrea gets on the bed and starts jumping up and down, bouncing Caroline around.
Caro: OW! Stop it! You're hurting my broken arse!
Andrea: Awww, maybe Clyde can help you with your broken arse! Clyde likes to help, shows that he loves you!
Caro: He'll help me kick YOUR arse! Stop bouncing!
Jim: Yes? Doctor? I need help with my sister. What? You can't go anywhere? Over the phone?
Jim looks at Caroline, who looks like if she hadn't broken her arse, she'd be ripping Andrea to shreds. But then, she wouldn't be angry about Andrea jumping on the bed if her arse wasn't broken.
Jim: Cazz! I need to tell the doctor what's wrong with you over the phone! He's going to give me directions!
Caro: Directions?
Jim: He said I need to inspect you myself.
Caro: Aggh! NO! You're not going to look at my arse!
Andrea: Not da bum! Not da bum! Whooaaa... *falls off the bed* Ow....
Sharon bursts out laughing, rolling on the floor.
Jim: So, yeah. I can do it.
Caro: No! You're not looking at my arse!
Jim: Come on, I used to change your diapers, Cazz.
Caro: Well this is different! I'm hot now! You can't look at my hot arse!
Jim: Well see, you can either lie there with a broken arse and probably have something go wrong where you can't go to the bathroom or sit down ever again...
Caro: Hey Jim, want to check my arse for injuries? (agreeing)
Jim brings the phone closer to Caroline.
Jim: Okay, the small of the back? Okay, Cazz, turn over and lie on your belly.
Caroline lies down on her belly. Jim listens to what the doctor says.
Jim: Does this hurt?
Caro: No.
Jim: Okay, does this hurt?
Caro: Not really.
Jim continues to listen.
Jim: Okay, does this hurt?
Caro: A little.
Jim: Okay... yeah, she said it doesn't hurt there. Oh? Okay. Cazz, I'm going to have to actually touch your arse.
Caro: Eeeeek!
Jim: Come on, now!
Andrea: I'll do it... sheesh.
Caro: Okay, that's almost better.
Andrea helps Caroline pull down the back of her pants CENSORED CENSORED CENSORED! YOU CAN'T READ THIS!
Just kidding. So now Caroline has her bare arse showing, but is covering it with a blanket so Jim can't see.
Andrea: It's moments like this that make me truly glad that I'm straight and this is my sister.
Jim: Okay, Andrea, I need you to grab the left cheek...
Caro: WHAT?
Jim: Kidding. Would you just let me do this? I can't tell her what the doctor is saying.
Andrea: Give me the phone, then!
Jim hands Andrea the phone.
Andrea: Hello? Okay. Yes. Yes, I have her arse out. Now what? Okay...
Caro: OW! OWWW!!! THAT HURRTS!!!!!
Andrea: Okay. She said it hurts.
Caro: Your fingernails were poking me!!!
Andrea: Hmmph!
Jim snatches the phone back.
Jim: So sorry for all the confusion. Cazz, think happy thoughts. *pulls back the blanket* Okay, so... right. Does this hurt, Cazz?
Caro: No. It's fine!
Jim: Okay. What about here?
Caro: No! IT's FINE!
Jim: Okay... what about here?
Caro: It's great, Jim! Great!
Jim: What?
Caro: You said to think a happy thought, so I'm trying to be happy!
Jim: Rrrgh! TELL me if it hurts!
Caro: Okay, well everything you just did HURTS, really bad.
Jim: Okay...
Suddenly, Sharon snaps photos with a camera, getting a perfect shot of Andrea looking surprised while Jim has his hand on Caroline's bare arse while on the phone. Jim turns his head and again the photo is taken. Now he's surprised, and so is Caro.
Jim: SHARON! STOP THAT!
Sharon: Hehe I wonder how much the tabloids would pay... *click*
Andrea: Stop!
Sharon: Family album! It can go right next to the clipping of naked Jim in Playgirl!
Jim: I'm sorry, I'll have to call you back, I have a maniac in my room. *hangs up phone*
Sharon: Wow, Jim. You sure look funny when you're mad.
Minutes later...
Sharon: Come on now, this isn't funny.
Jim props the chair up good and tight, making sure that Sharon can't open the bathroom door.
Jim: Now, back to business...
Caro: Jim, I REALLY don't want you to touch my arse again.
Jim: I'm sure I won't have to do much of it anymore.
Jim gets back on the phone and calls the doctor.
Jim: Yes, hello, I just called... yes, the broken arse. Okay.
Jim puts his hand back on Caro's bare ass.
Jim: Okay... you really want me to do that?
Caro: What? Do what?
Jim: I have to massage your arse.
Caro: Wha? Huh? Couldn't I put my pants back on for this?
Jim: Could she put her pants back on for this? No? Why not? Oh. It doesn't work as well.
Caro: Great, just great...
Jim: So Cazz, why aren't you wearing underwear anyway? Then I wouldn't have to do this so... personally.
Caro: I wanted to feel free.
Jim: Free? You?
Caro: I have my reasons!
Jim: Well I have a reason for you to put some underwear on.
Caro gets some underwear on and lays back down on the bed.
Jim: Okay doctor, sorry for the delay, my sisters are being a pain... yes, they're my sisters! What did you think! Oh... well, thanks but I'm not like that...
Andrea: Hello??? Broken arse over here!
Jim: Okay, anyway... press down? Okay.
Caroline lets loose a howl that could easily outdo Charlotte Church.
Andrea: Ow! My ears!
Caro: AGGGGGH JIM YOU'RE BREAKING MY ARSE EVEN MORRREEE AGGGGGGH!
Jim: Okay okay! What next?
Jim tries massaging Caroline, and she almost does a somersault from the pain.
Jim: Come on, doctor! She's dying here!
Caro: AGGGH!
Jim: Yes, she has a really huge bruise. Yes. Gigantic bruise. Don't touch it? Okay. Hit her?
Caro: Hit me??
Jim hits Caroline with his fist, hitting her tailbone but also partly hitting the gigantic bruise on her arse.
Caro: WHAAAAAAAAGH IF THIS HURTS THIS MUCH I'M NEVER HAVING CHILDREN AGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!
Andrea: AGGGGGGHHH!!!!
Jim: What now? I don't think it worked! Massage it again?
Jim tries pressing and massaging again, and Caroline is belting her lungs out.
Caro: WHAAAAAAAAGGH!!!!!!
Andrea: AIEEEEEEE!!!!
Sharon: What the hell are you doing to Caroline, Jim????
Caro: JIM IS KILLING MEEEEEE!!!
Andrea: AGGGGGGGGHH!
Jim: Why the hell are you screaming, Andrea?
Andrea: I'm just trying to help! And Caroline kicked me!!!! AGGGH!
Jim presses again and there's a satisfying crunch. Caroline almost climbs the wall.
Caro: Whagggh! Aggh... ahh... What the hell was that...
Jim: Okay doctor, I think it worked. Yeah, it cracked or something. Alright, we'll use ice on it. Thank you.
Andrea: AGGGGGGGGH!
Jim: Andrea you can stop that now!!
Andrea: Okay...
Jim hangs up the phone.
Jim: So is it better now?
Caro: Almost... just that my bruise feels like somebody shot me with a bazooka. Then with an arrow. Then they blew up a grenade on top of it.
Jim: Well, that's good. I'll get some ice. Andrea, let Sharon out.
Jim goes out into the hall, getting looks from many people passing by, having heard the noise from two floors down.
Caroline stays at the hotel room while the rest of The Corrs go downstairs to the casino.
Jim: Do you really think we should gamble?
Sharon: Sure, why not?
Jim: Well, just because...
Andrea: Awwww Jim's afraid he's going to lose.
Jim: Well yes, doesn't everybody lose here?
Andrea: Yes, but then they win. It should be fun. Stop being cheap.
Jim: I'm not cheap! I'm careful with my money. But, hey, I'll probably win since I have my lucky charm right here.
Andrea: Oh, great.
Jim: I meant you. *pats her on the shoulder*
Andrea: Hmm, yes, just put me right in your pocket.
Jim: Don't joke, I probably could. *bop*
They get 1000 dollars worth of chips and look for a table to go to.
Sharon: Which game sounds better?
Jim: I don't know. How about poker?
Sharon: No, that's a little too risky. Blackjack?
Jim: Oh, I totally beat everyone in Blackjack.
Sharon: Except me.
Jim: Oh, go bite something.
They go to a blackjack table, served by a slick dealer, as usual.
Sharon: Andrea, do you want to play?
Andrea: No... I'd lose totally. I can barely remember where my things are half the time, let alone how much the cards are worth.
Jim: Deal me in.
Sharon: Me too.
Dealer: How much?
Jim: Uh... one of these. *puts a chip on the table*
Sharon: Here. *puts a chip down*
The dealer hands out the cards. *flickflickflickflick*
Jim: Uh... hit me. *bop* Andrea, stop that!
Andrea: Sorry! Hehe.
The dealer gives Jim another card.
Jim: Oh bloody hell. *throws down his hand*
Sharon: 23... hehehe... I stay.
The dealer fools around with his cards a bit.
Dealer: Your hand?
Sharon: 18.
Dealer: 20.
Sharon: Hmm, well, okay. Deal me in again *puts ten chips down*
Jim: Sharon!
Sharon: Just do it, Jim.
Jim puts down ten chips and they're both dealed in.
Dealer: Blackjack.
Jim: Whaaa?
Sharon: Fine. Deal me in again.
They lose about ten more games, and finally Sharon puts all her chips on the table.
Jim: Sharon! What the hell are you doing?
Sharon: Trust me, Jim. Do it.
Jim: I swear.... *puts down the rest of his chips*
Sharon: Deal 'em.
The dealer hands out their cards. Sharon gets a face card and a ten (which the dealer can't see). The dealer also has a face card up.
Jim: Em... hit me. Don't even try, Andrea.
Andrea: Hehehe.
Jim gets another card.
Jim: Damn it to hell! *throws his cards down*
Andrea: 25... not good.
Jim: Grrrr...
Sharon: I'll stay.
Dealer: 21.
Sharon: Rgh! Em... fine then. *puts her cards down*
They walk away.
Jim: Sharon, what the hell was that all about? We just lost 1000 dollars!
Sharon: I know. *goes to a window* I'd like 10000 dollars in chips, please.
Jim almost faints.
Andrea: Sharon! What on Earth are you planning? You're going to lose a fortune!
Sharon: Shoo! Shoo! Out! My business! Out!
Andrea and Jim leave Sharon to herself, then see her walk out a few minutes later carrying $10,000 dollars in chips.
Jim: Sharon, WAIT! Are you drunk? What is this all about?
Sharon: Just watch.
She goes right back to the same dealer, who's eyes go wide at her huge collection of chips. She puts all of them on the table.
Sharon: Deal me up.
Jim: Oh my god...
The dealer hands Sharon her two cards, equalling up to twenty.
Dealer: You hit or stand?
Sharon: Double it up.
Jim: No way... no way! Somebody shoot me!
Dealer: But ma'am...
Sharon: I said DOUBLE it. I have the chips right here. *dumps her purse onto the counter. Now there's $20,000 dollars on the table*
The dealer swallows. There shouldn't be bets that big, but he liked to beat the silly Irish woman.
Sharon: DOUBLE IT! *rubs Andrea's head, ruffling her hair*
Andrea: Hey!! *crosses her arms angrily*
He puts down the card.
Ace.
Dealer: 20. You?
Sharon: 21.
The dealer collapses on the table, chips flying everywhere.
Sharon: I don't care. Pay up.
Jim: *staring at Andrea* Can I hug you? Can I? *crushes Andrea in a bear hug*
Andrea: Whoa, okay Jim. You're about to smash my ribs. Ow. Ow. You're going to break the lucky charm, Jim.
The next day, The Corrs wake up at night, having stayed up and partied until the sun was up. Jim goes down to the strip to look around. As he passes in between two buildings he notices a green sign reading "Hoodoo", the H switching to V every few seconds.
Jim goes into the shop, hoping to find some silly trinkets, being that he had had some experience with voodoo when he was in San Francisco.
Soontani: Welcome, James Corr.
Jim: Huh? How did you know my name?
The voodoo person in the shop, who had been wearing a large Bally's headdress that covered her face took the mask off.
Jim: Soontani? Is that really you?
Soontani: Yes, it is I.
Jim: Wow, you lost weight.
Soontani: I wasn't fat.
Jim: Well right, but I meant... oh never mind.
Soontani: Do not mock the voodoo priestess, James Corr. You should know that.
Jim: Yeah, I do. So what are you doing in Vegas? Didn't you have a shop in San Francisco?
Soontani: Yes I did. But I felt that its location in between the buildings there in San Francisco wasn't ideal for business.
Jim: So you move it in between the buildings here in Las Vegas?
Soontani: That, and I can't stand fish anymore.
Jim: Ah, good. Fancy a shag?
Soontani: My senses tell me you have someone waiting for you in your homeland, James.
Jim: Oh, right. Darn...
Soontani closes her eyes and uses her mind, then frowns.
Soontani: She looks like your sister.
Jim: It's not my sister. She looks a lot like her, and her siblings look like us too, but you see... ah forget it.
Soontani: So, what can I do for you, James Corr? I do sell a variety of voodoo talismans and other items of the voodoo arts.
Jim: Hmm... I was thinking of a voodoo doll, or perhaps something to help cure my sister's broken arse.
Soontani: Ah, yes. I have something for just that... *reaches over into a shelf* This doll can do more than cause hurt to those you wish, it also does good.
Jim: Hey, that's a good idea. My sister is totally sqeamish about me touching her arse.
Soontani: She should, Jim. She should.
Jim takes the voodoo doll.
Jim: What do I owe you for this?
Soontani: Let's just call it a gift between friends. *wink*
Jim: Em... are you sure you don't fancy a shag?
Soontani: I may deal in voodoo, James, but I don't deal in adultery.
Jim: Well I'm not married to her.
Soontani: It ain't my thing, okay??? I mean... no.
Jim: Well, okay. Thanks, Soontani. Hey, what is your real name again?
Soontani: Soontanimuhamikawishimanookamiwi.
Jim: Ah, right. Farewell for now, Soontanimuhkama... ah, forget it.
Jim returns to the hotel and goes up to their room. Sharon is on the phone with Gavin, while Andrea is watching the TV.
Andrea: I'm waiting for those stupid people to put on those movies I ordered.
Caro: Look out, here comes The Piano.
Andrea: That is such a good movie! I'll order that too.
Caro: Damn! Ow... Jim, can you get me more ice for my broken arse?
Jim: Sure thing. You'll never guess who I bumped into just a few minutes ago. Remember that voodoo lady I met in San Francisco?
Andrea: Let me guess... she moved down here and you bought something in the hopes that it'll cure Caroline's broken coxyx.
Jim: Wow, you're good. I didn't actually buy it, she gave it to me for free.
Sharon: You didn't shag her again, did you? I could call Sharon Orr.
Jim: No, I didn't.
Andrea grabs the bag from Jim and takes out the doll.
Andrea: A doll?
Jim: A voodoo doll.
Caro: You're not going to stick pins in it, are you?
Jim: No, no. Soontani said it has the power to heal, also. I just have to find out how to do that.
Andrea: There's instructions in here. It says... just think of the person and poke away.
Caro: No! Don't poke it!
Jim: Give it here.
Jim takes the doll from Andrea and studies it.
Jim: Let's see here... *thinks hard* Let's try moving the arm. *twists the arm*
Caro: OWWWWW!!!! Hey!!! My arm!!! Owwww...
Jim: Whoops. Sorry.
Andrea: Give me that! *snatches the doll* Let's see... *punches doll in the head*
*BAP*
Jim: OW! What the hell??
Andrea: Neat. I like my new toy.
Jim: Give that back! *snatch* Okay, let's see if I can heal Caroline. *thinks*
Caro: Pleeeze don't hurt me again...
Jim: I won't. *punches doll in the bum*
Caro: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW MOTHER F**KING PIECE OF S**T OMIGAWWWWWWDDDDDDD!!!!
Sharon: Wow! Sorry Gavin, Caroline is having issues.
Andrea: Jim, you're killing Caroline!
Jim fiddles around with the doll more, massaging around until they all hear a satisfying CRACK.
Caro: EEEEEEEE!!! HEHE!!!! Aggggh! Whaaaaaa.....
Andrea: I think that did it.
Jim: Cazz? You feeling better?
Caroline jumps off the bed, healed.
Caro: Just wait till I get my hands on that doll!!! *jumps on Jim*
Jim: Agggh! I thought I helped you!
Andrea grabs the doll and tosses it out the window. It falls... and falls... and falls... into a sewer.
Jim: Well, that's the end of that.
Caro: Damn you, Andrea! Now I have to kick Jim's arse the old-fashioned way! *kick* Happy birthday! How old are you, 38? Let's see, that's one *kick* two *kick* three *kick*...
35 kicks later, Caroline stops and walks away. Jim is still lying on the floor, thoroughly in pain.
Sharon: Yes. Well, bye dear. Love ya. Right. Okay. Millions of kisses. Mmm-hmm. Yah. Yep. Okay. Yes, I'll call you later. I mean it!
Andrea: I've heard lectures from teachers shorter than your telephone goodbyes, Shazz.
Sharon: Shh! Yes, I love you dear. Must I remind you? Okay! Hehe. All right. BYE! *click*
Jim: I think Caroline broke MY arse.
Sharon: Now, what was this that Caroline was screaming every obscenity in the book about?
Andrea: Jim was hitting the voodoo doll and fixing her broken arse. And she was also demonstrating why none of us are going to want to have children.
Later on, The Corrs head out into the town, ready for a good night of partying the heck out of themselves. Jim and Sharon go to Bally's while Caroline drags Andrea off to the Stratosphere.
Andrea: NO, Caroline. I TOLD you I hate things that tall.
Caro: Oh, but I thought you LOVE Giles!
*heheheheheeeee*
Andrea: Hey!
Caro: You should do more high-risk things.
Andrea: Like dressing like you do, Mrs. Silver jacket and knee boots?
Caroline shoves Andrea into a taxi cab and yells to the driver to drive her around the block.
After about ten minutes, the cab pulls back up, and Andrea is now angry along with being nervous about going to Stratosphere.
Andrea: Thanks a lot, Bozo. Get in here.
Caroline gets into the cab and it takes them down to the Stratosphere, which looms very high above them. Andrea stares up at the top.
Andrea: No! You're not getting me up there. Uh-uh.
Caro: Yes I am.
Andrea: No you're not. Bye.
Caro: Yes I am! Get over here! *yanks Andrea's arm*
Andrea: NO! Get away from me!
Several people nearby hear Andrea?s outburst and look to see Caroline yanking at Andrea?s arm.
"Get her!"
"She's going to kidnap her!"
Caro: It's my sister!
Andrea: No! I'm not going!
The bystanders grab Caroline and throw her off of Andrea.
Andrea: No, that's really my sister!
One of the bystanders grabs Caroline from behind.
Guy: I got her! Someone call the cops! *BASH*
Caroline elbows the guy in the face, then jumps around in slow-motion and kicks the guy in the chest, Matrix style. (raising arms up like Trinity)
Andrea: Oooh... that's not good.
Two more people approach Caroline and she does a flying bicycle kick. *bopbopbopbopbopbopbop*
Andrea: *clapping* Hehehe that was great!
Caro: Get over here already!
Andrea: No!
Caro: Andrea, look at all the people lying on the ground from the serious arse-kicking I just gave everyone.
Andrea: Yes, which is indeed impressive.
Caro: Yah, I think Jim messed me up even more with that doll. But do you really want to disagree with me, little sister, after seeing all these people who I've beaten into submission?
Andrea: Are you hinting at something?
Caro: I COULD be. *glare*
Caroline drags Andrea all the way to the top of the tower, taking elevators up. Even though Andrea knows just what is down below, she runs to a window and looks over.
Andrea: AGGH! It's so high!!
Caro: Yes, the exact same thing you were afraid of.
Andrea: I don't want to be up here anymore Caroline, this is WAY too high. Maybe I could stand something like an aircraft carrier or the Eiffel Tower or something, but not this! This is WAY high up here.
Caro: And now I'm gonna drag you onto the ride.
Andrea: Ride? You didn't say we were going to ride the rides!
Caro: Why else would we go to the Stratosphere?
Andrea: So you can scare the heck out of me, or just gamble.
Caro: Well, there's gambling at our own hotel anyway, and besides, I could scare you on my own free time.
Caroline gives Andrea a cute look.
Caro: Come on...
Andrea: No!
Caro: Pleeeeeze....
Andrea: NO! *crosses arms angrily*
Caro: Let's go!
Andrea: Uh-uh! I'm staying right here!
Caroline grabs Andrea's arm and literally drags her along the floor, Andrea's feet pulling at the carpeting. Eventually Caroline is pulling Andrea behind her with Andrea's legs flailing about, trying to stop herself.
Caro: Andrea, would you quit that? You're wearing a leather skirt!
Andrea: So??
Caro: So people are looking at your panty-drawers.
Andrea: Stop dragging me, then!
Caro: Stop bein' a baby!
Caroline pushes Andrea into another elevator and they are brought up to the top level of the Stratosphere tower.
Andrea: Where's a railing? I need to look!
Caro: Would you stop? It's still high. It's not much higher than before.
Andrea: I don't want to do this!
Caro: Come on, pleeeeeeeze? For me!
Andrea: What'll you give me?
Caro: Respect.
Andrea: Not goin'.
Caro: Come on! I'll... buy you the rest of the books in that romantic series you like!
Andrea: *jumping* Ooh! Ooh! Really??
Caro: Yes! Now get over here!
Andrea: Well what are we going to ride?
Caroline points to the large frame tower going much higher, with a bunch of seats at the bottom.
Caro: That goes up, then down, a bunch of times. It'll be like, boinnnnngggg...
Andrea: And I'll be like, Agggggggh!
Caro: Yah. So let's do it!
Andrea: Em, that series doesn't sound all that good now...
Caroline still almost has to drag Andrea, and brings her over to the entrance to the ride. Caroline pays the outrageous ride price, and they get on.
Andrea: I'm going to kill you...
Caro: It'll be fine!
Andrea: I'm going to KILL you...
Caro: You're gonna be just fine! Don't worry!
Andrea: Don't... quote my lyrics back to me like that.
Caro: But your fans do it!
Andrea tugs at her restraints, wanting to get off the ride.
Andrea: Can't we negotiate the deal?
Caro: Andrea, I already paid the man over there. We can't get off now.
Andrea: Of course we can!
Caro: No, it's locked. They're about to start it.
Andrea: Oh my gawwwwwwd..... I'm going to kill you, Caroline.
Caro: Hehehe it's gonna be fun!
Andrea: If I could reach that far, I'd slap you.
An alarm buzzer goes off.
Caro: Hehe here we go!
Andrea: No!
Caro: Sing a song, Andrea! It'll help you get out of the fear!
Andrea: Fly little WIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The ride shoots up the tower, higher and higher. Andrea is now hyper-ventilating.
Caro: Yeah!!! WOOOHOOO!!!!! YEAH!
Andrea: Ahhhggghhh.... help...
Caro: Going down! Yeaaaahhh!!!!
The ride falls back down, then shoots up again.
Andrea: Noooo! Caroline I'm REALLY going to kill you!!!
Caro: *putting her arms out* I'm flying, Andrea! I'm flying!
The ride falls back down, then shoots up again.
Andrea: I'm gonna throw up!!!!!
Caro: Hehehehe yeaaahh!!!
*boinnnnng*
Andrea: I'll never see Dad again! Or Ireland! Or Giles-e-poo! Never!
Caro: Get over it! Hehe.
*boinnnnng*
Andrea: How many times does this go up and down like this?????
Caro: Ten!!!!!
After ten total rises and falls, the ride stops, and Andrea is in complete shock. Her hair is completely messed up and her face is really white.
Caro: Ohhh!!!! That was better than sex! Wait, no, I'm wrong. It's still good though!
Andrea: Off... LET ME OFF!
The restraints come off and Andrea jumps away from the ride, kissing the roof of the tower.
Andrea: Solid floor! Solid floor!
Caro: Who are you, the Pope?
Andrea: I don't care! Now I'm safe! Almost...
Kid: You're the mean lady!
Caro: Uh oh...
*kick*
Andrea: Ow! My face!
Andrea stands up to confront the annoying little boy.
Andrea: What do you do, follow us everywhere we go?
Caro: Imagine that... hmm.
Kid: You're the other mean lady!
Caro: Uh oh... *kick* Ow! Damn! You're gonna get it now...
Caro reaches out to the kid but sees a security guard standing nearby, watching. She smiles and pats the kid on the head.
Caro: You naughty child, you! Hehe. Right Andrea?
Andrea: Huh? You little bugger! Why I should... hey. Here. Take this. *hands the kid a $100 bill*
Caro: Andrea? What are you doing?
Andrea: Get plenty of junk food, then ride this. Trust me, it's fun.
Kid: Wow! Thanks, mean lady! *runs off*
Andrea: Grrrrr... ungrateful...
Caro: Andrea, what the hell was the point of that?
Andrea: Watch.
Andrea and Caroline sit on a bench and wait for a while. After half an hour, the kid returns with cotton candy sticking to his fingers and ketchup stains on his shirt.
Andrea: Now... sweet revenge.
Caro: You're evil. You really ARE the mean lady!
Andrea: Shut up. Or I'll kick you.
The kid, who had managed to get one of his parents on the ride with him, gets seated and the ride is prepped.
Andrea: Let's just hope we're not in the line of fire.
Ten minutes later, the ride is launched again, and the seats are sent up the tower.
Andrea: Hmm...
Caro: This is wrong. We really shouldn't do this.
The ride bounces and goes back up again. It does it a few more times, then...
Andrea: Look out, an explosion just happened!
Andrea and Caroline jump from the bench just in time to dodge pink liquid and half-digested hot dog bits.
Caro: Grossss!!!!! Andrea! That poor kid!
Andrea: Do you see these bruises on my sexy legs? It'll take days for these to go away! Now... about those books...
Caro: Oh dear...
Meanwhile, Sharon and Jim are enjoying the Bally's Caberet show.
Jim: Oooooh topless dancers...
Sharon: Oh shush. It's stylish.
Jim: Mmmmm-hmmmm.
Sharon: I would so love to go backstage.
Jim: Well we can! I know how!
Sharon: Huh?
Jim: Your dress is fancy enough! Just jump onstage and sneak in!
Sharon: No way! It's probably dangerous back there.
Jim: Watch... I'll work my magic.
They sit through the rest of the show, the audience ending it in thunderous applause.
Jim: Okay, ready?
Sharon: I can't believe we're doing this. We should just pay for the tour.
Jim: So? I'm not spending twenty dollars to go backstage! That's ludicrous!
Sharon: You and your cheapness...
Jim and Sharon crawl into the lower area with the dining tables, under the tables.
Sharon: This isn't good. I just saw three people staring at my bum because I was crawling.
Jim: Stop whining. Now see, you climb onto the stage over there and go off to the right.
Sharon: I really don't want to do this.
Jim: Fine then, I will.
Jim sneaks over to the stairs leading onto the stage. Sharon, who's still under the table, reluctantly decides to follow him.
Jim: Hurry, Sharon!
They run out of sight, and go down many flights of stairs.
Sharon: They really have to climb all these stairs every day? My god!
Jim: This is nothing. Whoooa crap! *tumble tumble tumble*
Sharon: Jim!
*BONKK*
Jim: Ow....
Sharon: Jim, are you okay?
Jim: Yeah, I think so. I think I hit my head on these steps.
Sharon: We should leave, really.
Jim: No. Come on, they probably won't mind.
Sharon: You've had one Guinness too many, haven't you?
They continue to climb down the stairs, and end up in the dressing rooms. Women in underclothes and funny headdresses are standing around, staring at them.
Sharon: Em... hi.
Jim: Wow.
Caberet girl: Hey! Who are you?
Jim: I'm Jim. We were, em... RUN SHARON!!!!
Jim and Sharon split up, Sharon running further into the dressing rooms and Jim taking several turns, running through various rooms and right into the room with the six-foot-tall topless dancers.
Topless dancer: EEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!
Jim: No, it's okay!
Very tall women surround Jim.
Jim: Oh god...
Meanwhile, Sharon stops running. Nobody seems to care that she's there, and she's completely dumbfounded. Women everywhere are changing their clothes, ornate outfits of many jewels and stones being placed on racks.
Caberet girl: Hey, who are you?
Sharon: Em... I'm Sharon. I was just...
Caberet girl: Are you new?
Sharon: Uh, yes? Yes. I'm new. I was just looking around.
Caberet girl: Oh. Good. I heard a guy just snuck in here. I feel sorry for him.
Sharon: Why's that?
Caberet girl: Well, we're all really strong. These suits we wear weigh about forty pounds by themselves. My headdress weighs about thirty.
Sharon: Wow!
(For those in Europe, I don't know your weight system.)
Jim: Agggggh!!!
Jim takes off down more flights of stairs, tripping and falling again. The topless dancers, still topless and in hot pursuit have no problem running down the stairs after him. He runs down into an area underneath the stage with heavy machinery and props.
Jim: Excuse me sir, which way is out?
Mechanic: Over at that door and up the stairs...
A flock of topless women come down the stairs, and Jim takes off again.
Sharon: To tell you the truth, I'm not really working here. My brother made me sneak in. I shouldn't even be here.
Caberet girl: Your brother? Was he that guy?
Sharon: Yes. I hope he's okay.
Caberet girl: Well, I don't think it's a problem if you're here, just don't mess with anything.
Sharon: Really? Thanks, I guess.
Meanwhile...
Jim runs out onto the stage, heading for the stairway off.
Jim: Got to... whoaa!!
Jim's shoe gets caught in the spaces between the stage's sections.
Jim: Oh no!
An assortment of angy topless dancers and Caberet dancers storm onto the stage, right for Jim.
Jim: Agggggh!!!
Meanwhile...
Sharon: So what's it like to do Caberet?
Caberet dancer: It's a lot of things. It's a real workout, a real commitment.
Sharon: I know. Show business.
Caberet dancer: A lot of it is keeping in shape and being organized, doing what you're supposed to do. Such as... every show, I have to run onstage wearing this whole costume here. I can run offstage, put this on, and be back up there in one minute.
Sharon: Wow... and these weigh forty pounds?
Caberet dancer: Yep.
Sharon looks at a jewel-studded G-string.
Sharon: Hehe I'll bet Gavin would like that.
Caberet dancer: Who are you anyway? What's your last name?
Sharon: Corr.
Caberet dancer: Corr??
Sharon: Yes.
Caberet dancer: Oh my god!!! It's Sharon Corr!!!
Sharon smiles, hearing what she's wanted to hear in years.
Meanwhile...
Jim runs back into the casino, only wearing one shoe. He heads for the exit and runs out into the street.
Jim: Haha! I'm free! I'm free! Oh wait... Sharon?
A half hour later, Sharon emerges from Bally's, Jim still outside pacing worriedly.
Jim: Sharon! There you are! Are you okay? Did they hurt you? Did you break YOUR arse?
Sharon: No, I'm fine!
Jim: You're fine? Really? They didn't rough you up or anything? Not even a scratch or a maybe a tug on the arm or something?
Sharon: No, unless you count them pulling me around wanting my autograph.
Jim: What???
Sharon: They were really nice. A lot of them are our fans.
Jim: Well... hey, that's great!
Sharon: Yes, but they don't like YOU.
Jim: Damn! Oh well then.
Sharon: After all, you did sneak into their dressing rooms.
Jim: But so did you!
Sharon: So? I'm a woman. It's different. We're allowed to go into women's dressing rooms.
Jim: Sometimes, I wish I were a woman.
Sharon stares at him.
Jim: (surprised) Did I just say that out loud?
Sharon: And check it out, they gave me a gold bodice with a bunch of signatures on it. *pulls it out of her purse*
Jim: Hey, I wonder how much people would pay for that on Ebay...
Sharon slaps his hand as he reaches out to touch it.
Meanwhile...
Andrea and Caroline are in the outskirts of Las Vegas, at a mall. Reluctantly, Caroline buys Andrea all the books as she had promised.
Andrea: This is great. We should do more high-risk things.
Caro: Why? So you can get me to buy you more stuff?
Andrea: Now what is that saying... never spend money unless you can spend someone else's.
Caro: Ooooh I never hated that saying more until now.
Andrea and Caro sit on a bus bench, waiting for a bus to take them back to the Las Vegas strip. Andrea takes out a book and looks at the cover.
Andrea: You know, they seem to change the man she's with every single time.
Caro: Huh. Sure gives you an idea on what kind of woman she is, doesn't it?
Andrea: I think this one is Fabio.
Caro: Hehehe... Fabio. (fake Fabio accent) I can't believe it's not butter...
Andrea: Don't make fun of Fabio!
Caro: Hehehe... I could never go for a guy like that. Frank is MY Fabio.
Just then, a BMW drives up and stops at the stop light near Caroline and Andrea.
Andrea: Hey, that guy looks like Fabio.
Caro: Who?
Andrea: The guy in the car.
They continue to stare, and the man turns his head to look at them. He's got a mustache and a big mole on his cheek, definitely not Fabio.
Caro: Ugggh...
Andrea: Em... that's not Fabio.
The man sees their disgusted looks and yells a very bad obscenity at them before driving off.
Caro: WHAT did he just call us?????
Andrea: Calm down, Caroline! You can't chase his car!
Caro: Oooh... nobody calls a woman that. EVER.
They both settle down again, waiting for a bus, when the same car pulls up to the light again, with the same guy.
Caro: *jumps up from the bench* Ooh, I'm gonna get this guy. HEY!!!! YOU! I'M TALKING TO YOU! YOU IN THE CAR! YEAH, YOU! LOOK OVER HERE, YOU STUPID MORON! YOU DON'T EVER CALL ME THAT...
The man turns his head.
Andrea: Hey, what do you know, it's...
Caro: Fabio!!! *sigh*
Caroline faints and falls down on the bench, smiling.
Caro: Fabio... ahhhhh....
Andrea: Caroline!
Fabio looks confused, and as the light turns green he calls them exactly what the other guy did and speeds away.
Andrea: Again! Caroline, what's the...
Caro: Fabio... ahhh... I can't believe it. It was him!
Andrea: But Caroline, what about Frank...
Caro: Fabio...
Andrea: CAROLINE!
Caro: Fabio...
Andrea: CAROLINNNNNE!!
Caro: What? That guy was Fabio!
Andrea: I know! But he called us exactly what that other guy called us.
Caro: So? It was Fabio...
Andrea looks at the book again.
Andrea: Somehow I don't want to read this one right now.
Caro: Andrea, check my pulse. I think I just died.
Andrea: Hey look, it's Frank!
Caro: FRANK?? WHERE? WHERE???
Andrea: Just kidding. I just knew that would wake you up.
Caro: Ooh, this is not good. If Frank knew I was head-over-heels for Fabio, he'd get jealous.
Andrea: But Frank is YOUR Fabio, right?
Caro: I need to get rid of these feelings, Andrea! I need to get Fabio out of my head!
Andrea: What do you think we should do?
A few minutes later...
Andrea: *deep voice* You are my lady, Caroline. And I love you to pieces!
Caro: No, not quite. Try another line.
Andrea puts the picture down, having been holding it to her face.
Andrea: Come on... you LOVE Frank, right?
Caro: Right. And I need to get rid of this Fabio addiction.
Andrea: Okay, how about this... *puts the picture back to her face* You are the love of my life, Caroline. And I want to marry you and have lots of little babies!
Caro: No... not a good thought. Try another.
Andrea: How about this... I love you, Caroline! It's me, Frankie Woodsy Woods, your wittle schnoobums! Your honey dumplin'! Your...
Caroline looks at Andrea with a sick look on her face.
Caro: You're going to make me vomit with all those pet names, Andy Pandy.
Andrea: Grrr....
Andrea tries to think up another line, then gets an idea as a car pulls up to the stop light, with sensual jazz music playing from inside.
Andrea: I got it. *gets out the Fabio book* Caroline, I want to take you to the farthest tropical island, where we can be together, alone. We can stroll on the silky beaches, and swim in the cool, clear water. And we'll have each other, and that's all we'll need.
Caro: Hehehe... good.
Andrea: And I want to give you the most romance a man can ever give...
Andrea looks up to see several passers-by staring at her as she holds a picture of Frank to her head and recites romantic novel lines to her sister.
Andrea: Em, we're rehearsing a play.
Caroline puts her arm around Andrea and puts her head on her shoulder.
Caro: Yeah. We're the new Vegas act.
The passers-by walk away quickly, and Caroline sits up again.
Caro: Okay, keep reading. You had me going there.
Andrea: Okay... *puts the photo back on her face* Caroline...
Caro: Yes?
Andrea: You make my heart throb with passion. And... I want to make sweet, sweet love to you! We'll never need to go back to humanity! Hehehe... this is stupid. We only need each other! Kiss me, Caroline!
Caro: Oh, yes Frank! Yes!!!
Caroline kisses the photo right off Andrea's face.
Andrea: Whoa... that was too close for comfort.
Caro: *smooch smooch smooch*
Andrea puts the novel away and acts like she doesn't know the person who's sitting next to her on the bench, who's making out with a photograph.
Andrea: Capture that Kodiak moment, eh Caroline?
Caro: *smooch smooch smooch smooch*
Andrea: Hey look, it's Fabio.
Caroline doesn't even respond.
Caro: *lick lick lick*
Andrea: Okay, now you're making me sick.
Caro: Oh Frank...
More passers-by stop and stare, witnessing Caroline Corr making out with a picture of Frank Woods. Andrea looks up with big, suprised eyes.
Andrea: I don't know her. She was like this when I got here.
Back in town, Sharon and Jim are in a bar, getting drunk.
Sharon: Caroline taught me this new game... Jim, you listening?
Jim: Yeah. Huh?
They're sitting at a table near the corner of a noisy restaurant, and nobody really knows or cares who they are.
Sharon: Caroline taught me a new drinking game. Wanna play?
Jim: Huh?
Sharon: You lose. Drink.
Jim: Huh?
Sharon: Another. Drink two.
Jim: What is this?
Sharon: Three shots. You can't ask questions.
Jim: Oh, is this like Who's Line Is It Anyway?
Sharon: Yep. You can't ask quesshin's. I mean questions. Four shots, Jim.
Jim: Okay. Where did you put the bottle?
Sharon: You're losing like hell, Jim!
Jim: I WANT to lose! Hehehe.
Jim drinks down five shot glasses of vodka and burps loudly.
Sharon: Damn, Jim! Was that in the key of B-flat? Whoops.
Jim: Hahaha, you lose. Drink up, Shazz. Then call Cazz.
Sharon: Right, right. *drinks a shot* Now, where's the.... no. LET me get my cellphone.
Sharon gets her cell phone and calls Caroline. The line rings, and rings, and rings, and rings, and rings, then finally it's picked up.
Andrea: Hello?
Sharon: Andrea?
Jim: You lose again!
Sharon: Shh! Andrea, why are you on Caroline's phone?
Jim: Hahaha! You're losing!
Sharon: Shut UP, Jim!
Andrea: She wasn't answering it.
Sharon: Well, obviously. Why did she not answer it?
Jim: Hehehehe....
Sharon: This doesn't count, Jim!
Andrea: What? What's going on?
Sharon: Nothing. A drinking game. Anyway...
Andrea: Oooh, a drinking game. I wanna play!
Sharon: I thought you were cutting down on your drinking.
Andrea: A bit.
Sharon: Put Caroline on the phone.
Andrea: I can't.
Sharon: Sure you can. Just reach your really long arm out to her and give her the phone.
Andrea: No, I mean, she's busy.
Jim asks the waitress for another bottle of vodka, then takes another losing round.
Sharon: Busy doing what?
Andrea: Em... making out with Frank.
Sharon: Eh? Frank's here?
Andrea: Somewhat. Oh, here comes a bus. Where are you?
Sharon: We're near the MGM. Look for a place with big blue lights.
Andrea: Okay. How do you turn this off, Caroline? *Beep* Okay, I turned it off.
Sharon: No you didn't.
Andrea: Huh? How did you get back on, Sharon?
Sharon waves her hands.
Sharon: You didn't turn it off, Andrea! Press the red button.
Andrea: Which red button?
Sharon: The one that looks like a phone.
Andrea: Caroline's phone is too small. I hate these things!
Sharon: Just press the button.
Andrea: How about this?
What Can I Do? plays over the phone's ringer.
Andrea: Whoops. Wrong function.
Sharon: Rggggh... just press the red one.
Andrea: I don't know!
Sharon: Are you blind?
Jim: Ha HA!!!! LOSER!!!
Sharon slaps Jim in the head.
Andrea: Wait, I think I found *click*
Sharon sighs heavily and hangs up the phone.
Jim: So are they coming? Whoops. *drink*
Sharon: Yep. They should be here soon.
Jim: Do you think Andrea will drink all the liquor?
Sharon: At the rate you're going with asking questions, Jim, there won't be any left.
Hours later, the Corr family comes stumbling out of the club, drunken off their arses. Andrea can barely walk and is hanging off of Jim's neck.
Sharon: Whooo... thatz was fun.
Caro: Yah. I think we're too drunk to drive.
Sharon: But Cazzzzz... we din' come in 'der car.
Caro: Ohhhhhh right rightrightrightright....Jim: *laughs* You two sound like a coupla morons.
Caro: Quiet... you're da desginated driver, Jim.
Jim: No, you is.
Caro: Huh? Whoops.
Sharon: Don't people listen? I jussaid we din' come in da car.
Andrea: *burp* I'm naawwwwww feeell good...
Jim puts out his arm, careful not to step into the street.
Jim: Taxii.....!
A taxi pulls up after a few minutes of Jim just standing there like a statue, with his arm out.
Jim: Andrea, 'yer chokin me.
Andrea: Hehehehe... no.
Caro: I'm in da back of the cab!
Sharon: Duh.
Jim: Wait a second... Andrea get the hell off my neck, ya...
Andrea: I can't stand, Jim!
Jim pulls Andrea off him and she calmly sits down on the sidewalk.
Caro: Get outta daway, Jim.
Jim: Fine. Get in da cab.
Caroline trips over Andrea a bit and climbs into the back of the cab.
Sharon: Okay, my turn. Andrea... get offa da sidewalk!!!
Andrea: I've fallen and I can't get up!
Sharon: You din' even drink as much as we. All. You shouldn't be drunked.
Andrea: Yah, well it's fun.
Sharon: Poser.
Andrea: Hey!
Sharon gets into the cab, and Jim opens the front passenger door. He gets in and the cab drives off.
Driver: Where to?
Jim: Take us to da...
Caro: M.
Sharon: G.
Caro: M.
Jim: Yeah. MGM.
Driver: Oh, okay.
The driver takes them to the MGM, which is only a couple buildings down.
Driver: Okay, that'll be twenty bucks.
Jim: Wow... we din't go that far, did we Shazz?
Sharon: *snore*
Jim pays the driver and they get out. Caroline shoves Sharon aside and climbs out.
Jim: I just wanna sleep. It's gotta be... three at night.
Caro: Morning.
Jim: Night.
Sharon: Morning!
Jim: Night!
Sharon and Caroline: MORNING!
Jim: Agggh I've got a headache. What Andrea, are you gonna get in on this to? Where's your nickel's worth?
Caro: Hehehe. Yah.
Sharon: Yah. Em... where'd Andrea go?
Jim: Huh. Maybe she fell asleep in da cab. *presses elevator button over and over again*
Sharon: I'll, we'll, I'll wait. Cazz, stay with me.
Caro: Why?
Sharon: Dunno.
Meanwhile, a few buildings down, on the sidewalk...
Andrea: Dammit! Where did those morons go???
Caroline and Sharon go back out onto the sidewalk, looking for Andrea.
Sharon: Andrea? You out here?
Suddenly...
*POOF*
Caro: Huh? *holds up her hand* Hey, there's a new ring on my finger! And I feel so happy! But now I have this really big want to be with Frank.
Sharon: Huh. Imagine that. It's like magic.
Caro: And totally unexpected. I must be really drunk.
Sharon: Hey, where'd you get the dress?
Caro: Huh?
Sharon: You weren't wearing a dress tonight... were you?
Caroline looks up and down at herself. She's wearing a long white dress and a veil.
Caro: Hmm. I think this means something...
A nearby payphone begins to ring, and nobody picks up. Caroline goes to the phone and picks it up.
Caro: Hello?
In Matrix style, Caroline is sucked into the phone.
Sharon: Hmm... I must be REALLY drunk. I'm going to bed.
The next morning, Sharon and Jim are in their car, driving up and down the strip.
Jim: I can't believe it. Why didn't you go and find Andrea, Shazz?
Sharon: Because! I was drunk! I was so drunk that I saw Caroline get sucked into a telephone!
Jim: A what? She what?
Sharon: Don't ask. Let's just find Andrea.
They drive around the block again, looking at the sidewalks.
Sharon: I hope she didn't get kidnapped. Who knows where that stalker could be?
Jim: I think I know someone who could help us find her.
Sharon: Who?
Jim pulls the car into a parking lot, and they go into an alley. Sharon looks at the Hoodoo/Voodoo sign.
Sharon: The voodoo shop? Jim, that's blasphemy!
Jim: No it's not! Voodoo is against evil, Shazz. It's only the bad voodoo that does evil.
Sharon: I don't care... voodoo is bad, no matter what.
Jim: Really, this place will change your mind.
Jim and Sharon enter the voodoo shop. The lights are all dimmed down and it's very quiet.
Jim: Soontani? Are you here?
Sharon: Soontani? What kind of name is that?
Jim: It's short for... forget it. Soontani? Soontani, babe, are you here?
Sharon looks at all the voodoo gadgets, beads, powders, and little dolls. She shudders and sits down on a comfy-looking chair.
Soontani: Hey! What are you doing???
Sharon: Whaagh!
Soontani appears out of thin air, having been invisible and sleeping in the chair.
Jim: Hey, there you are. That's not a bad position.
Sharon: Hmmph! *gets up*
Soontani: I was sleeping, James Corr. Don't you know about me?
Jim: Right, right, you're a night person. Sorry. By the way, this is Sharon.
Soontani rises to her feet, voodoo music suddenly playing throughout the shop, blue and green lights turning on.
Soontani: So this is your virtuous girlfriend from your homeland. It's nice to meet you.
Sharon: Em, same here. *shakes Soontani's hand* But uh, I'm not his girlfriend.
Jim: It's my sister. Sharon Orr is still in Ireland.
Soontani: Hmm. Strange, that. Would you like a voodoo twist? It's my house specialty.
Jim: Maybe later. We were up all last night drinking. Sharon would like one, though.
Sharon: What? Don't put words into my mouth!
Jim: She's skeptic of the voodoo arts.
Soontani: Ah, I see. Don't worry, Sharon. I can help you learn more about my trade.
Sharon: Perhaps. But what we need to do is find my sisters.
Soontani: I'd like to help you, but... *puts her hands to her head* If you need my help, you must believe that my magic indeed works.
Sharon steps back.
Sharon: Um, I don't think so. You can help Jim, I'll just step outside.
Soontani waves her hand and slams a wooden block down across the door, locking it just as Sharon reaches it.
Sharon: Hey! Come on!
Jim: Sharon, just believe her.
Sharon: I don't want to! This is evil!
Soontani: Perhaps I should let her go. After all, I'm not forcing anyone to believe.
Jim: Sharon, please, calm down. Soontani is good. She'll probably be able to help us find Andrea.
Sharon: Fine, fine. Jeez, we always have to do all this crap just to bail out Andrea's sorry bum.
Soontani waves her arms around again, adjusting the lights and music.
Jim: Is it helping?
Sharon: She's just waving her arms.
Suddenly, invisible pillows sweep up underneath both Jim and Sharon, and they're brought closer to Soontani.
Soontani: Is this good as proof?
Sharon: Okay, that was a bit interesting, but...
Soontani: You haven't seen a thing yet. Watch this. *points to empty flower pot* Manhamya... woohisimma... wishy-washa manhamya, moolaki menawa....
There is a rattle, and the flower pot shakes back and forth. Small gold coins begin to spill from the pot, falling on the floor. Sharon and Jim are staring, bug-eyed.
Soontani: Miyama! Soonowa!!!
Pure red rubies and green emeralds also fall from the pot. The floor is starting to get covered with all the valuable money.
Soontani: Vamishiwa! Coontamina!!!!!
A bright shower of sparkles, glitter, and confetti explodes in midair, filling the room.
Sharon: Whoo! Wow!!! *clapping*
Soontani: Thank you, thank you.
Jim: Hey, if you have all this money, why didn't you just help us out in San Francisco?
Soontani: Because you wouldn't have learned anything from the experience, James Corr. Now, Sharon, do you believe in my powers?
Sharon is busy putting an emerald into her purse.
Sharon: Yep... I believe all right.
Soontani: Vamoose!
The gold coins all turn into yellow sunflower petals, the rubies turn into big red beetles, and the emeralds turn into green lizards.
Sharon: EEEEK!!!
The emerald in Sharon's bag jumps wildly, and a lizard jumps out. The throng of animals and bugs climb into the flower pot, disappearing.
Sharon: Oh... oh my god. Yes, I believe you, I believe you. Just... don't do that again.
Soontani: So, now it begins. What is it that I can help you with? *floats on an invisible cushion*
Jim: We lost our sister.
Soontani: You lost her? How is that possible?
Jim: You ask us that? In this time of murderers and rapists stalking the streets?
Sharon and Soontani stare at Jim.
Jim: Sorry, bad thing to say.
Soontani: I will need something of your sister's, something I can use as a spiritual link to her. Perhaps an article of clothing?
Sharon: Hmm, no, I don't think we have that. Let me look in my purse...
Jim: Sure you don't fancy a shag?
Soontani: I do, Jim. But you're taken. I don't do that.
Jim: Damn...
Sharon digs around some more, then pulls out the 8-ball cap.
Sharon: Here's something!
Soontani takes the hat and suspends it magically in the air.
Soontani: Ah... let's see. Clothing of a sister's head, give me what everyone dreads!
A long strand of black hair comes off the cap.
Sharon: Hair loss. Not a bad analogy.
Soontani gives the cap back to Sharon and studies the hair.
Soontani: Yes... this will surely do.
Out of the floor comes a big glass cauldron filled with glowing-yet-clear water. Soontani puts the hair into the water and stirs it.
Jim: Interesting soup.
Soontani's eyes flare, glowing with red.
Soontani: Do NOT mock the voodoo priestess...
Jim: Okay, okay, sorry. Just lightening the mood.
Soontani stares into the cauldron, then an image appears for all to see.
Soontani: I sense that your sister is in grave danger.
Sharon: Let me guess, that stalker again, right?
Soontani: She's waiting for an elevator at your hotel... but she won't get on.
Jim: What? Can you see into the future?
Soontani: No, I can't. But I can sense something evil. You'd better go, quickly.
Sharon: Yes, let's. Come on, Jim. Thank you, Soontani. Won't you come help us?
Soontani: I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I can only leave my home at night. And besides, there's little I can do. It's up to you now, Sharon. And Jim.
Jim: Right. Let's go!
Jim and Sharon hop in their car and drive to the MGM Grand, and run into the hotel.
Jim: The elevators, quick!
Jim and Sharon run to the elevator area and find Andrea standing there, looking tired and grumpy. She has her black sweater tied around one leg.
Jim: Andrea! Andrea! *crushing bear hug*
Sharon: Andrea! *more crushing*
Andrea: Em... ow.
They let go.
Andrea: Where the hell did you people go? I was wandering the strip all night, drunken and not a clue where I was!
Sharon: We're really sorry, Andrea.
Andrea: I mean it! I was just wandering around, asking people where the bus to Dublin was.
Jim: I'm sure you got some lively responses.
Andrea: Of course, why wouldn't I? The thing is, I don't even like busses.
Sharon: Uh oh, here comes the elevator!
Jim rolls up his sleeves.
Jim: I'm gonna get him. Watch this.
Suddenly, alarm buzzers go off, and there's a very loud crash inside the elevator shaft. Dust and smoke flies everywhere and Andrea covers her ears.
Andrea: AHHH!
Jim: Hmm... I guess that's why Andrea wouldn't be getting on.
That night, The Corrs get into their car and prepare to leave.
Andrea: Sharon, are you absolutely positive...
Sharon: *sigh* Yes, I'm positive, Andrea. Caroline was sucked into the phone and I don't know how to get her back.
Andrea: Well.... isn't it a bit cramped in there?
Sharon: *SIGGH*
Jim pulls the car out into the street, and looks at the street signs.
Jim: Now, if I only knew how to get out of here. Navigator! Give me the course to the nearest highway onramp!
Sharon: *stupidly salutes* Duhhh yessir, Captain sir!! Thppppt!!
Andrea: Hehehehe.
Jim: Quiet, crewman Andrea! This is official business!
Andrea: Yessir, Captain sir! Hehehe...
Sharon unfolds the giant map, parts of it sticking out the passenger window, some going into Jim's face.
Jim: What happened to the Atlas book, Sharon? I can barely see the road here.
Sharon: I lost it.
Andrea: Hmm. I never thought you'd admit to that.
Sharon: Now I... Hey!!
Andrea laughs and goes back to reading her romantic novel.
Jim circles the block a few times, then Sharon's hand pokes out from the map, making a nice big hole.
Sharon: That way. Get on this ramp.
Jim: Okay. Then where?
Sharon: It goes around and we'll be heading west.
Jim: Okay. Get this map out of my face!
Sharon: Hold on! I have to make sure not to ruin it.
Jim: Forget it! Put the thing away!
The car enters the freeway, and the map is still flailing about, Sharon trying to find out how to fold it.
Jim: Ow! My eye!!!
*SCREEECH*
The car swerves in and out of lanes, Sharon attempting to put the map away futily.
Andrea: Thou art in heaven...
Sharon: Shut up, Andrea! We're not going to die.
*HONNNK HONNNNK*
A giant semi-trailer comes right at them.
All 3: AGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jim turns the wheel and their car swerves back into the correct lane, almost hitting two other cars.
Jim: *gasp* *gasp* Oh dear... almighty...
Sharon: Oh god...
Andrea: Dammit, I spilled my Big Gulp!
Sharon: Great, perfect time for you to become religious, Andrea.
They drive on into the night, the traffic amazingly thin for the route to Las Vegas.
Andrea: Wait, how are we supposed to get Caroline back?
Sharon: That's a good question.
Andrea: I don't want to lose my sister!
Sharon: You're not going to lose Caroline! Stop being a drama queen.
Andrea crosses her arms angrily.
Andrea: Just because it's your time of month doesn't mean you can just go blah blah blah...
Sharon: Hmmph!
Jim: Ladies, ladies, please.
*silence*
*BOP*
Jim: Ow! Damn!
They drive on, leaving Las Vegas behind in the night.
Andrea: *sniffle*
Sharon: What? What's wrong?
Andrea: I'm gonna miss it.
Sharon: Miss what?
Andrea: The lights! The city! Ahh!
Sharon: Awww... do you need me to hold your hand?
Andrea: No... I'll be fine. I'll just... live with the memories...
Sharon: You're pulling my leg, aren't you?
Andrea: Heck, I practically tore it off, Sharon.
Since Andrea is on her knees looking out the back window, Sharon raises her hand over the seat and smacks a good one right to Andrea's bum.
Andrea: ACK!!
Sharon: Hahaha they should make a doll! The "Hit Me Bum Andrea"!
Andrea: No! Quit it!
Andrea turns back around and sits down properly.
Jim: Those could be the two lines it says! Smack! "Quit it!" Smack "Ack!"
Andrea: Ooooooh!!!!!!!!! *angry*
Sharon: Awwww she's turning red!!
Jim: It could turn red, too!
Sharon: Hahaha... call the marketing company. See if they'll do it.
Andrea: Hmmph! Just because Caroline isn't here to protect me doesn't mean you can just pick on me!
Sharon: Oh come on, you know Caroline would pick on you too!
Andrea: That's true... but still!
Jim and Sharon have a good laugh about it a bit more, then quiet down.
Andrea: So how DO we get Caroline back?
Sharon: Awww... she misses her playmate.
Andrea: It's not funny! Our sister got sucked into a phone! Why don't we just ask the voodoo lady??
*dead silence*
Jim: Huh. Never thought of that.
Sharon: Nice one, Jim.
Jim: Well you could've asked her, too!
Sharon: You could've! You were too busy asking her for a shag!
They argue back and forth, and the whole time Andrea is sitting there, arms crossed, sighing.
Andrea: Maybe we should just call Caroline.
They stop.
Jim: Huh?
Andrea: Maybe if we call Caroline, she'll come back.
Sharon: Well, what number do we call?
Andrea: Good question. Unless we could do something like a call trace on that pay phone.
Jim: You sound like a secret agent.
Andrea: I'm serious!
Jim: Well, we know she was going to get married down in Spain, so... call the hotel or something.
Andrea: Okay.
Andrea goes through Caroline bag o'stuff and gets out Caroline's cell phone.
Andrea: What's the number?
Jim tells her the number and she dials it.
Andrea: Hmm... ring... ring.... ring... ring... hey, nice music? La la la la'la la lalalalala...
Sharon: Oh god, not again...
A person answers the phone, speaking in Spanish.
Person: Hola?
Andrea: Um, hola! Uh, no understando spanish too well-o!
Sharon: Oh god... and she sang Una Noche...
Andrea: NO COMPREHENDE SPANISH!
Person: Que pasa?
Andrea: No habla spanish!!
Person: Eh?
Andrea: NO HABLA ESPANOLO!!!! NO SPEAK E-SPANISH!!!!! SPANGLISH NO SPEAK!
Person: No!
Andrea: No! Give me someone who speaks English! ENGLISH! ENGLAIS!!!!
Person: Ello? Can I help you?
Jim, laughing so hard, almost drives off the road.
Andrea: Rggh! Stay on the road, Jim! Em yes, I need to speak with Caroline Corr, please.
Person: Let's see... Caroline Corr?
Andrea: Yes.
Person: She can't be reached right now. Sorry.
Andrea: But you didn't even try!
Person: Yes. Her brother made sure nobody can call here during the wedding ceremonies or reception.
Andrea: Oh, nice going, Jim!!!!
Jim: Huh?
Andrea: Let me speak to Jim. This is his sister.
Person: Excuse me?
Andrea: His sister!!!!
Person: Um... aren't you all here?
Andrea: NO!!!! Get me Jim!
The person goes away, and there's more music.
Jim: What's this about, Andrea?
Andrea: You put a block on all the calls? *smacks him in the head*
The phone comes back.
Jim on phone: Hello?
Andrea: Jim!
JOP: What? Andrea? How are you calling? Aren't you in the reception?
Andrea: Em... yes. Get Caroline for me!
JOP: What?
Andrea: We're playing a silly game! Get Caroline on the phone!
JOP: But she's the bride, Andrea! You can't be playing silly games.
Andrea: Em... of course we can! You're... drunk!
JOP: HuH??
Andrea: Yeah, really!
Andrea hands the phone over to Jim.
Jim: Hi Jim. This is you.
JOP: Huh???
Jim: Yeah, put Caroline on the phone, Sexy Man.
JOP: Okay... I must be REALLY drunk.
Jim hands the phone back to Andrea. She listens, then hears a voice.
Caro: Huh? The phone???
Suddenly the phone vibrates heavily. Andrea drops it in shock, and Caroline gets thrown out of the phone.
Caro: AGGGGGH!!!!!
Andrea looks confused as her wedding-gowned sister lands in Andrea's lap, her legs apart with one foot out the window.
Andrea: *pushing the hem of Caro's dress from her face* Hmm, this is a side of you I never thought I'd see, Caroline.
Caro: Acck! Get off of me!
Andrea: You're on ME! Hmm, Victoria's Secret?
Caroline gets off of Andrea and sits down in the car seat.
Caro: Oh great, just what I need. Now I just abandoned my wedding reception.
Jim: No you didn't. We were there.
Caro: Well... wait. This is really confusing.
Andrea: What I've theorized is that while you were in the phone, you were in another existence, but in reality we all were there, which is why somehow we all remember the wedding and reception without "being there".
Sharon: Andrea?
Andrea: Yes?
Sharon: Hush.
Caro: But.... but... I don't remember the reception! I was in the middle of it!
Andrea reaches out and bops Caroline in the head.
Andrea: There, did that help?
Caro: Yeah, I guess it did.
The engine in the car begins to rise in pitch, then lowers, rises, then lowers.
Jim: Oh no, come on. Not again... not another engine problem.
Sharon: This definitely reminds me of something.
The engine cuts out, and Jim stops the car at the side of the road.
Jim: Great, just great. *drums his hands on the steering wheel, whistling* So, who wants to hike back to Vegas?
Sharon: Em, no. I'm not walking 20 miles.
Andrea: I could jog! Caz and I could jog to town.
Caro: In this dress? In these shoes?? In the middle of the night??? On the highway???? Sure.
Sharon: Jog to town for what?
Jim: How about petrol, perchance?
Sharon: You didn't get petrol for the car????
Jim: I forgot!!!
Sharon: I can't believe you forgot to gas up the car! On a trip that'll take us 300 miles to Disneyland!
Andrea and Caroline listen to all the yarping between Jim and Sharon, then get out of the car and begin to jog into town, Andrea holding up the back of Caroline's wedding dress as they go.
A few hours later...
Jim and Sharon are sitting on the hood of their car, bored out of their minds.
Sharon: We shouldn't have let them jog back to town. What if they got hit by a car?
Jim: Don't worry, Sharon. Most likely, Andrea wandered into traffic rather than a car swerving to hit her.
Sharon: Rrrrgh... you're not helping right now.
Jim: I swear, you're even more irritable right now, if that's even possible.
Sharon: Happens every month, knucklehead.
Jim: I just hope they get back soon.
Sharon: Let's just hope you can find the keys.
Jim: Ah, yes, let's not go back into that.
Sharon: Yes... let's not.
*siggh*
A couple hours later...
Sharon: I need to use the facilities.
Jim motions to the empty deserts.
Jim: One big facility.
Sharon: Ah... I'll hold it.
An hour later...
Sharon: I REALLY need to go.
Jim: Then go!
Sharon: But march out into the middle of a field and do it? That's so... disgusting!
Jim: Nobody's looking!
Sharon: But... still! I mean actually...
Jim: I'm sure everyone feels sorry for the dirt and the bush you'll kneel behind.
Sharon: I swear, if I wasn't almost bursting, I'd hit you.
Jim: Good then, it's working out in my favor. Just go!
Sharon: No, I'll just *wince* hold it.
Another hour later...
Jim: Wow, you'd think they'd run faster than that.
Sharon: Mmmph... nrrgh...
Jim: Sharon, just go!!!!
Sharon: No! I'm not gonna!
Jim: What do you expect to happen? You think I carry a toilet in the trunk of the car or something?
Sharon: No, you carry it in your mouth.
Jim: Oh... nasty!
Sharon is wiggling back and forth, trying to soothe her aching bowels, hoping Andrea and Caroline will get back soon so they can drive back to Vegas so she can explode.
Sharon: *looking into desert* Do we have toilet paper?
Jim: I... don't think we do.
Sharon: Well there you go! That's why I can't go out there! Nothing to use to...
Jim: Okay, okay, I get it. I didn't know you had to go number two, anyway.
Sharon: Well I didn't, but since I've been sitting here so long, it's progressed!
Jim: Rgggh... *looks into the back of the car* Hey... here.
Jim hands Caroline and Andrea's coloring book to Sharon.
Jim: Enjoy.
Sharon: You have to be kidding me. This is NOT right.
Jim: Fine then, you can just explode on the car hood. Of course, cleanup will be a huge problem...
Sharon takes off into the brush.
A few minutes later, a car with the letters AAA shows up with Caroline and Andrea inside.
Jim: It's about time!
Andrea: Sorry, we got lost!
Jim: Lost? It's just straight down the highway.
Caroline and Andrea get out of the truck with several shopping bags. Jim throws his hands in the air.
Jim: I should've known. I should've known...
Caroline looks into the distance.
Caro: Hi Sharon!!!!
Sharon ducks down further behind the bush.
Caro: Good idea, I'll be back.
Caroline walks off into the field, leaving Andrea and Jim with the car.
Andrea: Em...
Jim: Don't ask.
After a long drive and a stay at the Disneyland Hotel, The Corrs finally arrive at Disneyland. They park in the parking garage and begin to ride the escalator down.
Jim: This is great. I'm so glad we finally got here.
Caro: Yah, it seems okay.
Andrea: I have to go to the bathroom.
Jim: Bathroom? Why didn't you go at the hotel?
Andrea: I didn't have to go then!
Jim: Well, I don't know where a bathroom is.
Caro: Inside the park. I have the map.
Jim: Oh, well, there you go.
Andrea: But I can't hold it till then!
Sharon: Don't worry, you'll get there in time.
Sharon takes a nice long drink from her water bottle, right in front of Andrea.
Andrea: *whine*
Jim: Where should we go first when we get inside?
Sharon: Shopping!
Andrea: BATHROOM!
Caro: Hehehehe.... Space Mountain!
Jim: I second that.
Andrea: Bathroom bathroom bathroom! Three votes!
Sharon: Shopping!!
Andrea: Nnngh!! I really can't hold this!
The escalator reaches the ground, and they make their way over to the tram area.
Andrea: Whaaaaghh...
Jim: Hey! There's a bathroom right over there! *points*
Caro: Hehehe.... whoops. Em, April Fools?
Andrea runs at light speed into the bathroom, almost taking out several children and a mother in her mad dash.
Jim: Hehehe... I never knew she could run that fast, the little button.
Sharon: You'd be surprised.
A speaker blares out a message.
Speaker: Attention please. The tram, which has been temporarily delayed, will now arrive in just a few minutes.
Jim: Oh, good, I guess.
Caro: You know what that means.
Jim: Yes... the tram will be here. Duh.
Caro: No, it means we'll miss it. Andrea usually takes a bit in the bathroom.
Jim: Oh yeah, that's right. Well, we'll just wait it out.
Ten minutes later...
The tram speeds away, and the Corrs aren't on it.
Jim: What the hell is taking Andrea so long?
Sharon: Should I throw together a search party? Release the hounds?
Jim: Yeah. Go release Caroline...
Caro: Hey!!!
Caroline and Sharon go into the ladies' room to look for Andrea. There are many people in there, and lots of stalls with closed doors.
Sharon: Andrea?
The noise in the bathroom is too loud for Sharon to be heard over.
Caro: Andrea? You in there? *looks under the door*
Sharon: Cazz! Stop that!
Caro: What?
Sharon: Stop looking in the stalls!
Several women at sinks look at Sharon.
Caro: Em... keep looking.
They continue to look, until they see a pair of small black sandles on the floor in one of the stalls.
Sharon: Bingo. Small feet.
Caro: Andrea?
Andrea: What?
Caro: Would you mind finishing up, dear? It's New Year's Eve.
Andrea: Har har, very funny.
Andrea finishes up and comes out of the stall with the newest issue of Cosmopolitan.
Sharon: Oh god, Andrea! You were in here reading on the pot?
Again, several people turn to look.
Caro: You know, you're getting really bad at that, Shazz. Come on, let's go.
Andrea: It's a really good issue! How to make him want it again and again!
Sharon: Andrea, you don't even need that. I need it. *snatch*
After the tram ride and the wait at the Disneyland main entrance, the Corrs finally enter the park itself.
Jim: Okay, so what was our plan?
Sharon: Shopping.
Caro: Uh uh. Space Mountain first. Shopping can wait!
Jim: I agree.
Sharon: Andrea?
Everyone stares at Andrea.
Andrea: Em... well...
Caroline grabs Andrea's arm.
Caro: Come, Andrea. You know it's fun. You want the roller coaster.
Sharon grabs onto Andrea's other arm.
Sharon: No, Andrea. Shopping is better! Glass objects and ice cream cones!
Andrea: Whaaggh.... um...
Caro: Flashing lights! Loud music!
Sharon: *tug* She's going with me!
Caro: *tug* No! She's going with me!!
Jim: (like a little kid) MINE!!! MINE!!! Hahahaha!!!!
Andrea tries making up her mind, being tugged in two different directions.
Andrea: Donald!!!
Sharon and Caro: Donald?
A person in a big Donald Duck costume walks up and puts his hands on his hips.
Jim: Hey, it's Donald Duck!
Andrea: Yeah! Donald, my sisters are huge fans of you!
Sharon: Huh?
Donald looks pleased and pats Sharon and Caroline on the head. Jim snaps away with his camera.
Jim: This is too good.
Donald hugs Sharon and Caroline, setting Andrea free. Jim snaps some more pictures.
Sharon: I'm going to get you for this, Caroline!
Caro: Get me??
Donald leaves, waving.
Sharon: Okay, now that we have all that settled...
Everyone stares at Andrea again.
Andrea: Damn, why do I always have to be the one to get into these confrontations?
Jim: Ah ah... let the voice of reason speak here.
Sharon: Okay. Shopping.
Jim: NO! I meant me.
Sharon: Ohhhhh... see, you said voice of reason, you're more like...
Jim: If we shop now we won't be able to go on any rides because we'll have all this stuff.
Caro: Umm hmmm. *nodding*
Jim: So we ride!
Sharon: Hmmph. Fine then. Then you get me a big ice cream cone.
Jim: As long as you don't let Pluto eat your head, Shazz.
Sharon: Huh???
Sharon turns around to see Pluto's mouth right in her face.
Sharon: Oh god!! Get away!
Andrea: Nooooo it's Pluto!!!
Pluto licks Sharon and runs off.
Sharon: Rrrgggh... happiest place on Earth my ARSE!!!
After half an hour of waiting, the Corr family rides Space Mountain. Jim and Caroline, being avid coaster fans, absolutely love it. Sharon and Andrea, however, get off the ride looking even paler than usual.
Caro: Hehehe that was better than sex. Not. But close.
Jim: You're telling me!
Andrea: Sharon, are we really on the ground?
Sharon: I don't know. Jim, are we on the ground?
Jim: Yes, you babies, we're on the ground. It wasn't that bad!
Andrea: I was pulled in several different directions, and it wasn't by my siblings!!
The walk through a shop and out into the bright morning sun.
Jim: Where to now?
Caro: Let's see... I have the map here. *unfold unfold unfold unfold unfold* Let's see, we're right.....
Jim: Here. *point*
*slap*
Jim: Ow!
Caro: Hands off the map! Now... so we're right here. Should we go... I don't know this place!
Jim: Tiki Room?
Caro: Maybe.
Across the way, Andrea and Sharon have wandered over to a shop display.
Andrea: So what IS there to buy here? I'm not that big a fan of this stuff.
Sharon: Good question. This is all goofy tourist stuff.
Andrea: No, don't mention Goofy.
Jim: Will you two get over here?
Andrea: Great...
They go back over to Caroline and Jim. Caroline is still trying to make sense of the map.
Jim: Okay, here's what we'll do. Standard split-up. Andrea, you and Sharon can go do your own thing. Caroline and I will do our own thing. And we'll meet up here.
Andrea: Where?
Jim: Right... HERE! This exact spot.
Andrea: You were pointing at the map!
Jim: Rggh okay. We'll meet right at this exact spot where we stand at say... noon?
Sharon: Three hours...
Andrea: Three hours. Okay. Bye bye.
Andrea and Sharon leave. Now only Caroline and Jim are trying to make sense of the map.
Jim: Let me...
*slap*
Jim: Hey!
Caro: Mine! Leave it alone. Okay, we go North.
Jim: North?
Caro: This way. *point*
A couple hours later, Sharon and Andrea are both tired out from walking, having not shopped-till-they-dropped. They sit down near the memorial statue of Walt Disney and Mickey Mouse and rest for a bit.
Sharon: There's nothing I really want to buy here!
Andrea: Except silly little toys.
Sharon: I thought you would've at least bought a rubber snake.
Andrea: No! Are you kidding? Jim scared the hell out of us with that thing when we were young!
Sharon: And on our first tour... hilarious.
Andrea: That was NOT funny. I could not sleep that night.

Mickey Mouse goes strolling by, and Sharon's eyes go wide.
Sharon: Mickey!!
Mickey turns and waves cheerfully to them.
Andrea: How's it goin', Mick?
Sharon: Andrea, he can't talk.
Mickey pats Andrea on the head.
Andrea: I thought he could talk.
Sharon: Andrea, this is not the real Mickey Mouse.
Andrea: What?? It's not?
Mickey shrugs, then hugs Andrea tightly.
Andrea: I can't believe she'd say that about you!
Sharon: Andrea, there's probably some pimply teenager in that suit. *light*
Andrea: I don't think... HEY!
Sharon pauses, cigarette hanging from her lips.
Andrea: Why the hell are you smoking?
Sharon: Oh goodness, it was just a reaction I guess.
Andrea: And you can't smoke in the park anyway. *snatch*
Mickey walks away.
Andrea: Great, he left.
Sharon: I'm telling you, it's not Mickey. It's a costume, and there's a person inside it.
Andrea: That's... so not true!! And... how did you get that cigarette anyway?
Sharon: I em... found it.
Andrea: Found it...
Sharon: Yep.
Andrea: And what do you have behind your back?
Sharon backs away.
Sharon: Em... the lighter. *holds it up*
Andrea: What about your other hand?
Sharon switches and holds up an empty hand.
Sharon: See? Nothing.
Andrea: Turn around.
Sharon turns around, bringing her hands in front of her.
Andrea: Sharon...
Sharon: Andrea...
Andrea pounces at Sharon and tickles her in a secret spot on her back.
Sharon: YEEEP!!! *throws hands up*
Andrea: AH HA!! *grabs pack of cigarettes*
Sharon: No! Give those back!
Andrea looks at the pack.
Andrea: Marlboro? Dang, you really went all-out.
Sharon: Andrea, give me those back, nice and calmly.
Andrea: Sharon, you know me and Caroline have tried to help you quit.
Sharon: And you did! I just... smoke every once in a while. A lot. I mean... well you still drink!!!
Andrea: *gasp* Not as much as I used to!
Sharon: So??? We all do things we shouldn't!!
Andrea: But this is BAD!
Andrea and Sharon's arguement is getting so loud that people are staring, little children are bug-eyed.
Sharon: Rggggh... Andrea, if you don't give me those back...
*KICK*
Sharon: Ow! WHAT THE F...
Kid: You're the REALLY mean lady!
Andrea: Not you again...
Sharon turns in an almighty manner and glares.
Andrea: Um, here Sharon. You can have these back, just... spare his life. *gives the cigarettes back*
Sharon: Grrrr....
Sharon shuffles away angrily, leaving Andrea alone.
Andrea: Are you okay?
*PUNCH*
Andrea: Ow!!!! Why you little...
The kid runs away before Andrea can do anything.
Andrea: Great.... Sharon, wait up! Hey!! *runs*
Later, Jim and Caroline bump into a smoking Sharon.
Jim: Sharon! What the hell are you doing?
Sharon: (blows out smoke) What does it look like? *cough*
Caroline snatches the cigarette and tears it in half.
Caro: I thought you quit that!
Sharon: Please, don't start that. I already got a b*tching from Andrea.
Jim: Speaking of the little vixen, where is she?
Sharon: I don't know.
Caro: You don't know.
Sharon: Yes. Thanks for repeating it.
Jim: We have a stalker on our tail and you don't know where Andrea is.
Sharon: Well... now that you put it that way... great, now I feel bad. (pulls out her pack of cigarettes)
Caro: Give me that!! *snatch*
Jim: Where did you leave her?
Sharon: Well, I last saw her at that statue in the middle of the park.
Jim: So... what would Andrea do?
Caroline suddenly straightens up and puts her hands on her hips.
Caro: What would Jesus do?
Jim: Uh... what?
Caro: Never mind, just another random outburst.
Jim: Oh! That's right, I forgot. Uh... random outburst?
Caro: Shut UP. Now... what ride would attract Andrea the most?
After a minute of intense thinking, Jim snaps his fingers.
Jim: Jungle Cruise!
Caro: Really?
Jim: Well yeah. I mean, she's boring. And Jungle Cruise is boring too.
Caro: Ah, well. I was thinking more like she'd be waiting at the place where they keep all the lost children.
Sharon: Why? Because she almost resembles a little child?
They all laugh for a few seconds.
Caro: Hehehe... uh... that's not funny.
Sharon: I think it is.
Caro: Not if our stalker thinks Andrea is a little girl.
Jim: Hmm... so the plot continues to thicken. To the lost and found children?
Caro: Yes, off we go.
Meanwhile...
Andrea is sitting on a bench, trying to keep lookout for any of her family members. She had wandered for a long time in her search, and had now given up.
Andrea: I need a drink...
Mickey: Hey!
Andrea turns to see Mickey Mouse waving at her.
Andrea: Oh, hi Mickey.
Mickey: What's wrong?
Andrea: Nothing.
Mickey: Aw, ya sure? You look sad.
Andrea: Well, I can't find my family.
Mickey: C'mon, I'll help ya find 'em! I know where to look!
The voice is convincing and high-pitched just like Mickey's.
Andrea: Hmm, okay. Say... I thought you couldn't talk.
Mickey: I... I'm shy! I get shy around people!
Andrea: Oh, okay then.
Mickey takes Andrea by the hand and leads her toward the Haunted Mansion. Little did Andrea know that the person inside the costume definitely wasn't a Disneyland employee.
(dramatic reverb)
Andrea follows Mickey to the entrance of the Haunted Mansion. Mickey is rudely shoving people left and right.
Mickey: Pardon me! Pardon me!
Andrea: Mickey, why are we going into the Haunted Mansion? Is my family in there or something?
Mickey: You'll see!
Andrea: Isn't there just a place for missing children or anything like that?
Meanwhile...
Jim: Nope, she's not there. No missing children at all today, as a matter of fact.
Caro: Great, well... where would Andrea go without everyone else?
Sharon: It's either A, the Pirates of The Caribbean, or B, The Haunted Mansion.
Jim: How do you know?
Sharon: Andrea likes pirate stuff.
Jim: No, I like pirate stuff.
Sharon: Well so does Andrea!!
Caro sighs.
Caro: Jim, would you stop picking on Sharon during her time of the month?
Jim: Hehehe I just love doing that!
*SLAP*
Jim: Okay... I guess I don't. *holds his cheek*
Sharon: So, where to?
Caro: Pirates.
Back to Andrea...
Mickey: Aw, c'mon! You can let me in! I'm 'yer pal Mickey!
Disneyland employee: I'm sorry, but you know we can't let people in character costumes into the ride.
Mickey: I'm the biggest one of them all!
DE: You're not even supposed to talk. Are you new or something?
Mickey: Um... yeah! I'm new!
DE: Well you're not supposed to talk to people, there could be a liability suit. And we can't let you in.
Mickey: Hmmph! Fine! Come on, little girl, looks like we can't ride today.
They walk away and down another path.
Andrea: I'm NOT a little girl.
Mickey: Sure ya are! You're so small and young lookin'!
Andrea: Well, thanks, I guess, but I'm 28.
Mickey: (voice change) Huh? Uh, I mean... (change back to Mickey) Don't ya mean 8?
Andrea: Nope, 28. Twenty with an eight attached.
Mickey: That can't be right! You're too young lookin'!
Andrea: Look, Mick, I appreciate the compliment but I'm not 8. Sometimes I act that way, but I'm not. See?
Andrea shows him her American Visa, which clearly states that she's 28.
Andrea: See? 1974, plain n' simple. Yup.
Mickey: But it just... can't... be...
Andrea: Come on, if I were 8, would I have these? (points to chest) Well actually, never mind, I still don't. I mean... well the card is all I got to prove it.
A group of little kids with their mom and dad show up.
Kids: Mickeyyyyyyyy!!!
Andrea: Yah, it's Mickey! Go hug him really hard!
Andrea steps away and lets the group of kids crush Mickey as their parents happily snap photographs. After a minute or so, the group walks away.
Andrea: Hehehehe...
Mickey: Ooooh.... that's it. (voice change)
Andrea: Hey, your voice changed again!
Mickey lunges at Andrea.
Andrea: Hey! What are you doing?
Andrea hits Mickey in the head she dodges, and knocks his head clean off.
Andrea: Hey!!! You're not Mickey! You're... no!!!! It can't be you!!!
Robbie Williams: Hi there.
Andrea: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!
Just Kidding!
*Rewind*
!!!!!!!!!KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :arednA
.ereht iH : smailliW eibboR
!!!uoy eb t'nac tI !!!!oN ...er'ouY !yekciM ton er'uoY !!!yeH :aerdnA
*Play*
Andrea: Hey!!! You're not Mickey! You're... No!!! It can't be you!!!
Stalker: Surprise!!!!!
Andrea: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!
Andrea takes off running as the stalker tries to get back up in the big huge costume.
Hours later...
Jim: That's it. We've searched this entire park up and down, been to security, been on several rides to look, sat around, went to the car, went to all the shops. Andrea has officially disappeared off the face of the Earth.
Sharon: Hah, well, shame that is.
Caro: You're the one who lost her, Shazz!
Sharon: Oh please... *pufff*
Caro: Give me that! *snatch*
The Corrs are walking down in Downtown Disney, having gotten off the monorail. They go into a place called Goofy's Kitchen, and after an hour or so of waiting for the reservation to be called, they are all let into a huge buffet of almost every kind of food under the sun, with chicken nuggets shaped like Mickey heads, macaroni, ham, bread, mashed potatoes, and deserts galore.
Sharon: So who watches the...
*shoof*
Caroline and Jim disappear to the buffet in a flash.
Sharon: Okay then, I watch the table.
Jim: I feel so bad, knowing that Andrea is missing. John is going to kill us.
Caro: Dad will first. Or Giles.
Jim: Yah right, I'll kick Giles' arse. Then Frank can help me.
Caro: Ok then, very good. Now, what to eat... hmm...
Jim: How about a plate of Snow White over there? Yummy yummy.
Caroline looks and scowls.
Caro: Oh come on, be nice. Besides, I could tell Sharon Orr.
Jim: Rrrrgh, I hate that threat!
Caro: Well, Sharon Orr loooooooves you.
Jim: Hmmph.
Caro: And???
Jim: Eh?
Caro: AND????
Jim: Shut up!
Jim grabs a bread roll and moves away, but Caroline follows him.
Caro: Say it.
Jim: No! 'Tis not true!
Caro: Mmm-hmm. *gets a chicken leg* Say it.
Jim: No! I won't say it! It's not true!
Jim continues to go around filling his plate up, then exits from the buffet. Caroline is hot on his trail.
Caro: Say it! Say it! Say it!!!
Jim: No!!!! I DON'T LOVE SHARON!!!
Sharon looks at them.
Sharon: Huh?
Jim: It's not what you think.
Sharon: Huh, well, I don't think much of you either.
Jim: It's NOT what you think! I didn't mean you.
Caro: Jim loves Sharon Orr.
Jim: No I don't!
Caro: Yes you don't!
Jim: No I do! I mean...
Jim angrily sits down at the table and commences eating.
Sharon: Shall I leave the table?
Caro: Yes, you may. Go.
Sharon leaves, and Caroline sits down at the table.
Caro: I like my mind games.
Jim: Right. *gnarf*
Caro: Ugh! Chew with your mouth closed.
Jim: Why?
Caro: 'Cuz Cinderella is staring at you.
Jim looks up, a big chunk of chicken nugget sticking out of his mouth. Cinderella has stopped at their table, smiling.
Caro: Hi Cinderelli! Hehe.
Cinderella: Hello! How are you today?
Caro: We're fine. Go ahead, Jim, talk to the pretty lady.
Jim: *gulp* Uh... how ya do?
Cinderella smiles shyly and walks away.
Jim: Dammit! Why do I always have problems like that with women??
Caro: Hehehe. Nice move.
Assorted Disney characters in the lobby begin dancing to the Macarena.
Jim: You know... sometimes I have a hard time believing that kids absolutely adore this place.
Caro: I think it's fine! Not bad for a first time here.
Sharon comes back to the table, escaping Pluto, who's dancing with the rest of the characters.
Sharon: I HATE that dog. (sits down)
Caro: Well, you can start hating chipmunks, too.
Dale walks up and waves to Sharon and crew.
Sharon: Hi, Dale. You seen our sister?
Dale shrugs and walks to another table.
Jim: Somehow, I believe a Disney character knows where our beloved sister may be.
Sharon: How do you know?
Jim: Just a feeling.
Caro: Hehehe... uh oh Jim, look out, here comes Snow White.
Jim: Snow White! Oh my god. She's such a hottie!
Sharon: Shh! Jim, she's probably just 19 under all that makeup?
Jim: So? She's still legal.
Caro and Sharon: Ewwwwwwww!!!
Snow White looks away for a second, then stops at the Corrs' table.
Caro: Hi Snow White! How are you? My brother here is a huge fan of you.
Jim: I am? I mean, I am.
Snow White smiles.
Snow White: Isn't that charming! But I already have a Prince Charming.
Caro: Aww, that's too bad. Jim's a great guy, even though he's a pig.
Jim: I'm NOT a pig!
Snow White: Hehehe yes you are! I mean... well...
Caro: You remind me of someone. Are you a fan or something?
Snow White: No! I mean, just look at my face closer, I'm sure you'll see something different.
Sharon stares at Snow White's face.
Sharon: Hmm... nope.
Caro: I'm sorry, I don't see it either.
Snow White: Let's see... does this remind you of anything?
Snow White starts doing a mad jig and wiggles around.
Sharon: That's familiar looking... Hey, wait a minute. Andrea??
Andrea: Surprise!
Caro: Oh my god!!
Jim: Oh my... wha? *BOP*
Caro: Why the heck are you dressed like Snow White?
Andrea: Don't I make a great Snow White? *curtsy*
Sharon: No. Well, you do, but still... why are you dressed like her?
Andrea: *sigh* You wouldn't believe or forgive me if I told you.
Sharon: Go on, we have all dinner.
Andrea explains the whole situation with the deranged Mickey, and her escape attempt that led her into dressing up as Snow White to escape.
Sharon: Well, I guess that's logical. Nobody can really recognize you with that costume.
Andrea: I know. I could get used to working here.
Caro: Don't. Jim!!!
Jim: Wha? *Bop*
Caro: Stop looking at Andrea's bum!! It's not even... hers!
After dinner, The Corrs and Snow White (Andrea) head back out into the park.
Sharon: Well, the day is almost over. Would've been better if you hadn't gotten lost, Andrea.
Andrea: Go and shoite.
Jim: Children, children, please. *bop*
Sharon: I need a smoke.
Andrea: You're not gettin' it. You know how it goes.
Sharon: Right, right... well guess what, you get to put up with me on this whole trip, without me and my nicotine patches.
Andrea: It's okay, you're naturally a b*tch.
They all stop.
Sharon: What... did... you...
Andrea: I called you a b*tch.
Sharon turns dark red, fuming.
Jim: Uh oh, I think you made her mad...
Caro: Try furious. Um, Sharon, dear, come on, let's go shop.
Sharon balls her hands into fists, staring Andrea down. Andrea just crosses her arms.
Jim: What should we do?
Caro: I don't know. Prepare for World War III?
Andrea: Mmm-hmm. I meant it.
Sharon is still fuming, the heel of her shoe shaking.
Jim: Which wire do I cut? She's going to explode!
Sharon: You... rotten... lousy.......... suhhhh-lutttt!!!!!
Andrea: *gasp* (looks away) *gasp* (looks at Caroline) *gasp* (looks at Jim) *gasp* (looks back at Sharon) *gasp*.... well... YOUR HUSBAND'S A QUEER!
Sharon headbutts Andrea. *BONK*
Andrea: Owwwww!!! Ow!! *sob* Owww...
Sharon: Hmmph. *rubs her forehead*
Andrea: *sob* That... whaaaaagghh...
Jim: Uh oh. Maybe we should...
Andrea looks back up, makeup streaming all over her face.
Andrea: Whaaaa...
Caro: Andy, dear, em, let's go over here towards the shop. Come on.
Caroline takes Andrea away, leaving Jim with Sharon.
Jim: Well, that was... interesting.
Sharon: Serves her right. Call me a b*tch...
Jim: B*tch.
Sharon: NOT YOU!!
Caro: Come on, Andrea. Stop crying.
Andrea: Whaaaa...
Caro: Pleeeeze stop crying. You're my baby. I'm supposed to take care of you.
Andrea: Whaaaa...
Caro: I'll get you a lolly pop if you stop crying, Andy.
Andrea: But it hurrrrts!!!
Caro: I know. Not as much a drumstick, though.
Andrea: Huh?
Caro: You'd be amazed how many times I've hit myself right in the face with a drumstick.
Andrea: Hmm well that was smart.
Caro: Don't get snooty. Come on, I'll get you a lolly pop and then later on you can apologize to Sharon.
Andrea: Huh? Why should I apologize to her?
Caro: Well, you kinda started it, Andrea. Just go with it.
Andrea: But she's so mean!
Caro: We've put up with it for over 28 years! We can put up with it some more!
Half an hour later, the Corr family is gathered back in Disneyland to see the ever-popular Fantasmic show: a spectacular show of lights, fireworks, images projected onto shooting water, exploding things, loud music, and pirate ships with pirates and Peter Pan flying everywhere.
Jim: Wowwwwwwwww....
Caro: They're all so good! Hehehe!
Sharon and Andrea aren't speaking to one another, just staring at the performance in awe. Andrea has a gigantic lollypop with huge colorful swirls.
Jim: We have to do this for our show.
Caro: Hehehe yeah!!!! Fireworks!
The show goes on and on for at least an hour, then leaves everybody with a warm, fuzzy feeling when it ends.
Jim: Whoaahh..... I think I just had an orgasm.
Caro: Em, get AWAY from me. *pulls her brother's arms off her*
Jim: I didn't mean it!!!
They all get up, the park now dark and the sky above lit a lazy orange from the city lights. The park is officially closing.
Caro: Well, all in all, a great day. It was fun.
Jim: Yep, I'm glad we came here.
Andrea: Grmph...
Sharon: Mgmff...
They begin the long walk to one of the park's exits, get on the tram, and ride back to the parking garage in silence.
Jim: Hmm, well...
Caro: (whispering) Just give them time.
They get off the tram and begin to make for the escalator.
Sharon: You know...
They all stop.
Sharon: I just want to point out just how bad of a trip this has been, especially because of YOU, Andrea.
Andrea: Grrrr...
Sharon: Because of you we've had more trouble on this trip than any other!
Caro: Shazz, come on, cut it out. (gets behind Andrea)
Sharon: I don't care!
Andrea: Of course you don't... you don't care about anything.
Again, there is a deadly silence. Not even Jim dares break it.
Caro: *clears throat* Andrea, please, let's just...
Andrea dives away just in time to dodge a high-velocity punch from Sharon. Caroline is directly in the line of fire, and takes it to the stomach.
Caro: WOOOOOOOoooooo... *gasp* *gasp* *gasp*
Andrea crosses her arms angrily and looks around. She notices a man dressed in black walking towards her quickly.
Andrea: What the...
The man is tall but heavily built, with a bit of a gut and a dark face with a mustache and a sneer.
Andrea: Get...
The stalker puts his arms around her.
Andrea: AGGGGH! GET OFF MEEE!!!!
Jim and company looks over to Andrea, who is being held by the stalker. He has a knife in one of his hands.
Stalker: Don't do anything! Or I'll cut her open!
Jim: Let her go!!
Stalker: Don't move!
Andrea: Caroline!!!!! *sob*
Caro: *gasp* Remember what I've taught you!!! *cough*
Andrea wrestles herself away from the man, and stands at the ready. (fight music)
Jim: Ding ding ding! Round one!!!
Stalker: You're mine, little girl.
Andrea, still holding the lollypop, jumps into the air in slow motion, raising her arms.
Sharon: Wow.
(camera spin, Matrix style)
Andrea delivers a midair kick right to the stalker's face, sending him flying. She lands back down gracefully and waits for him to get up.
Jim: Yea! Go Andrea!
The stalker comes back, still wielding the knife.
Andrea: (lips out of sync) You have dishonored my family!! Now I shall enjoy making you suffer!
The stalker lunges at her with his knife. Andrea dodges and smashes her extra-large lollypop over his head, shattering it into many pieces.
Jim: Ohhh!! THAT'S gotta hurt, sports fans!
The stalker gets back up, disoriented.
Andrea: *whistle* Over here.
*SMACK*
Andrea smacks the stalker in the face, then drives a powerful kick down below, eliminating the man's future generations.
Jim: Oww. (holds his crotch)
Andrea whips out a tin whistle and begins to jig to "Haste To The Wedding".
Jim: What the hell?
Andrea continues to dance, and at the end of the tin whistle reel, she beats him around the head with the whistle.
Fan: (somewhere in the crowd) You can do it, Andrea! Kick his f*cking ass!!!
Andrea picks up the stalker, her 5'1", 100 pound self not even straining, and throws him at least twenty feet into a stack of crates.
Jim: The winner, and still champeeeen!!!! Andrea!
Somehow, the entire crowd of people in the parking lot bursts into cheer.
Caro: *cough* I have taught you well, grasshopper.
Andrea: *bow* Thank you, thank you.
Suddenly, Andrea is crushed in Sharon's arms.
Sharon: I'm sorry, Andrea!!
Andrea: Mrrggh!!
Sharon: I didn't mean to call you a sl*t! Or anything else! I didn't mean any of it!
Andrea: RRRGGH!
Sharon: I'm sorry, sister! I love you!
Caro: Shazz, if the stalker didn't kill Andrea, surely you will with your hug of death.
Sharon lets go.
Sharon: Sorry about that, too!Andrea: It's okay, really. I'm fine. And... I'm sorry for calling your husband a queer.
Sharon: And?
Andrea: What? You still are a b*tch.
Sharon puts her arm around Andrea.
Sharon: And damn proud of it. Come on, let's get outta here.
The Corrs leave Disneyland, then go to LAX and fly back across the country, then back to Ireland.
But the stalker...
Not, he's dead. Andrea really kicked his ass.
The End