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Month 3
Frank looked at Caroline’s 'lunch' in horror. Toasted bread, topped with ham, mashed banana, tomato sauce, melted chocolate, and sprinkled with icing sugar.
"What is that," he asked.
Caroline casually took a bite. "Lunch," she replied. "Want some?"
Elle poked at her mother’s lunch with her index finger. "It looks like puke," she giggled. "I want some!"
Hannah, one step ahead, lunged at it with a spoon.
"Hey," cried Caroline. "Get your own lunch!"
Hannah frowned. "I'm not allowed," she protested.
"Oh, right. Get Daddy to make you some lunch."
"Daddy!" shrieked Hannah. "I want what Mammy's having!"
"Me too!" shrieked Elle.
"Oh boy," groaned Frank.
After ten minutes, he managed to put together two plates of unidentifiable goo. The twins nodded in satisfaction.
They each had their first mouthful, as Caroline licked her plate clean.
"EEEEEEWWWWWW!!!!!" they exclaimed simultaneously.
"That's GROSS Mammy," cried Hannah.
"Daddy, we want Pop Tarts," requested Elle.
Frank frowned. "Then what are we going to do with this, um... this..."
Caroline reached over for the plates. "I'll eat them," she offered.
Frank sighed as he put two blueberry pop tarts in the toaster. They weren't even halfway.
**********************************************************************
"Gavvvvviiiiiiiiin!" cried Sharon.
Gavin poked his head wearily around the corner. "What?"
Sharon gestured toward the cupboard. "We're out of oriental 2 minute noodles."
"What? Already?! I practically bought out the shop yesterday!"
Sharon grinned guiltily. "I ate them all," she confessed.
"Have beef ones," he offered.
Sharon whined, sounding an awful lot like Lily. "I don’t want beef! I want oriental!"
"I'll buy some more when I pick up Lily." Gavin offered.
Sharon sighed dramatically. "That’s ten million years away!"
"You're never seeing those twins again," he scolded. "They're a bad influence."
"Please please pleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaase?" she pleaded.
"Okay, okay, I'll go down now," he relented.
Sharon hugged him. "Thank you, I love you!" she smiled.
Gavin trudged out to the car. They weren't even halfway.
**********************************************************************
Andrea flipped through the wedding magazine, trying to see if she could see any inspiration for her wedding dress.
"Nope. Nope. Ew! Who would wear that? Britney Spears? Nope. Oooooh."
"What are you up to?" Giles asked, putting his keys down.
"Looking at dresses for the wedding. I want some inspiration," Andrea replied.
"What do you need inspiration for?" Giles asked. "Why a wedding dress?"
Andrea raised an eyebrow slightly. "Uh, a wedding dress is usually that thing women wear on their wedding day."
Giles smiled. "I know what one is. I'm just wondering why you're getting one designed. You've already got one."
"Huh?" Andrea said, looking at him oddly.
"Yeah. Mum said you could have hers."
"Oh. That's very nice of her Giles but I don't think I..."
“It's no problem. There's only me and my brother and for some reason, his wife didn't want to wear it, but I told her that I was sure you'd love it."
"Oh."
"Yeah. I brought it home for you to look at."
**************************************************************
Sharon opened the door and let an extremely cranky Andrea in. Caroline was behind her, a jar of applesauce and a spoon in hand.
The two girls followed her and sat down in the lounge. Andrea threw a garment bag down on the coffee table.
“Aw Andy, you shouldn't have," Sharon joked.
"Open it," Andrea told them, glaring at the bag.
Sharon unzipped the bag and the two girls peered at the dress inside.
"Wow, Andy, you REALLY SHOULDN'T have," Caroline told her.
"Um, Andy, uh, why are you showing us this...this...what is it again?" Sharon asked.
"It's a wedding dress," Andrea said, starting to pace. "Giles' mother's wedding dress. And apparently, now mine too!"
"Andy, honey, there is no possible way you could wear that," Caroline told her. "I mean, apart from the fact that it was obviously made in the seventies and has frills and bows where no one should even contemplate putting frills and bows, it's like 100 sizes to big for you. We'd lose you in it!"
"Giles gave it to me this morning. He said he'd picked it up from his mother's. Apparently she was delighted that I would wear it because Giles' sister in law refused to."
"No prizes as to guessing why," Sharon said, zipping the bag up.
"Andrea, you cannot wear that dress," Caroline told her firmly. "It's good that you get this sorted out now, so that you tell the differences BEFORE the marriage."
"What are you going to do?" Sharon asked.
"I suggest burning it," Caroline said, having another spoonful of applesauce.
"I don't know," Andrea moaned sitting down.
"Just tell Giles you already have one," Sharon said.
"Lie?" Andrea asked.
Caroline looked at the dress and then pointedly at Andrea.
"But I can't!" Andrea cried. "I already told him this morning that I was looking through a magazine for inspiration!"
"Whatever happened to Mammy's wedding dress?" Sharon asked.
Caroline shrugged.
"Let's go find out then," Sharon said, grabbing the keys.
Caroline grabbed another jar of applesauce.
****************************************************************
Caroline was rooting through her father's cupboards as Sharon and Andrea explained Andrea's predicament.
Gerry glanced oddly at Caroline. "Is she okay?"
Sharon nodded. "She's pregnant dad. You know she goes a little nuts when she's pregnant."
"I thought she was a little nuts all the time," Andrea commented.
"I heard that," Caroline told her.
Sharon rolled her eyes and turned back to her father. "Sorry, what were you saying before Abbott and Costello butted in?"
Gerry smiled fondly at his two younger daughters, who were squabbling over by the cupboards. "I said that you've all already worn your mother's wedding dress...even Jim."
The two younger girls spun around. "Huh?"
"I don't remember that," Caroline said.
"I would seriously doubt it," Gerry laughed. "It was when you were all christened!"
"I'm confused," Andrea said. "I wore a wedding dress when I was christened?"
"No. You wore part of a wedding dress when you were christened. See, your Mammy wasn't going to wear her dress again, and she didn't know whether any of you would ever want to get married, so she decided to have the dress made into four christening dresses. We still have them upstairs."
Andrea buried her head in her hands and groaned. "Can we put them back together?"
"Hey! I want mine kept intact, thankyou very much!" Caroline cried.
Andrea flopped dramatically on the floor. "I'm ruined!"
"Would you like some applesauce?" offered Caroline.
***************************************************************
"Higher!"
Elle went up on tiptoes. "That's as high as I can go. Hurry up, Hannah! You're heavy!"
Hannah wobbled precariously, balanced on her sisters shoulders. "I've almost got it! Just a little closer!"
Elle inched closer, as Hannah made a desperate lunge for the applesauce. "Got it!"
Elle's legs slipped out from under her, and both she and Hannah came crashing to the ground. "Ow!"
They heard a smash, and looked over to see the applesauce bottle smashed on the floor. "Ooooops..." said Elle.
"We don’t have to open it now!" yelled Hannah in delight, and she started dipping her fingers in it.
Elle, on the other hand, went for a spoon. "It should taste good," she said. "Mammy eats so much of this stuff."
But, before they could dig in, Caroline appeared in the doorway to investigate the crash.
"My applesauce!!" she wailed.
She sat on the floor and stared at the broken bottle on the floor. She took Elle's spoon, and dipped it in the applesauce.
"It's still good."
************************************************************************
Lily carefully traced her alphabet worksheet. "L is for lion," she murmured, with a look of concentration that could be recognised from Lansdowne Road. She grinned. “And Love To Love You.”
Lily's friend Monika peered over Lily's arm, to see what colour she was making her lion’s mane. "Can I use that pencil after you?" Monika asked.
"Sure," agreed Lily, as she admired her lovely green lion.
Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw a boy in the doorway. Her head snapped up. "Fred!" she yelled. "It's Fred!"
The other first graders looked around to see what Lily was pointing at. But Fred was gone.
Miss Schmidt, sensing an impending riot, got the class back into order, though she couldn't stop her students from giggling at Lily's unexpected disturbance.
Lily sank down in her chair. Why didn't anyone believe her?
***************************************************************************
Jim put his feet up on the living room couch.
"Down," Nea told him.
"Huh?”
"Down."
“What is this? Haiku?" Jim asked.
"No, this is your wife telling you not to put your feet on the couch," Nea told him.
"You're sounding like my sisters," Jim replied. "I think you spend way too much time with them."
"Perhaps I spend too little time with them if I still can't get you to keep your feet off the couch," Nea smirked. "By the way, Andrea called and asked if you knew of a creative way to tell Giles that she can't wear his mother's wedding dress."
"Creative? Oh the places I could go with that," Jim smiled.
"Don't," Nea warned him. "She sounds really upset and cranky."
Jim shuddered. "I feel sorry for Giles. Andrea's a nightmare to live with when she's in a bad mood."
"Can you think of anything?" Nea asked him.
"Well," began Jim. "She could send him on a chase in a really big area, with post-it notes giving directions to the next post-it note until the final one which says..."
"What is it with you and post-it notes?" asked Nea.
"What do you mean?" frowned Jim.
"That's how you proposed to me, Mr Romance."
“Hey, it worked didn't it?" Jim reminded her.
************************************************
Hannah and Elle toddled down the hallway. They passed the recording room, where there was their mum's drumkit set up. They kept going past their dad's study until they reached their final goal...the "special" room.
"Where's Mammy?" Elle asked.
"In the study with Daddy," Hannah replied.
"Are you sure?" Elle inquired.
“Positive," Hannah replied. She reached up and grasped the knob on the door. "In we go."
The room was beautiful, with wooden paneling on the walls and a gorgeous rug on the floor. The walls were covered with pictures of the twins, Caroline and Frank on their wedding day, with their families and Caroline with her siblings at awards ceremonies.
Then they spied them. Up, hanging proudly on the wall were the coveted prizes that the twins wanted. Caroline's golden records. She had received them, along with her brother and sisters, for almost every album and single ever released.
"They is bewdiful," Hannah gleamed.
"There's the chocolate record, too," Elle said, pointing at the Grammy Award sitting on the desk.
Caroline had told the twins, who didn't understand the worth of a big piece of metal, that there was chocolate inside the gold wrapping of the record.
"What first?" Hannah asked.
"Chocolate?" Elle suggested and Hannah nodded eagerly. Elle climbed onto the office chair and swung herself over to the desk.
She carefully handed it to her sister, who placed it on the floor.
"That's heavy!" Elle said, hopping down beside her sister.
"That just means more chocolate," Hannah grinned.
The two girls scrabbled and scrabbled, but could not get to the "chocolate".
"Do you think Mammy's already taken the chocolate out?" Elle asked.
"That's not fair!" Hannah whined. "We wanted some chocolate too! Just because she's eating weird stuff she gets the chocolate too!?"
Elle pulled up her t-shirt. "We should be eating weird stuff too! We're pregnant!"
"That means we should get chocolate too!" Hannah cried.
"Stupid chocolate record," Elle said, looking disdainfully at it.
Hannah shrugged. "Let's pick the show and tell."
"Pick a song, any song," Elle murmured, walking up and down in a line.
"I pick Irresistable!" Hannah said, pointing at a record. "Mammy is pretty in that video."
"Mammy is pretty in ALL the videos!" Elle said, frowning.
"She's pretty in Runaway," Elle said.
"Nuh-uh! She's prettier in Only When I Sleep!"
"I like her hat in What Can I do!" Elle grinned.
"What about Would you be Happier?" asked Hannah. "Her hair is cool!"
"No! So Young! She throws letters around!"
"No way! I Never Loved you Anyway! She is funny!"
"No! The Right Time! She picks up a dolls house chair!"
"She wears cool clothes in Breathless!"
"She plays that funny named drum in Forgiven Not Forgotten!"
"She has sparkly drums in Radio!"
“Nuu-uh! She has a cool car in All The Love In The World!”
"So which one are we going to pick?" Elle asked.
"I don't know? Which one are you going to pick?" Caroline asked, tapping her foot as she stood at the door.
"Uh oh," Hannah mumbled.
"Busted," Elle sighed.
******************************************************************
Lily sat silently on the couch, watching the afternoon cartoon shows.
Sharon sat down next to her, with a fresh bowl of oriental noodles. "How was school?"
"I hate Fred," announced Lily.
"Why?"
"I saw him and no-one else did and I said 'there's Fred!' and everyone looked and he was gone and everyone laughed at me!" wailed Lily.
Lily clasped her mother’s hand. "You believe me, don’t you?" she asked. "You believe that Fred is real, right?"
"Of course I do," replied Sharon. "I saw him too, remember?"
Lily leaned against her mother, and Sharon stroked her daughter’s hair. "I'm going insane!" cried Lily. "I'm hallucinating! I'm deteriorating! At all of six years old!"
"You're not hallucinating," said Sharon. "I saw him too, remember?"
"Yeah..." replied Lily.
They watched the cartoons in silence for a few minutes.
"Mammy?"
"Mhm?"
"Can I see your belly button?"
*********************************************************************
Caroline lay on the couch, a cool cloth on her forehead. She had a headache, probably induced by two screaming and squealing four year olds and pregnancy. She rolled over onto her side and suddenly sat up, moving closer to the edge of the seat.
“It's Creepy Reappearing Boy!" she cried, staring at the child oddly.
The child stared back at her.
"How did you get here?" Caroline asked.
The boy just stared.
"Frank!" Caroline called, a little worried.
Frank came in, and did a double take when he saw the boy.
"Who's that?"
"That's Creepy Reappearing Boy."
"Huh?"
"The one I told you about. He keeps haunting Sharon."
Frank bent down to the boy's height. "You've got the wrong house, buddy. Sharon doesn't live here." He smirked. "I can give you her address if you want."
"Frank!" Caroline scolded.
Frank looked up at her. "What? I'm getting rid of him for you."
Caroline groaned and lay back down again. "Whatever. I don’t care."
Frank looked at the boy for a while. "I shall call him... mini me."
"Lily's already christened him 'Fred'" sighed Caroline.
Frank stared at him.
He stared back.
"Caroline, he's scaring me!" he whined.
************************************************************************
"It's not fair," whined Sharon.
Gavin glanced from his newspaper. "What's not fair?"
"Brennan is a really cool name. I love it. But Brennan Bonner just sounds so wrong."
Gavin wrinkled his nose. "Brennan?"
"Yes, Brennan," replied Sharon, defensively. "I think it's a sexy name."
"Okay, we can definitely rule out Brennan. I'm not having you think our possible son is sexy!"
Sharon gave him a look. "Well, what names do you like?"
Gavin folded his paper over, and looked thoughtful. "Gavin Jr," he decided.
Sharon rolled her eyes. "You are so original. I can't believe how original you are. I should be watching you from behind glass - I don’t think I'm worthy to be in the presence of someone so original. Original potato chips should bow down to you..."
"Okay, I get the idea," he said. "I haven't really been thinking about names.”
"Well start thinking," said Sharon. "I'll get back to you."
****************************************************************
Frank sat up in bed, reading a baby name book. "Who on earth would call their child Freedom?"
"Probably the same kind of person that was smoking something a couple of decades ago," Caroline replied, putting on her Tigger pajamas. She got into bed next to him. "And we're not calling our child Autumn or Rain either."
Frank wrinkled his nose. "That's just cruel." He put on an old woman's voice. "Autumn? Rain? Come get your dinner!"
Caroline chuckled. "Stop it, you'll wake the girls." She peered over his shoulder. "What if we have a boy?"
"Well, isn't it traditional to name a first born son after his father?" Frank inquired.
"I am not going to distinguish between two Franks in my house when it's dinnertime, thanks very much," Caroline told him. "I have enough trouble finding you to come to dinner."
Frank turned back the pages of the book. "Nah. I want a girl. Who looks exactly like you."
Caroline raised an eyebrow. "You've already got two."
"Hey, the more the merrier, isn't that the saying?" Frank inquired. "Besides, you're not too bad on the eyes."
"I'm glad you think so," she answered dryly. "What if the girl looks like you?"
"Now that's just mean," Frank replied, patting her stomach. "Don't listen to your Mammy, little one. You'll be beautiful."
*****************************************************************************
Caroline woke up the next morning and wondered what it was that had woken her up. She rolled over, and found herself face to face with Elle.
"Ahh!" yelled Caroline.
"Ahh!" Yelled Elle.
"Honey, you scared me," whimpered Caroline.
"Sorry Mammy..." Elle trailed off.
"Elle?"
"Yes, Mammy?" asked Elle, with a wide-eyed, innocent look. Danger alert.
"Why are you here?"
Elle's eyes wandered to the left. "Dunno."
Caroline picked her up and plopped her in her lap. "What do you mean, you dunno?"
Elle started giggling. "Nothing! We're not doing anything bad!"
Caroline started tickling her daughter. "Where's Hannah?"
Elle was shrieking with laughter. "I... dunno... don't!" she laughed.
"Where is she?"
"She's not under the bed!"
Caroline immediately stopped tickling Elle and looked under the bed.
Elle used the opportunity to get her own bit of tickling back. "I told you she wasn’t there! Told you, told you!"
Elle had learnt the art of tickling from the master, and it wasn't long before she had her mother begging for mercy.
"Frank, help me!" she laughed.
*********************************************************************
Lily sat in front of the television, engrossed in the video she was watching. She giggled and using the remote control, rewound it a little the pressed play. Another giggle came forward...time to rewind again.
Sharon came into the room and groaned. "You're not watching that again are you?"
Lily giggled again and turned around to her mother. "You lost your dress strap at Landsdowne Rd! It's funny!"
Sharon let out a sigh as Lily rewound the tape and rolled around the floor laughing.
"Gavin!" Sharon called.
The man in question came into the living room. He saw what Lily was watching and laughed. "That was a funny moment." He smiled. "Rewind it again Lily."
"Oh for heaven's sake!" Sharon cried. "Don't encourage her!"
"But it's funny!" Gavin told his wife. "You were lucky Bob was there. I can just see the headlines now. Hmm. Violin-Playing Corr Reveals..."
"Let's not go there, hmm?" Sharon suggested, giving him a warning look.
"Tell you later," Gavin whispered to his daughter.
*********************************************************
Andrea looked at the garment bag lying on her kitchen table and shuddered. She paced back and forth, back and forth...still, nothing was coming to her. "Giles, I love you to pieces but I cannot wear that dress. It's...indescribable." She frowned. "No, that doesn't work."
"What doesn't work?" Giles asked, coming into the kitchen. "I was just going to make some tea. Want some?"
"Can you add a drop of hard liquor to it?" She caught his look and blushed. "Never mind.”
Giles saw the garment bag. "Ah, you looking at the dress, are you? What do you think of it?"
Andrea got a guilty look on her face. "It's um, it's indescribable."
Giles glanced at the dress. "It's very seventies isn't it?"
"Oh yeah," Andrea muttered. She fidgeted slightly. "Uh, Giles. I can't wear that dress."
"Why not?" he asked, looking at her oddly.
"Well...um...I already have one," Andrea said, cursing herself for lying.
"But the other day you said you were looking for inspiration."
"Um...yes...I did...but that was to throw you off the scent. I have one, it's in hiding and I didn't want you to try and find it..." Andrea trailed off. That's it, she thought, I'm going to hell.
Giles chuckled. "Okay. I can't wait to see it. I better get this back to mum then."
Andrea raised an eyebrow. "You're not upset?"
Giles smiled. "Why would I be upset, Andy? You've already got one, that's all. It's no big deal. Good idea though, flipping through the magazine to get me off the scent." He winked at her. "Bet you didn't think I'd bring you my mum's dress, did you?"
Andrea paled. "No. Not at all."
******************************************************************************
"That was played in the key of 'F' demented!" the twins chorused, as their mother finished playing Runaway on the Unplugged video.
Hannah turned back to her father. "Do it again, Daddy!"
Frank cracked a slight smile and rewound the video to Caroline's mistake. Once again the twins commented with Jim and once again, he rewound.
"Hey, what are you lot do...Oh god," Caroline groaned, coming into the room. "You are a bad example, Frank Woods," she told her husband.
"Hey! It's not my fault. First of all, I'm at the command of the masses here, and second, I wasn't the one who made that comment...Jim was. Blame him, not me."
"Mammy made a mistake," Elle giggled, as they watched the scene again.
"Silly Mammy," Hannah laughed, pointing a finger at Caroline.
“Watch where that finger gets pointed young lady," Caroline warned.
"Mammy, we have a 'portant question," Elle said, nudging her sister.
"Yeah! A very 'portant question," Hannah echoed.
"Mhm?" Caroline asked, picking up the stray sock and teddybear that littered the floor.
"Will you be our show and tell at preschool tomorrow?" Elle asked.
Caroline raised an eyebrow. "Pardon?"
"Not only are you famous and have shiny records, you're going to have a baby!" Hannah said.
"Yeah, we'll take you twice," Elle explained. "Once now and once when you're big and fat."
Frank looked at the twins then at Caroline and burst out laughing.
Caroline glared at him, then at the twins. "I'm not sure that it...."
"PLEASE MAMMY!" they pleaded, batting their eyelids at her.
"They get that from you," Frank said.
*****************************************************************
"Fred?" Lily suggested.
"You want a brother named Fred?" Sharon said, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, at least it's one that EVERYONE can see," Lily told her.
Sharon sighed. "Lily, how about you stop watching me lose my dress strap and be serious for a moment. Daddy and I want you to be involved with the baby."
“I'm not changing nappies," Lily said sternly.
Andrea burst into the room, followed by Gavin, who looked slightly bemused.
"I'm going to hell!" she announced.
****************************************************************
Caroline sat down beside Andrea. Sharon had called her immediately after Andrea had announced her impending doom. The twins and Lily were being amused in another room by the dads, after the twins had started chorusing "Auntie Andrea's going to hell! Auntie Andrea's going to hell!"
"What's all this about you going to hell?" Caroline asked, when they finally got some peace and quiet. "I thought that was what Sharon and I were going to experience in six months when we're in labour."
Sharon frowned. "Please, don't remind me. I walked funny for three weeks after Lily was born and I still get funny back spasms every now and then."
Andrea paled and Caroline patted her shoulder. "It's okay, Andy. Sharon's embellishing for effect."
"Yeah, well it was painful," Sharon reminded her.
"Hello! You only had to go through one! I had two! Count them! Two!" Caroline said, holding two fingers up.
"Can we concentrate on my problem now?" Andrea asked. "You've still got six months to discuss labour."
"Okay. Why are you going to hell?" Caroline asked.
"I told Giles that I already had a wedding dress and the reason I was looking through a wedding magazine was because I wanted to throw him off the scent."
"Nice one," Sharon approved.
"That doesn't help," Andrea told her sister. "I feel terrible! He was all nice about it, said it was a good idea, said he'd take the dress back to his mother, no big deal."
"At least the dress is gone," Sharon shrugged. "But seriously, it's one little lie."
Andrea put her hands on her hips. "Yeah and where's it going to end! How many lies have you ever told Gavin?"
Sharon thought for a moment. "I'm not sure. Not many, I don't think."
"How many have you told Frank?" Andrea asked Caroline.
"None."
The two girls turned to their sister, mouths wide.
"What!?" Caroline asked. "I just haven't."
"Help!" came Frank's cry from the other room.
The three girls dashed in, wondering what was going on. They all burst out laughing, seeing that the three girls had done Frank's hair.
"Look what we did to daddy!" shrieked Hannah, happily.
"We made him pretty," grinned Lily.
Elle nodded. "We used me and Hannah's ribbons."
"The ribbons are a nice touch," agreed Caroline. "But you three have to promise me one thing," she added sternly.
Hannah's thumb immediately went to her mouth.
"What, Mammy?" asked Elle, quietly.
Caroline smiled at them. "Tell me next time, I want a turn too!"
"Auntie Andrea! I wanna do your hair!" cried Lily.
"Um... er..." Andrea turned to Sharon. "Help?" she pleaded.
Lily took her aunts hand. "Don’t worry, Auntie Andrea, I'll make you look really pretty!"
"That's what I'm worried about," replied Andrea, frowning.
Ten minutes later, Andrea was admiring her two braids in every reflective surface she could find.
*******************************************************************
"Poo poo head," Hannah giggled.
"We are not naming the baby poo poo head," Caroline replied sternly.
“What about poo poo face?" Elle suggested.
"I don't think Poo Poo face Woods works really well," Frank told her.
Hannah put her jumper over her nose.
Frank chuckled. "We all know where she gets that from."
Caroline glared at him. "Hannah, what are you thinking about?"
"Don't call the baby Douglas," Hannah said, poking out of her jumper for a moment. "It's an icky name." She went back inside her jumper.
Elle screwed her nose up. "EWWW! Douglas! There's a boy at preschool called Douglas. Everyone calls him Drippy Douglas. Cause he's always sniffing his nose."
Caroline clutched her stomach for a moment, trying to make the sick feeling pass. "Thanks, Elle."
"I like helping," Elle said, proudly.
"We know," Caroline said, rolling her eyes.
"You're coming to preschool tomorrow Mammy?" Hannah asked.
Caroline sighed and nodded. "Yes, Hannah. I'm coming."
****************************************************************************
"What are you laughing at?" asked Jim, as he watched his wife giggling madly.
"Just what Caroline said about what the girls did to Frank. I have this hilarious mental image of you with pink bows, and..."
"Don’t even think about it," warned Jim.
"Think about what?" asked Nea mischievously.
Jim held on to his head. "Don’t touch my hair! I know you!"
"I'm not going to rest until I've given you a complete make-over," announced Nea happily.
"Oh, crud."
*****************************************************************************
Sharon stood in the doorway to her daughter’s room. Lily was curled up in her bed, the Barbie doona almost covering her. She frowned as she noticed that the Barbie campervan was strewn across the floor, but banished that from her mind as she grinned at the little, almost inaudible snore that came from her daughter. She got that from her father.
"What are you doing?" Gavin whispered, standing beside her.
"You know, I may complain about labour and pregnancy and all that, but I think the end result is definitely worth it," Sharon murmured.
Gavin grinned. "I agree."
Lily made another little snore.
"All her mother," Gavin chuckled, heading down to the bedroom.
"Hey! I do not snore!" Sharon said following him. "Gavin! Gavin?"
*****************************************************************************
Finally, silence. The entire house was silent. Caroline sighed and leant in the doorway to the twin’s room. Elle had her arm firmly around her toy elephant, and Hannah's thumb was in her mouth, along with her "blankie". Caroline frowned. It needed washing. Two sets of tiny pink slippers sat beside the two beds. Frank had asked a friend of his to make the bedheads, with "Hannah" carved on one and "Elle" carved on the other. A dollhouse sat in the corner of the room, and there were various fluffy toys, Barbies and clothes strewn across the room. Not to mention the entire house, Caroline thought wryly.
Frank stole up behind his wife and wrapped his arms around her waist. "Peace. At last."
Caroline smiled. "It's nice, isn't it?"
"What are you thinking about?" Frank asked. "Wondering how anyone could name their child Bathesheba?"
She chuckled. "No, but I do agree with you." She smiled slightly. "They're perfect."
Frank raised an eyebrow. "Are we talking about the same kids here?"
Caroline whacked him playfully. "I'm serious! I mean, I know they're nuts, and can drive us crazy. They make huge messes and get in trouble at school, but look at them! Ten fingers, ten toes. They're perfect."
Hannah let out a little sigh in her sleep and Elle mumbled something about fish.
"I don't know where she gets the talking in her sleep from," Frank said, "but that little sigh is definitely you."
"She gets the talking from you," Caroline chuckled. "Your brother told me that you used to talk in your sleep."
“What did I say?”
Caroline shrugged. "I have no idea. But once you spoke about property in your sleep. I hit you and you've never talking in your sleep since."
"See. Violence does work," Frank smiled.
"Mammy? Daddy?" Elle said, looking sleepily at them. "Go away."
"Yeah," Hannah murmured. "You talk too much."
Frank grinned at his wife. "Let's go."
Caroline smiled and shut the door.
*********************************************************************************
"Help please," Hannah said, coming into her parent's bedroom.
Caroline clipped up her daughter's overalls and watched as Elle followed her sister in, having the same problem.
"Pigtails please," Hannah said, handing her mother the hairbrush.
"Me too," Elle confirmed. She scrutinised her mother. Caroline was wearing blue jeans and her Elvis t-shirt. Luckily, she hadn't started showing too much yet, so she could still fit into her old clothes.
"You can't wear that," Elle told her mother.
“Why not?" Caroline asked, glancing at her shirt as she did Hannah's hair.
“Want you to wear the cool shirt.”
"Yeah! The cool shirt!" Hannah said, jumping up and down. "Ow."
"Don't jump up and down when I'm doing your hair and it won't hurt," Caroline told her. "Which cool shirt?"
Elle went into the walk in wardrobe and came out with her black shirt with the bright red lips. "See! Cool shirt!"
"Yeah! Cool shirt!" Hannah cried, jumping up and down again. "Ow."
"Stop it," Caroline told her, tapping her on the shoulder.
"Fine," Caroline said, rolling her eyes. "I'll wear the cool shirt."
"Yay!" Elle cried.
"Yay!" Hannah cried. She frowned. "Ow."
******************************************************************
When they arrived at the preschool, Miss March smiled at Caroline. "I hear you're our show and tell today."
"Apparently," Caroline replied.
"Now, just in case you weren't aware, some of the children here don't know where babies come from so...."
"Oh, that's fine," Caroline assured her. "Hannah and Elle don't either."
Miss March nodded. "Okay then. Well, as soon as I can corral them all, we'll begin."
A few minutes later, all the children sat expectantly on the mat in front of Caroline. She gulped. This was more nerve wracking than any concert she had ever done.
“Alright everyone. It’s Hannah and Elle’s turn to do show and tell. Let’s all be quiet and listen to them okay?”
“Yes, Miss March,” all the children chorused.
Hannah looked at Elle who grinned.
“Hi everyone. My name is Elle Linsday Woods and this is my twin sister Hannah Jean Woods. Today, we brought our Mammy with us for show and tell.”
“Oh please,” a kid murmured.
“Hush,” Hannah told the kid, waving a finger.
“Our Mammy’s name is Caroline Georgina Woods, but her real last name is Corr,” Elle began. “She’s plays the drums in the super awesome band called The Corrs,” Hannah put in. “Our Auntie Sharon plays the violin, Uncle Jim plays the guitar and Auntie Andrea sings.”
“And plays the tin-whistle,” Elle reminded her.
“Yeah,” Hannah nodded.
"They are very famous and have had heaps of hits. I'm sure everyone's heard of Runaway. Mammy looks really good in that one. It was their first video," Elle grinned.
"She looks really good in all of them," Hannah interjected.
"I know, Hannah. But I was just telling them that it was her first video," Elle explained.
Caroline fidgeted in the chair she had been given. This was definitely more uncomfortable than any interview, concert, video or photo shoot she had ever done. More uncomfortable than awards ceremonies...and the twins were still going.
"Mammy let us bring three special things from her collection to show," Hannah grinned. "First of all, this is the Grammy award that Mammy and Auntie Sharon and Auntie Andrea and Uncle Jim won for Talk on Corners."
"Talk on Corners was their second album," Elle butted in.
"I was about to say that, Elle!" Hannah replied.
"Secondly, this is one of Mammy's golden records. This one is for the song "Irresistable."
"But this is the bestest one of all!" Hannah cried, picking up the Rory Gallagher award. "Mammy won this one all by herself. It's called the Wory Galactic award and it's for the best musician in the whole wide world!"
"Rory Gallagher," Caroline whispered behind her daughters.
"That's what I said," Hannah said, rolling her eyes at her mother.
"The second 'portant reason we brought Mammy here is because she is going to have a baby!" Elle said excitedly.
Caroline put her head in her hands.
"Ooooooohh," all the kids chorused.
"Mammy's a bit shy, so we're going to demonstrate on ourselves," Hannah said proudly.
Caroline stared up at the ceiling and began mumbling prayers at it.
"Hannah is going to be Mammy," Elle grinned. She pointed at her sister's tummy. "In there is where Mammy's baby is. I know what you're all thinking. But she didn't eat it."
Hannah struggled with her overalls and turned around, pouting at her mother. "Mammy...I can't do it."
Caroline sighed and closed her eyes firmly shut as Elle giggled and pulled the t-shirt up a little. "The things I do for my kids," she mumbled to herself.
Elle poked her finger on her mother's belly-button and Caroline winced. "That's where it got in."
Miss March raised an eyebrow at Caroline, who blushed slightly and looked away.
"Auntie Andrea told us that there are little tunnels in there and we can't be pregnant because we don't have little tunnels."
"Okay, time's up," Miss March interjected quickly.
"But we're not finished yet!" Elle cried.
"I know, Elle. But I'm sure you can talk with your friends about it later."
Miss March turned to the children. "Now, we can all thank Elle and Hannah and their mother for sharing with us today."
"Thankyou Elle. Thankyou Hannah. Thankyou Mrs Woods," the children chorused.
As the children went off to play, Caroline kissed her daughter's goodbye and getting her things, went to leave. Miss March stopped her.
"May I speak with you a moment?"
Caroline cursed underneath her breath. "Certainly," she smiled broadly.
"That was a very interesting talk that Elle and Hannah gave us today," Miss March began.
"I was certainly interested," Caroline agreed.
"But a little inappropriate, don't you think? Being your children, you may tell them whatever you like about where babies come from, but in future, I'd prefer to keep that information away from other children. It can be damaging to their development."
"Not a problem," Caroline said. As she left, she muttered to herself. "We so need to change preschools."
*********************************************************************************
"Maaaaammmmmyyyyy!!!!"
Sharon opened her eyes reluctantly. "Mm?"
"I thought of the perfectest name for the baby!"
Lily hopped up onto the bed next to her mother. "Are you listening? Are you? Maaammmyy..."
"I'm listening," sighed Sharon.
"Okay, well, I was playing with my Back To School Barbie..."
Sharon closed her eyes, sensing a long story.
"... and I was thinking about names for the baby. And, well, the only names I really know are Lily and Giorgia... um, and Bonnar. But the first two are my names, and you can’t call it Bonnar Bonnar. That's just silly. So, anyway, I was playing with my Back To School Barbie and I was trying to think of names when Back To School Barbie went shopping with Outer Space Skipper to buy a pony. And that’s when I thought of the perfectest name ever! Do you want to know what it is? Mammy? Do you want to know?" Lily saw her mothers closed eyes and frowned. "Mammy!!"
Sharon opened her eyes. "It's a beautiful name, sweetheart, I'll talk to daddy about it."
Lily pouted. "I haven't even told you yet!"
"Tell me now, I'm listening."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive."
"Because you might go to sleep again."
"I wasn't sleeping, I was dozing."
"It's the same thing!"
"No it's not!"
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"Lily?"
"Yes?"
"Tell me the name."
"Skipper!"
Sharon paused. "Skipper?"
"Yeah!"
"Ehm... Skipper Bonnar. Do you think the names go together?"
"Yes."
"The ends of them are kind of the same... It sounds kind of funny."
Lily's face fell.
"But if it wasn't for that, it's still a beautiful name." Sharon kissed Lily's forehead. "Keep thinking, sweetie."
"Okay."
Lily scuttled out, and Sharon lay back down. She had a headache.
A few minutes later, footsteps came running down the hall again.
"What about Barbie?!"
******************************************************************
Elle pranced around the living room, wearing one of her mother’s leather jackets and her own Little Mermaid sunglasses. "Summer lovin', having a blaaaaast..." she sang.
Hannah danced happily, oblivious to her parents watching her and Elle with a video camera in hand. "Summer lovin', happens so faaaaaaast..." she joined in.
Elle put a hand over her heart. "Met a girl, crazy for meeeeeeeeeeee,"
Hannah smiled coyly to an imaginary audience in front of the TV. "Met a boy, cute as can be..."
"Summer days," they sang together. "Slippin' away, oooohhh ahhh on those suuummer nights... Wella wella wella UH! Tell me more, tell me more..."
Caroline giggled quietly. "21st birthday?" she whispered.
Frank nodded, grinning behind the video camera as the girls began to sing Greased Lightning.
****************************************************************
Andrea flipped through the wedding magazine as Giles came in. He chuckled. "Andy, you don't need to do that anymore, remember? I already know your secret."
Andrea fidgeted. "What secret?"
He grinned. "Ah, we're going to be like that are we? Alright...I don't remember the secret you told me. Continue your browsing."
Andrea shut the magazine and looked at Giles, who had just picked up a newspaper. "Giles."
"Andrea."
"Giles Baxendale."
"Andrea Corr."
"How much did you like your mother's dress?"
"My mother's dress?"
"Yeah. The wedding dress. What did you really think about it?" She smiled slyly. "You can tell me."
He grinned. "Okay then. I thought it was hideous. Very seventies. How lucky are we that you already have one picked out, eh?" He kissed her on the forehead and left the room.
Andrea whacked her head on the table.
**************************************************************************
Caroline munched on a Tim Tam. “He told you what?”
“He thought the dress was hideous!” Andrea cried, pacing the room.
Elle and Hannah decided to copy their aunt and followed her around the room.
“Giles thought his mother’s wedding dress was hideous?” Sharon asked, stealing one of Caroline’s Tim Tams. Caroline whacked her on the hand.
“Yes.”
“And what exactly is the problem here?” Sharon asked.
“I lied to him for no reason! He thought the dress was hideous anyway!” Andrea plopped down on one of the lounge chairs and stared at Caroline oddly. “Last month you felt sick looking at those.
Caroline shrugged. “What can I say? Pregnancy makes me fickle.”
“I hate lying,” Andrea said, sighing. “Although not as much as you. You would never lie for me when we were little.”
Caroline shrugged. “Yeah, well.”
“Oh, I mean to ask,” Sharon smiled. “How did preschool go this morning?”
“Excellent!” Elle cried. “We showed everyone where babies came from and explained tunnels like Auntie Andrea told us!”
“I’m never forgiving you for that,” Caroline told her sister.
“Sounds like it was a lot of fun,” Sharon smirked.
Caroline frowned. “Can we not discuss it anymore? I think I’m going to have nightmares anyway.”
“What are you going to have nightmares about, Mammy?” Hannah asked, sneaking a Tim Tam.
“Giant Tim Tams stalking her because she’s eating too many,” Andrea whispered.
Hannah quickly put hers back.
****************************************************************
Andrea rang Caroline's doorbell, feeling kind of nervous. The last time she babysat the twins, they broke some of the boards on their beds playing Kangaroo's and somehow managed to get an apple stuck down the kitchen drain. In the first 10 minutes.
Caroline flung the door open, looking a little flustered. "I am eternally grateful to you for coming," she greeted her."
"Also eternally in debt to me for coming," responded Andrea. "And you still owe me from last time."
Caroline rested her head against the doorframe. "You got off lightly. Besides, they're being good today. They're going through the 'we want to help Mammy and Daddy with the new baby' stage. I hope it lasts as long as possible."
"Auntie Andreaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!" Two identical thunderbolts almost knocked Andrea off balance.
"Hi you two..." she greeted them warily.
Caroline leaned over. "Elle has purple ribbons," she whispered. "Hannah has pink."
Andrea smiled at her gratefully. "Thanks."
Hannah looked up at her mother. "I heard my name."
Caroline crouched down next to her. "I was telling Auntie Andrea how you and Elle are going to be good girls this evening."
Elle nodded. "We've been good all day," she informed her aunt.
Hannah joined in. "Yeh, we made a list of names. We decided that if the baby's a girl -"
"Her name will be Rapunzel," continued Elle. "And if it's a boy -"
"He'll be called King Triton," declared Hannah.
Frank turned up behind Caroline before she could think of a way to turn them down lightly.
"Ready to go?" he asked, and kissed her on the cheek.
"Eeewwww.." the twins wrinkled their noses.
Frank ruffled Hannah's hair. "You two are going to be good for Auntie Andrea, aren't you?" he asked sternly.
Hannah blinked. "Of course, daddy," she replied innocently.
"Would we be anything but?" asked Elle, equally as innocent.
Caroline rolled her eyes, then kissed both their foreheads. "Bye, Mini-Me's," she said.
The girls automatically put their pinky fingers to the corners of their mouths.
"That's my girls," she grinned. She glanced up at Andrea. "Oh, and Elle has a slight cold, and needs to have her cough medicine at 5:30."
"Noooooooooooo!" howled Elle.
"Yeeeeeeeeeeeees!" mimicked Caroline. She turned back to Andrea. "I know you'll forget, so I put a note in the kitchen."
"Okay."
"And the lounge room."
"Uh huh."
"And the bathroom."
"Righteo."
"And the girls room."
"Mhm."
"And the front hall."
"Right."
"And the -"
"I get your point, Caroline," Andrea responded darkly.
********************************************************************
So what do you guys want to do?" asked Andrea. First mistake.
Elle's eyes lit up. "We wanna put all the lounge furniture in the pool and play Atlantis!"
"I wanna be Ariel!" cried Hannah.
"Okay, let me rephrase that," said Andrea. "What do you want to do that you're allowed to do?"
Elle looked thoughtful. "I guess we could play Atlantis in the bathtub," she suggested hopefully.
Andrea shook her head. "I don't think so."
"Well..." Hannah paused. "What about sauce pictures?"
"Sauce pictures?"
Elle nodded. "It's when you get applesauce, tomato sauce and chocolate sauce and make a great big picture on the kitchen floor!"
Andrea raised an eyebrow. "Does Mammy actually let you do this?"
"Well, no," admitted Hannah.
"But we thought you'd let us, cause you're not as hugely tidy as Mammy is," explained Elle.
"But even I have limits," protested Andrea, privately thinking that sauce pictures sounded fun.
"I guess we could play quietly in our room," Hannah gave her aunt her best innocent look, even better than the one she had given her father earlier.
Andrea scratched her head. "I'd like to believe that," she told them. "But I don’t."
Elle folded her arms. "There's just no pleasing you," she informed her aunt.
********************************************************************
"Quick, take out your ribbons!" whispered Elle, already untying hers.
Hannah reached for her left pigtail. "Why?"
"Because it's the only way Auntie Andrea can tell us apart," explained Elle. "And we haven’t switched places for ages."
Hannah nodded, and patiently waited for her sister to finish tying the purple ribbons around her hair.
"We have a problem," announced Elle.
"What?"
"I don’t know how to tie bows!"
Hannah’s eyes widened. "Me neither!" she cried.
Elle turned around so Hannah could tie the pink ribbons on her pigtails.
"We'll have to leave them loose," she commented sadly.
Hannah's eyes lit up, and she took her sisters hand. "I have an idea," she said. She led Elle into the kitchen, and immediately changed her facial expression so she looked sweet and sad. "Auntie Andrea?" she asked in a small voice.
Andrea looked up. "Mhm?"
"Our ribbons came undone," frowned Hannah.
"Already, Elle?" asked Andrea, slightly surprised.
"Uh huh," replied Hannah.
"That was quick work," replied Andrea, tying up Elle's ribbons.
"We're highly active," Elle said solemnly.
"I've noticed," agreed Andrea. "Very much so for four year olds."
"Four and a quarter," corrected Hannah.
"Right. How silly of me." Andrea finished tying Hannah's second ribbon. "All done!"
"Thank you Auntie Andrea," they chorused, and scampered off into the lounge room.
********************************************************************
Andrea looked up from her sketch of her sauce picture plan and suddenly saw it was 5:40. "Oh, hell," she groaned.
"Elle!" she called, stepping into the lounge room.
Hannah looked up from the Barbie game she was playing with her sister.
"Yeah?"
"It's past 5:30," said Andrea. "Time for your medicine."
Hannah's jaw dropped, and she looked from Andrea, to her sister, and back to Andrea. "But... But... But I'm Hannah!" she cried.
"Nice try," said Andrea, as she picked her up. "Come on, you'll have to have it eventually."
"But I really am Hannah!"
"Not falling for it."
Hannah looked over Andreas shoulder and gave her twin a death stare.
"Don't worry, Elle," grinned Elle. "It'll be over soon."
"Exactly," agreed Andrea.
********************************************************************
”Maybe I should call,” Caroline murmured, looking up from the menu.
“Caroline,” Frank warned.
“I know, I know. It’s just that they are, well, slightly exuberant at times and Elle really didn’t want her cough medicine and…”
Frank placed a hand on hers. “Calm down. Now, we’re going to have a nice dinner together, alone and not at McDonald’s.” He looked at her sternly. “Pick something off the menu.”
“Yes sir,” Caroline replied, looking back down at the menu again.
********************************************************************
Caroline and Andrea stood in the doorway of the twins room, watching them sleep.
"I did it, I did it," sang Andrea.
"Did what?"
Andrea grinned. "Baby sat them without any significant hiccups." She twirled on the spot.
Caroline bit her lip, hiding a smile. "I hate to burst your bubble..."
Andrea stopped in mid twirl. "What?"
Caroline gestured towards the girl in the bed that said 'Hannah'. "That one's Elle. They switched on you."
Andrea groaned, and banged her head against the doorframe.
Caroline gave her a hug. "It's ok," she said. "It takes years of experience."
*************************************************