Of Corrs It's A Wonderful Life!
It's three days before Christmas in Ireland, and the Corr family is
extremely busy, buying last minute gifts for the people they know. It's
a nightmare as they all fight through crowds to get gifts for those who
mean something special to them on the coming holiday.
The four siblings are out shopping together at one of the local malls
of Dublin, in a panic.
Andrea: Three days... three days. Not good.
Caroline: You'd think that if we can shop so much for ourselves, we
should be able to shop for other people.
Andrea: True.
Sharon: Maybe you should give people some of your hand-me-downs.
Andrea: No way! Even though I have a hundred of them, I'm not giving
up my shoes.
Jim: Hehehe... women.
The sisters stop and look at Jim.
Jim: Sorry. I'm just trying to lighten the mood.
Sharon: It's not helping, Jim.
Jim: Don't feel angry, everyone! It's almost Christmas! A time of giving,
a time of peace and love!
Caro: A time where we can't find gifts.
Andrea: Yah. I barely know what to give Giles. What do you give to
a man who has almost everything?
Sharon: How about a new jacket? His looks like Bono borrowed it for
a while.
Andrea: Hey! Don't make fun of Bono! Or his jacket!
Caro: Hehehe... bad jacket. Hahaha.
Andrea: Hmmph! *crosses arms angrily*
Jim: It can't be hard. I already have gifts for... wait, I don't have
gifts. Well, I have one for Dad, but other than that...
Sharon: Exactly. You're in the same spot we're in.
Jim: Okay, okay. I'm just trying to be cheerful. It's no use to be
angry right now.
A cell phone suddenly rings. All four Corrs reach for their pockets.
Jim: It's mine.
Caro: Darn!
Jim: Hello? Hey John. Yah. Shopping.
Sharon: We'll meet you later, Jim.
Jim's sisters walk away, leaving Jim on the phone with their manager.
Jim: So John, did it work?
John: No, Jim.
Jim: What? It didn't? But... we need this money badly! At least something!
John: I know, Jim. But with the company in this rough time, I can't
do anything with money. You'll have to use your own.
Jim: But I need to save for taxes. And my bank is having problems!
John: I'm sorry, Jim. I'll try to work something out for you.
Jim: Okay, right then. Bye.
Jim hangs up the phone, sighs, and puts it away.
Jim goes into a jewelry shop, looking for the perfect gift for Sharon
Orr, or perhaps his sisters. He spots a beautiful gold necklace with a
heart locket on it. It twinkles and catches Jim's eye.
Jim: Wowwww... uh, hey. What can you tell me about this locket?
Shop owner: This locket is made from pure 24 carat gold, and it opens
up. It's made in France by the famous designer, Bohanifraniste'. As you
can see, we put special engravings on the inside, and the option of either
a clock, photograph, or an engraving of a likeness from a photograph.
Jim: Amazing. How much is it?
Shop owner: We're having a special sale for this Christmas, starting
on Christmas Eve. If you'd like, I could put this on reserve.
Jim: Sure, sure. How much?
Shop owner: Our special price is $800.
Jim: $800? Well, that's not too bad... is that the sale price?
Shop owner: Yes. However, I must admit that you seem like the kind
of man who really wants to give someone a treasure. Tell you what, I can
give it to you for $500.
Jim: That's a bit more like it. But still a little high. What if I
whine a bit more?
Shop owner: $600.
Jim: Wow, good deal, that $500! Put it on reserve, please!
The store owner has Jim sign some forms and gives him a claim ticket.
Shop owner: I'll make sure to keep it in stock for you. But if someone
offers a considerable amount, I might have to decline your offer.
Jim: Okay... thanks.
Jim leaves the store and shoves the ticket into his pocket. He feels
a little better, knowing that his honey is going to get a special gift.
Jim: That's one off my list, now...
Meanwhile...
Andrea: Hmm.... I guess a jacket is okay.
Caro: Sure! Get him this leather one.
Andrea: Umm... no. He'd look too much like a biker.
Caro: How about this one? Nice brown leather.
Andrea: Yeah, that would work. But something more... sophisticated.
Caro: Okay, okay. Let's try... this one.
Andrea: Silk? Are you nuts?
Caro: Never mind. How about this? A big black trenchcoat.
Andrea: No. I don't know. Let me do this myself, okay? I want to pick
it out.
Caro: Fine, fine. See you later.
Caroline leaves the clothing store and joins up with Sharon, who's
looking for office supplies.
Caro: What's up, Shazz?
Sharon: I'm trying to decide what to get Gavin. I'm sure he'd like
something for his office.
Caro: How about... a sexy secretary?
Sharon: Em, no. Actually, that'd be me, but that's beside the point.
Caro: Okay then, how about a fax machine?
Sharon: He already has a fax machine. People keep faxing him about
me. So he hit it and it broke. Hey, we could get him a new fax machine!
Caro: Good thinking, sis. *rolls eyes*
The Corr siblings spend the rest of the afternoon shopping, the meet
up with each other in the middle of the mall at about four o'clock.
Andrea: Ha... well, shop till you drop, right? *drops her bags on the
floor*
Caro: You said it. Wow, you sure stocked up on gifts.
Andrea: Actually a lot of them are for me. But I got lots for everyone
else.
Caro: Hmm. Well... oh crap! I forgot to get Frank a present!
Sharon: This... thing... is... heavy!!! *puts down the fax machine
box*
Caro: You should've put it on layaway!
Jim strolls up, carrying nothing.
Jim: Hello, ladies.
Sharon: Hi. Why aren't you breaking YOUR back?
Jim: Huh? Am I supposed to be breaking my back?
Andrea: You don't have any gifts.
Jim: Oh. Well, I have a ticket for one, and the rest are back in my
car.
Caro: Oh. Well then... I need to get Frank a gift. I forgot to get
it.
Jim: But the mall is closing!
Caro: What? You're lying, it can't be!
Jim: Yes it is, see?
Jim points to a sign near them that reads, "Mall closing at 4 PM on
Dec. 22. Sorry for inconvenience."
Caro: Great... just great. And I have a dentist's appointment tomorrow.
Jim: Well don't worry, you can come with me when I pick up one of my
gifts.
Andrea: I got all mine! Hahaha! I SO rule!
Sharon: Sure you do. And I don't drink coffee.
Andrea: Hey!
Later, Jim goes out of his car in the parking lot and opens the trunk.
He decides the ticket would be safer in there, and tosses it into his empty
trunk and shuts it.
Jim: Wait... the keys! DAMN!!!!
Jim pulls at his trunk lid, but to no avail. His keys are trapped in
his trunk, and it's getting really cold out.
Jim: Brrr.... this is not good.
Jim rushes across the parking lot, hoping to find one of his sisters
so they can help him. Caroline drives right past him, not even bothering
to stop.
Jim: Caroline! Hey!!!
Sharon stomps along, carrying her heavy fax machine.
Sharon: Damn... I should've listened to Caroline.
She sees Jim standing in the middle of the parking lot, yelling loudly.
Sharon: Hey Jim! Can you give me a ride home? I can't take this on
the bus!
Jim: Oh no... I locked my keys in the trunk, Sharon.
Sharon: What? You didn't!
Jim: Of course I did!
Andrea drives past, and Jim kicks her car as it goes by. As he does,
he's sprayed by a nice dirty stream of water.
Andrea: Hey! Jim! What the hell are you doing????
Jim: I locked my keys in my car trunk!
Sharon: I need a ride home!
Andrea: Jim, you should call the auto club!
Jim: Right, I was thinking of that.
Andrea: Get in here, Sharon!
Jim: Wait, can I ride with you?
Andrea: I only have one passenger seat, Jim. Unless you want to ride
in the trunk with my gifts.
Jim: No, that's fine... I'll stay here.
Sharon climbs into Andrea's Mercedes and she drives away, leaving Jim
in the cold wind.
Jim: Great, just great.
Jim calls the auto club, and a couple hours later they finally show
up. Jim is still outside, freezing.
Jim: About time!
Auto club guy: So, you locked your keys in the trunk?
Jim: Yeah, can you get them out?
The guy looks at Jim's trunk lock.
ACG: I can't open this. This trunk has a special lock and I don't have
an opener for it.
Jim: Well can't you do something? At least get me home?
ACG: Sorry, I can't. You're going to have to take a bus.
Jim: Aww... damn!!!
The Auto Club guy drives away in his truck, and Jim kicks his car tire.
Later, the Corr sisters are all at the family home, warm and toasty.
Sharon: I sure hope Jim is all right! It's been hours!
Gerry: Aye, Jim probably got lost. He forgets where this house is sometimes.
Caro: This place? God, we like, only grew up here.
Andrea: More hot chocolate, anyone? Whoo, that wind out there sure
is something.
The front door opens, and in stomps Jim, totally frozen solid.
Sharon: Merciful heavens! Jim, are you okay?
Jim: No.
Jim stands in front of the fireplace, the warmth caressing his back.
Andrea: How's your car?
Jim: The guy couldn't open it, and I had to take a bus, then walk down
here.
Caro: That's awful. Really Jim, I'm sorry I didn't stop.
Jim: It's okay. I just hope I can open the trunk by Christmas Eve.
Andrea: Why? Did you buy something really important for Sharon Orr?
Jim: You know, your psychic gift can get annoying sometimes.
Gerry goes and gives Jim a hug.
Gerry: Well, I'm glad ya made it home, boy. Now, you just stay warm.
I have to go write a letter.
Sharon: A letter?
Gerry: To your mother.
Sharon: Ah. Have a good time.
Caro and Andrea: Huh???
Gerry leaves the room, quickly dodging any commentary.
Caro: What was that all about?
Sharon: Well, ever since Mammy died, Dad has gotten a habit of writing
letters to Mammy on holidays and putting them on her gravestone.
Andrea: Awwwwwww... how sweet! I... I think I have something in my
eye... *tear*
Caro: Hehe. Well, who's up for A Christmas Story?
Sharon: The movie or an actual story?
Andrea: I want a story!
Caro: I don't know any. Let's just watch the movie. Dad can read us
a real one on Christmas Eve.
*ding dong*
Sharon: Ooh, that must be Gavin.
Caro: I think it's Frank.
Jim: I think we should open the door.
The three girls stare at Jim, who is still trying to warm himself with
the fire.
Jim: What?
Caro: You know Jim, the longer you stand there in front of that fire,
the longer our significant others stand out there in the cold.
Jim: Well what do you expect me to do? Step away from the fire so they
don't stay out in the cold?
Sharon: Something like that. How about going and opening the door?
Jim: Why me?
Caro: We're comfortable!
Jim: Right, good excuse. And just think, I was outside just a few minutes
ago, freezing my arse off.
Andrea: Jim... be a good boy and open the door. Or else you'll get
coal in your stocking.
Jim: I have a rock in my shoe already, does that count?
Sharon gives Jim an evil stare.
Sharon: Open... that... door...
Jim: Make me.
There is a silence. None of them quite know how to react to that.
Andrea: Jimmmmm...
Jim: No! Don't whine.
Sharon and Caro: Jimmmmmmm!!!!!
Jim: No! I can't take it!
Andrea, Caro and Sharon: Jiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jim: Aggh! Okay! Fine!
Jim goes to the door and opens it briskly. A snow-covered Frank stands
on the doorstep.
Sharon: Oh look, the abominable snowman!
Frank: *cough* Thanks for opening the door with such haste, Jim.
Frank walks in and shakes the snow off himself. Caroline gets off the
couch and hugs Frank.
Caro: Are you okay, babe?
Frank: Just fine. What took so long? I was freezing out there!
Caro: Jim was taking forever to get to the door.
Jim: But... but...
Sharon: But but. The world's most favorite excuse!
Frank: Well, thanks a lot, Jim.
Jim: Hmmmmph... *goes back to the fire to warm up*
*ding dong*
Sharon looks at Jim, who is grumpy and taking up most of the fire's
heat.
Sharon: I'll get this one.
Sharon opens the door, and in walks Gavin, covered with snow as well.
Gavin: What a storm!
Sharon: Hello, dear. Did you get here okay?
Gavin: Yes. Don't worry, I didn't crash the car again.
Caro: Again?
Sharon: Yes, he hit someone's car yesterday. Luckily the insurance
paid for it.
Gavin: Right. Hey, Frank. *high five*
Frank: How goes it, Gav?
Caro: We were about to watch A Christmas Story.
Gavin: *laughing* Is that the one with Ralphie?
Gavin does a crummy impersonation of Santa Claus. "You'll shoot your
eye out, kid. HO HO HO!!!!"
The Corr sisters giggle, and Frank chuckles a bit. Jim is still grumpy.
Gavin: What's with Jim?
Caro: (dragging Frank over to the couch) He's a little sore. He's been
having a bad day.
Gavin goes over to Jim.
Gavin: Hey Jim. How goes it? (lifts hand in high five)
Jim: Terrible.
Gavin: Anything I can do to help?
Jim: Nope.
Gavin: You sure?
Jim: Yep.
Gavin: Gonna leave me hanging here?
Jim: Yep.
*ding dong*
Andrea: Well then, maybe that's Giles again...
Andrea jumps up from the couch and throws open the door.
Andrea: Huh?
Sharon Orr walks in, but Andrea thinks it's Sharon Corr.
Andrea: How the heck did you do that?
Sharon Orr: Do what?
Jim: Oh, thank god.
Andrea: I'm confused... oh wait, that's right.
Sharon Orr goes and gives Jim a kiss, wrapping her arms around him.
Sharon Orr: How are you, love?
Jim: Bad day.
Sharon Orr: Aww... well, I'll make you feel better. Where's your dad?
Jim: Upstairs writing a letter.
Sharon Orr: Well, we could go someplace and I'll give you a massage.
Is that good?
Jim smiles, his face lightening. On the couch, his sisters are making
disgusted looks.
Caro: (changing the subject) So, should we start the movie?
Andrea: Yeah!
Jim and Sharon Orr leave the room, and Gavin sits on the couch with
Sharon and the sisters.
Frank: I don't get it. Why is it that nobody likes Sharon Orr?
Caro: What do you mean? I adorrrrre Sharon Orr. *laughs*
Frank: Well, sure, she looks exactly the same as Sharon here, but is
there anything wrong with her being around?
Sharon: Em, well, no.
Frank: I think the doubles thing is cool. Especially Hank.
Caro: You two together... not a good combination. I have enough trouble
with just you.
Frank: Huh?
Sharon: It's not really a problem with her being her, It's just that
it's weird when she gets all over Jim like she does.
Gavin: Well, it's only strange to you because he's your brother.
Sharon gives Gavin an evil stare.
Gavin: Em, well, I could be wrong.
Andrea: Shh! The movie's starting!
The next day, all is quiet around the Corr family home. Gerry is in
the kitchen making a cup of tea, reading the paper. As he sits down, he
notices the dining room light waving back and forth in the ceiling. Directly
above is Jim's room.
Gerry: Okay up there! No funny business this time of day! *flips open
the paper*
A few minutes later, Frank slides down the staircase railing, but miscalculates
his landing and takes out a standing floor lamp, smashing it with a loud
crash.
Gerry: What the devil was that? *drops his paper*
Gerry rushes out to see Frank lying on the floor, the broken pieces
of the lamp spread all over the carpet.
Gerry: Frank? Are you alright? What the devil were you doing?
Frank: I, uh, lost my balance.
Frank stands up and brushes broken pieces off of himself.
Gerry: Not so fast, Franklin. I heard you sliding down that railing.
It runs in my family.
Frank: How's that?
Out of nowhere, Gavin comes sliding down the railing, but upon seeing
Gerry and Frank standing at the bottom, falls off and tumbles down the
stairs, making an awful racket the whole way. He tumbles end over end,
bouncing and coming to a messy landing at their feet.
Gavin: Ow. *dizzily stands up*
Frank: But he's not exactly part of the family.
Caroline: Heads up!
Caroline jumps onto the railing and slides down at high speed, sailing
right into Frank's arms.
Frank: Okay, you've made your point. *Steadies himself from Caroline's
landing.*
Gerry: And you know what else? You get to clean up the mess you made,
son.
Gerry walks back into the kitchen with a big smile on his face. He
sits down in his chair and picks up the paper again.
Sharon Orr slides down the staircase railing, wearing a big, heavy
sweater. Gavin smiles and kisses her passionately when she lands in his
arms.
Gavin: I didn't know you were awake, dear.
Sharon Orr: (confused) Ehhh.... What? Huh?
Gavin: *puts arms around Sharon Orr* You just seemed so peaceful, I
didn't want to wake you up.
Sharon Corr: (growling) Ahem.
Sharon stands at the top of the stairs, arms crossed.
Gavin: Um... whoops.
Gavin throws Sharon Orr aside *thump* and jumps with glee at the sight
of his wife.
Gavin: Oh, ah... Hi, dear!!! My, don't you look gorgeous this morning!
You look absolutely radiant!
Sharon slides down the railing, eyes half-closed. She lands right in
front of Gavin and stares into his face menacingly.
Sharon: I need my coffee first.
Sharon disappears into the kitchen while Gavin looks at Frank, who
is down on the floor picking up pieces of the broken lamp.
Gavin: Need help with that, Frank?
Frank: Sure thing. *drops a few pieces*
Jim appears in the hallway, and almost slides down the rail before
noticing the carnage below.
Jim: My lamp! *rushes down the stairs.*
Frank: Uh oh...
Jim: (looking at wreckage) I can't believe it! This was an $800 lamp!
Gavin: You paid $800 for THAT? *points at pieces* That's ludicrous.
Jim: I know, it was an impulse buy. But it's a collector's item! They
don't make them anymore. Jimi Hendrix was rumored to have owned one just
like it!
Frank: Oh. Well, sorry Jim.
Jim: Who broke it?
Frank: Um, your pop.
Jim: *sigh* Oh well. I should've known it wouldn't be safe around him.
Hey, my girlfriend!
Sharon Orr, having recovered from being tossed aside, hangs off of
Jim's neck.
Sharon Orr: What the hell is going on here today?
Jim: I don't know. Come on, let's get some grub.
Gavin and Frank breathe a sigh of relief as Jim leaves for the kitchen.
Andrea: Catch meeeee...... *gleefully glides down the railing*
Frank and Gavin scatter as Andrea zooms down the railing at mach 3.
Andrea: Agggggh!!!!
She sails across the room, screaming, and smashes into a couch.
Andrea: Whooo... that was fun. Let's do it again!
After breakfast, Caroline and Jim go to Caro's dentist appointment.
When they get there, they wait for a long time.
Jim: Ooh, check out this magazine. "The dangers of Y2K. What you need
to know!!"
Caro: I know it's old. *rubs tummy*
Jim: Awww....
Caro: I just hope they don't have to drill my teeth. I won't be able
to eat for days.
Jim: Hehehe, I remember when I was a kid, and I used to skip school
and tell them I was at the dentist.
Caro: Yah, and that thing about them saying you must have the best
teeth in Ireland because you spend so much time there is classic.
Jim: Of course. I never thought Dr. Crane would still be working this
office after all these years.
The door from the offices opens, and Dr. Crane, an old, gray-haired
man in a big white coat walks in.
Dr. Crane: We're ready for you, Caroline.
Caro: Huhhhhhh boy...
Dr. Crane looks at Jim.
Dr. Crane: Hey! I know you!
Jim: (smiling) Yeah, you do.
Dr. Crane: You never come in for a checkup! I think I should work on
you instead of your sister here.
Caro: I have no problem with that.
Jim: Well I really can't...
Dr. Crane: Come on, now. Caroline, you can wait, right?
Caro: Of course. Take him.
Caroline pulls Jim out of the chair and pushes him toward Dr. Crane.
Dr. Crane: Right this way, Jim.
Hours later...
Caro: *snorrrrrrrre*
The door opens again, and Jim walks out with a big wad of gauze sticking
out of his mouth.
Dr. Crane: Now, you be sure to come back in about a month, and we'll
see if there are anymore cavities.
Caro: *snort* Eh... huh? Oh, is it my turn?
Dr. Crane: It's all right, Caroline. You don't need much work at all.
Little James here, he needed all of it.
Jim: Rgggh.
Jim and Caro leave the dentist's office and get into her Land Rover.
Caro: So?
Jim pulls the big wad of gauze out of his mouth.
Jim: Bluhhhh...
Caro: Eww!
Jim: I caaa all
Caro: Huh?
Jim: I ann awwwwchhhh...
Caro: You... can't talk.
Jim: Aye.
Caro: Well then, any place you want to go? Perhaps to break into your
car?
Jim: Aye.
Caroline drives Jim down to the mall in Dublin, and they park right
next to his car.
Caro: Lucky, that. Uh oh....
Jim: Waaaaaahhh!! I arrrrr!!!
They jump out of the Land Rover and look over Jim's very, very, very
expensive Lexus.
One of the tires are missing, the windshield has a big crack in it,
and a big key scrape is all down the side of the vehicle.
Jim: Ohhhhhh....
Caro: My god! Look at this thing!
Jim: I arrrr! I oogiful arrrrr!!!! *runs to it and hugs the hood*
Caro: I'm really, really sorry, Jim.
Jim: *sob* ECK!!
Caro: Whoa. Hehe...
Jim: Vih uckth!!!
Caroline puts her arm around her brother.
Caro: It's okay, Jim. Come on, let's go get some presents. It'll make
you feel better.
Jim: Mohhh....*makes squealing sounds with his hands on the car as
he's pulled away*
A while later, Jim and Caroline are sitting in a small cafe in the
mall, with two big bowls of soup.
Jim: Dammit...
Caro: What's wrong?
Jim: Ebwything. My car ith bwoken, duh wheelth gone, an' I sthill cand
geddinit.
Caro: I know. We'll think of something, Jim. There's got to be a way
to open it. Maybe we can hire a locksmith.
Jim: Yah. Thiff fill thuckth.
Caro: And I guess your speech isn't getting any better...
Jim: Hell no!
Caro: Well, that was pretty clear.
Jim: Ebwytheen'th bad. My thicket fow the wocket I god fow Thawon Oww
ith in da twunk.
Caroline suddenly explodes with loud, spontaneous laughter.
Caro: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!! *pounds on table* Whooo... I'm
sorry. You just thound, whoops, I mean, SOUND so funny.
Jim: Fffffine. Oh ahead, mehk funna me.
Caro: I'm sorry Jim. Really. Do you forgive me?
Jim: Yow fogibben.
Caro: HAAAA!!!! *puts head down on table* I'm sorry!!!
Jim throws down his napkin.
Jim: Thee you layer...
Caro: Hey, wait...
Jim leaves the cafe and takes out his cell phone.
Jim: Yah. Obewato? Eh? Gimme da wocksmip.
Operator: Excuse me?
Jim: I need a wocksmip.
Operator: I'm sorry, but I can't understand ya, sir. Speak clearly.
Jim clears his throat and tries to talk more clearly.
Jim: A WOCK... LLLLLLLOCK SMIFF!
Operator: A locksmith?
Jim: Yeth!
Operator: Why didn't ya say so? One moment, please.
Jim:
Locksmith: Loch-less Locksmithing!
Jim: Eh... *ahem* I... need... a... llllllock smitthh.
Locksmith: Em, okay. Where do you need one?
Jim: Fow my caw.
Locksmith: What?
Jim: Fowww my caw.
Locksmith: I'm sorry sir, but I don't understand one word of what you're
saying.
Jim: Rrrrrrghh!!!!
Caroline reaches over Jim's shoulder and grabs the phone.
Caro: Yah, hello? I need a locksmith for my brother's car. Yah. We're
at the mall here in Dublin, near the square. Yah. Okay.
Caroline turns off the phone and hands it back to Jim.
Jim: Thanth.
Caro: I couldn't bear to watch. And I'm sorry for laughing.
Jim: Ith opay. I woulda affed at you.
Caro: Gee, thanks... what was this you got for Sharon Orr?
Jim: A go wocket.
Caro: A rocket?
Jim: A llllllllocket.
Caro: Oh! Okay. Cool.
Jim: Whadda you ged fo Fwank?
Caro: A desk organizer. By the way, he was the one who broke your Hendrix
lamp, not pop.
Jim: Doh!!!!!!!! Da wam cos me eh hunrehd dollars! He gumfa repwafe
it wif somefin goo!
Caro: Don't worry, Jim, he will.
