The Shoppin Mall 2

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Jim: Now, let's not have anymore trouble, okay
Andrea: If I remember correctly, it was YOU who got chased by fans, and then you stole a golf cart.
Jim: It wasn't a golf cart. It was a security cart.
Andrea: Even worse!
Sharon: Which reminds me...

Andrea: Whaa? I thought I got rid of this!
Sharon: I got another. And you just look so darling in it anyway. *pinches Andrea's cheeks*

Caroline puts on her disguise, a bandana that covers her hair. Jim looks at her.

Jim: Arrr, matey.
Caro: Shut up.
Jim: The queen of hairstyles is at it again.
Caro: Your yap. Shut it.
Sharon puts on a pair of sunglasses.

Andrea: That's your big disguise? Sunglasses? Why can I just wear my spectacles? Then nobody will know it's
me.
Sharon: Because nobody expects you to wear such a silly cap. Besides, if you put your spectacles on over your
contacts, you'll be... nearly blind again.

Sharon: Where's your disguise, Jim?
Jim: Disguise?
Sharon: So we don't have a problem like last time.
Jim: Ohhhh right, right. *pulls out a pair of glasses with tape on them*

So a nerd, a groovy chick, a pirate and a loony girl cross the parking lot and go into the mall. As usual, the mall
was somewhat crowded with music that can barely be heard playing over invisible speakers.

Jim: Where to first?
Caro: Sweet factory, baby! Hehe yeah!
Andrea: I could go for that.
Jim: Okay, the children can go get candy, *bop* Your mother and I are going to look around *another bop*.
Andrea: Come on, let's go.

Caroline and Andrea go to the Sweet Factory, a little store that sells nothing but special candies. Anything
imaginable is there.

Andrea: Ohh the smell alone here will make me gain weight.
Caro: Oh well for you.
Andrea: Go and shoite. Leave me to my Gummi Coke Bottles.

Caroline goes to another part of the store, looking at stuffed monkeys. Suddenly, she hears...

Andrea: You just get around, don't you?
Kid: You're the mean lady who threw up on me.

Kid: And you're a pirate who's the mean lady's friend. *kick*
Caro: Ow! You little bugger!
Andrea: You just love to kick people, too, don't you?
*kick*
Andrea: Hey! You got a shoe print on my dress!
Kid: You're the mean ladies!
Caro: Don't MAKE me get meaner. *rolls up her sleeves*
Andrea: Whoa, easy there, Cazz. He's just a kid.
*thonk*

Kid: AHHH! Mom, Dad! The mean ladies are kidnapping me!
Caro: Uh oh, it's the mean parents!

Jim: Hehe check it out, this guy in the picture looks just like me.
Sharon: Jim, that IS you. It's a mirror.
Jim: Whoops. Do you think I should get a lava lamp?
Sharon: And build your in-home lounge?
Jim: No, most likely so it can gather dust in my closet.

Sharon: This is hauntingly familiar.
Jim: How so?
Sharon: The last time we were at a shopping mall, we saw you and Andrea zooming by, and now I'm seeing
Andrea and Caroline doing the same thing.

Caro: Okay, I'm now officially starving. If only that stupid boy didn't chase us out of that store... Be right back.

Andrea sees a piano in the middle, which usually would be played by a hired musician, but it was empty. Andrea
decides to display an unknown talent.

Caroline, who is standing in a line at the Sbarro's Pizza, suddenly hears rapturous classical music.

Caroline gets a stuffed pepperoni pizza (the whole thing), then goes back to where she left Andrea.

She then notices someone in an 8-ball cap going insane on the piano, playing classical music.

Caroline goes up to Andrea.
Caro: Where'd you learn to play like that?
Andrea: Well, Daddy taught ALL of us, remember?

Caroline hesitates, then takes off her bandana and leans up on the piano, acting sexy.
Caro: (singing) Unforgettable... that's what you are...

Caro: Unforgettable... though near or far... Like a song of love that clings to me... how the thought of you does
things to me...

Caro: Never before... *sits down on someone's lap and wraps her arms around him* Has someone been more...
unforgettable... in every way...

Caro: And forever more... that's how you'll stay... That's why darling, it's incredible... that someone so
unforgettable thinks that I am... unforgettable too.

The lights come back on and everyone is cheering. Caroline bows, roses flying at her. Andrea is proud, and smiles
gleefully.

Sharon puts on a pair of dorky glasses with the nose and mustache. Jim laughs his head off.

Jim: That's a good look for you, Shazz. You should wear it to a concert.
Kid: Hey!

Kid: You look like the mean lady!
Sharon: Em, no, I'm not the mean lady.
Kid: You talk like the mean lady! I think you're another one of her friends. *kick*
Sharon: Ow!
Jim: Whoo boy, NOW she's gonna be mean.

Minutes later, the boy's legs are sticking out of a garbage can, kicking wildly. Sharon dusts her hands off and
walks back into the Spencer's.

Caroline and Andrea leave the food court and walk back into the mall.
Caro: That was sooo great, we brought down the house.
Andrea: Hehe that guy looked like he was about to pop out of his pants.
Caro: Agh! Hey, gutter mouth! Hehehe.
They wander into the Spencer's Gifts store, meeting up with Jim and Sharon.
Jim: Hey, you two. Why were you running around?
Caro: Em, exercise.
Sharon turns to them, wearing the funny glasses and mustache.
Andrea: It's as if all my dreams have come true.
Sharon: Oh shut up. At least I'm not buying a thong, like hmm, Jim.
Caro: You're buying a thong?
Jim: Hahah yeah, the one that says "I am Jim Corr's b*tch".
Andrea: It doesn't actually say that, does it?
Jim: No. But I'm still buying a thong.
Andrea: Eewwww.
Jim: Come on, I'm the older brother, you should follow my examples.
Caro: No thanks, I don't need a permanent wedgie.
Andrea: Yah, and I don't wear panties.
Sharon: What???
Andrea: Just kidding.
Caro: You're not buying a thong, are you Sharon?
Sharon: No, just fishnet stockings and crotchless panties.
Caro and Andrea: Ewwwwwwwww!
Sharon: Shut up! I'm a married woman. Me and Gavin... need things like these.
Jim: Oh yeah, and here's something for you and Frank, Cazz.
Caro: I don't want to see it. This store has rotted you both, right Andrea? Andrea?
Andrea is over by the lava lamps, hypnotized.
Caro: ANDREA!
Andrea: Huh? What?
Caroline goes to Andrea, leaving Sharon and Jim to look at more perverted objects.
Caro: What are you doing?
Andrea: Staring at the lava lamps.
Caro: Well, I can see that. What's so special about them?
Andrea: Just watch them!
Caroline watches the lava lamps with Andrea for a minute, then gets a confused look on her face.
Caro: I don't get it. So it makes funny shapes.
Andrea: But it's colorful and it's fluid. It's like art!
Caro: Right, and this pizza doesn't have grease.
Andrea: Fine then. Want to look at toys?
Caro: Ok.
After browsing for toys, Caroline and Andrea head for a bookstore.
Andrea: I have to find the latest romantic novel.
Caro: Oh please...
Andrea: But it's a great series! You can't put them down!
Caro: Right, and I have small arms.
Andrea: Well what are YOU going to get?
Caroline picks up a book entitled "Sisters For Dummies"
Caro: Somehow I think I need this.
Andrea goes on her own into the store, looking for the Romance section. She finds it and begins rifling through a particular series she had grown fond of.
Andrea: Let's see, got that one, got that one, got that one... that one too, got that one...
Her hand reaches for another and bumps into someone elses.
Andrea: *gasp* Whoops, I'm sorry.
Stalker man: Aren't you a little young to be reading books like these?
Andrea: Ah! You! You've really got a mistake going.
SM: Are your parents around?
Andrea: What? No!
SM: Do you want me to help you find them? Come on. *grabs her hand*
Andrea: Hey! Let go of me! Caroline! Caroline!
To Andrea's disadvantage, Caroline is on the other side of the store and can't hear her too well. The man covers Andrea's mouth and holds her with his arm.
Andrea: Mmph! Mmmph! Rggggh!
SM: Quiet, quiet!
*chomp*
SM: OW!
Andrea bites the man's hand with all her might and struggles from his grip, getting free!
Andrea: CAROLINE!!! (Shhh!)
Andrea runs back into the front of the store, running into Caroline.
Caro: What, what?
Andrea: The stalker guy is in there, the one from the airport. He tried to kidnap me!
Caro: He did? Hmm, where's that little boy with the bat?
Luckily a mall security guard walks by.
Andrea: Officer! Officer!
Guard: What?
Andrea: Someone in the book store just tried to kidnap me!
Guard: Where? Do you see him?
Andrea: In the Romance section, wearing a leather coat!
The guard runs into the bookstore.
Caro: Hey wait, there he goes!
The stalker man runs out the other door. He runs right for the mall's front door and he escapes.
Andrea: Damn! He got away!
The guard comes back out.
Guard: I don't see him.
Andrea: He just went out the front door! (pointing)
The guard runs out the mall's front door, leaving Andrea and Caroline standing there.
Andrea: Hmm, well, now since that's all over... *heads back for the bookstore*
Caro: Andrea! What are you doing?
Andrea: Well I can't leave without what I want, right?
Caro: *sigh*
The little boy walks by with his tee-ball bat.
Caro: Where the heck were you when we needed you?
Boy: You're the mean pirate lady! *whap*
Caro: *holds her head* Ow... okay...
Sharon and Jim walk up, carrying various shopping bags. The little boy sees Sharon.
Boy: Aggh! The REALLY mean lady! *runs off*
Caro: How... how do you do it?
Sharon: I just be myself.
Jim: That alone is scary. *bop*
Sharon: So are you and Andrea ready?
Caro: Well if Andrea doesn't get kidnapped again, she's buying romantic novels.
Sharon: Excuse me?
Caro: Andrea almost got kidnapped by that stalker from the airport.
Sharon: And she's still in the bookstore?
Caro: Hey, she really wants her books.
Andrea walks out with her bag of books. Sharon is glaring at her.
Sharon: How come you're back in there after almost getting kidnapped?
Andrea: Well, the security guard chased him out.
Sharon: You could've been attacked again!
Andrea: I know. I just really wanted these.
Sharon: So did they find him?
Caro: Hmm, no. They've been gone for about ten minutes now.
Jim: Well I hope they caught him. I don't want to have to kick someone's arse this trip.
Caro: Right, like you kicked the arse of those two girls who stole our money? I took both of them down single-handedly.
Jim: Oh hey, we should leave. (changing subject)
The Corrs leave the mall, find the car and get back in. Andrea again locks the door as soon as she gets in and stares out the windows.
As they drive away, Andrea fails to notice the ominous driver in a dark-colored van following their car.
Sharon: Jim, we should totally go to Las Vegas. That has to be fun!
Jim: Sure. We can all get fake ID's and stuff. After Disneyland.
Caro: Jim, why the hell are you so insistent on getting to Disneyland?
Jim: Well, I'm not really insistent on it...
Sharon: So let's head to Las Vegas now. We don't need to wait for the return trip.
Jim: Okay then.
Andrea: *snoreeee*
Jim smiles at Andrea's snoozing and looks in the rearview mirror. He notices a set of headlights in the distance, but doesn't think anything of them. The road is deserted again.
Sharon: You won't fall asleep this time, will you Jim?
Jim: No, don't worry. With my big gulp of Mountain Dew I'll never fall asleep.
Sharon: You know, that reduces your sperm count...
Jim: Shh about that!
Sharon: Sharon Orr isn't going to be pleased with that.
Jim: Oh, she will. We both agreed to enjoy what we have and just boff like a couple of monkeys.
Sharon: Ugggh!
Jim: Just kidding. Well, we didn't agree on it, but we do boff like a couple of monkeys.
Sharon: I repeat... Ugggh!
Caro: Oh, I so can't wait until Frank marries me. I wonder how that's going to work, since he's back home and I'm over here.
Sharon: Trust me, it's like magic. One moment you'll be fine and the next moment, a ring just pops up on your finger and it's a lot prettier than the last.
Caro: Are you drunk, Shazz?
Sharon: I think so. Don't tell Andrea.
Andrea: Where's the bottle?
Sharon: Hehe all gone.
Andrea: Dammit.
Andrea gets out her book light and begins to read her new book. Caroline takes out the little finger puppet that she bought at the mall and dances it around on the car seat.
Caro: *quietly* Clyde wears boots upon his foots and dances to the music in his tiny head that's made of bread and bends his knees that are made of cheese and little socks that look like clocks...
Caroline looks to see Sharon and Andrea staring at Caroline's finger puppet dance.
Caro: Yes? May I help you? May Clyde help you? Clyde likes to help, shows that he loves you. *kicks up his little legs*
Sharon: You amaze me sometimes, Caroline. You actually show some sort of intelligence.
Caroline continues her finger puppet dance on the seat. Andrea keeps reading, sighing.
Jim: Andrea, if it starts getting warm in here because of you, I'm going to strap you to the roof.
Andrea: Hmmph! We'll see about that, buster. This isn't... THAT sexy... hehe
Caro: *quietly* Clyde's foots are feeling toasty! Clyde won't dance unless there's ants crawling 'round inside his pants. Clyde doesn't need his pants for a victory dance. Em... Clyde is the host with the most on the coast. I don't want to boast...
Caroline kicks up the little clown's legs at high speed and makes him do the splits.
Caroline: *singing* Can't touch this, do do do do. (clown is doing Hammer dance) Can't touch this.
Andrea: *heavy sigh*
Sharon: As she rips off his shirt, exposing his manly chest, resembling that of a bronzed Greek God!
Jim: Mountains and peaks of pleasure overwhelm her senses...
Andrea: Shut up! *turning red*
Caro: Hehe you're red like Clyde's nose, Andy. *puppet does Riverdance*
Jim: (manly voice) I've come to deliver the pizza, Marianne. (mocking Andrea's book)
Sharon: Oh, I thought you were here to make sweet, sweet love to me! Ah! (dramatic)
Jim: Well this pizza is EXTRA SAUSAGE!
Sharon: Ooh!
Andrea: Oh god... come on, it's not THAT smutty.
Sharon: Right...
Jim: Marianne!
Sharon: Ooh! Hehehe....
The Corrs arrive in Arizona later that night, around 1 'o clock. Luckily, since it's daytime in Ireland, none of them are very tired, except for Andrea. They stay at the nicest hotel they can find, which is a Radisson.
Sharon: *getting out of the car* So, how much time to get to Las Vegas?
Jim: About a day. I just don't want to drive anymore tonight.
Andrea: *yawn* Good plan.
Caro: Come on, Clyde. *shoves him into her pocket*
Distant thunderstorms light the sky.
Andrea: Why is it that it always rains when we stay at hotels?
Sharon: I don't know, maybe it's a sign.
Andrea: Or maybe it's what the American weather forecasters call the "monsoonal flow" which is flow of turbulent air and pressure that moves from the Pacific and up through the mainland of North America.
Sharon: Andrea?
Andrea: Yes?
Sharon: Hush.
Jim gets them all rooms while the sisters wait outside, then they begin bringing luggage up.
Jim: We won't need to leave till at least 2 tomorrow afternoon, so anyone can stay up. I'm going to watch this really good special on the tube.
Sharon: Yes, Mr. Party Animal Jim.
Jim: Well it's better than you three watching Sex and The City.
Caro: Correction, just me and Sharon. Andrea doesn't know about sex.
Andrea: Hey! I mean, it's true, but still, hey!
Andrea walks into her room, dragging her luggage carrier.
Andrea: Good, it's not cold in here...
She turns on the lights, looks around, and shuts the door. Then, Caroline bursts in from the door to the adjoining room.
Caro: WHAZAAAAP!!!!
Andrea: AGGGH!!!
Andrea dives under the bed.
Caro: Relax, it's just me. And Clyde.
Andrea: Stop it! You know I hate it when people burst in like that!
Caro dances the clown around on the floor, in full view of Andrea.
Caro: Can Clyde help?
Andrea: I don't like clowns, Caroline.
Caro: Awww, well, I do. And Clyde loves you. Clyde likes to help, shows that he loves you. *dances it around*
Andrea crawls out from under the bed, her hair ruffled.
Andrea: So... anything new?
Caro: Since we last talked thirty seconds ago? No.
Andrea: I hope we lost that stalker man. That is so creepy. It makes me wish Jim hadn't lost that gun a year ago.
Caro: You wouldn't shoot him, would you?
Andrea: Shoot Jim? No!
Caro: I meant... well that too, but I meant the stalker.
Andrea: If he tried something, yeah.
*knock knock knock knock*
Andrea stares at the door in horror.
Andrea: Em... who is it?
Jim: It's Jim.
Andrea: Oh. Go away.
Jim: Do you want pizza?
Andrea: Yeah, okay.
Caro: Which reminds me... *goes back to her room and gets the pizza she bought at the mall*
Andrea: Ah! Pig! You don't get any of mine then!
Caro: Hehe oh well. Me and Clyde will share it, Andrea's being a meanie.
Caroline goes back to her own room to get herself settled, and after a while hears a knock on the door. She gets up and answers it, and finds Jim with the pizza.
Caro: I'll take that, thank you.
Jim: Hey, don't you have your very own pizza?
Caro: Yes but I want some of this, too.
Jim: *sigh* Let me go get some to Sharon.
Caro follows Jim, leaving her door wide open.
Meanwhile...
Andrea is in the shower, trying to forget about the day's events. She keeps thinking about the stalker, and hopes he got caught.
Andrea: *singing* I'm tellin' you I'm smilin' for you only, I'm tryin' for you solely, I'm prayin' for you only... *washes her hair*
Andrea continues with this for a few more minutes, then hears a door shut somewhere.
Andrea: Hello?
There is no answer. Andrea goes back to what she was doing.
*light footsteps*
Andrea doesn't hear the footsteps, and starts rinsing her hair.
*door creak*
Andrea: Is someone there? I'm warning you, I'm armed. *picks up her loufa*
Andrea listens and doesn't hear anything.
Andrea: Hmm.
Suddenly, the shower curtain is thrown open (Eek eek eek eek eek eek)
Andrea stabs out with her loufa, striking Caroline several times. Caroline accidentally drops her pizza into the shower and falls backward.
Andrea: CAROLINE!!!!
Pizza sauce runs down the drain...
Caro: I was just trying to tell you the pizza's here!
Andrea: You scared the living daylights out of me! That was total heart attack time!
Caro: Well, I'm sorry. Hey, boobies!
Andrea gasps and shuts the curtain.
Caro: It's not like I haven't seen them, Andrea! Em... can I at least get my pizza back?
Andrea: NO.
Caroline goes back into the room and Andrea returns after another minute or so, nibbling on a very wet slice of pizza.
Caro: Do you really want that?
Andrea: Finders keepers... oh fine, give me another *throws it away*
There's a knocking at the door. Caroline jumps up to answer it.
Andrea: Wait! Who is it?
Caro: Who's there?
Man: Pizza delivery.
Caro: We already got our pizza.
Man: I'm looking for some Irish guy.
Caro: Em, he's down the hall a few doors.
Andrea dresses quickly and sits on her bed.
Andrea: I'm getting so paranoid.
Caro: Well don't. I'm right next door, so all you have to do is shout and I'm here.
Andrea: Well, good to know.
Meanwhile...
Jim: I know, I miss you too, babe. (on phone) I don't know, maybe a week or more, we'll be back safe and sound.
Sharon is behind Jim, doing phone charades. She looks at her watch, then acts like she's opening a safe and starts listening.
Jim: We went shopping.
Sharon looks confused, not knowing how to act that out.
Jim: Then we went here to the hotel, and I got us a pizza, everything is fine. *Sharon acting like she's stuffing her face*. I think Andrea has a stalker, or we have a stalker, I'm not sure. *binoculars* I hope we don't have to go through anything too strenuous, I hate having to go through hell and back to say, save Andrea or occasionally Caroline. *action of pulling rope, then dancing around playing an imaginary tin whistle* Sharon? She's behind me, doing phone charades, since she thinks I don't know. *Sharon flipping him off*
Later, Andrea is asleep, and it's four 'o clock in the morning. The rest of the Corrs are also asleep, getting for the next day of driving. Andrea is dreaming of: ice cream, tea, and occasionally Giles, but mostly the ice cream.
Unfortunately for our young, sweet Andrea Corr, there is a person in the room, and she doesn't know it.
From under the bed crawls a man, very slowly to not make any noise.
Andrea: *yawn*
Andrea gets out of the bed, steps over the man, and goes into the bathroom for some water. He snatches at her feet but misses. Andrea sees herself in the mirror.
Andrea: Aggh! Who are you?
The man freezes.
Andrea: Oh wait, that's me.
Andrea gets a drink, then jumps back into bed, partially smashing the man under it with the bedframe.
Andrea goes back to sleep, and the man climbs out again, slowly. Andrea suddenly wakes up.
Andrea: Dammit...
Andrea steps over the man again and goes back to the restroom to use the toilet. The man, frustrated, crawls back under the bed in wait.
Minutes later, Andrea is back in the room. She jumps back on the bed, again crushing the man underneath. She fusses with her pillows for a few minutes, then goes back to sleep.
The man slowly climbs back out, painfully, but slowly, and gets to his feet.
Andrea: *snore* Mammy! Daddy!
The man freaks out and jumps back under, thinking Andrea is calling her parents (This man thinks Andrea is a little girl. We're talking real psycho, like a David Westerfield or Ted Bundy. Really bad man!)
The man waits and waits, waiting for Andrea's parents to come in. But nobody enters, and Andrea is snoring lightly again. He climbs back out slowly.
Then the door to the adjoining room bursts open.
Jim: PILEUP!!!
Jim jumps onto the bed, flattening the man underneath, followed by Caroline. The lie on top of Andrea, who wakes up and is quite irritated.
Andrea: Bloody blazes! What is this?
Jim: Surprise!
Andrea: Yes, I am surprised. Now what?
Jim: Aren't you glad you have siblings to wake you up SO rudely in the middle of the night?
Andrea: Yes, I adore them, now get your heavy bum off of mine.
Jim gets up and jumps up and down on the bed.
Jim: Andrea isn't tired. Andrea isn't tired. *chanting*
Andrea: Yes... I ... Am...
Caro: Hey, that has a good beat. Andrea isn't tired, Andrea isn't tired.
Andrea: Stop it!!! I'm trying to sleep!!!! *whining*
Jim: Come on, I've had lots of pizza and beer and I'm ready to party. Come on, it's morning in Ireland!
Andrea: You had pizza and beer? Caroline, take Jim into your room and mention cows.
Caro: Em, okay.
Caroline takes Jim into her room and closes the door. A low thumpppppppp is heard.
Caro: ANDREA!!! DAMN YOU!!!!
Andrea smiles and goes back to sleep. The man under the bed climbs out, after having been throughly smashed, and heads for the door in defeat. He simply opens the door then shuts it, waking Andrea up.
Andrea: Wha? Huh? Who's there? *getting scared*
The Corrs pack and get into their car the next morning, heading for Las Vegas.
Andrea: I swear, Caroline, someone was in my room last night. The front door shut and I was terrified.
Caro: Well, we didn't see anything.
Andrea: This was after you and Jim left. Speaking of which, I thought you knew about Jim's pizza and beer problem.
Caro: Em, no... otherwise I would've used it on you.
Jim: Cows... heheh...
Caro: I would've made Jim sit on your head and do it.
Jim: And just think, I was almost in the perfect position to.
Andrea: Em, no, because then I'd have to kill you all.
Caro: You? Kill us all?
Andrea: Oh yes, I'm deadly. I've murdered thousands. I even have a thumb collection at home. And I have three marked just for all of you.
Sharon: Em... I'm flattered?
Andrea: Joke. Come on. Nobody laughs at my jokes!
Jim: That's because they're not funny. Here's one: A whistler is tired of being made fun of for being a whistler, so she goes into a music shop, looks around, and says "I'd like to buy this red saxophone and that accordian." The man behind the counter looks at her and says "You're a whistler, aren't you?" She says "How do you know?" and he replies "Well, the radiator has to stay, but I can probably give you a deal on that fire extinguisher!"
The car erupts in thunderous laugher from Jim and his sisters, except for Andrea, who is turning bright red.
Caro: Oooh look, she's turning red again!
Andrea: Hmmph! Leave me alone!
Jim: Did you hear about the guitarist who locked his keys in the car? It took him an hour to get the drummer out!
Caro turns red.
Andrea: Oh! Who's turning red now?