The Theatre
One morning, the Corrs got a special invitation to the opening night
of a top West-End Musical: "So Young" - like "Mamma Mia" but about an Irish
family band.
They set off for London by train. Sharon was feeling the strain marriage
puts on your finances so she pretended to be a child at the ticket office
by walking on her knees. Unfortunately her hair then trailed along the
floor and picked up every bit of chewing gum ever dropped. Quick as a flash,
Andrea pulled out some nail scissors and chopped off the offending items.
Sharon: AAARGH! Look what you've done to my hair!!! You... you....
Gaaaaaaaaah!
Andrea: Sorry sis! I was only trying to help.
Sharon: Now my beautiful hair looks like a tatty second-hand lampshade!
Jim (to Caro): It does, doesn't it.
Sharon hit Jim with the nail scissors, knocking his glasses onto the
rails, just as the Intercity pulled in, stopping with a satisfying CRUNCH.
Jim: Hello? Where has everyone gone? Hello??? I can't see anything!
In a blurry way, he wandered down the platform, until he saw a large
object making a humming noise. "Aha!" he thought. "That's our train." He
walked up to it and pulled the handle. Hot coffee spewed onto his hand.
Jim: OWWWWW!
Shop assistant: Sir, what ARE you doing with the vending machine?
Jim: Hello? Is this the train to London?
Shop assistant: Oh my god! You're Jim Corr!!!!
Jim: London? Train? Where?
Shop assistant faints.
Jim stumbled out of the shop onto a different platform where a different
train was waiting. With the help of a guard he got on, and sat down next
to a window, which was pointless as he couldn't see out. That was a good
thing as the train was headed for Bognor Regis.
Meanwhile, the girls were sitting on the right train, wondering where
Jim had got to.
Andrea: I wonder where Jim's got to?
Caroline: Andrea! You didn't need to say that y'eeejit! The voiceover
guy just said that!
Andrea: Well I wasn't listening.
Sharon: I haven't seen him since we left the station - do you think
he got on the right train?
Caroline: Yeah - of course he did! You know what he's like about engines,
though. He's probably up at the front talking to the driver!
Sharon: Good point.
They reached London and queued up to buy tickets for the underground.
As usual, most of the lines weren't running, so they had to go back out
of the station and catch a bus. Andrea and Caroline sat up at the top for
the views, but Sharon was scared of heights so she stayed below and chatted
up the driver.
Sharon: Hey! I didn't! I was just.... erm.... just shut up!
Narrator: It's my story. I can do what I like.
They reached their stop, but Andrea and Caroline were so interested
in looking out of the window that they didn't notice. Sharon got off the
bus, and it pulled off. Tutting loudly she made her way into the theatre,
only to realise that Jim had the tickets. Suddenly her mobile rang. It
was Andrea.
Andrea: Is this thing on? Hello? Sharon?
Sharon: No, it's Britney Spears. Who else would be using my phone?
Andrea: Oh! I'm so sorry Britney. Sorry. Bye!!
Sharon tutted as Andrea hung up. She fluttered her eyelashes at the
doorman, trying to persuade him to let her in. It seemed to have worked;
he beckoned her over. He looked quite familiar.
Sharon: Gavin??? What are you doing here?
Gavin: Well it's a hobby. And we need the money.
Sharon: We don't! In Blue sold really well!
Gavin: Anyway, what are you doing here?
Sharon: I'm here to see the musical. Any idea who it's based on?
Gavin: No idea. I'm just a simple doorman. Anyway, in you go, just
don't tell anyone.
Andrea and Caroline had got to the end of the line on the bus, and
the driver had kicked them off into the cold night. They found themselves
somewhere near the Millenium Dome.
Jim, on the other hand, had fumbled his way to an Old People's Home
in Bognor, called the Millenium Home (it was built with Lottery money)
Caroline was still annoyed with Andrea from last time.
Caroline: I'll phone Jim this time.
Andrea: Why can't I do it?
Caroline: 'Cos you'll probably think he's Michael Jackson and hang
up again.
Andrea: Fair enough.
Caroline: Hello? Jim? Where are you?
Jim: (fuzzy because of the distance) I'm at the Millenium Home!
Andrea: Where is he?
Caroline: (to Andy) Millenium Dome. (To Jim) That's great, so are we!
You stay where you are and we'll find you.
Andy and Caro walked round the Millenium Dome six times before they
realised Jim wasn't there.
Andrea: Jim's not here.
Caroline: Gaaaah. Let's just take a taxi to the theatre.
Andrea: Fine. TAXXXIII!
Caroline: There's no point yelling. There haven't been any people here
since 1999.
Andrea: Well that's how they always do it on telly!
