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MONTH 2

Frank rolled over and noticed that Caroline wasn't in bed anymore. Wondering if the girls had woken her up, he got up and was about to go into the twin’s room when he heard a very strange noise coming from the adjoining ensuite. Frank remembered back to a time, four years ago, and a slight grimace formed on his face. It was happening again.
"Caro?" He walked into the bathroom and filled a glass of water and handed it to her. "Anything I can do?"
"This is one part of pregnancy I did NOT miss," she groaned.
*********************************************************************
At the Bonnar residence, Lily sat at the kitchen table, scooping her Cornflakes up.  Gavin was reading the paper and Sharon was waiting for her toast to pop up. All of a sudden, she grimaced and dashed out of the room.
"Does Mammy want to play hide and go seek?" Lily asked, watching her mother curiously.
Gavin quickly folded his paper. "Ah, I don't think so, Lil. Perhaps you better wait here for a moment." He followed Sharon out.
Lily shrugged and stole Gavin's cup of coffee, wondering what it tasted like. She sipped a little, grimaced and spat back into the mug. "Eww. Gross drink Daddy."
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Caroline and Frank walked into the lounge, where the twins were watching The Little Mermaid. Caroline switched off the video.
"Hey," frowned Hannah.
"We were watching that," pouted Elle.
"Daddy and I need to talk to you two." said Caroline, with a sideways glance at Frank.
“We DIDN'T DO IT!" they yelled together
"No, no," smiled Caroline. "This wasn't you two's doing."
"Yeah," agreed Frank. "It was ours."
Caroline hit him in the arm.
"Oooooooohhhhhh," said the twins.
"What did you guys do?" asked Hannah gleefully.
"This is not going according to plan," frowned Caroline.
"You have to admit... it's quite funny," teased Frank.
"What's funny?" asked Elle.
"Yeah, we don’t get it!" said Hannah.
Caroline took one of each of the girl’s hands. "Can we be serious for a few seconds here?" she asked.
They calmed down. "Sorry Mammy," apologized Hannah.
Elle nodded in agreement.
"Well," Caroline began, "Daddy and I have something to tell you. Don't we Daddy?"
Frank folded his arms. "Yes Mammy, we do."
"Do you want to tell them?"
The twins moved their heads back and forth, as if watching a tennis match.
"Oh, I think you should tell them."
Hannah gave an exasperated sigh. "Well someone tell us!"
"Right," Caroline said, taking a big breath. She wondered if she had been this nervous before she had gotten married. Nah. "Well, how would you two like to have a little brother or sister?"
"How little?" Elle asked.
"Yeah, the same size as a Barbie doll?" Hannah asked. "Lily would want to play with it and we could say no!"
"First of all, you wouldn't say no because that wouldn't be sharing," Caroline clarified. "Second of all, this little brother and sister will only be smaller in age. Well...at the beginning it will be smaller than you...actually it might be smaller than you for a while....unless it's a boy because they grow faster..."
The twins looked confused and Frank decided it was time to step in.
"What Mammy means is, that you would be 4 years older than the baby." He glanced at Caroline. "Right Mammy?"
Caroline sighed in relief. "Yes."
"Can we play with it?" Elle asked.
"Well, when it first comes, it'll be too small to play with," Caroline explained. "But as it grows up, you can play carefully."
Hannah looked around the house. "Where did you put it?"
"Ah, that's the difficult part. I'll let you tell that one Mammy," Frank grinned.
Caroline frowned at him. She looked at the girls and pointed to her stomach. "In there."
"You mean you ATE it!?" yelped Elle.
"Mammy! That's terrible!" Hannah cried. "How can we play with it if you ate it!"
"Yeah, and we all know where it goes then," Elle said somberly.
Frank and Caroline pronounced their disgust.
"Elle! Where on earth did you hear that from?!"
"Uncle Jim," Elle replied innocently.
Caroline rolled her eyes. "Where else?"
Hannah looked at her mother's stomach oddly. "If you didn't eat it...how did it get in there?"
"Did the candyman open you up and put it in?" Elle asked.
Frank raised an eyebrow. "Jim told you about the candyman?"
Elle shook her head. "Nup. Lily."
"We'll have to talk to Sharon," Caroline groaned. "Alright. No, the Candyman did not open me up and I did not eat the baby."
"Then how did it get there?" Elle insisted.
Caroline bit her lip for a moment and thought. She lifted her shirt up slightly and pointed at her belly button. "In there."
Frank put his head in his hands.
"Gee, it must be small," Elle said, looking at her mother's belly button.
Hannah pulled up her shirt and squealed. "I'm going to have a baby too!"
Elle's eyes widened and she pulled her shirt up. "No! Me TOO!!"
The two girls jumped off the couch and started running around squealing.
"These kids are going to need a lot of therapy," Frank sighed, watching the twins.
****************************************************************************
Gavin sat on Lily's bed as Sharon sat on the floor next to her daughter, who was playing Barbies.
"Lily, sweetheart, can we talk to you?"
"Can Skipper listen too?" Lily asked, holding the doll in her mother's face.
"Sure," Sharon replied, removing a Barbie hair from her mouth.
"Okay. Well, Daddy and I have something very important to tell you."
"I'm gonna be Auntie Andrea's flowergirl?" Lily asked.
Sharon smiled. "I don't think Auntie Andrea has thought that far ahead sweetheart. Anyway, it's not about that."
"Okay," Lily said slowly.
Sharon looked at Gavin, who nodded encouragingly. She picked up a Barbie and a Ken doll, and sat a Kelly doll on the floor. "Okay, you know how there's a Mammy and a Daddy?"
Sharon held up the Barbie doll that was dressed in pink hotpants and a blue peasant shirt. Ken was naked.
Lily noticed this and dutifully handed her mother a pair of shorts.
"Thankyou," Sharon said. "Now, let's say Ken is Daddy, and Barbie is me, okay?"
"You and I are discussing that later," Gavin warned, his face frowning slightly.
"Okay," Lily said.
"And Skipper is you, okay?" Sharon said, pointing to the doll in Lily's hand.
Lily looked at the doll and then at her mother. "I don't have blonde hair Mammy. I have brown hair, like yours."
"I know that sweetheart, but this is pretend," Sharon sighed.
Lily nodded. "Okay, but I'm changing her. I don't think I want to wear a pink dress. I want to wear a blue one."
Sharon waited patiently while Lily redressed the doll.
"Okay Mammy," Lily said, when she was satisfied.
"Okay. Now, let's say Kelly came to live with us," Sharon said, holding up the doll. "Would that be okay?"
"I like Kelly," Lily said, a grin forming on her face.
"Mhm. But what about a real Kelly?"
"REALLY? Is there a real Barbie too? Cause I like her a lot!" Lily cried in excitement.
Sharon sighed slightly and put the dolls down. "Okay, let's try this a different way."
"Can Skipper still listen?" Lily asked.
Sharon nodded.
"Just let me butt in for one minute honey," Gavin smiled. He looked at Lily. "You don't by any chance remember when Hannah and Elle were babies, do you?"
Lily shook her head.
"Damn," Gavin said. He turned to Sharon. "Continue"
"Okay. Have you learnt at school where babies come from yet?"
"I'm only in first grade, Mammy," Lily replied. "I'm still learning how to write 'Bonnar'."
"Right. Sorry. Well, would you like to be a big sister?"
"Like Barbie is to Kelly?"
Sharon nodded, rubbing her head. She thought she was getting a headache.
“Cool!”
"Very cool," Sharon said. "Now, do you have any questions?"
"When is it coming?" Lily asked. "Do we have to wait for the mailman? Cause he takes ages!"
"Nine months," Sharon replied.
"Nine months! That's like AAAAGGGGEEESS away!"
Sharon nodded. "Yep. So any questions between now and then, you can ask. Just not for a couple of hours, okay?"
"Why?"
"I am going to bed."
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Sharon came downstairs and sat down at the breakfast table the next day. Lily was still there, eating her toast and Gavin had left for work.
All of a sudden, Sharon noticed something and nearly jumped out of her skin.
A little boy with big brown eyes was standing beside her chair...staring at her.
"Uh, Lil," Sharon said, one eye on the creepy kid.
"Yes, Mammy?" Lily replied.
"Who's that?"
Lily shrugged. "I don't know."
Sharon raised an eyebrow and glanced back at the boy. He was still staring at her. She quickly focussed her attention back on Lily. "Isn't he one of your friends?"
"Never seen him before," Lily replied. She glanced at the boy for the first time. "Can I name him?"
"No!" Sharon cried. She looked at the boy. "Uh, hi. I'm Sharon. Um, where do you live?"
The boy shrugged and kept staring at her.
"I'm going to call him Fred," Lily decided.
"Lily, I am sure he already has a name," Sharon said firmly. "Don't you?"
The boy shrugged and kept staring at her.
Sharon watched him for a moment. "Shoo," she gestured with her arms.
The boy took no notice.
"Maybe he's deaf," Lily said, drinking her milk. "HEY! YOU? WHAT'S YOUR NAME?"
Sharon covered her ears. "Lily, if he's deaf, he's not going to hear you. Anyway, is he blind as well?"
Lily shrugged. "Maybe he wants something." She pushed her glass of milk across the table. "You can have my milk."
Sharon rolled her eyes. "What are we going to do with him?"
"Maybe if I play with him, he'll get tired and go home," Lily suggested. She got up from the table and took the boys hand. "Come on Fred."
"Don't call him Fred!" Sharon replied.
"What name do you like better?" Lily asked. "I know! I have school today. Maybe I can take him and he can be my show and tell!"
"No," Sharon replied firmly. She glanced at the boy. "He does seem of school age. Are you sure you haven't seen him at school?"
Lily walked slowly around the boy. "Yeah, he does seem familiar." She put a hand on her chest. "Me, Lily. You?"
"Fred," the boy replied.
"See, he is Fred! He likes the name I gave him," Lily said triumphantly.
Sharon sighed. "Take him to school. Put him in class."
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Caroline knocked on the door to Sharon's house. She had rung earlier asking Sharon to ring Andrea because she needed to speak to them both.
Sharon opened the door. "Hey. What took you so long?"
"I had to take the twins to kindergarten," she replied, coming in. "Is Andy here?"
"Present and accounted for," Andrea said, appearing with a Tim Tam in hand.
Caroline took one look at the Tim Tam and disappeared to the nearest bathroom in the house. Sharon and Andrea exchanged worried glances.
She appeared again a couple of moments later, looking a little worse for wear but still okay. She sat down in the living room and Andrea promptly hid the Tim Tam packet behind her back.
"You're not dying are you?" Sharon asked, taking Caroline's hand in hers.
"I feel like it," Caroline moaned, rubbing her head.
"What is it you have to tell us?" Andrea said, covertly sneaking a Tim Tam from behind her back into her mouth.
Caroline nodded. "Right. Well...I'm pregnant. Frank and I are going to have another baby." She frowned. "Obviously."
Andrea jumped up and down and squealed. "Oh my God! Oh my God! Another baby!"
Sharon put her hands on her hips. "Well that's just bloody typical, that is."
Caroline raised an eyebrow. "Why? Is it because Andrea thinks we were doing something else here the last time we were over?"
"No!" Sharon cried. "You stole my thunder!"
"Huh?" Caroline and Andrea said in unison.
"I'm pregnant! And I'm sure I was pregnant first, therefore I should have been allowed to tell first! Besides, I'm the older sister!"
Andrea looked at Sharon. Then she looked at Caroline. And she burst out laughing.
"What's so funny?" Sharon asked, still slightly peeved.
"You...and....Caroline... pregnant...at the...same time," Andrea said, between fits of laughter. She caught the two sisters glaring at her. "Okay, maybe not."
Sharon sat on the couch and pouted.
"Awww, guys," said Andy. "Come on, it'll be fun!"
She caught them glaring at her again. "Okay, fine, maybe I should just stop talking."
Caroline frowned. "And while you're at it, can you get those damn biscuits out of my sight?
Andrea sighed. "Geez, this is bringing back memories of when you were pregnant with the twins. The mood swings...the morning sickness..."
"I thought you were going to stop talking," Caroline cut in.
Andrea nodded. "Right you are."
Caroline smiled. "Just think, Sharon," she teased. "You could have twins too!"
Sharon groaned. "Stop that!"
"Or even triplets," added Caroline.
She nudged Andrea. "You're meant to mention something about quadruplets…It's Gang Up On Sharon time!"
Andrea grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and held up a note. "I'm not talking," it read.
Sharon rolled her eyes. "I'm surrounded by children."
******************************************************************
Lily dragged 'Fred' into her classroom. "Miss Schmidt!" she called. "Miss Schmiiiiiiiidt!!"
Miss Schmidt emerged from the storeroom. "Hi Lily," she smiled.
"Miss Schmidt," began Lily. "Can my friend Fred be in our class today?"
Lily glanced at Fred. She did a double take - he'd gone!
Miss Schmidt smiled to herself. How adorable! "Sure he can, Lily," she agreed. "But he'll have to sit on the floor next to your desk because we don’t have enough seats..."
Lily was absolutely mystified. How come Miss Schmidt was pretending he was there... when he wasn’t...?
Then it dawned on her. "He's real!" she shrieked. "He really is! He's just gone somewhere!"
"He's probably gone to the playground," Miss Schmidt suggested, hiding a smile behind her hand.
Lily frowned, and walked outside to try and find Fred.
****************************************************************
Hannah and Elle hid behind the cubbies at the kindergarten.
"Miss March is going to flip when she finds out," Hannah whispered to her sister.’
Elle shrugged. "So what?"
"Last time we painted someone while they were asleep, we got in trouble for two days," Hannah reminded her.
"He deserved it," Elle said, pointing at the boy, whose face was now painted as if he were a Matisse.
In a few moments, the boy woke up to giggling around him.
"Nice face Bobby," a girl giggled.
'Bobby' raised an eyebrow and went to look in the mirror. He yelled. "I've been viplated! Someone is gonna get into trouble for this! My dad's an awormy!"
"It's attorney dummy," Elle whispered to her sister, who giggled.
Miss March stood behind them sternly. "Hannah? Elle? Do you know how Bobby's face got painted like this?"
"There are lots of people here, Miss March," Elle said. "Why do you think its us?"
A few moments later, the twins sat in the "time out" area.
"This is your fault," Hannah hissed at her sister. "You did the painting!"
"You helped!"
"It was your idea!"
Both simultaneously folded their arms and sighed.
*****************************************************************
Half an hour later, the two girls were back in the playground, playing tiggy with the other children. 'Bobby' came up to Hannah.
"That wasn't vewy nice," he told her. "My friend didn't think so either."
Bobby's friend, Steven, was a big kid. He also had a reputation for being a mean one.
"If you weren't a girl, I'd hit you," Steven told Hannah.
Hannah put her hands on her hips and leaned up at him. "Yeah? Well if you weren't a girl I'd hit you right back!"
“What did you call me?!" Steven cried.
Hannah kneed Steven in the groin and punched his nose. "A girl!"
"Hey!" Steven cried, jumping around in pain. "You called me a girl!"
"Well you called me one!" Hannah replied, folding her arms and looking defiantly at him.
*****************************************************************
Hannah sat in the time out corner, her elbows on her knees. She saw her mother rush into the reception area and she sighed. "Oh boy. Here comes."
Caroline caught sight of her daughter and rushed over. "Hannah! What on earth got into you?"
“He’s a meanie Mammy. He deserved it,” Hannah replied, folding her arms.
“Mrs Woods?” asked Miss March. “May I have a word?”
Caroline nodded and stood beside the woman. “I’m terribly sorry, I don’t know what got into her. She’s usually a very placid child.”
Miss March nodded. “Mrs Woods, Elle and Hannah seem to display a sort of…vigilante streak.”
“Mammy? Did she just call Hannah a vegetable steak?” Elle asked.
Caroline shook her head and turned back to Miss March. “I’m sorry?”
“Every time the twins witness an altercation between two students, they seem to take on the role of vigilantes.”
Caroline laughed slightly. “Vigilantes? They’re four years old!”
“It was once said that Hitler displayed dictatorial tendencies when he was as young as three.”
“Hitler?!”
“Due to the violent nature of the incident and the fact that Hannah refuses to apologise, I am suspending both for the duration of three days.”
“Three days? Isn’t that a bit extreme? And why both?”
“I’ve seen many cases like this before Mrs Woods. Where one twin goes, the other will surely follow.”
Caroline sighed and looked at her two little "vigilantes". "Come on guys. Let's go home to Auntie Sharon and Auntie Andrea."
****************************************************************
Lily walked through the door to her house and threw her bag down in front of her mother and Andrea. Caroline had picked Lily up on the way home, and she followed in with her two 'vigilantes'.
"I'm humiliated!" Lily cried, flopping down on a chair. "Humiliated I tell you!"
"Why?" Sharon asked.
"Miss Schmidt thinks I have an imaginary friend!" Lily explained. "Of everything I must endure...this is the most humiliating."
"What's so bad about having an imaginary friend?" Caroline asked, rubbing her forehead.
The twins sat beside their mother, quietly for a change. They knew when they were in trouble.
"Auntie Caroline! I'm six years old!"
"So?" Andrea asked.
Lily sighed. "I'm practically OLD!!!"
"Thanks," Caroline replied, folding her arms.
Sharon smiled. "Sweetie, what led Miss Schmidt to believe that you had an imaginary friend?"
"Fred disappeared," Lily groaned.
"Who's Fred?" Andrea asked.
"Creepy Reappearing Boy," Sharon said.
"Is that him?" Caroline asked, pointing to a figure at the window.
"Ah geez!" Sharon cried. "Lily! You have got to take this child home!"
Lily raised her hands up. "Hey, it's out of my hands now. I tried reasoning with him. He won't listen!"
Sharon sighed. "Right. Maybe if we ignore him, he'll go away."
"Like a dog?" Andrea asked.
"I'm focussing on you now," Sharon said to Caroline. "What did the kindergarten want?"
"Apparently I have two mini Hitlers," Caroline replied.
"Huh?" the two sisters said.
"We're vegetable steaks," Elle informed her aunts.
"Huh?"
"Vigilantes. Miss March called them vigilantes."
"Why?"
"Oh, nothing much. Hannah punched a boy in the nose and kneed him in the groin," Caroline explained.
Andrea looked admirably at her niece. "Nice one."
"Thanks," Hannah grinned. She caught her mother's look and her eyes hit the floor.
"You're so not helping, Andrea," Caroline told her sister.
"Sorry," Andrea said mutely.
"So what's the outcome?" Sharon asked.
"They're both suspended for three days because Hannah refused to apologise and earlier in the day they painted a boy."
"How on earth are you going to handle another one?" Andrea inquired.
Elle bounced off the couch. "That's right! Me and Hannah is having a baby too!"
"Oh god," Caroline said, her head in her hands.
“What?” Sharon asked, raising an eyebrow.
The twins pulled up their shirts and pointed at their belly buttons. "That's where the baby comes from," Hannah explained.
Lily looked at them funny and then went pale. She pulled up her shirt. "MAMMY!!!! I don't wanna have a baby now!!!!"
Andrea and Sharon looked at their sister oddly.
"Why didn't you just talk about storks?"
"Well how was I going to explain me getting bigger?" Caroline hissed.
Lily was in hysterics and crying. "I'm not ready for the 'sponsibility!"
Sharon picked up her daughter and soothed her. "It's okay sweetie. You're not pregnant."
"Buts I have a belly button!"
Andrea decided to help. "It's a special kind of belly button."
The other two sisters sent her a warning look, but she ignored it.
“Yeah,” Andrea said, getting into her idea. “You have to look really carefully. You almost need a microscope.”
"Where is it?" inquired Hannah.
"Where you normal belly button is," explained Andrea. "But it's more complicated than that. There’s like, this network of tunnels inside your bellybutton that don’t appear until you're about... um... big. Bigger," she added, as she caught the girls disgruntled looks.
Elle was peering closely at Hannah’s belly button. "I can’t see any tunnels," she whined.
"I told you," said Andrea. "They don’t grow until you're bigger. Like us," she explained, gesturing towards herself and two sisters.
"Mammy," Hannah tugged on her mother’s sleeve. "Can I see your belly button?"
"Do you know how much therapy my kids are going to need thanks to you?" Caroline asked, gingerly lifting her shirt slightly.
"Well, how did they get the belly button idea in the first place?" asked Andrea.
Caroline coloured slightly. "Frank," she lied.
Andrea raised an eyebrow.
"Okay, fine," Caroline sighed. "There is a slight chance that it could possibly have been... um, Sharon.”
"I found a tunnel!" shrieked Elle.
"Where?" asked Hannah.
"There!" yelled Elle, and poked her finger at her mother’s belly button.
"Hey," protested Caroline. "That hurt! Don’t forget, you're still in trouble," Caroline reminded them, looking stern.
******************************************************
-Ring, ring- -Ring, ring-
Jim picked up the phone. "This is a human. Commence normal conversation after the tone. BEEEEEP!!!"
"You are such an idiot," said the voice on the other end.
"Hi Sharon," he sighed.
"And me!" Added another voice.
There was silence. "Jim?" asked Caroline. "Hello? Are you there? Jim Jim bo bim, banana fana fo fim..."
"Ahhh! Stop that!" he yelled. I was waiting for Andrea to turn up on the line too," he explained.
"Where is Andrea, anyway?" asked Sharon.
"How am I supposed to know?" asked Jim. "I was talking to Caroline."
"I think she's playing Barbies with Lily," said Caroline. "Although I dont think she'll be neat enough with them to satisfy Lily, I bet she comes in here in exactly 10 seconds whining..."
"Why did you call me?" interrupted Jim.
"Did you mean Andrea or Lily would come in whining?" asked Sharon.
"It's fifty-fifty." said Caroline. "I bet you ten cents that it's Andrea."
"Ten cents? Are you a woman or a worm?"
"Okay fine, twenty cents," offered Caroline.
"Twenty cents it is, worm."
They were interrupted by a strange noise coming through the phone.
"Jim?" asked Caroline. "Did you just blow into the phone?"
"Yes," said Jim. "How else was I meant to get your attention?"
"Jim!" protested Sharon. "How old are you? That’s what Hannah did last time I spoke to her on the phone!"
Jim sighed. "Did you guys call me just to torment me? Again? It's getting very old," he informed them.
"No, that was just an added bonus," explained Caroline.
"Well? Why did you call me, then?" he asked, exasperated.
"Ah. Well, I'll let Sharon field that one," said Caroline.
"Why?" asked Sharon.
"Because it's your turn to make thunder." Jim laughed.
"You are so immature," Sharon rolled her eyes.
"I pride myself on being immature," Jim replied. "Now, what's this about? I've got company."
There were wolf-whistles from the two girls.
"What kind of company?" Sharon asked cheekily.
"None of your business," Jim replied haughtily.
"Aw, come on Jim," Caroline giggled. "We're only going to read about it in the morning paper."
"I sincerely doubt it," Jim told her. "Now come on, out with it!"
"Fine, fine," Sharon said. "Spoil our fun." She sighed. "I'm pregnant."
There was a scoff from Caroline as Jim congratulated Sharon.
"What was that? Payback from earlier?" Caroline asked.
"Of course my dear sister," Sharon informed her.
Jim laughed. "Caroline, what on earth did you do to her earlier?"
"Told her and Andrea I was pregnant," Caroline answered.
There was silence on Jim's end.
"Jim? Jim?"
"Both my sisters, pregnant at once," Jim moaned. "Geez, it was bad enough when Caroline was pregnant with the twins and going through all those moods and hitting me and when Sharon was pregnant with Lily she threw up on my couch! Now I have to deal with both of you pregnant at the same time!?"
"Hey! How come she got congratulated and I didn't!?" Caroline asked. "I should be congratulated! I have to put up with two vigilante Hitlers!" She thought for a moment. "Who I love very much."
"Vigilante Hitler's?" Jim inquired, slightly confused.
"Never mind," Sharon said. She heard Andrea calling in the background. "Dammit."
"Hah! You owe me twenty cents," Caroline said triumphantly.
Sharon groaned. "Fine, fine. I better go and stop them both from killing each other."
"I have to stop the twins from breaking Frank's back," Caroline said worriedly.
"Well, congratulations to both of you," Jim said, as they all hung up. He stood and glanced at his father, who was sitting in the chair. "Two of your daughters are pregnant at the same time."
************************************************************