The Corrs Times Two

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A few hours later, Jim is woken by a very loud screeching in his ears. He wakes to find Andrea standing above him with a tin whistle.
Jim: I hate, hate, hate hate hate hate HATE when you do that.
Andrea: I know. That's why I do it. You ready to do this thing with the Orrs or what?
Jim: I... what time is it?
Andrea: It's noon. Did you fall asleep or something?
Jim looks around.
Jim: I sure did. Where's Sharon? Orr, I mean.
Andrea: They're all downstairs. Get dressed and come down.
Andrea leaves the bedroom and goes down to the living room, where her sisters and the Orrs are waiting.
Sharon: So I was thinking, maybe we could do a performance on stage together. You know, as something just really cool.
Caroline Orr: Well won't we get in the way of each other?
Sharon: Not really, we could just have everyone side-by-side. It'd be really cool!
Jim Orr, who had been silent the entire time, finally speaks.
Jim Orr: I feel sorry for your manager. I'd hate to see him pull out his hair when he finds out that there are four people who look just like his prize band.
Sharon: Well we could just do it once. Or... you could be a cover group! We could dress you all up so you don't look like us.
Caro: Hey yeah, like the Would You Be Happier? thing.
Jim finally comes downstairs, catching the end of the conversation.
Jim: What's this about that song?
Andrea: We're going to dress up the Orrs in funny costumes and have it like the Would You Be Happier? video.
Jim: Not bad. Could I dress as pimp Jim?
Sharon Orr: Sorry to burst the bubble, but we don't even know how to play that song.
Sharon: Well, we could teach ya. It'll be easy, since we made the song ourselves.
Sharon: So who is going to be who?
Andrea: Maybe we should just be ourselves and the Orrs should dress up.
Jim: I don't care, I still want to be me dressed as a pimp.
Jim Orr: No, I want to be the pimp!
Sharon: Let's make this easy. Jim Orr, you're the pimp.
Jim Orr: I know.
Sharon: I mean... oh never mind. Jim, you are just going to be Jim.
Jim: Damn!
Sharon Orr: Don't worry, you'll always be the pimp to me. *wink*
Caro: I say we make Caroline Orr be Destiny's Child Caroline.
Caroline Orr: Hehe alright!
Andrea Orr: What can I be?
Andrea: You can be Punker Andrea.
Andrea Orr: Ewww no.
Andrea: Well what about Hard Rock Andrea?
Andrea Orr: I don't want to do any of those.
Andrea: Well neither did I.
Sharon: Just make her be Hard Rock Andrea, then Sharon Orr can be Punker Sharon.
Sharon Orr: Cool! So how are we going to do this? And where?
Jim: Easy, I'll just call our manager.
Ten minutes later...
Phone: Hahahahahahaha!!! Hahahaha!!!
Jim hangs up.
Jim: Great... he doesn't even believe us.
Andrea: Should we do a daring commando raid on his office? We have enough people.
Andrea Orr: Yeah, let's paintball him!
Sharon: Maybe we could just perform in Dublin, just someplace small.
Caro: Or better yet, Dundalk.
Sharon: Dundalk? Why Dundalk?
Caro: Weren't you the one saying how you would LOVE it if we could perform for our hometown?
Sharon: Oh right, I did say that, didn't I...
Jim Orr leaves the room and goes into the kitchen. Just as he exits the living room he lets one rip.
Sharon: Oh god, thanks for that, Jim!
Andrea: I can't breathe! I can't breathe! (covering face)
Caro Orr: Air!
Caro: Ughh! It's worse than yours, Jim!
Jim: What? I don't smell anything.
Jim Orr: Had that one saved up! Haha!
Sharon Orr: That's the foulest... uggh!
Andrea Orr: Must... get... air!!
Corr and Orr sisters alike are falling off couches, gagging for breath. Jim Orr is confused and totally unaffected.
Jim: What the heck is your problem? Oh wait a second...
An even louder one occurs in Jim Corr's direction. Sharon Orr crawls away in panic.
Sharon Orr: I'm SO not sleeping with you again... oh my god...
Andrea Orr opens the front door and escapes to fresh air.
Caro Orr: Agggh you're even worse than my brother! That was nasty!
Jim Orr: I have another stored onboard if you want to go that far!
Sharon: NO! NO! Andrea, wait up for me!
Sharon runs outside to escape the devastating smell.
Jim: Wow, it's never been this effective. I'm actually gassing my sisters out of my own house.
Jim Orr comes back into the living room with a soda. He drops it when he smells the air.
Jim Orr: Bugger! That's the second most disgusting thing...
Sharon Orr: I think we'll save practice for later. *cough* Oxygen... must breathe!
Caroline Corr gets an idea and picks up Sharon Orr's lighter. It had fallen from her pocket when she crawled away.
Caro: (sounding like Beavis) Hehehehe, FIRE, FIRE! *flick*
*FOOSH*
Jim jumps five feet up in the air, fire trailing from his bum.
Jim: Agggh! Fire! Fire!
Caro: Wow, look at that!
Jim runs to the kitchen and jumps onto his kitchen counter, turning the sink faucet on. He sits down in the sink.
Jim: Ahhh.....
Caroline comes to the kitchen.
Caro: See what you get?
Andrea Orr: Is it safe to come in?
Caro: Sure.
Andrea Orr comes into the kitchen, followed by the rest of the sisters.
Jim: I'm never doing that again...
Sharon: Well then, a lesson well-learned, then. But let's just wait for the house to air out a bit.
Sharon Orr: Maybe we could get those costumes together.
Sharon: Good idea. Me and Sharon will go shopping.
Andrea: But I wanna go shopping too!
Andrea Orr: So do I! I wanna shop!
Sharon: Well, go then. Just... come back here in a few hours.
Andrea and Andrea Orr happily run off to go shopping, while Sharon and Sharon Orr head off to the nearest wig shop. Sharon is driving the car.
Sharon: So Sharon, what do you think of my brother?
Sharon Orr: Well, despite the terrible gas problem, I think he's great. Silly, but great.
Sharon: Does he... treat you well?
Sharon Orr: Absolutely. If he were just a little more refined I'd be totally happy.
Sharon: *shaking head* I don't know, I just don't see it. Probably because I put up with him all my life, not to mention the years at home.
Sharon Orr: Well, what do you think of MY brother?
Sharon is shocked.
Sharon: I'm a married woman, Sharon. Gavin is my husband.
Sharon Orr: Oh, he is? I thought he was your gay housekeeper or something.
Sharon almost drives off the road.
Sharon: Gay?? I assure you, he's not gay. And... your brother is practically the same as mine, even if I weren't married I wouldn't give it a thought, going out with him.
Sharon Orr: I guess that's where we're different.
Sharon: Well not just that, but just how long have you known my brother? Four days? And you're already squeaking up his bed.
Sharon Orr: What can I say? He's hot.
Sharon: Ughhhh... I'm sorry, I try picturing that and I can't stand it. We're so much alike that it's just an unbearable thought. What if he starts looking at ME like that? Then it'll get scary.
Sharon Orr: You have a point there. Maybe I should get a makeover, that way he could get used to that and not your look.
Sharon: What's wrong with MY look? Why can't I get the makeover?
Sharon Orr: Nothing at all! That's why I'M the one who should get the makeover.
Sharon and Sharon Orr arrive in Dublin, and pull up to a little wig shop, appropriately named The Little Wig Shop. They go in and search around.
Sharon: Here's a good one, nice and bushy. Your sister would look just the part.
Sharon Orr: What about this for me? Punker Sharon?
Sharon Orr holds up a wig with spikes and metal pieces dangling off of it.
Sharon: Nice. Here's a pimp hat for your brother.
The shopkeeper hears Sharon's comment and gives her a funny look.
Sharon Orr: Why does he have to be a pimp? Was that the only thing?
Sharon: Yes. He was destined to be a pimp, nothing else.
The shopkeeper is still sitting there, surprised at the conversational topic.
Shopkeeper: Look, I don' mean to get involved in personal affairs, but I don' wanna hear that foul talk in me shop.
Sharon: Foul talk?
Shopkeeper: Yah, you talkin' bout a pimp. A pimp! Why you bring up such filth, why, it's not the right thing!
Sharon Orr: Oh, no my brother isn't a pimp, he just dresses like one.
Shopkeeper: I think I've heard quite enough. What about your sister, the punker, or whoever it is?
Sharon Orr: Me?
Shopkeeper: Yah. Why do you want to look like a punker? You're a beautiful lass as it is. You two look like twins.
Sharon: Actually she's dating my brother.
The shopkeeper is stunned.
Shopkeeper: 'Tis the death of all morals! I can't believe me ears! Incestial now, ain't it?
Sharon: No, no! It's not like that at all!
Shopkeeper: Out! Out! Get out of me shop!
Sharon: Great, just great. So where are we going to get the wigs now?
Sharon Orr holds up the wigs she was holding in the shop.
Sharon Orr: I don't think he'll miss these now, will he?
Sharon: *gasp* That's stealing! We can't steal those!
Sharon Orr: So? That guy was a ******, let's just take the stupid wigs.
Sharon: Sharon... we REALLY shouldn't do it. We should at least pay him.
Sharon Orr: Well, you can pay him. I'M stealing the wigs.
Sharon sighs and goes into the shop.
Sharon: Sometimes I can't stand me...
Meanwhile, with Andrea and Andrea Orr...
Andrea Orr is driving the car this time.
Andrea: So you and your family have a group, right? What do you do for them?
Andrea Orr: I'm the lead singer, and I write a lot of the songs.
Andrea: Really? What songs have you written?
Andrea Orr: Let's see... "When I'm Awake", "All In A Week" and "Tasteless".
Andrea: Hmm... good names.
Andrea Orr: Do you want to hear them? I could sing them for you.
Andrea: No, that's quite okay.
Andrea Orr: I usually get inspiration from movies I've seen. I'm totally emotional and I always get these romantic ideas from what I see in everyday life.
Andrea: So do I! Whoa, watch the road.
Andrea Orr: Sorry, I was just lost in a memory there.
They arrive in Dublin as well and begin their shopping spree. Every time Andrea would see something to look at, Andrea Orr would bump her hand.
Andrea Orr: Whoops! I'm sorry.
Andrea: No, it's okay. You can look at that if you want.
Andrea Orr: No really, it's okay, you can look at it, I'll find something else.
Andrea goes to another section and reaches for a blouse.
*bump*
Andrea Orr: Whoops! I'm just so clumsy that way... sorry.
Andrea shakes her head and picks up the blouse.
Andrea: I'll be back, I'm going to try this on.
Andrea leaves Andrea Orr in the clothes aisle. Little does she know that there are a few Corrs fans shopping there as well.
Fan 1: OH MY GOD!!!
Andrea Orr: What? What?
Fan: You're Andrea Corr! Oh my god! Kristen, look! It's Andrea Corr! Omigawd!
Kristen: AGGGGH! It's Andrea! I can't believe it!
Andrea Orr: No, you're mistaken!
Kristen: Oh come on, we know it's you!
Andrea Orr: No, the real Andrea went to the dressing room.
Fan: Yeah right!
Andrea Orr: Oh dear...
Andrea Orr: Andrea! Help me! Your fans are crowding me!
Andrea hears this in the dressing room.
Andrea: Well... at least it's not me.
Andrea tries on the shirt, decides she doesn't like it after all, and comes back out to put it back. She finds Andrea Orr standing there, looking ruffled.
Andrea: Andrea? Are you okay?
Andrea Orr: Your fans just attacked me with autographs and hugs.
Andrea: Come again?
Andrea Orr: I had to sign autographs and give them hugs. And on top of that, one of them ruffled my hair, which is why I probably look like a turkey right now.
Andrea: Well, a very well-dressed turkey, if that makes you feel any better. Anyway, I don't want this top, do you want to try it?
Andrea Orr: Well if you don't want it, chances are I probably won't either.
Andrea: Hmm. Well then...
Back to Sharon + 1...
Sharon Orr: So where should we go now?
Sharon: I don't know, we can probably find the nasty worn clothes in the boxes at home, but we need to get Jim's pimp outfit.
Sharon Orr: Well if all the shopkeepers around here are like that last one, we'll never find that.
Sharon: I doubt a gold chain will work... probably cost a bundle.
Sharon looks across the street at a small home improvement store.
Sharon: Hey, I have an idea.
Sharon Orr: What? Is he going to be the Hellraiser?
They go to the home improvement store and buy gold address letters, a C, an O, two R's and an S.
Sharon: We can probably just glue them together on a chain. Now we need a beret.
Sharon Orr: Okay... how about a hat shop?
Sharon: Hopefully. I don't want to have to fly to France.
Meanwhile, with the two Carolines...
They're both still at Jim's house, which has now fully aired-out.
Caro Orr: So what do I have to do for this video? I've never even seen it.
Caro: Well, in this part we're spoofing Destiny's Child. In a way everything we're doing is totally opposite of ourselves because I'm not really some girly-girl.
Caro Orr: Well neither am I.
Caro: And I'm pretty sure Sharon would never be a punker. So... damn, your outfit's going to cost a bundle.
Caro Orr: Well great, thanks for letting me know.
Caro: Or... we could just get a bunch of white clothes and cut them up.
Caro Orr: Do I have to wear them while you're cutting them up?
Caro: Em... no. That wouldn't be good now, would it?
Back to Sharon and Sharon Orr...
Sharon: Okay, so we have all the costumes, right?
Sharon Orr: Right. But can we stop at my music shop? There's some things I need to take care of there.
Sharon: Ok, sure. I guess I could have a look around.
They drive to Sharon Orr's music shop, Music 4 Less, a mid-sized store near the outskirts of Dublin.
Sharon: What do you need here, anyway?
Sharon Orr: I need my violin. I just got done fixing it and I need to pick it up.
Sharon: (thinking) Fixing... hmm, I can't do that.
They go into Sharon Orr's shop, which is neatly organized and filled with almost every instrument under the sun, from Bodhrans to tin whistles to kazoos and nose flutes, drumsticks, steel drums, and even a Didgeridoo (or two).
Sharon: Not bad. I used to work in a record shop. I managed it.
Sharon Orr: Neat. I used to manage here too, then I bought it.
Sharon: Wow... I wanted to do that too...
Sharon Orr goes in the back, and comes out with her violin case. She puts it on the counter and opens it up, revealing a well-polished violin of beautiful dark wood.
Sharon: Wow, that's a nice violin. Almost looks like one I used to own. It's probably still with our old junk in my attic.
Sharon Orr: Yah, listen to this. I just worked this out recently.
Sharon Orr tunes up the violin, then takes out the bow, puts the violin into her chin and lets loose with a long violin note.
*SCREEEEEEEEEEECH*
Sharon cringes at the sound of the violin. Sharon Orr continues to play, sounding some notes but still scratching and squeaking, almost sounding like she's trying to play Erin Shore. At the end she seems delighted with herself.
Sharon Orr: So? What do ya think?
Sharon: Em, very good. Almost just like the real thing.
Sharon Orr: Really? Can you play it? I think I was just a little too fast, just maybe.
Sharon: Well, okay.
Sharon takes the violin and bow, puts it in her chin and plays the same thing, but definitely cleaner and without squeaks. When she finishes, she hands the violin back to Sharon Orr.
Sharon Orr: Hmm... I never heard it like that before. Maybe it's something I'm doing wrong.
Sharon: Well where do you hear it from?
Sharon Orr goes over to a phonograph and turns it on, putting the needle on the record. Erin Shore plays and the record is so scratched that there is almost nothing but screeching coming from the horn. Sharon bursts out in laughter, and Sharon Orr is confused.
Sharon Orr: What's so funny?
Sharon: For a second I thought you just sucked the big one on violin! Hahahaha...
Sharon Orr: Well, I think you suck too!
Sharon: No, I didn't mean that. You were copying the record. It's not your fault, really!
Sharon Orr: I still think you're bad.
Sharon: You're really taking this the wrong way. Why don't you play something else? I'm sure you're not bad.
Sharon Orr: Fine.
Sharon Orr puts her violin in her chin again and plays Toss The Feathers, squeaking once again, and again, and again, and again. Sharon Orr only plays a bit of it, then stops.
Sharon Orr: How was that?
Sharon: Em... better. You don't learn all your songs from that record, do you?
Sharon Orr: That's it, you're going down.
Sharon Orr jumps on top of the counter.
Sharon: Hey now! I didn't mean anything! Really!
Sharon Orr pounces on Sharon Corr, and they roll across the floor, grunting.
Sharon and Sharon Orr roll across the floor, knocking over display stands. They knock over a keyboard stand which thankfully doesn't have a keyboard on top of it.
Sharon: What did I do??? *Thump*
Sharon Orr pounds Sharon's head into the floor.
Sharon Orr: You're a mean... *smack*
Sharon fights back, slapping Sharon Orr across the face. Sharon Orr stops and looks like she's about to cry.
Sharon: There, haven't you had enough? *Punch*
Sharon Orr punches Sharon in the face and throws her into a set of drums. Sharon Orr scrambles to her feet and runs toward Sharon but Sharon is already standing and gives Sharon Orr a "Mad Sharon Slap Attack". Sharon Orr does the same thing.
*slapslappaslapslpalslpasplsa*
Sharon: Stop that!! You're being so evil!
Sharon Orr: STOP making fun of my violin playing, you wench!
Sharon: Is this all this is about? Because I made fun of your violin playing?
*slapslapsslapslpslapslpa*
Sharon pushes Sharon Orr back.
Sharon: Enough! Stop getting so sensitive about me not liking your playing! I used to be the same way!
Sharon Orr: But I try really HARD! And now my twin is making fun of me!
Sharon: Aww... well I'm sorry. I can't help it though, you need work.
Sharon Orr: Ah.... I know. *Whew* Well, what say we keep kicking each other's arse, in the spirit of arse kicking?
Sharon: You're on, b*tch.
Meanwhile...
Caroline and Caroline Orr are busy drawing on white clothes with blue markers. Caroline Orr is making funny designs on the leg, drawing crescent moons and triangles.
Caro: This is going to be a really messed-up looking outfit when it's done.
Caro Orr: Tell me about it. At least it has pants. I don't wear too many skirts.
Caro: Same here. Oh wait, duh!
Jim and Jim Orr come walking in from the kitchen, carrying pieces of fried chicken on flimsy paper plates.
Caro: Look out, male alert.
Caro Orr: They're male?
Jim and Jim Orr sit down and watch the clothing operation.
Caro Orr: Hey chicken master, you're getting crumbs on the clothes.
Jim Orr: Whoops. Oh well.Jim: So what's this all about here with the moons and little heart shapes?
Caro: We're drawing what needs to be cut out of the pants.
Jim: The whole thing. I think the whole thing should be cut out.
Jim Orr: I agree.
Caro Orr: Jim!! I have to wear these! You WANT to see me onstage with no pants?
Jim Orr: Well no, but I'm sure the audience would.
*drum fill*
An hour or so later, Sharon and Sharon Orr return from their shopping trip. They're battered and bruised, and Sharon Orr has a black eye. The two Jims and the two Carolines stare in horror as they walk into Jim's living room.
Caro: Good god! What happened to you two?
Sharon: We were kicking our arse, do you mind???
Caro: You tore each other apart!
Sharon: Well, technically we only fought for about thirty seconds. Then we made up and decided to kick each other's arse in the spirit of arse kickin'.
Jim: I swear, there's some things I'll never understand about you. And you. Did you get the things we need?
Sharon Orr puts a plastic bag on the table and pulls out the wigs and gold address letters.
Jim Orr: What's this? Assorted junk?
Sharon Orr: No, unlike your baby album, these have meaning.
Jim: Oh damn!!! Hahahaha!
Caroline picks up the address letters.
Caro: These are for...?
Sharon: Gold pimp necklace. We'll glue them.
Caro: And the wigs. Okay, I get it now. We've been working on the Destiny's Child outfit, it's done now.
Sharon Orr: Really? Let's see it!
Caro Orr: Oh come on...
Sharon: Really, we want to see the costume. Put it on.
Caro Orr: Okay, hold on.
Caro Orr takes the costume and goes upstairs with it. In a few minutes she's back, sporting a white outfit with holes cut all over it in funny shapes.
Sharon: Em... interesting. (trying to stop giggling)
Jim Orr: Yeah, I think it's great, really. Heh.
Caro: It looks like crap.
Caro Orr: Thank you! That was the line I was going for. Can I take this off now?
Sharon: Okay, go ahead.
Caro Orr starts going upstairs.
Sharon: Em, don't turn around. Those holes are a little revealing.
Caro Orr gasps and hurries upstairs. Just then the two Andy's walk in with many shopping bags.
Jim: Well, looks like you two had fun. How much did it cost you?
Andrea Orr: Well, we'd tell you but you might go into shock.
Jim: Oh, Andrea's usual. Gotcha.
Andrea drops her shopping bags on the floor, sighs, and looks at Caroline.
Andrea: I need a drink. Caroline, do you need a drink?
Caro: Sure, I'll take one.
Andrea: I meant, well, you might want to come and get it.
Caro: No, it's fine, just bring it to me.
Andrea: No, I need you to get it yourself. RIGHT NOW.
Caroline follows Andrea into the kitchen.
Caro: What's up?
Andrea: I can't STAND me.
Caro: Eh?
Andrea: She's so annoying! Andrea is getting on my nerves! I can't believe I'm that annoying to me.
Caro: Well, I'm sure she's not THAT bad. You just don't see the good yet.
Andrea: How would you know?
Caro: Because I've known you since I was one, dear.
Andrea: I swear, she whines a lot and she gets me into trouble, but it just annoys me that she keeps going on and on about how things bother her, and it's just...
Caro: Right... Andrea, you just described yourself. Just try to get along with her, okay? At least you didn't rip each other apart like Sharon and Sharon Orr did.
Andrea shrugs and gets herself a wine cooler from the refrigerator.
Andrea: So did they get the costumes?
Caro: Yep. Now we just need to find a venue.
Andrea: That's right, we don't have one of those, do we.
Caro: We could perform at Landsdowne Road again, you know they're planning to tear it down.
Andrea: Nah, one time is enough. We should just bug our company enough to where they'll give us a venue.
Caro: But we're not supposed to perform again until like, well, a long time from now.
Andrea: Well I don't know then. Unless you want to just do the show in the crappy town square of Dundalk.
Caroline starts thinking.
Andrea: I don't like that look, Cazz.
Caro: You gave me the idea. Now I'm going to bask in it.
Andrea: No! I was kidding!
Caroline rushes out to the living room.
Caro: I have an idea. We could perform in the Dundalk town square. Wouldn't that be a good idea?
Jim: That's what we planned anyway. 413 won't even book us in a canoe right now.
Andrea: Hmph!
Sharon Orr: I need ice for my black eye. (grabs Andrea's wine cooler and presses it to her eye)
Andrea: Hey!
Sharon: Andrea, guess what, you get to glue stuff!
Andrea: *gasp* Really?? What do I get to glue?
Jim: Uh oh, here it goes.
Sharon: You get to glue the address letters together so they spell Corrs.
Andrea: Yay! I love gluing stuff together!
Jim: I know, this one time when we were young, she pasted her own hand to her bum because she was messing with the super glue. Mam was mad because she couldn't get her hand off her dress and it soaked through so for days Andrea had to walk around with her hand like this.
Jim gets off the couch and struts around the room, one hand attached to his bum.
Andrea: Stop it! Stop it! You look like a cheap fashion model!
Jim: So? So did you when you glued your own hand to 'yer bum!
Andrea: I was making a card for your birthday! You can't get on me because of that.
Jim: Still, I never knew anybody who was so... attached to herself.
Andrea kicks Jim in the leg and crosses her arms angrily.
Caro: Aww look, she's turning red.
Andrea gets even more flustered and turns away.
Andrea: Hmph!
Sharon: So anyway, we have all that needs to be done, we can draw the tatoos on with magic markers... oh, we need nose rings and such for Punker Sharon.
Sharon Orr: But... I don't want to get piercings.
Sharon: We'll get clip-ons. Nothing to it.
Jim Orr: And I'm gonna get the ladies! Hehehe.
Jim: Lucky bastard.
Jim Orr: Don't joke about that. At least you guys have a dad.
Jim feels sorry for Jim Orr.
Jim: You're right, Jim. Sorry about that. Totally forgot.
Jim Orr: Nothing to it. And I'm still getting the ladies.
Sharon: Correction, there aren't going to be any booty-dancing babes at this show, Jim. You're going to be mixing it up with a turntable.
Jim Orr: Well there goes half my fun...
Andrea: And I'm going to be... disgusting Hard Rock Andrea?
Sharon: Yes. Why, you didn't have a problem with it earlier.
Andrea: Well now I do. Well I mean, Andrea Orr is going to be Hard Rock Andrea.
Andrea: Yah. And I don't wanna be her. I'd rather be the punker.
Sharon: Well, I guess we could do it. It probably works better that way.
Caro: Can't we do that thing where we just cut to the chase? We're just sitting here talking!
They all look at her funny.
Andrea: Cut to the chase?
Caro: You know, that time thingy. Where suddenly we're at the part where it gets fun. Because this is getting boring as hell.
Caro Orr agrees, nodding.
Jim: Oh, you mean that weird... well maybe. But it happens on its own, doesn't it?
Two weeks later...
Jim: Well then, my question is answered. That felt strange.
The Corrs and The Orrs are backstage (in a trailer) at their gig in Dundalk's Town Square. There are only about 1000 people outside, one of The Corrs' smallest audiences.
Caro Orr: This outfit is really bugging me. You can see too much of my boob.
Caro: Trust me, there's not much to see.
Caro Orr: Hey! Just because you have my boobs doesn't mean you can talk about them like they're yours!
Caro: I... dammit, you confused me. Anyway, just deal with it, it's only one song.
Across the room, Andrea and Andrea Orr are getting ready. Andrea is trying to attach the punker wig to Andrea Orr's head, and it doesn't want to stay on.
Andrea: Hold still, will you?
Andrea Orr: Well I can't help it, these earrings are itchy.
Andrea manages to slip the wig on and glues it down.
Andrea: There, that'll only be temporary. Now hold still again.
Andrea puts makeup on Andrea Orr's face.
Andrea: It's weird, I totally know how to decorate your face, being that it's mine and all.
Andrea Orr: It IS weird. I'm going to miss not being around my double.
Andrea: What, are you moving away?
Andrea Orr: Well no, but for some reason I think we're not going to see much of each other.
Andrea: Oh, don't think that. You're thinking too much like me. We'll keep in touch.
Andrea Orr: I hope so. By the way, you have to meet Niles sometime. You'd like him.
Andrea: (smiling) I think I already do.
Meanwhile, Sharon Orr is pacing back and forth in front of Jim, nervous.
Jim: You've been wired all day, dear. Why are you pacing?
Sharon Orr: No reason! I mean... well I'm not nervous. It's just...
Jim: What?
Sharon Orr: I don't want to talk about it. I'm late, that's all.
Jim: Late? But you're right here. You didn't miss anything.
Sharon Orr: No, I mean I'm LATE.
Jim: Ohh.... hmm...
Jim gets up and paces back and forth with Sharon Orr.
Jim: Are you sure? I mean, have you tested yourself?
Sharon Orr: *shakes head* No, I haven't. But it's still frightening.
Sharon Orr stops pacing and grabs hold of Jim.
Sharon Orr: If I AM though... *looks into his eyes*
Jim: I... I... I... I don't know! I mean, I have to think about it.
Sharon Orr: (angrily) Oooh!
Sharon Orr goes across the room, angry, leaving Jim by himself.
Sharon: So you almost ready? I need to do your makeup.
Sharon Orr: Yah, whatever. *sits down in chair roughly*
Sharon: You okay?
Sharon Orr: No. Just... uggh...
Sharon: What, what's wrong? *begins applying base*
Sharon Orr: Your brother is so... rrgh! I mean he...
Sharon: Oh, I know. He's done that to me a bunch of times.
Sharon Orr is shocked.
Sharon Orr: Huh? He has?
Sharon: Oh, totally. He has a knack for that. That's just because he's my big brother.
Sharon Orr: *shocked more* Wha... I mean, well he can't be THAT much...
Sharon: *applying eyeliner* Of course. It happens all the time for me. And not just me, Andrea and Caroline too. That's just because Jim's older and he's a male and that's all he does.
Sharon Orr is thoroughly shocked at hearing how her double's brother gets her and her sisters pregnant all the time.
Sharon Orr: So... so... so what do you do after it's all done?
Sharon: What can I do? I just let it go. No use hanging on to it. I mean, it's just baggage. Sometimes I just let it go and leave it behind, I have bit of trouble with that, but my sisters help me.
Sharon Orr: Oh my god!! I can't believe you'd be talking about a child like that!
Now it's Sharon's turn to be shocked.
Sharon: Excuse me?
Sharon Orr: How can you just leave a child after you've given birth to it? And your SISTERS help you?? A baby is just baggage to you???!
Sharon: Wait wait, we're both on different subjects, aren't we? I'm talking about how Jim ANNOYS us all the time.
Sharon Orr: I... I... well...
Sharon, realizing what was going on, puts down the mascara wand, gasping.
Sharon: Jim got you pregnant?
Sharon Orr: I wasn't going to tell you yet...
Sharon: But... well are you sure? You've only been... doing it for the past couple weeks.
Sharon Orr: Well, I'm late. You know, it's supposed to happen but it's late...
Sharon: Yah. Continue.
Sharon Orr: And I asked Jim, I asked him that if I was actually pregnant would he be there, basically, and he said he'd have to think about it. Have to think about it???!
Sharon is totally shocked, but tries going back to her work.
Sharon: Well, Sharon dear, I suggest you get tested as soon as possible. Just to be sure.
Sharon Orr: I will. *sniff*
Sharon sees dark mascara lines running down Sharon Orr's face.
Sharon: Dammit! Sometimes I hate being me! *sob*
Ten minutes later, the Corrs are called up onstage to set up. Caroline climbs up behind her drums, Sharon begins tuning her violin, and Jim goes to his guitar. Andrea waits behind her microphone.
Andrea: So Jim, how are we supposed to do this?
Jim: We do three songs, then the Orrs come up and we close with the last song.
Andrea: Yah. Okay. So what are the three songs we're doin' first?
Jim: Em... don't you know?
Andrea: If I did I wouldn't be asking, now would I?
Jim and Andrea look over to Sharon.
Jim: Sharon! Sharon!
Andrea: Sharon!
Sharon doesn't notice.
Jim: Sharon! What songs are we doing?
Andrea: What songs?
Sharon doesn't hear them at all, it's rather loud outside and the noise is covering up the voices of Jim and Andrea.
Andrea: Sharon! Sharon!
Caro: Give Me A Reason, No More Cry and Paddy McCarthy! You should've just asked me.
Andrea: Okay, got it.
The show starts up a few minutes later, and the small 1000-person audience outside is happy to see The Corrs onstage, performing. It is actually a warm turnout, considering that Dundalk is so small.
During the middle of No More Cry, Andrea gazes out into the audience and sees two people sitting on top of her car. Squinting, she realizes that it's Gerry Corr and Jean Orr. They're sitting together, watching quietly.
Andrea: (thinking) My god, they're actually going to get together! We're going to have a huge family! Again!
After Paddy McCarthy, they all go offstage to get The Orrs, who are sitting around the dressing room trailer looking somewhat bored.
Jim Orr: Those songs sound really familiar.
Jim: Don't be surprised. Time to go, Mr. Pimp.
Jim Orr: Alright, let's get this party started. (Puts on his pimp hat)
Caro Orr: Good jam, Caroline. I was trying to keep up by banging my hands on the table. Now I'm sore.
Caro: Awww, poor baby.
Sharon Orr looks over at Jim with a dull expression on her face, and walks by him without saying a word. Jim gets awfully uncomfortable at that.
Andrea and Andrea Orr are both fussing over their hair, and almost look like mirrors as they fiddle with their hairdo's.
Sharon: Okay, let's just go and do this already.
Caro: Yah! Let's do it!
The Corrs leave their trailer, their psycho-looking twins walking beside them. They climb onstage and set up. The curtain opens up again, and the audience cheers.
Andrea: We'd like to thank you for coming out today, it's em... a real pleasure to play for you. For our home town!
Jim: Cassie, if you're out there, you still owe me that date.
Sharon: But now....
Caro: There's always something strange happening here in Ireland.
Caroline clicks it off and Jim plays the guitar solo for Would You Be Happier? Their twins come out on the stage, joining each other at the microphones. Caro Orr climbs up behind another drum kit, and Jim Orr wanders behind the keyboards, his gold chain dangling everywhere.
Andrea: Have you ever wondered where the story ends, and how it all began? I do.
Andrea Orr jumps in front of her, going totally insane.
Andrea Orr: Have you ever dreamed you were the movie star, with popcorn in your hand? I do.
Andrea shoves her out of the way.
Andrea: Have you ever dreamed you're someone else inside, and no-one understands you are?
Andrea Orr jumps up and down behind Andrea, popping up again and again, her spiky hair wobbling everywhere.
Andrea: And wanna dissapear inside a dream, but never wanna wake, wake up? Hehehe....
Sharon: Then you stumble on tomorrow...
Caro Orr: And trip over today...
The entire group sings the chorus of the song, and at the end of the chorus they toss their wigs into the audience. Now the audience can totally tell what's going on. The Corrs stand next to their doubles, just having a good time.
Andrea: You're gonna be just finnnne....
Jim Orr jumps around in the middle of the stage with an electric guitar, rocking out.
Andrea: You're gonna be just fine. (fine) So don't worry baby (don't worry baby) You're racing for tomorrow, not finished with today...
In the distance, Gerry Corr and Jean Orr are waving their arms about wildly, going insane. Andrea tries not to smile but can't help it.
All: Don't worry baby...
Andrea: You're gonna be just fine.
All: Don't worry honey...
Sharon Orr: You're gonna be just FINE!
All: Don't worry baby...
Jim Orr: You're gonna be just fine....
The small audience erupts in enormous cheers, paper banners flying everywhere, confetti raining down.
Andrea Orr: Thank you very much!
Andrea: That's my line! Hehehe!
The Corrs and The Orrs head back to the trailer afterward and go crazy. Champagne bottles pop and everybody is having a good time. Even Jim and Sharon Orr are back on speaking terms.
Caroline: This has to be one of our best shows!
Sharon: Definitely. I loved it.
Caro Orr: The only problem is that we won't be able to do it again...
Caro: Oh well. It's still great!
Andrea comes into the room, dragging behind her Gerry Corr and Jean Orr.
Jim: Heeeeyy! I didn't know you two were coming!
Gerry: Well, we decided it'd be best not to tell ya. 'Specially because Andrea here thinks me and Mz. Orr here are going to get together.
Andrea: But you are, aren't you? I saw you two holding hands!
Jean: No, no... ya see, it just can't happen. We've both gotten over our losses, and it'd just be rather wrong for the two of us to end up together.
Andrea: But... but don't you want a really big family?
Gerry: Andrea dear... we did. Four is quite enough, let me tell ya. To have two of each of ya would help us get to an early grave.
Jean: Hey, that's not nice. Think of who you are.
Gerry: Whoops. That's right, I'm dead. Or at least Gerry Orr is.
Andrea: Rgggh you two are impossible. Just like our real parents!
Jim gets out his guitar and starts jamming.
Sharon Orr: We are family...
Sharon: I've got all my sisters with me.
Andrea: Oh no! Don't start this... hehe!
Caro: We are family...
Caro Orr: Get up everybody and sing!
In an incredibly Corrny moment, all the Corrs and Orrs sing the song for a few verses, then it stops when Jim Orr pours ice over Jim's head. All in all, it's a good celebration, until the OTHER Anto and Keith walk in...
The End