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Andrea and Caroline are sitting in a mud puddle in the backyard, Caroline
making mud pies and Andrea watching, occasionally running her hands through
the squishy mud.
Caroline: World famous chef Caroline has another new pie to
sell! What do you think, taste-tester?
Andrea pokes the lump of mud with her finger.
Andrea: Yuck.
Caroline: No it's not! You love chocolate!
Andrea: Yuck.
Caroline: But it's chocolate, Andrea!
Andrea: Mud.
Caroline: Chocolate!
Andrea: No, mud.
Caroline: Dumbhead. (Places 'chocolate' pie on the grass
next to the puddle next to three other lumps of mud.)
Sharon walks into backyard.
Sharon: What are you doing?
Caroline: Making pies. I'm gunna be a world famous chef when
I grow up.
Sharon: What are you doing, Andy?
Andrea: Helping.
Caroline: No you're not, you're just being stupid. Wanna help
Sharon?
Sharon: No way! I don't wanna get my dress all muddy. I'll watch,
but.
Sharon sits on grass next to mud puddle. Caroline has finished another
pie.
Caroline: (To Sharon) She's so dumb, watch this. (To Andrea)
Hey Andrea, what's this?
Andrea carefully examines the mud pie, and pokes it a few times.
Andrea: Jimmy!
Caroline and Sharon laugh.
Caroline: Well, she was dumb before.
Sharon: But she's smart now.
Caroline: You make one, Andy. Just smoosh the mud together to
make a pie, and put rocks or grass in it to make it pretty.
Andrea does as Caroline says and places her pie carefully in front
of her.
Caroline: Good girl! What is it?
Andrea: (frowns) Poop.
Caroline: NO!!! You were sposed to make a pie!!
Sharon: Well, it does look more like poop than pie...
Andrea: (Anxiously) Poop.
Caroline: Yes, you told us.
Sharon: Maybe it's a poop pie.
Caroline: Yummy!
Sharon: Ew! Caroline!
Caroline: (sniffs) Must be a poop pie. I can smell it.
Andrea: (whining) Poo-oop!
Sharon: Hey! She's not talking about the mud, she's pooped her
pants!
Caroline: (standing up) Eeeeeeew, she STINKS!
Caroline runs inside, closely followed by Sharon who's running on
tiptoe so she gets as little mud on her feet as possible.
Andrea: (flattens Carolines chocolate pie with her fist) Poooooooop!
---
Caroline is standing, fully clothed, in the bathtub with the water
runnung. Sharon is standing in the doorway.
Sharon: You're gunna be in so much trouble when Mummy wakes
up!
Caroline: Why? I'm waching my feet cause they're all muddy.
I'm being a good girl.
Sharon: But you were walking through the house with muddy feet.
(singsong
voice) You're gunna get in trou-ble!
Caroline: Nuh-uh, Jimmy'll get in trouble for not watching us
like he's sposed to. He's watching TV in the back room.
Jim appears behind Sharon.
Jim: Hey, how did mud get all through the house?
Sharon: (points to Caroline) She did it.
Caroline: Tattletale.
Jim: Caroline, you're supposed to use the outside tap!
Caroline: I can't turn it. Besides, I had to get away from the
smell.
Jim: Smell?
Sharon: Andrea pooped her pants. It stinks.
Jim: Well, where is she now?
Andrea: (from outside) POOOOOOOP!!!
Jim: You left her outside??
Sharon: Well, she stinks!
Jim runs downstairs to get Andrea.
Caroline inspects her feet.
Caroline: Clean.
She turns off the tap and clambers out of the bath.
Sharon: Gunna clean up?
Caroline: No. I'm gunna watch TV.
Sharon: (Shrugs) Ookay... I'm gunna practise my violin.
Caroline: You need to. You really stink.
Sharon: Hey! I've only had one lesson. And I'm better than you
were. I'm gunna be a world famous violin player when I grow up.
Caroline: Oh yeah? If you do, then I'll eat myself.
Sharon and Caroline stick their tounges out at each other then go
in opposite directions.
Outside
Jim opens the door and sees Andrea sitting in the mud puddle, lower
lip trembling. She brightens when she sees Jim.
Jim: Whoa, they weren't kidding! That is RIPE!!
Andrea: (Stretches arms out towards Jim) Jimmy! I made a poopy!
Jim: Yes, I can smell it.
Jim picks her up and carries her inside.
--------------------
About 20mins later...
Caroline is sitting on the couch with her feet straight out in front
of her, watching cartoons. Violinish screeches are coming from the floor
above.
Caroline: She stinks worse than Andreas poop.
Jean walks in, looking annoyed.
Jean: (to Caroline) You wouldn't happen to know anything abut
the Caroline-sized, muddy footprints all through the house, would you?
Caroline: (sweet, sad look) I'm reeaally sorry, Mammy...
Jean: Caroline! You know you're supposed to use the outside
tap!
Caroline: (sweeter, sadder look) I'm sorry, I forgot...
Jim runs in with Andrea on his shoulders, clutching his hair.
Andrea: Horsie!!
Jean: Good heavens Jim, put her down! She'll fall!
Jim: Oh, she will not. Trust me, she's got an iron grip on my
hair.
Jean: Caroline, go to your room and stay there for half an hour.
Jim, put Andrea down.
Caroline: But... But... Jimmy was in charge!
Jim: Oi! Stop trying to get me into trouble!
Jean: Caroline, you're old enough to know the rules. Upstairs,
now! (Caroline stomps upstairs) Jim! For the last time, put Andrea
down!
Jim: But Mam, if I don't give her a horsie ride she follows
me around going 'horsie' until I do.
Jean: Why don't you give her a horsie ride on your knee?
Jim: I've tried that. She screamed and hit me with Mr Bunny.
The eye hit me and it really hurt...
About another 20mins later...
Sharon leaves her room, pretty proud of herself because she con
now play two whole notes without screeching .
As she walks past Carolines room, she hears thuds and wonders what
on Earth her sister is doing. She opens the door and sees Caroline with
a Barbie in each hand, using them to hit three pillows lined up in front
of her.
Sharon: What are you doing?
Caroline: (as though its reeaally obvious and Sharon is just dumb)
Practising.
Sharon: Practising... What?
Caroline: Drumming! I'm gunna be a drummer when I grow up!
Sharon: Thismorning you were gunna be a chef -
Caroline: Changed my mind.
Sharon: - yesterday you were going to be a firefighter-
Caroline: Fire's too hot.
Sharon: -The day before that you wanted to be a nuclear physicist-
Caroline: I'm scared of getting radiation poisoning. Anyway,
this time I really mean it!
Sharon: Whatever you say Caroline... Hey! those are MY Barbies!!!
The next morning (a Saturday) about 8am
Jims room
Jim is blissfully sleeping in. Andrea toddles in, climbs up onto
his bed and plops down on his stomach.
Andrea: Jimmyyyyyyyyyyy!
Jim: Ngh.
Andrea jumps on the bed
Andrea: Jimmy up!
Jim: Huh? Andrea... it's early. Go away.
Andrea: Horsie!
Jim: No, not now. Horsie's sleeping.
Jim rolls over. He feels something odd on his arm. He rolls back
over so he's facing Andrea again.
Jim: Did you just bite me?
Andrea giggles.
Jim: You little monkey. (Pause) Go downstairs and bite
Sharon.
Andrea runs wobbily out the door. Jim closes his eyes and hopes
that Andreas little expedition will take some time.
Sharon: (from downstairs) OW!!! Mammy, she BIT me!!
Jim starts to doze off again, but is brought back to earth by a
whack from something furry. He opens his eyes. Andrea is back, with a choice
weapon...
Jim: Hi Mr Bunny. Don't you get tired of hitting me? (WHACK!)
Guess that's a no, huh?
Sharon stomps in, looking annoyed.
Sharon: Why did Andrea (WHACK!) bite me?
Jim: I think (WHACK!) she's in a violent mood today.
That, and I (WHACK!) told her to. Do you really want to bother with
(WHACK!)
revenge? I think Andrea's already taking care of (WHACK!) that.
Sharon runs (WHACK!) off.
Jim: That's the spirit (WHACK!)
Sharon comes back, stuffed elephant in tow.
Sharon: Make room, Andy-Pandy.
Jim: Oh(WHACK!)no(WHACK!)
Andrea and Sharon enjoy beating Jim for awhile.
Caroline walks in with a Barbie
Caroline: You're beating up Jim and didn't tell me? (Charges,
and prepare to get Jim with the Barbie.
Jim: Wait! Hold it! Bunnies and elephants I can handle, but
no Barbies!
Sharon: Yeah Caroline, that's a bit much. Practise drumming
on pillows, not Jims face.
Caroline: Drumming?
Sharon: Yeah, drumming. I thought you were gunna be a drummer
when you grew up.
Caroline: That was ages ago. Now I wanna be a gymnast.
Sharon rolls her eyes.
There's a lull in the conversation.
Sharon: This is boring, let's go.
Caroline and Sharon drop their weapons and leave, followed by Andrea,
who is dragging Mr Bunny behind her by his ears.
Jim: Finally. (drifts off to sleep)
meanwhile...
In the lounge room. Sharon is sitting on the floor, looking bored,
watching Caroline who is attempting headstands. Andrea, oblivious to her
sisters gymnastic endeavors, is singing and babbeling to herself in two
year old language.
Caroline: Look at me! (falls over)
Sharon: Big whoop.
Andrea: (singing) A-gah beeegoooaaa! Eeeegeegeeee...
Caroline: Don't look at me like that! I'm gunna get millions
and hundreds of gold medals for Ireland. (Attempts another headstand)
Andrea: Aaaaaaaboobaaah gigaaaa - (Caroline falls over on
top of Andrea and Sharon)
Andrea: (starts crying) Waaaaaaaaahhhh!!
Sharon: Caroline! Stop doing that stupid gymnastics, you're
gunna kill us! (hugs Andrea) S'okay Andy... Don't cry...
Caroline: (small voice) I'm sorry.
Sharon: You should be, Andrea coulda gotten really hurt!
Andrea: (Sniffles and rubs her head) Wuuuuuuuhhhh...
Sharon: See? Your stupid foot hit her head.
Caroline: (Eyes teary) I said I was sorry...
Sharon: You're such a dumb head!
Caroline: (Crying) Am not! You're a meanie!
Sharon: Am not!
Caroline: Are too!
Sharon: Am NOT!
Caroline: Are TOO!
Sharon: Am NOT!!!
Caroline: (sob) Are TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Andrea: (Screaming) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!
Sharon and Caroline look at Andrea in shock.
Andrea: Caar-line? (holds arms out towards Caroline)
Nuh more cwy.
Caroline smiles at her sister, kneels next to Andrea, who is still
in Sharons lap, and hugs her. Sharon hugs both her sisters. (Awwww)
Jim, still in his pyjamas with his hair a shocking mess shuffles
past, half dead, and pauses in the doorway. He looks at his sisters, grunts,
and continues.
Caroline: Sharon?
Sharon: Yeah?
Caroline: Let's steal his guitar picks.
Around midday
Sharon and Andrea are at a small table, drawing pictures. Caroline
has just announced she doesn't like drawing anymore, and is now crawling
around the floor pretending to be a puppy.
Andrea is scribbling with the closest crayon to her, and Sharon
is working on a flower with lots and lots of colour.
Andrea: Pritty. (About her picture)
Sharon: It's very pretty - what is it, Andy?
Caroline: (rolls over) Woof! Woof!
Andrea: Um... Pritty.
Sharon: Okay... And what's something that's pretty?
Andrea: Um... Andiya! I pritty!
Caroline chases her tail
Sharon: 'Member what I taught you? Sharon is...
Andrea: Umm... Shaaren... Pritty... Caar-line... um, Caar-line...
Sharon: And Caroline is a dodo head.
Andrea: Doe.
A very angry puppy bites Sharon.
Sharon: OW! Whys everyone keep biting me today?
Caroline: Grrrrrrrrrrrr... Woof!
Sharon: Stupid dog. (turns to Andrea) Wanna put more
green in it?
Andrea: (nods) Green.
Sharon: Okay, um... (looks for the green crayon) Where
is it? It was right here-
Caroline: Aff! (Has the green crayon in her mouth)
Sharon: EW! That's GROSS Caroline, give it back!
Caroline crawls over to Andrea, drops the crayon in front of her
and sits (doggie style)
Andrea picks it up, studies it, then places it in her mouth. She
pulls a face and spits it out.
Caroline: You need to put your mouth on the paper bit.
Sharon: I'm never touching the green crayon ever again.
Caroline: (howls) Woof! Woof!
Andrea: (holds the green crayon out to Sharon) Green?
Sharon: Er... No thanks.
Caroline growls at Mr Bunny then pounces on him.
Andrea: MR BUNNY!!! NOOOOOOO!!! (runs over to Mr Bunny and
hugs him to protect him from Caroline)
Jim walks in, obviously looking for something.
Sharon: What are you doing?
Jim: Looking for my guitar picks.
Sharon and Caroline look at each other and hide smiles.
Andrea: (holds arms out) Jimmy? Up!
Jim: Not now Andrea.
Andrea: Jimmy up!
Jim: I'm busy Andrea.
Andrea: Uuuuup!
Jim: No!
Andrea: (pouts) Doe.
The next day. It's a rainy day and the girls are playing in puddles,
wearing raincoats and gumboots. Jim is sitting on the porch, in a bad mood
because he still hasn't found his guitar picks and his parents are making
him watch his sisters - again!
Sharon and Caroline, in blue and yellow raincoats, are running into
puddles, jumping and splashing and screaming and giggling, then moving
on to the next one. Andrea, wearing a bright pink raincoat, is walking
more slowly, examining all the wet blades of grass and the wet leaves on
the ground, as two year olds do.
Sharon and Caroline: (Run into a puddle, splash jump scream giggle)
Andrea: (Plops herself down in the grass and starts tearing it out)
I mowing!
Sharon: Hey Caroline, I think we've done all the puddles.
Caroline: (Looks around) Oh no!
Sharon: Let's start over!
Caroline: Okay!
Jim: Oh man... I get the feeling I'm going to be here a long
time...
Moira runs into the yard, wearing a yellow raincoat.
Moira: Hi Caroline!
Caroline: Hiii! (Grabs Moira's wrist and takes her over to
Sharon) We're playing in puddles!
Jim: Oh no, not her! She always kicks me! (Looks at the door)
I want in!
Sharon, Caroline and Moira splash in the puddles. Moira jumps in
a huge puddle next to Jim and soaks him.
Jim: Hey!
Moira giggles and runs back to Caroline. They high five.
Andrea: (Still 'mowing') Saaaaaave... wainy daaaaaaaaaay...
Andrea sees something in the grass. She looks closer and sees a
snail.
Andrea: Aaaaaah! (Runs to Caroline and clings to her raincoat)
Wuuuuuuuh...
Caroline: Whats wrong Andy?
Andrea: Bug! Scary.
Caroline: Oooh, a bug!
Caroline and Moira run over to where Andrea was 'mowing', Andrea
cautiously trailing behind them.
Moira: Coooool, a snail!
Caroline: (Picks it up) Cool! Wanna look, Andy?
Andrea: NO! (Runs and hides behind Sharon)
Caroline: Fine, but you don't know what you're missing.
Moira whispers in Carolines ear. Caroline giggles.
Andrea: (Puts her hands in the puddle) Wet.
Sharon: Come on Andy Pandy, I'll teach you how to splash.
Andrea: Plash! Wet!
Moira sneaks up behind Jim, puts the snail on his head and kicks
him.
Jim: Hey!
Caroline: Run Moira!
Moira runs out of the yard and to the house next door, Caroline
watching and laughing, Sharon watching and looking bewildered and Andrea
oblivious to the whole thing.
Andrea: Plash!
Jim: That kid has a strong kick for a four year old.
It's morning and Jim is on the couch watching TV. Caroline and Sharon
enter, Caroline with a pillow up her shirt.
Caroline: Hi Jimmy.
Sharon: Morning Jimmy.
Jim: What's with the pillow?
Caroline: I'm pregnant.
Sharon: Yeah, and I helped.
Jim: You... whaaat??
Sharon: The pillow kept falling out. I had to help her get it
to stay up her shirt.
Caroline: Yeah Jimmy, I'm not REALLY pregnant. We're playing
pretend.
Andrea and Becky toddle in, both wearing pigtails and matching pink
ribbons.
Andrea: Twins!
Andrea and Becky: :)
Sharon: Very pretty.
Becky: Tank oo.
Andrea: Tank oo Shaar-en.
Becky: (points to Carolines pillow) Wat dat?
Caroline: I'm pregnant.
Andrea: Pillow! (kicks Carolines pillow)
Caroline: Don't kick my baby!
Sharon: Yeah Andrea, she's in a very delicate state.
Andrea: Meeeeaaaanie!
Andea and Becky giggle and run out of the room.
Caroline: Sharon, I need to lie down. I can't stand up anymore,
my feet are smelling.
Sharon: Huh?
Jim: I think you mean swelling Caz.
Sharon: (laughs) I'm NEVER gunna say anything as dumb as that!
Never ever!
Caroline: Shuddup.
Later that day, in the afternoon. Andrea and Becky are playing with
stuffed animals, occcasionally hitting each other with them.
Throughout the morning, Caroline has had 'warning sickness', and
has had cravings for ice cream, cookies, cake, lollies, etc and has made
Sharon (the 'mid-knife') get them for her.
Sharon is getting tired of the game.
Jim has not yet moved from his position on the couch (except to
change channels because Caroline is refusing to do it today).
Caroline: (anxious) Sharon?
Sharon: (annoyed) What now?
Caroline: I think I just had a contraption, I think the baby's
coming!
Sharon: (gasp) Are you sure?
Caroline: (exaggerated pain) OW! Yes, I'm positive!
Jim: Note to self: do not let those two watch any more soap
operas. Ever.
Sharon: Push, Caroline!
Caroline: (exaggerated pushing) I AM!
Andrea and Becky are at Sharons elbow.
Andrea: We watch?
Sharon looks at Caroline.
Caroline: (shrugs) I guess so.
Becky: Yay!
Andrea and Becky sit down on the floor, looking quite interested.
Becky hits Andrea with a stuffed giraffe. Andrea giggles.
Sharon: Push!!
Caroline: Oooowwww!!!
Sharon: Push!!
Caroline: Oooowwww!!!
Sharon: Push!!
Caroline: Oooowwww!!!
Sharon: Push!!
Caroline: Oooowwww!!!
Sharon: Push!!
Caroline: Oooowwww!!!
Sharon: Push!!
Caroline: Oooowwww!!!
Sharon: Okay, that's enough pushing... Um... (pulls the pilow
out from Carolines shirt and tosses it aside. She picks up Becky and plops
her down on Carolines lap) You have a beautiful, bouncing baby girl!
Caroline: Cool! Okay baby, your name is Lucy-Ella. Say hi to
Aunty Sharon -
Sharon: Hi, Lucy-Ella!
Caroline: - and Aunty Andrea.
Andrea: Hi Becky!
Becky: Hi Andiya!
Caroline: No, you two aren't doing it right!
Sharon: Neither are you.
Caroline: Huh?
Sharon: You KNOW what's sposed to happen after I say 'you have
a beautiful, bouncing baby girl' dont you?
Caroline: I name her and introduce her to the family?
Sharon: NO! You're sposed to die.
Caroline: WHAT??
Sharon: Well that's how it works on TV.
Becky: Nooooooo! (hugs Caroline) No die!
Andrea: (voice teary) Caar-line! (climbs up onto couch and
clings to Carolines shirt)
Caroline: (to Sharon) Ha ha!
Sharon: No fair!
Caroline: Oh well, let's just play house.
Andrea: Horse?
Jim: (from couch) Don't even think about it Andrea!
Sharon: No, house. Me and Caroline'll be the parents and you
guys are our twins, okay?
Becky: Yeh!
Andrea: 'kay.
The game begins.
Caroline: (sniff, sniff) Eeew, someone needs a nappy change!
Becky: :)
It's mid afternoon, and Jim is watching his little sisters, and Sharons
friend Jill play in the backyard.
Andrea has her doll pram out and is running around the backyard
making racecar noises.
Sharon and Jill are making sandcastles in the small sandpit in the
corner of the backyard.
Andrea: Vroooooooooooom!!!!
Caroline runs over to Jim.
Caroline: Jimmy will you lift me onto the trampoline? I wanna
jump and jump and jump and jump!
Jim: (teasing) I don't want to.
Caroline: Pleeaase Jimmy? I'll never ever steal your guitar
picks ever ever ever ever again! Promise!
Jim: I'll sleep on it.
Caroline: Pleeeeeaaaaasse? With ice cream, sprinkles, whipped
cream, ten million cherries, and a chocolate guitar on top?
Jim: The chocolate guitar did it for me!
Jim picks Caroline up upside down and carries her over to the trampoline.
Caroline is screaming, but enjoying every minute of it.
Andrea: Vrooooooooooom!!!
Jill: This one needs another turret.
Sharon: Yeah, and there's gonna be a trapped princess inside
-
Jill: - called Jill.
Sharon: No, called Sharon!
Jill: No, Jill!
Sharon: SHARON!!!
Jill: JILL! How about 2 princesses?
Sharon: Yeah, Sharon and Jill!
Jill: Yeah! And then the handome prince comes and rescues us.
Sharon: But boys are icky.
Jill: We don't have to marry him, I guess.
Sharon: But that's how it always happens.
Jill: I'll marry him.
Sharon: Yay!
Andrea: Vrooooooooooom!!!
Sharon: What's his name? Prince something...
Andrea: Vrooooom priiiince!
Jill: Prince... um, Gavin?
Sharon: Okay, cool. So you're marying Prince Gavin?
Jill: Uh huh
Sharon: Okay
Caroline: (bounce) I'm (bounce) Super Caroline! (bounce)
And I'm (bounce) gonna help people (bounce) with my magic
(bounce) bodhran (bounce)
Sharon: Magic bodhran? That's stupid!
Caroline: Is not!
Sharon: Is too!
Caroline: Is not!
Sharon: Is too!
Andrea: Vroooooooom prince!!
Caroline: Is not!
Sharon: Is too!
Caroline: Not as stupid as stupid Prince Gavin!
Sharon: Prince Gavin isn't stupid! You're stupid!
Caroline: Am not! Waaaaaahhhh!!!!
Sharon: Are too! Waaaaaaahhh!!!!
Andrea trips over and scrapes her knee
Andrea: Waaaaaahhhh!!!!
Jim: Oh boy.