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Andrea (giggles): Caroline, pity we came here so early. With your belly,
you might have been able to fit Santa’s suit soon.
Caroline whacks her on the shoulder.
Andrea: Hey! You’re not going to get any Christmas presents like that!
Sharon has a pair of glasses pushed down onto the bridge of her nose.
She is dressed very conservatively and is holding a clipboard and a pen.
Sharon: So, Donner, talk to me.
Donner says something in reindeer language.
Sharon: Mhm. And you say that you blame your mother for all this?
Donner nods mournfully.
Judy: More cocoa Jim?
Jim looks coy.
Jim: Aw Judy, you know I can’t refuse cocoa from you!
Judy: Jim, you are the sweetest man that I’ve ever known, and that’s
saying something, considering I’m older than you.
Jim: I think it’s fascinating to be dating an older woman.
Caroline and Andrea swung their candy cane sticks and stuck on their
Santa hats (a la Fred Astaire) as they sang “Jingle Bell Rock”. The elves
were all enjoying the show, and were dancing and singing along with them.
When the song had finished, the two girls sat down beside each other.
Elf: That was amazing!
Elf No 2: Fantastic!
Andrea (grins widely): Can we be toy testers?
Sharon: Mhm. Look, Dasher, I think this feeling of alienation from the
other reindeer is because of the feelings you had when your brothers and
sisters wouldn’t play with you.
Dasher: *grunt* *nose*
Sharon: Yes, I know that you appreciate the other reindeer and you
don’t want to blame your family, but it really seems as if this is the
only explanation.
Dasher: Other reindeer noises
Sharon: I know, I know. It’s hard, believe me, I can understand that.
But we have to work together.
Andrea and Caroline whiz around the village on a motorised toy car, screaming their heads off.
Judy (looks out window): I think your sisters are toy testing.
Jim: I hope Andrea’s not driving. Caroline can’t be hurt.
Judy: Are you looking forward to being an uncle?
Jim nods.
Jim: Yeah. (winks at Judy): Although, I’d love to be a dad.
Judy blushes.
Judy: Jim! We haven’t even gone on a date yet!
Sharon: Alright Rudolph. I understand that you’re having some self esteem
issues.
Rudolph: *grunt* *snort*
Sharon: Mhm. I can see how your red nose might turn women off. But
that shouldn’t stop you from trying.
Rudolph: (reindeer noises)
Sharon: Oh, Rudolph, that’s very sweet, but I’m married.
Rudolph: (reindeer noises)
Sharon: Yes, there is a reindeer out there for you, I’m sure of it.
Just keep looking. But while you are, don’t be embarrassed about your nose.
If she’s any sort of reindeer, she’ll love it.
Rudolph: (reindeer noises)
Sharon: Yes, really.
Caroline and Andrea pull up the car in front of the elves.
Elf 1: Well?
Andrea: Could do with a bit more grunt in it.
Elf 2: Grunt?
Caroline: She means power. (turns to Andrea) Stop watching Home Improvement
reruns. (turns back to the elves) I think it’s perfect.
Andrea: I think you’re turning into a wuss because you’re going to
be a mammy.
Caroline: I am not!
Andrea: Are too!
Caroline: Am not!
Andrea: Fine then! I challenge you to a car race.
Elves: Oooh!
Caroline: A car race!? Andrea, you still haven’t got your drivers license!
Andrea: Caroline, we’re at the North Pole, at Santa’s workshop. I don’t
think the Irish Garda are going to care.
Caroline (looks at the elves then at Andrea): Alright, you’re on.
An elf runs into the stables where Sharon is holding a session with
Blitzen, who was having issues about why Karen from Will and Grace though
he liked to watch.
Elf: Sharon!
Sharon turns and frowns.
Sharon: I’m in a session here.
Elf: I know, and I’m sorry. But your sisters are going to have a car
race.
Sharon groans and turns to Blitzen.
Sharon: I’m sorry, I have to go. You can come and watch if you want.
Blitzen lets out a high-pitched noise of upset at the wording.
Sharon: Oh, right. Sorry. I’ll be back.
An elf races into the room where Jim is about to make a move on Judy.
Elf: Jim! Jim!
Jim looks up crankily.
Jim: What?
Elf: We have a situation.
Judy looks up, concerned.
Jim: What is it?
Elf: Your younger sisters are going to have a car race.
Jim (confused): I thought Sharon had patients all day.
Elf: Not Sharon. Andrea and Caroline.
Jim: Ah geez. (turns to Judy) Come with me?
Judy nods.
Andrea and Caroline have racing outfits on and both sit in their separate
cars. An elf places a helmet on Caroline’s head, while another elf does
the same to Andrea. Teams of elves check the tyres.
Sharon: Andrea Jane Corr!
Jim: Caroline Georgina Corr!
Jim and Sharon: What the heck are you doing?!
Caroline: She said that because I was pregnant I’ve turned into a wuss.
Jim and Sharon: Andrea!
Andrea: What! Don’t pick on me because I’m the baby! All I did was
challenge her to a race.
Sharon (to Caroline): Have you lost your mind! You’re pregnant!
Caroline: That’s exactly the point! This is to prove that just because
a woman is pregnant doesn’t mean she automatically becomes an invalid!
Sharon: You already crusade for more female drummers. Now you’re crusading
for pregnant women? (contemplates). You know, I think you’re becoming obsessed
with crusades. Perhaps you should come see me.
Caroline (frowns): I’m not a reindeer Sharon.
Bernard (holding the chequered flag): Are we ready yet?
Caroline: Set.
Andrea: Let’s go!
Bernard waves the flag and the cars just sit there. Caroline and Andrea
are furiously pushing the toy car pedals, and getting nowhere.
Bernard chuckles.
Bernard: Perhaps we forgot to mention that these are run by cycling.
Andrea pulled off her helmet.
Andrea: Well bollocks to that! I’m not pedalling in the freezing cold.
Caroline: I feel like cocoa.
Andrea: Let’s go ask for some.
The two girls wander off into the workshop. Sharon and Jim groan and
head back to what they were doing.
Caroline has discovered a toy drumkit in the workshop and is currently
bashing away at it, having gone through withdrawal symptoms. Andrea is
fiddling with a fiddle, and Sharon comes in and grabs it off her.
Andrea: Hey! I was using that!
Sharon: The last time you played the violin you sounded like a shagging
cat.
Andrea: Well that’s just silly. Have you heard a shagging cat?
Caroline snickers as she continues to drum. Sharon peers at her.
Sharon: Caroline, that’s not yours to play.
Caroline sticks her tongue out.
Caroline: Bernard said we could! Why aren’t you counselling your reindeer.
Sharon smiled.
Sharon: I have solved all their problems. Now we have to find Jim and
go home.
Andrea and Caroline begin to complain.
Andrea and Caroline: WE DON’T WANNA!
Sharon rolls her eyes.
Sharon: Younger sisters. Come on, let’s go find Jim.
Caroline glances at Andrea and Andrea grins.
Andrea: Let’s go interrupt his making out session!
Sharon (confused): Huh?
Caroline: He’s making out with Judy the elf.
Sharon: He should have learnt by now that we should stick to our own
species. Besides, she’s about two hundred and seventy years older than
him!
Andrea: EWWW!!!
Caroline giggles and the girls troop up to the spare room that had
been allotted to Jim. He and Judy are kissing on the palatial bed.
Caroline looks at Andrea. Andrea looks at Caroline.
Andrea and Caroline: Jim and Judy. Sittin’ in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
They squeal as Jim squirts green slime at them. Bernard hears the squealing
and comes up, bringing three guns for the girls, who immediately squirt
back.
As they prepare to depart home, Sharon is still glaring at Jim and wiping
green goo from different areas on her body. Caroline notices Andrea is
fiddling with something in her pocket, and she slyly tickles her sister
and grabs the object.
Caroline: Andrea! You stole a candy cane!
Andrea: Nuh-uh! Bernard gave it to me…along with his number.
Caroline: How come he didn’t give me his number?
Andrea: Probably because he noticed that you were pregnant and wore
a wedding ring. No one is going to voluntarily incur the wrath of Frank.
Caroline (swoons): He is really the most wonderful man on earth.
Sharon (frowns): Thanks for getting her started Andrea.
Andrea (to Jim): What about you and Judy?
Jim (glumly): She says that it would be too hard. We’d never see each
other except for Christmas and even then it would be difficult. We’re going
to remain friends though. What about the reindeer?
Sharon: I left them in Bernard’s capable hands.
Back at the North Pole:
Bernard: Hey Blitzen. We’re going to have a game. You want to watch?
Blitzen: *strangled cry*
FINIS
Coming up….The Corrs Get Stuck In Tomb Raider: Where Caroline teaches
her sisters to be butt-kicking like Lara Croft and Jim and the butler play
electronics with Eddie.