The Hotel

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The Hotel
After the long (and wicked) freeway ride, the Corrs end up at a nice Crown Plaza Hotel, and rent out two rooms. Jim in his own, the sisters in the other. They had just settled in.
Jim: I'm going to hang around the bar. Anyone coming?
Andrea: Me!
Caroline: Me too!
Sharon: Don't forget me!
Jim: Wait, someone has to drive tomorrow. We can't ALL go.
Sharon: Hmm, true.
Andrea: Well drat, how do we decide who goes?
Jim: Here's a way. I'll go, you all stay.
Andrea: What? How does that...
Jim: You all understand... right?
Sharon: If it has anything to do with the Economy box of Trojenz, I don't even want to be in the general area. Good night.
Jim: Precisely. Good night.
Jim walks off down the hall.
Andrea: Sharon! I want to go get a drink!
Sharon: There's a mini bar in here, we're in a fancy suite. Just close the door and come back over here.
Andrea: Oh... fine.
Andrea goes back over to Sharon, who has a bottle of something old. (wine)
Andrea: And just think, I just resolved to cut down my drinking.
Sharon: Please, after going through hell and back again on an electric scooter, I think we all need a few drinks.
Caro: Actually, I'll be in the shower, I'll be back in a leap.
Sharon: Okay.
Andrea: In a leap?
Sharon: I dunno.
Caroline goes into the bathroom, Sharon and Andrea drink and talk. Then they hear something.
Caro: Oooh.... ahhhh... mmm! hehehe oh yes..
Andrea: Em...?
Caro: Ohh yes... yes...
Sharon: What the blazes?
Andrea: Did you see anyone go...
Sharon: No. Hey, I should check in with Gavin.
Andrea: Ok. Don't worry, I'll stay here and guard the bottle. (gives a sly smile)
Sharon goes to the phone and dials away. Andrea slides off her stool and looks out the window.
Andrea: Is that a marching band?
Sharon: Shh!
At first Andrea thinks she's drunk already, but there was actually a marching band in the parking lot below. They were in complete lines, stepping, and started marching around the parking lot.
Andrea: That's not for us... is it?
Sharon: Quiet!
Andrea: Okay! (quietly)
Sharon: Hi love, it's me.
Andrea begins to mock Sharon's words, putting her hands to her heart then pointing to herself, imitating Sharon's words.
Sharon: I miss you sooo much. (sway) How is it going with you? (pointing) Oh really? (finger to chin) Wow, that sounds like fun. (clapping hands cheerfully) You will not believe what I've gone through today, (SO not believe look) I've been through hell and back. (pointy ears and step backward)
Sharon looks back at Andrea, who's standing there doing nothing.
Sharon: Anyway (gesture) It's so hard to explain (blah blah blah), but I'll tell you one thing (one finger), I'm sure it broke some laws, hehehe (cracking fingers and devious smiling). You want me to tell you? (shakespearean begging stance) I don't know if my phone card will last that long. (shrug) But it's definitely been a day I've never had. (wide eyes)
Andrea takes another sip of wine, continuing her routine.
Sharon: You have no idea. (gesture) No, I'd have to choose childbirth over doing it over again. (sitting on floor, legs spread, straining) Yes, it was that bad. (nodding head) No, I don't think we got in that much trouble, otherwise they would've come after us. (handcuff gesture) How are we doing? (finger to chin) Well, right now we're just relaxing (lounging on the floor), Jim's downstairs trying to find himself a woman. (binocular search, lifting of skirt motion)
Sharon looks back at Andrea again.
Andrea: What?
Sharon shrugs and goes back to the phone.
Sharon: No, that was just Andrea (gripe gripe gripe). She's just back there. (humming Back Here) Drinking. (Takes a sip of wine) Caroline? (drumming) She's in the shower (washing hair motion) What am I wearing?? Oh stop! (oh stop! motion). Jim got chased by some crazed fans tonight. (running)
Sharon looks at Andrea, hearing the thumping of running. Andrea is doing jumping jacks now.
Sharon: Em, anyway, (stops jumping), want to know something else? (listening) Caroline busted ass in the car earlier tonight and it smelled TERRIBLE! (waving hand in front of nose, disgusted face). No, not like Jim, (guitar playing) or you, not even you could do it (shaking head), it was like something died in Caroline (dying motion) and then, well you know the rest. (wide eyes, nodding) Well you know what, I'm going to let you sleep now, I'm sure it's probably early morning and I'm waking you up majorly! (yawning) Well, I'll call you later on, dear. (phone fingers) I love you, goodbye. (awwww expression)
Sharon hangs up the phone, picks up a pillow, and throws it at Andrea's head.
Sharon: I know what you were doing!
Andrea: Who, me? (giggles)
Sharon: You were doing that phone charade thing!
Andrea: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Sharon turns toward the bathroom door. Andrea does the griping expression.
Caroline: Yes! YES! YES!!!! OOOH!
Sharon: What the bloody hell is she doing?
Andrea: Maybe it was something you two bought when me and Jim weren't around.
Sharon: Oh, hush.
A few minutes later, Caroline comes out of the bathroom, refreshed.
Sharon: What the hell were you doing in there? Or who?
Caro: What? Oh, I had the urge to herbal. (tosses her a bottle of Herbal Essences) You should try it!
Sharon: Em, maybe later. Andrea?
Andrea: No thanks. Happiness doesn't come from a bottle. (drinks from the wine bottle)
Sharon: Give me that, you're hogging it.
Andrea gives her the bottle and rummages through the minibar again.
Andrea: Ah, Champagne, something lighter.
Caro: Oh, what millions of male fans would give to see this now. (takes off her towel and gets out some clothes)
Jim: Pizza's here.
Jim puts a box on one of the beds.
Caroline: Jim Corr, if you chase us away from the bar so YOU can be down there you'd better STAY down there!
Jim: Ah! I'm going I'm going!
Caroline chases him out of the room and shuts the door.
Sharon opens the box.
Sharon: Oh no, junk food.
Caroline and Andrea: Hell yes!
Sharon sighs and turns on the TV.
Sharon: Maybe we're on MTV.
Caro: I doubt it. (munch)
Andrea: They're too into "good" music for us to be on there.
Sharon turned the channel to MTV. There was no music on, just some rerun of Global Groove. Andrea's jaw dropped.
Andrea: Oh my...
Caro: What is that, a mating dance?
Sharon: Either that or Irish jig on crack.
Andrea: No that's Lord of The Dance.
Sharon: Don't make fun of the Lord of The Dance!
Andrea: I will.
Andrea rolls off the bed and goes to the window.
Andrea: I wonder where that marching band went.
Caroline: There was a marching band?
Andrea: Something like that, they were marching around in the parking lot.
Caro: You think they know we're here?
Andrea: I haven't the slightest. How can a marching band get our attention anyway?
Sharon: Simple, YOU look out the window and see it.
Andrea: Hush. (chucks a pizza crust out the window. It lands 12 floors down, with a dull thunk.)
Sharon: Andrea! What are you doing? (turns off the TV)
Caro: I like the crust! You should've given it to me. It was stuffed crust!
Andrea: Oh... whoops.
Sharon pours herself some wine.
Andrea: Well hey, at least it's not like I'm shooting gigantic tampon spitballs at moving cars.
Caro: Hey! It helped, didn't it? You're only making a mess.
Andrea: (Grinning) A mess, huh? (Gets Caro in a headlock and wrestles her to the floor.)
Sharon: Ah yes, the effects of alcohol on the human body.
Caro: What are you talking about? We always used to do this.
Sharon: Oh.
Caroline tumbles around with Andrea on the floor, then stands and holds Andrea up from her underarms.
Andrea: Hey! Leggo!
Caro drops Andrea on the floor.
Andrea: Ow, me bum! You're gonna get it now!
Caro: Try it!
Andrea: (Picks up a pillow and hits Caro in the rear with it) There, happy?
Sharon: If that hits me at all I'll get out my emergency smokes.
Andrea and Caro stare.
Andrea: You still have smokes?
Sharon: For emergencies like this one, yes. (smiling)
Caroline: Yes, when you must attend to the job of bossy older sister.
Sharon: Exactly.
Andrea: Well then, older sister...
Andrea goes to Sharon's bag and digs.
Sharon: Oh no you don't!
Andrea: Oh yes I do. First...
Andrea slaps a nicotine patch on Sharon's arm.
Andrea: You're getting cranky. Now back to business...
Andrea pulls out about five or six cigarettes.
Caro: What are you gonna do with those?
Andrea: I think these should have a party with my pizza crust, he must be lonely.
Sharon: No, come on, seriously.
Andrea: Give me a break, Sharon. We all know what's better for you, REMEMBER? Say goodbye to these filtered sticks of death.
Andrea chucks one across the room, out the window.
Andrea: Here, Caroline. (tosses her some)
Caro: Well, you know what they say...
Andrea: What?
Caro: I dunno. Do they say something? (goes to the window and drops one out.)
Sharon is looking absent-minded, staring at the patch on her arm. Andrea feels a little compassion.
Andrea: Here, Sharon. Last one. You know what to do with it. I feel bad, having all the fun.
Andrea hands the last smoke to Sharon, and takes out a lighter.
Andrea: Your call. (flick)
Sharon looks at the smoke, at the lit lighter. Then at the patch on her arm. Then she sighs.
Caro tosses another one out the window. Sharon watches this, too. Then she looks back at Andrea, standing there with the lit lighter, holding it out to her as if though she were saying "Come on, you want to."
Sharon lights the thing, regretfully. She hadn't done that in a while, and now it seemed so foreign and alien to her. She tasted that small bit of smoke, and became angry.
Sharon: Damn these things!!
Sharon goes to the window, and with all her might, chucks the smoke out into the night. It falls far, far down, going down a sewer drain. But Sharon wasn't done yet. She went back to Andrea, tore the lighter from her hand, and threw that out the window. Then she grabs the smokes from Caroline's hand and tears them apart, the ingredients making a long trip down.
But she still wasn't finished.
Sharon: I'll be back.
Sharon puts on her shoes and rushes out the door.
Andrea: Should we follow her?
Caro: You do it. I'll provide moral support.
Andrea: From up here?
Caro: Two locations are better than one. Go after her!
Andrea puts on her shoes, and goes out into the hall. She sees Sharon go into a stair exit door.
Andrea: From the 12th floor? Sharon...
Andrea follows Sharon down the stairs, only hearing footsteps since Sharon is so far ahead. Andrea was hoping she wouldn't lose her footing on the steps; platform shoes weren't the best choice for stairs.
Finally, out of breath, Andrea arrives at the first floor. She sees Sharon skip out the door.
Andrea: The lighter... Sharon, no...
Andrea passes Jim, who gets wide-eyed.
Jim: What are you doing?
Andrea: Trying to stop something bad.
Jim: Then you can go upstairs! Otherwise I won't have MY time to get some lovely women and THAT will be bad.
Andrea stares.
Andrea: Okay, thanks for the public service announcement.
Andrea goes out the door, and around the hotel, to where the smokes were on the ground. She saw Sharon standing there, holding both the lighter and a smoke.
Andrea: No! Sharon! Don't do it!
Sharon turns around and throws Andrea onto the sidewalk. Sharon doesn't say anything, just glares.
Caro: (From way up above) Sharon! Stop it!
*boom of thunder in the distance*
Sharon goes back to staring at the two objects in her hands. Andrea is lying on the ground, looking at her sister, stunned.
Andrea: (I should've got Jim to help, she thinks)
Meanwhile, in Sharon's mind, a whirlwind of memories sweeps through. The first time she had a smoke, the first time she had coughed on it, the first time she had smoked to calm herself down, that one night with six in two hours...
Finally, Andrea hears something she'd never hear from her sister. A growing, angry cry, with a shrillness not even Andrea could muster with her singing voice.
Sharon throws the smoke back on the ground, and stomps on it, smearing the whole thing into the pavement, then proceeds to do the same with the others, spreading paper and tobacco everywhere. Then she takes the little plastic lighter, throws it on the ground, and stomps on it, spilling the butane fluid, annihiliating it. All the time, crying and screaming.
Finally, it's over, and Sharon looks at her sister Andrea, lying there on the sidewalk, staring back at her. A tear forms in Sharon's eye, and she goes to Andrea.
Sharon: I'm sorry... Andrea...
Andrea doesn't say anything, just hugs her sister tightly.
Caroline, up above, begins to tear up as well.
Caro: Way to go, sis... (smiles)
Sharon and Andrea both head back up to their room. Sharon sits on a bed, and doesn't say anything, just sort of stares at the wall.
Caroline: (whispering) What happened down there? Why did she hit you?
Andrea: (whispering) She didn't exactly hit, more like threw.
Caro: You hurt at all?
Andrea: Well there's a few bumps here and there, maybe a scratch. But mainly just my pride and emotions.
Caroline looks at Sharon, then back at Andrea.
Caro: You think she'll be alright?
Andrea: I'm sure she will. She always does this when something big has happened. Remember that one time when mum and dad fought all night, way into the early hours of the morning?
Caro: Of course...
Andrea: She did the same thing there. Or the first break-up she ever had, or that time she got rear-ended by that truck. She'd just sit there and stare at the wall, no matter how she was feeling before.
Caro: Any way to get her out of it?
Andrea: Well, an idea I've always used is trying to make her laugh. That usually works.
Caro: Ever failed?
Andrea: A couple times. She'd get up and glare at me, then would shove me onto me bum.
Caro: I'm sure you'd run pretty fast.
Andrea: Don't under-estimate her, she's pretty quick to get in front of a door or run down 12 flights of steps in high heels.
Caro and Andrea look at Sharon, who's still staring at the wall, and start something.
Andy: Cazz, you know that one movie with the guy?
Caro: The guy with that thing? That loud, kinda weird thing?
Andy: Yeah, and it does that thing and everyone runs around and things explode and then he goes to that one place with the thing.
Caro: Yeah, the thing! And then he meets that guy who gives him that one thing with the whatchmacallit on the end that does that weird thing?
Andy: Yeah, and then that woman tells the guy that thing that was really sad and then that really bad thing happens and this thing does this and the guy acts like that one dude.
Caro: Totally, and then...
Sharon looks straight at Caro and Andy.
Sharon: If you two don't hush your mouths right now, I'll do that thing that makes that one weird thing happen to your heads and then you do that weird thing with your eyes. AND YOU DON'T WANT THAT, DO YOU???
Andrea: *gulp*
Sharon goes back to the amazing activity of staring at the white wall.
Caro: So much for that.
Andrea: Any other ideas?
Caro: Gee, I dunno, after all, I thought THIS WAS ALL RESOLVED DOWNSTAIRS. BUT I GUESS NOT!!!
Andrea gives Caro a confused look. Sharon grinds her throat and keeps staring at the wall.
Caro: Will you mind telling us what's wrong, Sharon?
Sharon: Greatly.
Andrea: Maybe we should give her time alone to think.
Caro: Ya
They get off their stools and head for the door.
Sharon: Do NOT... open... that... door...
That was enough to have Andy and Caro walking back to their stools single file like two shy school girls. Sharon stared at them with those sharp eyes, and went back to staring at the wall ahead.
Andy: Terrific. Can't leave, nothing to do, no way could this make a song.
Caro: If it was it'd be a pretty big fast-forward track.
Andrea made a motion of throwing a cd.
Caro: Wait, I know something...
Caro goes over to Sharon's violin case, and takes it out. Sharon's eyes go to Caroline.
Andrea: Mind telling me what you plan to do?
Caro: Something I learned a long time ago.
Andrea: I thought you never learned...
Caro: Shh...
Caroline takes out the bow, puts the violin to her neck, and starts playing a crazy, hillbilly-esque fiddle jam. And Sharon had just re-strung the thing, too... the kind of song Caro was playing was made for a fiddle, not an expensive semi-acoustic violin.
At the same time, Caroline starts to jig. Softly at first, then starts dancing around the room, having a merry time. Andrea can't help but smile and laugh, but Sharon's eyes are fixated still on the wall, following Caro now and then as Caro put amazing tortures that Sharon would never put on her prized instrument. And Caroline wasn't stopping; she had a lot of endurance in her drummer arms and wouldn't stop until Sharon did something. She could easily repeat the song over and over again.
Andrea got into the jig as well, dancing around the room, happy as a little Irish girl in a field on St. Patty's Day.
Then the door swung open, hitting Andrea and sending her toppling to the floor.
Jim: As you were. Just one thing...
Jim takes one of the complimentary glasses from a table and leaves. Andrea gets up, dazed, and sees Sharon laughing.
Andrea: Well, whatya know?
Sharon: Hahaha.... HAHAHAHA oh dear, that's the funniest thing. You were just hopping along and then BOP and a THUMP on the floor... hehehehe...
Andrea: You cured now?
Sharon: I think so...
Then Sharon, as if though she hadn't noticed at all, gets wide-eyed at Caroline playing the never-ending hick song on her violin.
Sharon: Caroline, you murderous cow! Give me that!
Caroline stops, and busts up.
Caro: Murderous cow?? What kind of insult is that?
Sharon: Hand that over... dear lord...
Caroline hands the violin over to Sharon. Sharon feels the strings.
Sharon: Ow! Hot enough to burn paper, Cazz! By the way... you were doing it wrong. It's like this.
Sharon continues the song for about a minute or so, then swears and drops the bow.
Sharon: Damn! Lot of endurance, don't you?
Caro: Hehehe, you with your "advanced expertise".
Sharon: Well EXCUSE me, but it's fine skill. You on the other hand... banging on those demented pots and pans all day...
Andrea: Here's a fine art. (throws a pillow and hits Sharon smack in the face)
Sharon stops and glares for a second, and for a second Andrea thought that it might be a good idea to run. But then Sharon's face cracked into a smile.
Sharon: Want something to laugh at? Jim says we'll need to drive tomorrow so he doesn't want us at the bar, and yet he perfectly well knows that we have alcohol a'plenty in here.
Andrea: He's just looking for a better use for those condoms than blowing them into balloons.
Caro: Actually... (presses her ear to the wall) I think we may have misjudged our Jimmy a bit much. Listen to this.
Sharon and Andrea go to the wall where Caroline is, and put their ears to it.
Jim: So, how does it feel to be on the 12th floor?
Andrea: Phht please, think up something better, Jim.
Female voice: Lucky. But you could take me higher than that, can't you?
Jim: You suggesting the roof?
Woman: How about the mile high club?
The 3 sisters get critical looks on their faces.
Sharon: Jeez, she uses just as bad lines as he does.
Caro: Not a bad thing to have in common.
Jim: I swear, you're unlike any girl I've ever met.
Sharon: Oh, that's original.
Woman: I've always found English men very attractive.
All 3 sisters: That's Irish.
Woman: You hear something?
Jim: Don't think so. Probably just my sisters next door, god knows what they're doing. Probably talking about men or doing each other's hair or making fun of me.
Caro: Wow, two-thirds correct.
Sharon goes and gets the pizza, and brings it over to where her sisters are.
Andrea: What's up with this?
Sharon: This is quality entertainment. Can't have that without good food, right?
Andrea and Caro look at each other. "Good food?" they say silently to one another.
Woman: Sounds like your sisters aren't very nice. I don't know why they'd make fun of a guy like you.
Andrea: Come on, it's only obvious.
Sharon: Really.
Jim: That's so true.
The sisters roll their eyes and go back to listening.
Woman: Tell me about them.
Jim: Well, let's see, they're all younger than me.
Woman: I don't mean that, I mean, tell me how they get under your skin.
Sharon: With a very sharp knife.
Caro: Shh!
Jim: Well, Sharon for one thing, smokes like a chimney. And she always has this permanent PMS thing. She's always acting like she's the top of everything.
Andrea: Didn't he say "one thing"?
Sharon: Oh, he won't be saying anything more after I get to him.
Caroline looks out the window, leans out.
Caro: Maybe there's a way to look in.
Sharon: Please, with what she's planning, I don't want to look. This is good enough.
Woman: Sounds like a ***** to me.
Sharon jumps up from her listening point.
Sharon: That cow is going down.
Sharon heads for the door but Andrea pulls her arm.
Andrea: Sharon, just stop it. They'll find out we were listening. Just come back.
Sharon sighs.
Sharon: Fine, you win, but as soon as she leaves...
Andrea: She's all yours, don't worry.
Sharon: And Jim.
Andrea: Maith go leor. Now get back to the wall.
Caro: I think he's partly drunk, by the way. Some of the things he's saying aren't exactly what I'd call normal.
Andrea: Even better.
Jim: Caroline is good but hey, she's got those days where you want to toss her out a window, you know? When she was younger, she was the one out of us all who got into a lot of scrapes and troubles. Silly, really.
Caro: That man is getting a double beating now. I couldn't help that crap...
Andrea: Shh!
*they hear some clinking and a ziip*
All 3: *gasp*
Woman: Go on, is there a third one?
Jim: Dear god, yes. And trust me, I could go on for hours.
Andrea: You do, and...
Jim: But she's really the sweet one out of them... can't complain about that.
Andrea:
Jim: But what can I say, they all can be major pains in the ass. *moannn*
All 3: Ugghhhh!!!!
They jump back from the wall.
Caro: Should we issue his beating now or later?
Andrea: Oh please let it be now...
Sharon: We shouldn't because like you said earlier, Andrea, he's going to find out we were eavesdropping. We should just wait and then slowly pick at him.
The sky lights up with lightning.
Andrea: Great, a mood enhancer for those two.
Sharon: Isn't Jim's bed against the wall?
Caro: Oh god... we'll never get any sleep.
Sharon: Well we don't have to get bothered. Cazz, get your Bodhran. Fetch your whistle, Andrea. Let's make some noise of our own.
Andrea: Ah yes, a miniature Unplugged concert... this should be interesting.
Caroline brings her bodhran over.
Sharon: Let's just get up on this bed, really close to the wall.
They do so, and then start playing Paddy McCarthy, putting extra enthusiasm into the louder parts, Caroline pounding on the Bodhran as hard as the drum could stand. They're almost practically putting their instruments right to the wall.
Within minutes, Jim bursts through the door. The sisters stop leaning from the wall and all look at Jim.
Jim: Would you 3 mind cutting that out? I'm trying to sleep.
Andrea: (quietly) riggght...
Sharon nudges her.
Sharon: No problem Jim. Now give us that key card.
Jim: What?
Sharon: I don't want you bursting in here like that anymore.
Caro: Yes, what if we're naked and having a big lesbian...
Andrea puts her hand over Caro's mouth to shut her up.
Andrea: Privacy, brother.
Jim: Well, okay. Just keep the instrument playing down. I need rest.
Sharon: Well by the way you're walking, doesn't look like it's a peaceful rest.
*Jim turns red and puts the key on the table near the door, then waddles away*
After the door closes, they all crack up.
Andrea: Rest... hahaha
Caro: *wrenches Andrea's hand off her face* Don't DO that!
Andrea: Oh, sorry.
Sharon: Okay, let's make haste to the wedding, shall we?
They play Haste To The Wedding, Landsdowne Road style with all the solos. Jim pounds on the wall with his fist.
Jim: What did I say?? Keep the sound down!!
They all laugh again.
Andrea: I never really loved you anyway...
They start playing that.
Then there's knocking at the door.
Andrea: Sorry Jim, we'll keep it down.
Woman: This isn't Jim.
Sharon: Ooh, this should be interesting.
They all go to the door, single file, and let Sharon lead. Sharon opens the door partway to see the woman standing there. Sharon couldn't help but notice that Jim had attracted a real looker... or hooker, with the way she was dressed.
Sharon: Hello there. May I be of assistance?
Woman: Yeah. Your brother and I are in the next room, and you're really bothering us with your music.
Sharon: Well yes, once again sorry, but hey, an Irish person has to play his or her music... otherwise a very dull Irish person.
Woman: You're Irish?
Sharon: Last time we checked.
Like a Jack-In-The-Box, Caroline's head pops up below Sharon's in the crack of the door. Then Andrea's below Caro's.
Woman: Oh look, there's the rest of you.
Andrea and Caro: Hi.
Woman: You all look exactly the same.
Caro: Not really...
Woman: Which one is which?
They indicate who's who, and the woman acts almost confused.
Woman: Um... okay...
Sharon: Well like I said, we'll keep the music down. Goodnight.
Woman: Wait a second. You know, Jim was telling me how you all are so mean to him. I think that really sucks. You should be nicer to him.
Caro: Yes, love it. Got it.
Sharon wasn't fazed.
Sharon: Yes, well he has to be nicer to us too by not talking behind our back.
Woman: Well he can do what he wants. He's older.
Sharon: Oh dear lord, THAT phantom reason. *fake gasp*
The woman, thinking she could have control, gets much closer to the door and points her finger.
Woman: You really ARE a b*tch. You remind me of my mom, she used to smoke all the time and she was always a b*tch to me.
Sharon: Oh, poor you. *sarcasm* But I just quit smoking.
Andrea: Yeah.
Woman: You 3 are like clones.
Caro: Not exactly.
Woman: Okay, whatever. You ul haffa gootnaught. *mocking their accents*
The door opens, and all 3 Corr sisters step out into the hall.
Woman: Damn you're short. All of you.
Andrea: How old ARE you? You look like you should still be talking of boys and passing silly little letters around.
Girl: That's none of your business.
Andrea: Okay, little girl, I won't ask again.
Girl: What did you just call me??
The girl steps closer but backs off after Caroline crosses her arms and flexes.
Then Jim comes out into the hall.
Jim: What the heck is going on out here?
The girl's expression changes from the angry one to scared. She turns to Jim.
Girl: They were being meeeeean!
Jim: They were?
Sharon: I don't know, I was just answering the girl's questions.
Andrea: Ya, and I was just following Sharon.
They all file back into the room before Jim could issue a rebuttal.
Caro: Can you believe that girl? She couldn't be over 18, no way.
Sharon: Jim can't tell, remember that 15 year old one time?
Caro: Oh god yes... we almost got into major trouble on that one.
Andrea: Well, all's well that ends well. Let's have a drink.
Sharon: Wait. (grabs Andrea's arm)
Andrea: What?
Sharon: Cazz and I have barely had any tonight.
Andrea: So? I'm not tipsy yet or anything like that.
Sharon: Well, okay, but as soon as you start laughing uncontrollably like you ALWAYS do, you're getting put to bed. We've been harming our bodies long enough... understand?
Andrea: I understand.
Andrea walks away, thinking "Oh, what have I started NOW?"
Later, Andrea is on the other end of the room with a pillow over her head. Sharon is blasting music with her earphones, and Caroline is in the corner giggling as the walls shook, making picture frames turn crooked.
Andrea: They aren't going to come breaking through the wall, aren't they?
Caro: If they do, I'm running. Almost.
Sharon takes off her headphones.
Sharon: Rather hear this noise than lose my hearing trying to get away from it.
Caro: Somehow I have this impression that they're only being that loud to annoy us.
Andrea: How long has it been?
Sharon looks at her watch.
Sharon: Just about six minutes.
Andrea: I can't take this!
Caro: That's just because you've never been in the situation to make these kinds of sounds.
Andrea bitterly sticks her tongue out at Caroline, then starts pacing back and forth.
Sharon gets on the phone, and dials. The noise in the other room stops.
Jim: Hello?? *pant*
Sharon hangs up.
Sharon: Done with that.
A few seconds later, the sounds were back.
Andrea: Don't you think some of the neighbors below would start complaining?
Caro: This is the penthouse. The floor is thicker so you can't hear everything and even so, in this country they probably enjoy that type of background noise.
Andrea sighs, shakes her head, and keeps pacing. Outside, the lightning gives way.
Caro: Dammit, why can't we NOT have this torture??? (says up at the ceiling)
The lights go out as lightning strikes.
Caro: Thank you.
Sharon: What happened?
Andrea: The lights went out.
Sharon: Well I know THAT one for sure... is the power out?
Caro looks out the window.
Caro: Yep, I can't see a thing out there.
Sharon: Well at least THEY stopped.
*swig swig*
Sharon: What is that?
Lightning strikes and Sharon sees Andrea with her hands behind her back.
Sharon: Andrea... what did I tell you about the wine?
Andrea: To have lots because we're Irish?
Sharon: Well yes, but that other thing...
Andrea: Hehehehe... hahaha... this is funny.
Sharon: What is?
Andrea: That I have to go to the bathroom now but can't see where I'm going.
Sharon: Why me.... why....
Caro: Ouch! My eye!
Andrea: Sorry. The bathroom... a little help here?
Sharon: Go forward, I can see it. Just walk straight forward.
*Bonk*
Andrea: Ow! Okay, just dropped the wine bottle... hehehehe
Sharon: Dammit, Andrea! You better not get us a cleaning bill!
Andrea feels along with her hands, sliding along the wall.
Sharon: I said it was right in front of you!
Andrea: I turned around when I dropped the bottle.
Caro: *gasp* Hey! Why are you grabbing....
Andrea: Sorry. Isn't there a flashlight?
Sharon: How am I supposed to know?
Caro: Get your hand off me!
Andrea: Sorry!! I can't see anything! I need my spectacles.
Sharon: Oh dear... Cazz, help her find her way, you're probably closer to the bathroom than I am.
Caroline takes Andrea's arm and pushes her into the bathroom.
Caroline: There, you're in.
Andrea: Okay... there aren't any lights. Where's the toilet?
Caro: Damn, why did they have to have a power outage now?
Jim: *thump thump thump* Hey in there, you all alright?
Sharon: We're fine, go back to your woman. (shakes head in disgust)
Jim: That's the thing, I can't find her.
Sharon: What?
Jim: She's gone!
Sharon: How? Wait, do you have a flashlight, Jim?
Jim: Yes, open the door!
Sharon fumbles toward the door, knocking over a chair, and opens it. Jim shines a flashlight back into the room, already dressed.
Jim: Where are the others?
*crash*
Sharon: In the bathroom, Andrea has to go and she can't see anything.
Jim goes over to the bathroom.
Jim: Hey, it's me.
Andrea: Oh, give me that.
Andrea snatches the light from Jim, shoves Caro out of the bathroom, and slams the door.
Jim: Great, just great...
Sharon: Now let me get this straight... she's GONE?
Jim: Yes.
Caro: Who is?
Sharon: Jim... you didn't bring the money in the hotel, did you?
Jim: Um... no, I didn't. Most of it is back in the car. What the hell is this wine bottle doing on the floor? This'll stain you know...
Caro: WHO is gone? That woman?
Sharon: Yes... let's just hope she didn't steal everything we own!
Jim: I should've known she was trouble. (picks up the wine bottle and takes a swig)
Caro: Oh, well, you couldn't tell that on your own???
The lights came back on, and the room was lit again.
Andrea: Whoaaaa it's bright... ow, my eyes.
Jim: Hurry up in there!
Andrea stumbles out of the bathroom with the flashlight, one part of her skirt accidentally caught in her undies (so now Caro is looking at the moon.)
Andrea: What's going on? (tries to tug the bottle from Jim. He doesn't let go.)
Jim: The woman I was with ran off... I don't know where she is!
Sharon: Do you even know her name?
Jim: Um... I forgot it.
Sharon: Forgot it... lovely. Well then, should we try and track her down?
Caro: We'd better. And Andrea...
Andrea: What?
Caro reaches over and yanks Andy's skirt out from her panties.
The Corrs go out into the hall and into Jim's room. The place is relatively a mess; pillows and blankets thrown everywhere.
Andrea: Looks like a Leprachaun had a wild party in here.
Jim: Funny... let me check me bags.
Sharon: Go watch the hall, Cazz, maybe she'll come back. Jim, look for the keys to the car and any money you brought.
Jim: Uh oh, my camera is missing.
Sharon: So?
Jim: Remember the boat ride, when I decided it'd be a good time to show the people on shore a bigger moon than the one in the sky?
Andrea: Hehehehehehe that was funny... *bites the slice of pizza she was carrying*
Sharon: What else was on that camera?
Jim: Um, just those ones and the ones of when we got off the plane.
Caro: Not just that... back to the moon. That wasn't the only thing that showed up, your legs were a little too open, Jim. Remember when Andrea ran off? That wasn't because she wanted cotton candy.
Andrea: Hehehehe
Jim: Dear god... we have to get that camera! That's gonna be bad for all of us if that gets out...
Sharon: Do you know what room she was in?
Jim: No. We came here.
Sharon: Ok. Cazz, you help Jim see what else is missing. Andrea, come with me, we're going to have a look around.
Andrea: Okay. Hehe is there any tea? I need tea... too much wine.... need tea...
Sharon and Andrea went down the hall, knocking on doors as they went. Nobody answered the doors at all.
Sharon: Why don't you go downstairs, and see if you find her?
Andrea: And do what?
Sharon: I don't know, stop her?
Andrea: Me?
Sharon walks off. Andrea looks confused.
Andrea: Well... okay...
Andrea wanders off down the hall, and goes into the elevator. She travels all the way down to the lobby, where it's mostly deserted. There are only a few people around, mainly hotel staff. Across the room, Andrea sees something familiar, and squints to be sure.
Andrea: It's her...
The woman turns, sees Andrea, and walks through a door going into another room. Andrea follows the woman, not losing track of her, and ends up in a deserted dining room where there was a banquet set up. Andrea stopped to admire the table settings and the furnishings, and failed to see the woman waiting right behind the open door. Then Andrea heard a slam.
Back to Jim...
Jim: Let's see... money's gone, about 200 dollars... car keys gone... my lucky Shamrock-frozen-in-time thing...
Caro: Damn Jim, she took a lot of your things!
Jim: You'd be surprised what she can fit in the leather jacket of hers.
To Sharon...
Sharon walks down another hall, knocking on doors. When people would answer, she'd say "No, you're not her..." and keep going.
But back to Andrea...
Girl: So, I'm a little girl, huh? Well, little girl's about to play very rough. And your sister isn't around to act tough.
The girl picks up a crystal glass and smashes it, making a very deadly knife. Andrea trembles in fright, and backs up.
Andrea: How could you do it? You've taken Jim's things, you're sleeping around and ruining lives, and now you're threatening mine?
Girl: Sometimes things don't work the way you want. ARRRGH!
The girl lunges at Andrea with the sharpened crystal. Andrea steps out of the way and slaps the pizza slice into the girl's face. It adheres, and it gives Andrea some time, but not much.
Andrea looks at the banquet for a knife or some kind of weapon, and picks up a wooden spoon.
Andrea: Yea right...
There is a large turkey there, with very big, healthy legs. Andrea grabs hold of one, and tugs with all her might, wrenching the leg bone loose. By now, the girl has recovered from Andrea's pizza defense.
Girl: Die!
The girl tries to stab Andrea again, but Andrea has a deadly turkey leg war club now, and brings it down on the girl's head with a loud THONK.
Back to Jim...
Jim: That cow took my rubbers, too!
Caroline sighs.
Back to Andrea...
Andrea bites some meat off the turkey leg as she waits for the girl to recover. She was actually quite enjoying herself.
But Andrea didn't expect the girl to tackle her from her crouched stance, and Andrea lets go of the turkey leg as she's slammed to the floor.
The girl pins Andrea down, and punches Andrea in the face.
Girl: That's gonna leave a mark...
*bash*
Girl: Oh, poor you!
Andrea grabs at the table cloth, and an electric turkey carver falls next to her. She grabs it and switches it on, then lunges with it. It zips a nice big chunk of the girl's hair off.
Girl: AH!! DAMN YOU!!
Andrea punches the girl, and gets up off the floor. There is a platter of deviled eggs on the table. Andrea takes one and eats one, then takes another and bends over, and shoves it into the girl's mouth. Then another, and another. The girl struggles, and spits out about 3 eggs before knocking Andrea away.
There is also a very large bowl of green Jello. Andrea grabs a handful out of the bowl, and slaps it into the girl's face.
Andrea: That should leave a mark.
*SOCK*
Andrea doubles over after taking a punch to the stomach, and dodges a big metal serving leidel. She grabs a chair and fends off the girl with it like a lion tamer, then turns to run, but trips and falls.
The girl recovers and suddenly Andrea has a belt wrapped around her throat and can't breathe.
Girl: Why do you choose to do this, huh? Why can't you leave me in peace? (slams Andrea's face into the floor) What's the matter, why so quiet all of a sudden?
Andrea flips over, and elbows the girl in the ribs, freeing herself, then gets up and looks at the banquet table again. Luckily, they were right under the serving machines for ice cream.
Meanwhile, with Sharon...
Sharon: This is taking forever. I wonder how Andrea is doing?
To Jim...
Jim: Andrea's probably at the bar looking for a champagne or something.
Caro: I dunno, somehow I get this feeling that something is wrong...
Back to Andrea...
Andrea: How about a little hot fudge to go with all that?
Andrea pulls the lever, spilling hot fudge all over her attacker.
Andrea: Nuts, perhaps?
Andrea throws some chopped nuts at the girl.
Andrea: Oh, and we can't forget to add a cherry... that's the important part.
Andrea sticks a cherry right on top of the girl's nose. The girl has stopped trying, and has pretty much given up.
On the floor, there is a camera, the car keys, a square Shamrock thing, and money strewn all over.
Andrea: Tsk tsk... what a mess you made.
Andrea picks up all the missing items, and grabs a Sundae on the way out.
Andrea returns back to the top floor, where she finds her siblings.
Jim: You found it! You found my camera! And my shamrock and the keys!
Caroline: You look like you just fought a Viking, Andrea.
Andrea: Feels like it. (eats some ice cream)
Jim: Wait... where are my condoms?
Caro: Oh, shut up. What happened, Andrea?
Andrea: Put her in her place.
Jim: Oh no, you didn't hurt her, did you?
Andrea scoops some ice cream and flicks the spoon, making a nice big ice cream ball hit Jim's forehead.
Andrea: Give me a break, she almost killed me. Just don't go down to the dining room anytime tonight.
Sharon comes in.
Sharon: There you are! Did you find everything?
Caro: She sure did.
Jim: Not EVERYTHING.
Caro: Just ignore him. He's just angry because his rubbers were stolen and Andrea didn't get them back.
Jim: They were expensive!
Sharon: Expensive? For us? Please... you found the money, right, Andrea?
Andrea: Like Caro said, I got it all. Now leave me to my dessert. (sits down on an easy chair and crosses her legs)
Jim looks at his watch.
Jim: Well you know what, the night is still young. Midnight isn't all that bad. I think I'll go downstairs and...
Sharon: You're not going anywhere, not after what you've done tonight.
Andrea: There's a reason why I didn't bring back your rubbers, brother Jim.
Jim's mouth gaped.
Jim: Come on, I'm a man, I need WOMEN, I need to try the market more!
Caro: Well you better look at the top shelves, not the 1 dollar specials.
Jim: But I'm SHORT! I can't reach that high!
They all laugh.
Jim: Oh well, all in a day...
Andrea: Don't make me sing.
Jim: Huh?
Sharon: Nothing, just turn off the lights and end this part of the story.
Caro: Allow me. *shuts off lights*
Jim: Uh...
3 sisters: Goodnight everyone!
Jim: Did I miss something?
Caro: So tell us what happened! I want to know! (accidentally walks into the door post) Ow!
Andrea: You okay?
Caro: Ya, just bad brains.
Sharon: So, out with it.
Andrea tells the whole story, the entire dining room battle, and the ending with the ice cream machines.
Caro: Dear god... and I thought I was the tough one.
Andrea: You are. I just use world objects, you use your fists.
Caro flexes her arms and smiles.
What the Corr sisters don't know is while they're out in the hall talking, a weak, incredibly angry, sticky person is trudging up the stairway, making a mess as she goes. She opens the door, sees the sisters, and starts to stomp toward them.
Sharon: Um, sorry to interrupt our intimate little gathering, but who the hell is THAT?? (points down the hall)
Caro and Andrea gasp.
Andrea: It's you!
The girl trudges toward them, sticky and covered with so much ice cream and toppings that she's hard to recognize. In her hand is the electric turkey carver.
Caro: Okay, I've had quite enough of this. (walks over to the girl) Put them up. Let's see what you've got.
The girl turns on the electric carver and swings it at Caroline. She misses, and Caroline runs back behind Andrea.
Caro: Not good...
Sharon is closest of all of them, and the girl swings the carver again. Sharon catches the girl's arm, the carver inches away from her skin. She pushes the girl back, and backs up.
Jim comes out of his room.
Jim: Hey by the way...
Caro: Jim look out!
*buzz*
Jim looks at the girl, but she had already swung. She went a little too high, and now a chunk of his hair was on the floor.
Jim: My hair!! (runs back into his room)
Sharon: Oh thanks a lot, big brother.
Andrea: Look out!
*ripp*
The girl swings but only catches Sharon's shirt. The Corr sisters are now all backed into a corrner. (corrney joke)
The girl aims at Sharon again and starts to wheel back, but the syrup and molasses and cream and everything else shorts out the carver and the blade slowly stops.
Girl: What's wrong with this thing?
Caro: It's go time.
Caro walks up and slugs the girl in the stomach, then in the face. The girl spins, dazed and confused, and weakly tries to punch Caroline. It lands on Caroline's chest with a dull thump.
*BASH*
The girl is now flat on the deck, and trying to get up.
Sharon: I'll take her.
Sharon picks up the girl (meanwhile in the background, Andrea is still enjoying her sundae regardless of the situation) and throws her against the wall, smearing caramel everywhere. Condoms are falling to the floor, the girl is trying to turn around and hit Sharon, but Sharon has too much power.
Caroline presses the elevator button.
Caro: Put her in here!
Sharon grabs the girl again, and slams her into the wall of the elevator. Sharon then presses the button for the lobby, and the elevator goes away.
Caro: Nicely done, Shazz.
Sharon: Damn!
Caro: What?
Sharon: Now I'm all sticky. And this shirt cost me about 100 dollars alone.
Later, they go into Jim's room.
Andrea: Jim, will you please come out of the bathroom?
Jim: No! I look horrid! I don't want you to see me like this!
Caro: We already saw your hair, it's not like it'll matter. Just come out. Maybe we can fix it.
Jim: You can't fix hair.
Sharon: We're women. We can fix the hair. Just come out.
Jim reluctantly comes out of the bathroom. The part of his hair where it spikes up distinctively in the front is gone. Andrea can't help but laugh.
Sharon chuckles a bit, holding back.
Sharon: You know, it's not really all that bad...
Caro: Totally. *hehe*
Jim: Stop it, it looks horrid.
Andrea: Maybe we could em, I dunno, glue the missing part back on there? (laughs)
Caro: I have a glue stick in my bag.
Jim: NO.
Sharon: Well maybe we could just comb it over.
Jim: Great, I'll be a comb-over guy.
Andrea: Well you'll be one anyway if you take after daddy.
Jim: Oh, sod off.
Jim: Maybe more hair spray will keep it in place.
Sharon: You've already used half a can, Jim. Any more and your head will stop a bullet.
Caro: I think we should just shave his head.
Jim: No way, I can't do that!
Andrea: Give me the scissors, Sharon. (Sharon hands her the scissors)
Jim: No! You stay away! I don't trust you!
Andrea: Aww, I'm hurt. Hold still.
*snip snip*
Caro: I think we should collect what we can and just glue it.
Sharon: No way...
Jim: Be careful up there.
Andrea: Oop! Hold still!
Jim: What do you mean "oop"? What'd you do?
Andrea: Just sit there!
Jim: I want a mirror. Get me a mirror! (laughs)
Sharon hands Jim a mirror.
Jim: Okay, now I get to keep tabs on you.
Andrea: Watch the attitude, these are very sharp. *snip* Actually, maybe we should part your hair different.
Jim: Why? What did you do??
Andrea: Nothing, that's just a better way.
Caro: He doesn't part it, he spikes it.
Andrea: I know, I'm just trying to cut the front and curve it all... then he can just spike it.
Jim: Then what are you doing cutting all the way back there?
Andrea: It's all uneven back here, SHARON.
Sharon laughs.
Andrea continues to clip away, Caroline making faces and gasping as she worked.
Andrea: What?
Caro: Nothing, just here to amuse you.
Andrea: Thanks (sarcasm)
After a bit, Andrea puts the scissors down.
Andrea: All done.
Jim: Wow, it looks good.
Jim stands up. The vibration shakes more hair off.
Caro: Oh my... *giggle*
Andrea: Uh oh...
Jim looks in the big mirror in the bathroom.
Jim: AUGGGGH! Andrea, WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY HEAD???!
Andrea: I'm sorry! It didn't look that way when I got done... (laughs)
Sharon: It's not that bad. A little short here and there... and everywhere. (laughs)
Andrea: Hey, there's a good name for an album... Here, There, and Everywhere.
Jim: Oh, just get out. I must bawl my eyes out now. (He laughs but is still checking out his head.)
Sharon looks at her sisters.
Sharon: Maybe we should let him figure it out for himself.
Caro: Okay, just don't put on a turban, Jim.
Andrea: You did that?
Caro: Don't ask, I won't tell.
They leave and go back to their room, where Andrea stretches her arms and crawls up onto a bed.
Andrea: Ta' tuirse orm.
Sharon: You LOOK tired.
Caro: I still feel like staying up.
Andrea: Actually, I could really use a shower...
Sharon: You go do that. I'll probably stay up a while longer.
Andrea goes into the bathroom. The phone rings. Sharon picks it up.
Sharon: Hello? Gavin! I guess it must be morning there now.
(Caroline goes into a Hi! pose)
Meanwhile, at Jim's...
There was a knock at the door. Jim goes to answer it.
And there is the girl again, growling, looking horrid as ever.
Jim: Um, sorry to tell you this, but you're just not my type. Phone me sometime, okay? Goodnight... don't let the bedbugs bite.
Jim slams the door. The girl, confused, goes back to the elevator and collapses again.
Andrea comes out of the bathroom, showered and in an evening gown. Her hair is slightly wet and clinging to her shoulders.
Caroline was doing an impression of climbing a rope.
Sharon: Yes, a huge, huge ordeal...
Andrea shook her head, smiling. Although Andrea had tought Caro how to do the phone charades, Caro could do it better than she could. Andrea climbed up onto a bed, sucking her thumb.
Sharon: Nothing soon, I'm about to take a shower. (Caro imitates a shower, rubbing herself all over). Okay, you have a good time at work, talk to you later. Goodbye. (Caro waves)
Sharon stares at Caroline. Caroline immediately stops charading and jumps onto the bed Andrea is on.
Sharon: You weren't doing that phone charade thing, were you?
Caro: Who, me? No.
Sharon: Okay... I'll be in the shower.
Sharon leaves.
Caro: So Andy, when are YOU going to get some, hmm?
Andrea: When I get married.
Caro: Oh come on!
Andrea: Sharon went through with it.
Caro: Yes, went through with IT. Dear, she lied, I remember that day she was smiling and floating on air after Gavin took her out...
Andrea: Yes well I'd rather save myself. Not like in any bit of a hurry to get m'self bonked.
Caro: So poor Giles... hmm, I'll bet he's glad he's alone there in England.
Andrea: He's not doing anything.
Caro: Men are dogs, Andrea. You know that as well as I do!
Andrea: Well then why did Sharon get married?
Caro: Because she's pretty much a dog too!
Andrea laughs.
Andrea: That was outlandish.
Caro: I have more. (lies down next to Andrea) Andrea, by the time we get done with this trip, I will have you bonked. We will work toward it.
Andrea: No.
Caro: Yes.
Andrea: No.
Caro: Yes.
Andrea: No.
Caro: Yes.
Andrea: No.
Caro: Okay.
They both doze off, Andrea sucking her thumb, Caroline hugging Andrea.
Sharon comes out of the bathroom a while later and sees her sisters asleep.
Sharon: When in Dublin...
Sharon dresses in a nightgown and climbs into the bed with her sisters, and turns out the light.

The next day, as the Corrs are busy loading up the car, the girl from earlier is being escorted out of the hotel by two policemen.
Officer: Can you tell us any more on what happened?
Hotel manager: No. She just wrecked my dining room and ate all the food and smeared it all over the walls. Then she slept in the elevator, scared off customers!
Officer: Got it. We'll file a report, you'll want to get your lawyer...
Jim and the sisters watch as the girl is loaded into the back of the police cruiser and is driven away. As it drives off, the girl looks behind at them. As if though they were mirror images of each other, they all flicked her off.
They hit the road again.
Jim: So where to now?
Sharon: I feel like going to San Francisco, seeing the sights. I hear it's beautiful this time of year.
Jim: First we need to go to the rental company and get a new car. Good thing we're insured.
Caro: We also need to get Andrea laid.
Andrea: No.
Caro: Yes.
Jim: Yes.
Sharon: Yes.
Andrea: NO!!!!!!
The End