The Corrs’ Christmas Odyssey
It’s was 2 days before Christmas day and The Corrs were at a local
mall to buy presents for their loved ones…
Andrea: Oh, when will this store actually open?! (looking impatiently
at her watch)
Sharon: Omigawd! Just look at the crowd! There’s people all the way
down the street!
Jim: It ain’t gonna be easy to shop today…
Caro: Okay, any minute now…
Suddenly, the doors open and there was a stampede heading towards the
entrance.
Jim: I think we’d better wait for the crowd to settle down. Breakfast,
anybody?
Sharon: Now we remember!
They went to a nearby coffee house and ordered their breakfast.
Waiter: Can I take your order?
Sharon: Yes, I would like a butter cake and a cappuccino, thank you.
Andrea: I’ll have the same.
Caro: I’ll have chocolate cake and an Irish coffee, please.
Jim: I’ll have a tuna and egg sandwich and a Guinness, please.
Andrea: This early in the morning?
Jim: Who cares?
After being fed and watered (fans of Harry Potter, you’ll know what
that sentence signifies ) The Corrs finally do their much needed
shopping.
Jim: Let’s see…I have yet to buy presents for dad and you guys…
Andrea: Which is about everybody…
Jim: No, I already bought presents for Gavin, Frank and my many friends.
Sharon: You bought presents for your friends and not for us?! How could
you?
Jim: My friends were all guys, so it was quite easy. Just buy them
all a pair of socks with a packet of condoms inside each sock.
Caro: Omigawd! Did you buy the same for Gavin and Frank?
Jim: Of course! *bop* *bop* Double ow!
Andrea: Let’s leave! Meet here at closing time!
The girls left for the shoe shop.
Jim: I knew it!!!
Somebody from behind: What did you know?
Jim: (turning around) Hey, Frank, Gavin! What are you guys doing here?
Gavin: Shopping for Christmas presents.
Frank: We’ve been stalking you!
Jim becomes shocked and Gavin turns red.
Jim: Did I actually hear that?
Gavin: No, you didn’t. Now, where should we start?
Frank: How ‘bout the clothes store?
Jim: Good idea.
The guys head to the nearest clothes store. Meanwhile…
Sharon: Is the coast clear?
Caro: Yes, finally!
Sharon: To the men’s shoe shop!
The girls went next door.
Andrea: Right, I need to get those cool leather boots for Jim. His
current one is so worn out.
Caro: Hey, I had dibs on that too!
Sharon: Children! Please! Andrea gets the boots because she suggested
it first.
Caro: (not listening) Hey, look at those crocodile leather shoes! I
bet they’ll look fantastic on Frank!
Sharon and Andrea:
Meanwhile…
Gavin: (holding up a black night gown) Wow! This would look fantastic
on Sharon.
Frank: (nods head in agreement) Yes, the dress fits her perfectly.
Gavin: Hey, have you been spying on my wife?
Frank: No way!
Jim: Hey, look at this one! Wouldn’t this look nice on Andrea?
Gavin: A bunny suit?! Somehow, I don’t think so.
Frank: It’ll look funny though.
At closing time, which was about 1 pm…
Girls: (carrying many, many shopping bags, most of which looks like
shoes)
Hello guys!
Guys: (carrying minimal amounts of shopping bags) Hey.
Frank: What have you got there?
Andrea: We’re not telling!
Sharon: Uh-huh.
Caro: You’ll have to wait til’ Christmas, dear…
Jim: We’re all coming to Caroline’s house tonight, right?
Sharon: Yes, but I’ll be at Andrea’s house, with Gavin, of course.
Jim: Oh yes, my apartment wouldn’t fit both of you… *bop* OW!
Andrea: And tomorrow, we head to Dundalk.
Caro: Yes, to daddy’s house…
Sharon: And mammy’s grave…
Jim: *sob*
Andrea: Hey, I thought we’re supposed to be sobbing, not you!
Jim: *sob* Does it matter!
Andrea: Yes, of course it does!!!
Sharon: Give it a rest, would you!
Caro: Let’s leave this crummy place.
The next morning, they all meet in their old house, where it all began.
Corrs: Hey dad!
Gavin and Frank: Hello Gerry.
Gerry: Why, if it isn’t my lads and ladies! C’mon in!
Andrea: Whoa, that’s a big tree you’ve got there, dad!
Gerry: (smiling proudly) Yep! My ten-footer! Put all your presents
down there.
Jim: What do you do all alone anyway?
Gerry: Oh, I just go to the old bar and play more sad songs to make
more men cry. That proves a woman is not necessarily behind every man’s
tears.
Sharon: It is behind yours.
Gerry: Umm… you all must be hungry, travelling so far. Come I’ve cooked
the family turkey!
Caro: You can cook?!
Gerry: Yes, learnt it from Andrea here.
Andrea: Hehehe! I helped a little, though. (mouthing towards her sisters)
Actually, a lot.
The girls giggled.
Gavin: Why are you giggling?
Frank: I swear, giggling should be banned!
Gerry: Anyway, how’s the baby?
Caro: Finally someone remembers. He’s fine. Should be out by February.
Gerry: Good. Shall we say grace?
The family said grace and ate the delicious turkey. Then evening came.
The Corr family had this tradition (kidding!) of opening their presents
on Christmas Eve. But before that, they made their way to the local cemetery,
where Jean laid in peace.
Gerry: Everybody have your flowers?
Rest: Yes.
Gerry: Well, let’s go then.
Andrea: Dad, we’re here!
Gerry: Right. You girls go first.
Andrea, Sharon and Caroline made their way to their mother’s grave.
Andrea: Mom, you don’t know how much I miss you.
Jean: (somewhere in heaven) Oh, but I do.
Andrea: I just broke up with Giles, and it feels so bad, but Shaun
helped me through.
Jean: (somewhere in heaven) Yes, I realized.
Andrea: Well, I guess things are not the same after you left, poor
Dad is all alone. Anyway, I brought you something. It’s a lucky shamrock.
I don’t know why I bought it for you, but well, it’s something.
Jean: (somewhere in heaven) Oh, how sweet!
Andrea: I have to go now. See ya in heaven soon, mammy.
After everybody visited Jean’s grave, they all went back to open their
presents. It was close to midnight and they all had their dinner and supper
already.
Gerry: Go on, there’s Guinness for everybody!
Sharon: Dad, open your presents first!
Gerry: Let’s see. This one’s from Jim.
Andrea: (to Caro) This should be good.
Gerry: My, it’s a brand new guitar! Thanks Jim!
Jim: You’re welcome dad.
After Gerry opened all his presents, which were a guitar from Jim,
a Swiss-knife from Sharon and Gavin, an intricate wooden carving made in
Japan from Caroline and Frank and a skateboard from Andrea…
Sharon and Caroline: A skateboard?!
Andrea: I thought daddy could try out something new.
Sharon: But a skateboard?!
…that it was Jim’s turn to open his presents.
Jim: Heck, this is taking to much time! Everybody, open your presents
already!
They each grabbed one of their presents and ripped the covers.
Andrea: Cool, a bunny suit from Jim!!!
Sharon: Wow, nice nightgown! Thanks dear. (kissing Gavin)
Caro: A pair of new drumming gloves! Thanks Andrea, I needed those.
Jim, Frank and Gavin: Damn!!!
Gerry: What is it, lads?
Jim: We bought each other the same thing.
Gerry: (with an amused face) And what is it?
Jim, Frank and Gavin turned red while the girls failed to suppress
their giggles.
Frank: Umm… a pair of socks.
Gavin: With condoms in it.
Gerry: Heheheh, boys will always be boys. Anyways, that’s the same
thing I bought for all you boys too.
Jim, Frank and Gavin: Darn!
Andrea: Come on, next set!!!
These were the things they each got from each other.
Andrea – Tin whistles of all notes from Gerry, a bunny suit from Jim,
a pair of platforms from Sharon, a teddy bear from Caroline, a hippie-style
necklace and a model of Firebolt (Harry Potter’s current broomstick) from
Frank and the whole collection of hardcover Harry Potter books from Gavin.
Sharon – A guitar from Gerry, a new funky looking violin in shades
of blue with an equally funky looking bow from Jim, a chest full of 1950
wine from Caroline, a leather jacket from Andrea, a nightgown from Gavin
and a veena (a musical instrument from India) from Frank.
Caroline and baby – A crib from Gerry, a set of maternity clothing
from Jim (Caroline was going, “I can buy them for myself, Jim!” ,
a pair of jumpers from Sharon (one for Caroline and one for the baby),
a pair of drumming gloves from Andrea, a handmade samurai sword from Frank
and a leather jacket from Gavin.
Jim – 3 pairs of socks and 6 packets of condom from Gavin, Frank and
Gerry, a sandwich maker from Sharon, a laptop from Caroline, and a pair
of leather boots from Andrea.
Gavin – 3 pairs of socks and 6 packets of condom from Frank, Jim and
Gerry, a laptop and a software that is entitled ‘The Complete Law Reference
of Ireland, the U.K., U.S.A., China, Japan and Singapore for Lawyers’ from
Sharon, a fax-machine from Caroline and a DVD player with The Corrs’ latest
DVD release from Andrea.
Frank – 3 pairs of socks and 6 packets of condom from Gavin, Jim and
Gerry, a pack of chicken franks and an intricately carved chess set from
the Middle East from Caroline, an antique clock from Sharon and an antique
doll house from Andrea. (I imagine Frank as an antique collector…
After all the presents were opened, everybody sat by the fire and talked
about the good times and the bad times. Then finally…
Andrea: Let’s go to the window, look at the heavens, and wish mammy
a ‘Merry Christmas’?
Sharon: Why, it is the exact thing I’m thinking about. Let’s go.
They were at the window, and they said…
Corrs: Merry Christmas, mammy.
Gavin and Frank: Merry Christmas, Jean.
Gerry: Merry Christmas, love. (gets a tear in his eye)
Jean: (somewhere in heaven, getting tears in her eyes) Merry Christmas,
my children, Gavin, and Frank. And merry Christmas, love.
-The End-
